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My boyfriend is in a band and he can't sing, shall I tell him

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    Please make this anonymous or delete!

    My boyfriend is in a band and he can't sing, shall I tell him?
    He's very sensitive to criticism, and keeps asking me for my opinion and I keep having to smile and weakly say 'it's creative'.

    What shall I do?
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    Bumped. Sorry for the delay in post approval.
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    Does he play an instrument? If so, tell him the truth but compliment his instrument skills.

    No matter what, you'd have to tell him the truth.
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    It never stopped the likes of Kurt Cobain!
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    I dont see why not?

    I'm doing a music degree. Before I moved to north wales, I was assistant organist and choir master of tamworth parish church. I dont have a soloist voice. I do have an accurate voice though.
    If someone told me I couldnt sing a solo line I wouldnt be upset, i'd agree.
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    LOL, best thread ever. Yes you have to be harsh - but get other opinions - maybe you just don;t like his style.

    It doesn;t always matter if they cannot sing properly i nthe classical sens eif they have a lot of emtion in their voice or the sogn suits it.
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    Record his voice and play it back to him.
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    does he think he can sing?
    it's just i'm not sure whether i can sing or not and i wish my boyfriend would tell me if i sing badly, just so i know! it wouldn't upset me if he thought i couldn't if it was the truth.
    maybe he's unsure if he can and wants your opinion
    or if he thinks he can he might be like those crazy people on X factor who won't even believe you if you say he can't.

    maybe you could try something gentle rather than outright 'you suck'. like, 'maybe you could take a few lessons to work on your breathing, i hear that's really important'. you know...something not too harsh.
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    (Original post by tesh^^)
    Record his voice and play it back to him.
    I'm sure he's heard his voice, but on that idea, record it, edit it slightly with a few groans and squeaks here and there. Be very subtle 'n all though. Can he take a hint?
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Well, I don't really understand what he means when he tells me his songs are different and when his voice is off it's full of emotion and that to sing 'perfectly' would make a song appear robotic. I think he has a romanticised idea of what originality in singing is about?

    To me it just sounds off? I mean I can see his voice developing, but I think he has such an inflated sense of self about it at times. Then, when he asks me for my opinion he kind of makes out like he's shy about it. I'm never too sure how he'd take my opinion.

    He's said to me in the past being a musician means you have to have belief in yourself and to ignore people around you who belittle you, otherwise you'd just give up. I knid of agree and I really want to push him so that he can excel at what he wants to do.

    It's just that it's difficult knowing what to say. I mean if someone told me I sucked at something I thought I was decent at, I'd be hurt.
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Btw yes he plays an instrument
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    Ah but does he play well?.

    think of it either like this...is he ever actually going to be famous, will it matter if you just let him think he's okay and not bruise his ego.
    OR...
    is he so bad that it sounds like cats are being hurt the RSPCA should be called, and in this case you should gently suggest that he'd be better off using his talents elsewhere (like an instrument) or out of sound distance....

    :O.
    if you are in a r-ship, and it's good.
    you shouldnt be afraid to be honest.
    tell him he isnt so great.
    but hes good at other things.
    queue for kissing etc...
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    if i were you i'd get other people to listen to him and tell him what they think.
    just say that you don't know anything about music and can't tell if he's off or what. think of someone famous that you think is ****e and then say 'i think [insert name] is awful but look where he/she is now, making millions'
    or the other way round, ie 'i think [insert name] is great, but everyone else says they're terrible, so what do i know?'
    the latter sounds less like you're telling him he's awful.
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    There's a difference between being a musician and a singer - If someone cannot inherently sing, then they cannot sing but you can pretty much teach anyone to play an instrument, no matter how little knowledge of the instrument they have.
    Teaching someone who simply can't sing, well, it'd be like trying to teach a cock to lay eggs! Pointless and painful lol.

    I'd be honest with him and explain that whilst you find his passion for singing sexy as hell, he should maybe focus on a particular instrument other than his voice as you think he'd suit it better or something of that 'ilk' lol. Perhaps say you find guitar players sexy or something - appeal to his inner sexiness and try and persuade him that he'd make a better bass player, or drummer or something lol.
    • Thread Starter
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    He ok with the instrument.

    He's got a way with words, so songwriting he is very good at. I guess he wants to own it all, if you understand? If he writes a song, he wants to perform it. I'd feel awful telling him he sucked. I find him a bit pretentious. He was telling me how much he loved his rendition of X (as in a cover he did), maybe he's comparing it to how he sang before? I haven't been going out with him for too long.

    I really want to encourage him, but ... yea. Shall I be specific.. what if he thinks that's his trademark style or something? That would be so awkward and embarrassing dissing that.
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    I think it's in his best interests to nip this in the bud now. If for example, he plays in a local bar/club and ends up being publically critisized in a local newspaper review, then it's all gonna come back to you when he asks you why you didn't tell him he was so bad! lol. In all seriousness, some people just can't hear how much they suck - get a recording of him and sit n listen to it together. He may realise on his own?
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Ilora-Danon)
    I think it's in his best interests to nip this in the bud now. If for example, he plays in a local bar/club and ends up being publically critisized in a local newspaper review, then it's all gonna come back to you when he asks you why you didn't tell him he was so bad! lol. In all seriousness, some people just can't hear how much they suck - get a recording of him and sit n listen to it together. He may realise on his own?
    Well he has played to a crowd before and I think he had some feedback saying his voice was off. He does listen to his songs. He comments on the bits he likes then tells me all about it and... I just... listen.
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Plus he told me his worst fear is that he won't get anywhere with his music. I don't want to break his heart with my criticism (sounds extreme, but I mean that's his fear!)
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    if other people have told him he's off then he knows it.

    a lot of musicians fear that they won't get anywhere with their music and the truth is very few do 'make it big'. my boyfriend always talks about how he wants to be in a band as his career and i find it very difficult to not be skeptic and just indulge him. not because he's not a good musician, but just because it's unlikely to happen. it's like people dreaming of winning the lottery!

    maybe encourage him to improve by taking singing lessons or something, and express that maybe it would be better to have it as a hobby, just singing on open mic nights and stuff. or just don't say anything...he'll find out he's bad at some point, if he doesn't already know. i guess it depends whether he's the kind of person who's rather you were honest, or just pretend to believe in him.
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    My bf used to be in a band and he couldn't sing for **** and I told him all the time (in a slightly jokey way) and it did make him feel a bit crap, but his band actually did quite well in the end so he sort of "proved me wrong." However, their success was mainly due to the fact that they used to give out free condoms at every gig, rather than any musical talent.

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Updated: January 20, 2008
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