ConcernedFresher's ConcernedBlog
Hi all,
I’m ConcernedFresher, I'm moving to uni next week, and I’ve decided to write a blog about my fresher’s experience.
This first post is going to be my introductory post where I’ll describe who I am, why I’m doing this and any prefaces.
So let me just start by saying that I’m terrible at writing. I can’t write well, I’ve never written anything long and I’ve never written a blog. So I’m sorry, but expect a badly structured blog – unfortunately I doubt this blog will be engaging, interesting or enjoyable to read. This brings me on to why I'm doing this:
A couple people might remember my thread about not clubbing/drinking, where I received extremely helpful responses (which I'm very grateful for!). There's a couple things I'm hoping this blog might achieve – firstly it will be quite interesting for me, to see how I felt before and how valid my worries and concerns were. Secondly, I hope there's a slight possibility that it will help/reassure any future freshers that are similar to me, or have similar concerns. I also find it nice sometimes to lay out my thoughts.
Now another "disclaimer": I can't guarantee that I will write anything. I might suddenly decide halfway through writing this first post that it's pointless and never start the thread. Or I might make a couple of posts and then give up as soon as I move since there's a lot to do. Or I might make a lot more posts. I'm sorry, but I know myself and I know I probably can't commit to this.
One more thing: As you can tell by my username, this is an account created for the purpose of my freshers' experience, and I intend to keep it that way. I do have another account for other areas of TSR. I'm trying to make this blog as honest and open as possible (I won't be revealing any identifying information), so I kindly ask anyone who knows who I am to keep it to themselves.
Just want to say thanks to all of TSR's community who have been fantastic at helping me get through my years of education. I do hope that I can give back sometime.
Obviously there isn't going to be much to say until I move in, but I'm intending on just posting every time I have a new thought or something changes. So this won't be a traditional blog with long updates every now and then, some of my posts may be just a couple of sentences.
Thanks once again for reading this, I think I'll use the end of this post to keep track of any future posts:
Updates/Posts:
Post 1: 6 days left
Post 2: 5 days left
Edit: I've decided for the time being, I will try and post at least daily if not more depending on if anything changes. When I actually move, I have no idea how much I'll post. Probably every now and then, until I am fully "settled" and my freshers' experience comes to an end.
I’m ConcernedFresher, I'm moving to uni next week, and I’ve decided to write a blog about my fresher’s experience.
This first post is going to be my introductory post where I’ll describe who I am, why I’m doing this and any prefaces.
So let me just start by saying that I’m terrible at writing. I can’t write well, I’ve never written anything long and I’ve never written a blog. So I’m sorry, but expect a badly structured blog – unfortunately I doubt this blog will be engaging, interesting or enjoyable to read. This brings me on to why I'm doing this:
A couple people might remember my thread about not clubbing/drinking, where I received extremely helpful responses (which I'm very grateful for!). There's a couple things I'm hoping this blog might achieve – firstly it will be quite interesting for me, to see how I felt before and how valid my worries and concerns were. Secondly, I hope there's a slight possibility that it will help/reassure any future freshers that are similar to me, or have similar concerns. I also find it nice sometimes to lay out my thoughts.
Now another "disclaimer": I can't guarantee that I will write anything. I might suddenly decide halfway through writing this first post that it's pointless and never start the thread. Or I might make a couple of posts and then give up as soon as I move since there's a lot to do. Or I might make a lot more posts. I'm sorry, but I know myself and I know I probably can't commit to this.
One more thing: As you can tell by my username, this is an account created for the purpose of my freshers' experience, and I intend to keep it that way. I do have another account for other areas of TSR. I'm trying to make this blog as honest and open as possible (I won't be revealing any identifying information), so I kindly ask anyone who knows who I am to keep it to themselves.
Just want to say thanks to all of TSR's community who have been fantastic at helping me get through my years of education. I do hope that I can give back sometime.
Obviously there isn't going to be much to say until I move in, but I'm intending on just posting every time I have a new thought or something changes. So this won't be a traditional blog with long updates every now and then, some of my posts may be just a couple of sentences.
