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placement

hi everyone, I am currently applying for a placement and I would like advice on my cover letter and improvements I could make to it

Dear V****,

5.6 billion cans sold and counting, *company name* demonstrates the vision and drive to succeed in a competitive market. I hope to emulate this success working as an Aerodynamics Software Developer.
Just like *company name* my initiative to succeed started at a very young age working at McDonalds. Being my first ever job, I was introduced to the mechanisms that make a business thrive. Picking up on key skills like time management, attention to detail, teamwork and adaptability, I was given a stepping stone into the real world.
I soon matured and became more fascinated with the IT world. Studying computer science at the university of Sunderland, my modules have made me proficient in Python, Java, C# and C++ programming languages. I also have experience using object oriented programming as my second year modules lay heavy emphasis on this.
My drive to succeed didn't end there. I was able to secure a summer placement as a database system developer at the end of my first year. From brain storming with colleagues on effective ways to solve problems to bonding over lunch I loved every aspect of it. Creative thinking, innovation, critical analysis were just a few traits tested and improved on over the course of my work experience.
I bring to the table a unique perspective, good work ethic, desire and willingness to learn and occasionally a few jokes
To sum it up, starting as a kid in west Africa to being a student at the university of Sunderland with an expected first class degree I have been able to demonstrate the ability to set goals and achieve them. My life has been on a constant upwards trajectory and working for *company name* is the next step on my journey to success.
Thank you for taking the time to consider this application and I look forward to hearing from you in the near future.

Reply 1

hamzaahmad786

It sounds more like a personal statement, have you checked this with a careers adviser at your uni? This is how a typical cover letter sounds:

Dear...

I am writing in regards to the vacancy... advertised on....com
My studies at the uni of ... have prepared me for this as I studied ... which improved my knowledge of ...
Furthermore, I secured experience as a ... at ... which taught me ...
I believe i can contribute... by doing ...
Thank you for taking the time to consider my application. I look forward to hearing from you.

Regards,
Name

hamza ahmad hamzaahmad786 luton hertfordshire