I'm currently receiving treatment for my anxiety (no medication). An important thing I have learned is that you may never be able to get rid of your anxious thoughts. In fact, having anxiety is often a big part of who we are and becomes part of our personality because it's hard to distinguish worry and stress from anxiety when the former can trigger the latter.
Everyone experiences worry and stress, our worry and stress is accompanied by anxiety. And sometimes our happiness is accompanied by it too (ever had a wonderful day and suddenly you feel like you're being punched in the chest and you can't breath? Hello anxiety).
However, just because you may always have these concerning thoughts, you don't always have to react to it in the same way. I have always had anxiety for as long as I can remember and it definitely DOES put you in a strange mindset.
My anxious thoughts have not gone. They've improved with therapy, building my confidence and such. But they are still very much there.
Honesty has been incredibly helpful + having a very understanding boyfriend who doesn't want me to change (or at least not for him).
Honesty means that when I am feeling something irrational i.e - "I'm worried my boyfriend is going to leave me because of x reason". I tell him. I tell him everything in my brain, no matter how crazy it sounds.
Having a very understanding boyfriend meas that instead of him getting angry, or demanding I get therapy, or insisting it's tearing the relationship apart...I get hugs, a shoulder to cry on, a ear lended and reassurance that no matter how much I worry I'm not loved - I am.
Do you have a strong relationship? And are you willing to love each other just as you are, mental illnesses and all?
Because if so then you can do this.
Yes, he lied.
Talk about it. Ask him why he lied but reassure him that he doesn't need to. BE there for each other. Lying to you might not have been okay, but it is understandable considering the nature of the lie. Give him that understanding.
Your biggest friends when freaking out are honesty and calmness. Resolve that you will not act until you are calm again. Even if that means being asked to be left alone until you're ready.
There are times I'm sobbing in the bathroom because of crippling anxiety. Those are the times I choose to sit alone and not make any decisions and not talk to anybody.
Just because we are anxious doesn't mean we are incapable of being rational. We are not twisted or warped in our perceptions of reality. We just need to develop ways to cope and surround ourselves with people who understand, love and care about us.
Your boyfriend might not be it. Maybe he is. Decide that. I also think you should apply for some counselling/therapy. It will help immensely.
Edit and to clarify.
If your boyfriend makes a joke that upsets you- be honest. If he cares he will reassure, explain and likely be more sensitive in the future.