Thanks once again for reading this, I think I'll use the end of this post to keep track of any future posts:
Updates/Posts:
Post 1: 6 days left
Post 2: 5 days left
Edit: I've decided for the time being, I will try and post at least daily if not more depending on if anything changes. When I actually move, I have no idea how much I'll post. Probably every now and then, until I am fully "settled" and my freshers' experience comes to an end.
(edited 6 years ago)
First post: Current status. 6 days to go
Hi all again,
So I guess I'll use the first post as an opportunity to describe how I'm feeling at the moment, and what my current situation is.
As I said, I'm moving in less than a week. I'm going to be moving into halls with a shared kitchen. I found one person in my flat just over a week ago, but I literally introduced myself and haven't spoken since which is a bit awkward. Not quite sure what to do about that, I guess I'll just speak properly when I move next week.
I've been lucky (or unlucky depending on how you see it) in that I haven't needed to be independent at all in my 18 years of life. So moving out is going to be quite a shock - I literally have 0 experience of cooking, laundry, or anything like that. I've practiced 1 or 2 meals but I am still a bit scared when it comes to that.
The way I'm feeling is very similar to results day - I don't really believe that it's happening until a few days before, then the fear starts to really set in. Then I really become nervous. As of the last couple of days, the fear has really started to set in but not fully yet. I still don't quite believe that I'm moving out, I just can't see it happening. It just doesn't seem possible. I know that I will struggle to sleep the night before.
It's funny, because my brain is telling me that all my overthinking and worrying is completely silly, and I'm going to laugh at myself for worrying in a week's time. That all this "introducing yourself", "making friends with flatmates" stuff is going to be absolutely nothing in a month's time. But still, I still can't help thinking for hours upon hours at night, talking to myself, planning and thinking about what is going to happen. Even though I think it's going to be okay, I can't not be scared. I guess that must be kind of normal.
One more thing that concerns me: my parents are going to be alone when I leave, for the first time in 28 years. We've always been very close, so I know they'll be a bit shaken. But at the end of the day I know that they are incredibly parents and only want me to be happy, so I know they'll be happy if I've settled in well. So I'm going to try my best. I just hope that they can enjoy themselves without me, and that they won't be too worried.
I think I'll end my first post here. My fingers were quite heavy when I started writing, I had no idea what to write. But as I finish this first actual post, it became more natural and I started to enjoy it.
PS: Sorry but I'm not going to be making any of my posts fancy with emojis or colors or different fonts. It's going to be mostly text (Sorry about that, but I said this blog probably won't be very enjoyable or engaging!)
Thanks for reading (if anyone actually did!), I hope to post again soon.
Hi all again,
So I guess I'll use the first post as an opportunity to describe how I'm feeling at the moment, and what my current situation is.
As I said, I'm moving in less than a week. I'm going to be moving into halls with a shared kitchen. I found one person in my flat just over a week ago, but I literally introduced myself and haven't spoken since which is a bit awkward. Not quite sure what to do about that, I guess I'll just speak properly when I move next week.
I've been lucky (or unlucky depending on how you see it) in that I haven't needed to be independent at all in my 18 years of life. So moving out is going to be quite a shock - I literally have 0 experience of cooking, laundry, or anything like that. I've practiced 1 or 2 meals but I am still a bit scared when it comes to that.
The way I'm feeling is very similar to results day - I don't really believe that it's happening until a few days before, then the fear starts to really set in. Then I really become nervous. As of the last couple of days, the fear has really started to set in but not fully yet. I still don't quite believe that I'm moving out, I just can't see it happening. It just doesn't seem possible. I know that I will struggle to sleep the night before.
It's funny, because my brain is telling me that all my overthinking and worrying is completely silly, and I'm going to laugh at myself for worrying in a week's time. That all this "introducing yourself", "making friends with flatmates" stuff is going to be absolutely nothing in a month's time. But still, I still can't help thinking for hours upon hours at night, talking to myself, planning and thinking about what is going to happen. Even though I think it's going to be okay, I can't not be scared. I guess that must be kind of normal.
One more thing that concerns me: my parents are going to be alone when I leave, for the first time in 28 years. We've always been very close, so I know they'll be a bit shaken. But at the end of the day I know that they are incredibly parents and only want me to be happy, so I know they'll be happy if I've settled in well. So I'm going to try my best. I just hope that they can enjoy themselves without me, and that they won't be too worried.
I think I'll end my first post here. My fingers were quite heavy when I started writing, I had no idea what to write. But as I finish this first actual post, it became more natural and I started to enjoy it.
PS: Sorry but I'm not going to be making any of my posts fancy with emojis or colors or different fonts. It's going to be mostly text (Sorry about that, but I said this blog probably won't be very enjoyable or engaging!)
Thanks for reading (if anyone actually did!), I hope to post again soon.
Second post: 5 days to go
Hi all again,
So I've decided to post roughly once a day until I move in, maybe more maybe less depending on the day. Just to try and document what's going through my mind.
Just an update on how ready I am: I've pretty much bought everything I need for uni (for my room/shared kitchen), and I've put most of it in one place but I haven't started packing (will probably start that on Friday)
So that this blog isn't just how I'm feeling, here's what I'm doing today (related to uni): I'm going to purchase a 16-25 railcard (the digital version because it might not arrive on time if it's by post), and I'm also thinking to buy (this is a big deal if you've read my original thread about clubbing) a ticket for the party on the first night. I still am quite concerned about going, but it's pretty cheap so buying it will mean I won't be alone if everyone else has tickets. However, I highly doubt that everyone in my flat will have bought this ticket by move-in day (by the time it sells out), so I'm still not so sure.
I've been pretty ill since last Wednesday, but luckily I seem to be improving today so hopefully I'll get completely better over the next couple of days. I'd rather be ill now than next week!
Now back to how I'm feeling about uni:
I was thinking today a lot about my degree, and how I'm going to get through it. I think it's going to be a bit of a shock, since I'm probably going to go from knowing how to answer almost all the questions in my A-level subjects to knowing not much at all in uni. Luckily I have parents and siblings that have gone to uni so I'm prepared for that to happen, but all the same it's going to be a bit of a shock.
The first year doesn't count, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to try my hardest. I'm planning to use it as an opportunity to learn how studying and exams work in uni, so that I'm better prepared for the years after where it counts towards my degree. I know that there'll be times where I hate it, where I have no chance of finishing coursework on time or can't get my head around a topic, but after all there is always some pain involved in the process of education. It's like my A-levels, it was so very painful in the process but it was absolutely worth it.
On a different note, I'm in a group with a lot of people from my department and there seem to be a lot of people who are like me, which is incredibly reassuring. If I don't get along with people in my flat, it seems like I might at least get along with some people from my course/department.
I'm still undecided on whether I'm looking forward to going to uni or not. On one hand, I'm enjoying being lazy at home (I haven't left for over 2 months, other than for results day and a doctor's appointment) and I'm really not looking forward to deciding what to cook and what to eat for dinner every day, and managing laundry and independent stuff like that. But on the other hand, I know that it's not right to be like this. I know very well that at one point I'm going to have to move away from home, and what better opportunity is there than uni? Staying at home all day every day like this is not good for my mental health, I need to be busy again.
Currently I've got a big problem with overthinking tiny details, I know that keeping myself busy with uni will really help with that. You can tell from this blog how much I overthink, all this is because I have many hours in the day to just sit and think alone to myself and imagine different scenarios and how I would behave in those situations, etc. So in that sense, I know that I need to go to uni, and I know that it's the right time now.
This is where I'll end for this post, sorry for the long-ish posts, I know not many (if any at all) will actually read this much text.
Thanks for reading, I hope to post again soon!
Also I forgot to say last time, but good luck to anyone who's starting this week (or anyone who's already started)!
Hi all again,
So I've decided to post roughly once a day until I move in, maybe more maybe less depending on the day. Just to try and document what's going through my mind.
Just an update on how ready I am: I've pretty much bought everything I need for uni (for my room/shared kitchen), and I've put most of it in one place but I haven't started packing (will probably start that on Friday)
So that this blog isn't just how I'm feeling, here's what I'm doing today (related to uni): I'm going to purchase a 16-25 railcard (the digital version because it might not arrive on time if it's by post), and I'm also thinking to buy (this is a big deal if you've read my original thread about clubbing) a ticket for the party on the first night. I still am quite concerned about going, but it's pretty cheap so buying it will mean I won't be alone if everyone else has tickets. However, I highly doubt that everyone in my flat will have bought this ticket by move-in day (by the time it sells out), so I'm still not so sure.
I've been pretty ill since last Wednesday, but luckily I seem to be improving today so hopefully I'll get completely better over the next couple of days. I'd rather be ill now than next week!
Now back to how I'm feeling about uni:
I was thinking today a lot about my degree, and how I'm going to get through it. I think it's going to be a bit of a shock, since I'm probably going to go from knowing how to answer almost all the questions in my A-level subjects to knowing not much at all in uni. Luckily I have parents and siblings that have gone to uni so I'm prepared for that to happen, but all the same it's going to be a bit of a shock.
The first year doesn't count, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to try my hardest. I'm planning to use it as an opportunity to learn how studying and exams work in uni, so that I'm better prepared for the years after where it counts towards my degree. I know that there'll be times where I hate it, where I have no chance of finishing coursework on time or can't get my head around a topic, but after all there is always some pain involved in the process of education. It's like my A-levels, it was so very painful in the process but it was absolutely worth it.
On a different note, I'm in a group with a lot of people from my department and there seem to be a lot of people who are like me, which is incredibly reassuring. If I don't get along with people in my flat, it seems like I might at least get along with some people from my course/department.
I'm still undecided on whether I'm looking forward to going to uni or not. On one hand, I'm enjoying being lazy at home (I haven't left for over 2 months, other than for results day and a doctor's appointment) and I'm really not looking forward to deciding what to cook and what to eat for dinner every day, and managing laundry and independent stuff like that. But on the other hand, I know that it's not right to be like this. I know very well that at one point I'm going to have to move away from home, and what better opportunity is there than uni? Staying at home all day every day like this is not good for my mental health, I need to be busy again.
Currently I've got a big problem with overthinking tiny details, I know that keeping myself busy with uni will really help with that. You can tell from this blog how much I overthink, all this is because I have many hours in the day to just sit and think alone to myself and imagine different scenarios and how I would behave in those situations, etc. So in that sense, I know that I need to go to uni, and I know that it's the right time now.
This is where I'll end for this post, sorry for the long-ish posts, I know not many (if any at all) will actually read this much text.
Thanks for reading, I hope to post again soon!
Also I forgot to say last time, but good luck to anyone who's starting this week (or anyone who's already started)!
(edited 6 years ago)
Hey this isn't an actual post, but it's getting to the end of Tuesday and it's becoming scary. Almost halfway through the week already, in no time at all.
In a way, I'm trying to savour my last few days at home. I speak as if I'm not going to be coming back ever again, but this is a permanent fundamental shift in my life, and I will never be the same. Thinking of it like that is a bad idea I know, but it's true. What's the next time I'll be able to sit & relax at home all day, almost carefree? Weekends are too short, I guess there's Christmas and Easter but then I'll be concentrating on my exams & coursework, plus I hope to get an internship in the summer. I know all this sounds completely obnoxious to anyone with a job, so I'm sorry but it does reveal how utterly lazy I am. Hopefully that changes.
Currently I'm feeling like I just want to get this done. I'm ready to start uni. I feel mentally ready for whatever it throws at me. Let's see if that statement holds up in two weeks' time.
I'm gonna miss my parents, but it's reassuring that it's so easy to audio/video call them anytime - I'll probably talk to them every day for the first couple of weeks. Plus I'm planning to visit home after 3-4 weeks.
I don't have much to say tomorrow so it's possible I won't make a post, will see how things are. Thanks, goodnight all!
In a way, I'm trying to savour my last few days at home. I speak as if I'm not going to be coming back ever again, but this is a permanent fundamental shift in my life, and I will never be the same. Thinking of it like that is a bad idea I know, but it's true. What's the next time I'll be able to sit & relax at home all day, almost carefree? Weekends are too short, I guess there's Christmas and Easter but then I'll be concentrating on my exams & coursework, plus I hope to get an internship in the summer. I know all this sounds completely obnoxious to anyone with a job, so I'm sorry but it does reveal how utterly lazy I am. Hopefully that changes.
Currently I'm feeling like I just want to get this done. I'm ready to start uni. I feel mentally ready for whatever it throws at me. Let's see if that statement holds up in two weeks' time.
I'm gonna miss my parents, but it's reassuring that it's so easy to audio/video call them anytime - I'll probably talk to them every day for the first couple of weeks. Plus I'm planning to visit home after 3-4 weeks.
I don't have much to say tomorrow so it's possible I won't make a post, will see how things are. Thanks, goodnight all!
(edited 6 years ago)
Hey,
Sorry I didn't really have anything to post today, to be honest I don't think there will be too much to say until Friday/Saturday where I start to get seriously nervous (I know that'll happen).
Although something did happen today, I found another one of my flatmates! So that's 3/6 now. They are in the same department as me which is quite cool, definitely a talking point. Haven't really talked with them yet though, hopefully the ice breaks a bit more when we actually move in.
I practiced cooking my dinner again today, which wasn't as catastrophic as I expected! Although I admit pasta isn't the hardest thing to cook...
I still haven't bought the ticket for the first party yet, I don't know why but for some reason something is stopping me. Every time I go to the checkout tab and then just close it. It's weird, it just doesn't feel right.
Hope the week has been going well for all current freshers! It's quite late now, so goodnight all!
Sorry I didn't really have anything to post today, to be honest I don't think there will be too much to say until Friday/Saturday where I start to get seriously nervous (I know that'll happen).
Although something did happen today, I found another one of my flatmates! So that's 3/6 now. They are in the same department as me which is quite cool, definitely a talking point. Haven't really talked with them yet though, hopefully the ice breaks a bit more when we actually move in.
I practiced cooking my dinner again today, which wasn't as catastrophic as I expected! Although I admit pasta isn't the hardest thing to cook...
I still haven't bought the ticket for the first party yet, I don't know why but for some reason something is stopping me. Every time I go to the checkout tab and then just close it. It's weird, it just doesn't feel right.
Hope the week has been going well for all current freshers! It's quite late now, so goodnight all!
you got to get that ticket dudeas for pasta me and may hallmtes LIVED on that in our firsy year pasta sauce out that was it
Original post by New- Emperor
you got to get that ticket dudeas for pasta me and may hallmtes LIVED on that in our firsy year pasta sauce out that was it
I just bought it! Hopefully it was the right decision but even it isn't, that amount of money is not much compared to some of the other fresher's events that I definitely won't go to.
Haha yeah I can see why you would live on pasta, it's so easy and quick to make, and it tastes good. I don't usually eat pasta at home, but I can see myself having it a lot when at uni!
other fresher's events? You are going to the Freshers fair right when i want there it was free and I got a lode of free stuff pen's sweets notepads steam keys key rings and a voutuer for a free tatoo or percing (unused) i alos got drink vautures to use on a gay night also never used seeing as i am straght.
Original post by New- Emperor
other fresher's events? You are going to the Freshers fair right when i want there it was free and I got a lode of free stuff pen's sweets notepads steam keys key rings and a voutuer for a free tatoo or percing (unused) i alos got drink vautures to use on a gay night also never used seeing as i am straght.
Sorry yeah I just mean I won't be going to a lot of the clubbing/partying nights during fresher's! I'll definitely go to the Freshers fair, I'm really looking forward to that actually! Hopefully I can join some societies/clubs as well as get some free stuff there.
Original post by ConcernedFresher
Sorry yeah I just mean I won't be going to a lot of the clubbing/partying nights during fresher's! I'll definitely go to the Freshers fair, I'm really looking forward to that actually! Hopefully I can join some societies/clubs as well as get some free stuff there.
you will love it also try the soc fair i got free sweets there from a soc some unis even have a Quiddich soc.
Original post by New- Emperor
you will love it also try the soc fair i got free sweets there from a soc some unis even have a Quiddich soc.
Thanks, yeah I will go to the soc fair I think I want to join a sport like tennis or badminton (even though I'm rubbish at both of them!) maybe I'll even try Quidditch if there's a taster session!
Hi,
Again this isn't a proper update, but I might write up something slightly longer in the evening if I have time!
Only 2 days to go! I've made a final list of everything that I need to pack, just to make sure I don't forget anything. I seriously need to start properly packing, there's not long at all left.
Currently my sleep is really ruined. Every night I've been sleeping at around 2am or later, and I always wake up before 8:30. Now I'm really tired but I just can't sleep! I'll try and sleep at a normal time tonight so that I can slowly begin to fix my sleep schedule.
Gonna have my dinner now, hopefully I'll write some more later!
Thanks for reading!
Again this isn't a proper update, but I might write up something slightly longer in the evening if I have time!
Only 2 days to go! I've made a final list of everything that I need to pack, just to make sure I don't forget anything. I seriously need to start properly packing, there's not long at all left.
Currently my sleep is really ruined. Every night I've been sleeping at around 2am or later, and I always wake up before 8:30. Now I'm really tired but I just can't sleep! I'll try and sleep at a normal time tonight so that I can slowly begin to fix my sleep schedule.
Gonna have my dinner now, hopefully I'll write some more later!
Thanks for reading!
Hi all,
Sorry I'm really tired and I need to catch up on sleep, so I won't be writing much tonight.
Today I made some good progress on packing, I packed all my clothes (mostly) and I've put most things ready in the same room. I'll be figuring out how to fit it all in the car tomorrow!
I talked a bit more with a couple other flatmates that I know which is good, got to know them a bit better. They seem pretty nice which is good!
For some reason I'm not even nervous yet. I know for a fact that I'll be really nervous tomorrow evening, but at the moment I'm just numb to it. I don't know why - maybe it's because I'm so tired, maybe it's because I've agreed with myself not to care so much or maybe it's because I still don't believe it's happening. Who knows, all I know is that I'm going to try my best to not get so nervous and not overthink it. If I don't make good friends with my flatmates, so be it. It's not the end of the world. If something goes wrong during the first few days, so be it. It's not the end of the world. At least that's what I'm trying to think.
Thanks for reading, tomorrow I'll update you with how I'm feeling right before the move! (especially in the evening)
And of course I'll try my best to update you on how it goes on Sunday, but I can't guarantee that I'll have time to make a long post - I might just write a few sentences on my phone when I get a chance.
Thanks once again, I wish everyone starting uni tomorrow good luck!
Sorry I'm really tired and I need to catch up on sleep, so I won't be writing much tonight.
Today I made some good progress on packing, I packed all my clothes (mostly) and I've put most things ready in the same room. I'll be figuring out how to fit it all in the car tomorrow!
I talked a bit more with a couple other flatmates that I know which is good, got to know them a bit better. They seem pretty nice which is good!
For some reason I'm not even nervous yet. I know for a fact that I'll be really nervous tomorrow evening, but at the moment I'm just numb to it. I don't know why - maybe it's because I'm so tired, maybe it's because I've agreed with myself not to care so much or maybe it's because I still don't believe it's happening. Who knows, all I know is that I'm going to try my best to not get so nervous and not overthink it. If I don't make good friends with my flatmates, so be it. It's not the end of the world. If something goes wrong during the first few days, so be it. It's not the end of the world. At least that's what I'm trying to think.
Thanks for reading, tomorrow I'll update you with how I'm feeling right before the move! (especially in the evening)
And of course I'll try my best to update you on how it goes on Sunday, but I can't guarantee that I'll have time to make a long post - I might just write a few sentences on my phone when I get a chance.
Thanks once again, I wish everyone starting uni tomorrow good luck!
Good morning!
I only slept for 6 hours last night :/ I just wake up and can't go back to sleep, even though I feel tired. It's really weird.
When I woke up today, I was just opening my eyes when I realised "tomorrow I'm going to be on my own". Now I've started to get really nervous - what I've imagined for the last 2 months is becoming reality.
In a way the nerves are really different from the nerves before results day. There's nothing more I can do about results day, my results are already there and it's just the wait to find out. Whereas with uni, it's in my control now which makes it slightly less terrified but all the same a feeling of unpreparedness. I don't think that I'm ready to go, I don't feel that I'm prepared to handle it well, I don't know if my parents are ready either. But I know that now I'm as ready as I'll ever be.
Thanks for reading, will post later probably!
I only slept for 6 hours last night :/ I just wake up and can't go back to sleep, even though I feel tired. It's really weird.
When I woke up today, I was just opening my eyes when I realised "tomorrow I'm going to be on my own". Now I've started to get really nervous - what I've imagined for the last 2 months is becoming reality.
In a way the nerves are really different from the nerves before results day. There's nothing more I can do about results day, my results are already there and it's just the wait to find out. Whereas with uni, it's in my control now which makes it slightly less terrified but all the same a feeling of unpreparedness. I don't think that I'm ready to go, I don't feel that I'm prepared to handle it well, I don't know if my parents are ready either. But I know that now I'm as ready as I'll ever be.
Thanks for reading, will post later probably!
Hi all,
I would have typed a lot, but I'm on my phone this time since I've packed up my keyboard and everything ready for tomorrow.
Lots of feelings today. So many feelings.
The day was decent, we had almost everything packed and loaded by 4-5pm, although there was a bit of stress and tension.
Now I hate to admit this, but this is a blog that I hope nobody will link to my IRL self: in the evening, I cried. I cried a lot. I've cried about 3 times in the last 5 years: once when I didn't do well in my German exam, once when I didn't do well in my Maths exam and once this evening.
I don't know the reason. I've just been holding in fear, holding in terror, holding in my nerves. All these weeks I've pretended to be confident, pretended that I'm mentally ready. Today a bit of the truth seeped through my eyes.
I know there are people that will tell me to grow up, to stop being a baby, etc. But I don't care.
I don't want to leave my parents. I don't want to leave them! I know that I have to, but I just can't admit it to myself. I just love them too much.
These moments are actually wonderful. If I hadn't been leaving, then I wouldn't have realised the strong relationship between me and my family, which has only gotten stronger. I am like a child who is refusing to be dragged from playtime - alas, it is time to face reality.
Around 2pm tomorrow, maybe before, I will be alone. It is almost 14 hours away and I still don't believe it's happening.
If there is one thing that keeps me determined, it is wanting my parents to be happy. I know they are happy if they know I am happy. So I will try to succeed.
This post was hard to write, so apologies for it being badly written.
I hope to post more positive updates in the coming weeks.
Goodnight TSR, thanks for reading.
I would have typed a lot, but I'm on my phone this time since I've packed up my keyboard and everything ready for tomorrow.
Lots of feelings today. So many feelings.
The day was decent, we had almost everything packed and loaded by 4-5pm, although there was a bit of stress and tension.
Now I hate to admit this, but this is a blog that I hope nobody will link to my IRL self: in the evening, I cried. I cried a lot. I've cried about 3 times in the last 5 years: once when I didn't do well in my German exam, once when I didn't do well in my Maths exam and once this evening.
I don't know the reason. I've just been holding in fear, holding in terror, holding in my nerves. All these weeks I've pretended to be confident, pretended that I'm mentally ready. Today a bit of the truth seeped through my eyes.
I know there are people that will tell me to grow up, to stop being a baby, etc. But I don't care.
I don't want to leave my parents. I don't want to leave them! I know that I have to, but I just can't admit it to myself. I just love them too much.
These moments are actually wonderful. If I hadn't been leaving, then I wouldn't have realised the strong relationship between me and my family, which has only gotten stronger. I am like a child who is refusing to be dragged from playtime - alas, it is time to face reality.
Around 2pm tomorrow, maybe before, I will be alone. It is almost 14 hours away and I still don't believe it's happening.
If there is one thing that keeps me determined, it is wanting my parents to be happy. I know they are happy if they know I am happy. So I will try to succeed.
This post was hard to write, so apologies for it being badly written.
I hope to post more positive updates in the coming weeks.
Goodnight TSR, thanks for reading.
How are you getting on?
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