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Girlfriend won't let me see her naked.

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    I've been with my girlfriend for 8 months now, for the past 4 months we've been sexually active, I was her first time.

    When we have sex, she has no objection to being naked, and willingly takes off everything, she'll usually sleep naked with me too. However, the room has to be pretty much pitch dark before she'll even agree to sex (Morning sex is completely out of the question) and she'll keep the duvet over her top half at all times. She seems to have a morbid fear of being naked.

    I've discussed this with her and she says that she detests her nipples and can't stand anyone looking at them or touching them, she also thinks that her vagina is disgusting and won't let me see that either.

    I'm just wondering how common this is amongst girls .. and what (if anything) I can do make her feel more comfortable around me
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    Kinda given yourself away there, maybe anon the last post!

    But otherwise just reassure her... if you were her first time then maybe she hasnt had anyone elses oppinion before.
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    Stupid website .. there was a time when you could quick reply and the OP would stay anonymous.
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    Yeah it's probably pretty normal, I wouldn't have thought to such an extent though...I don't mean to be disrespectful towards her, but it seems a bit of an insult to you that she doesn't feel comfortable with you seeing her body, especially since you've been together so long.
    I guess you just have to be reassuring to her, obviously getting annoyed is not going to make her feel any better. Maybe pay special attention to the places she's embarassed about like, will she not let you go down on her? Maybe you could have a night where you don't actually have sex, but just focus on giving her pleasure, make it clear that you enjoy it and insist that you want to make her feel good (except, in less of a sleazy way than that). I mean, if she enjoys you touch then she can't complain can she? Even if she feels uncomfortable to start with she'll realise that it's something nice and maybe slowly she'll accept it?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Stupid website .. there was a time when you could quick reply and the OP would stay anonymous.
    You can quick reply and stay anonymous....just make sure you tick the box. lol!
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    I've not been here since the stupid revamp where they ruined the place ... I don't have a clue about anything lol.

    *hides in a corner for being stupid*
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    Maybe she's not really ready to be having sex, if she's not comfortable with her body. Sexual relationships should only happen when both people are confident about them selfs. Which explains the same reason why I am still a virgin at 20 because I don't like my body therefore I don't go out and have sex. Maybe you should talk to her and help her to build up her confidence.
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    many women view the vagina as someting ugly - but then lets face genetalia rent the most visually pleasing things on the world whether male or female.

    Op your gf isnt that unusual many women find thier bodies unlikable and assume for whatever reason that no one else will either,

    You can support her and encourage her however at the end of the day its her choice.

    And Jillie you had a hoody on during sex - blooming heck no offence hon but what a turn off
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    (Original post by Nadinus)
    Yeah it's probably pretty normal, I wouldn't have thought to such an extent though...I don't mean to be disrespectful towards her, but it seems a bit of an insult to you that she doesn't feel comfortable with you seeing her body, especially since you've been together so long.
    I guess you just have to be reassuring to her, obviously getting annoyed is not going to make her feel any better. Maybe pay special attention to the places she's embarassed about like, will she not let you go down on her? Maybe you could have a night where you don't actually have sex, but just focus on giving her pleasure, make it clear that you enjoy it and insist that you want to make her feel good (except, in less of a sleazy way than that). I mean, if she enjoys you touch then she can't complain can she? Even if she feels uncomfortable to start with she'll realise that it's something nice and maybe slowly she'll accept it?
    She's never voiced any objection to me going down on her .. but I wouldn't want to anyway because quite frankly, vaginas taste disgusting and there are better, more hygienic ways of pleasuring a woman.

    I've told her time and time again that nipples are part of the breast, and (because I'm a male) are therefore awesome... I spend a lot of time re-assuring her.

    She has said to me that she hates not being able to let herself go in front of me, and that there's nothing she'd like more than to just let me see her in all her glory. There's just something inside her that won't let her do it ... a psycological problem perhaps?
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    It's not normal, but it's also not unusual. There's so much thrown at us in the media about what we should look like, not to mention the unrealistic expectations given to guys by the surgically enhanced girls in porn, that some girls just think they won't compare.

    Personally it makes no sense to me. My body is crap by a lot of people's standards but if I'm getting intimate with someone then nakedness seems like the most natural thing ever. I guess this doesn't work for everyone though. I find it especially odd that she'll let you put your penis in her vagina but not let you look at it. The best you can do is compliment what you do see of her, and don't push her too much.
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    Sounds like she has really low self-esteem, might be best not to pressure her but keep reassuring her that her vagina isn't horrible.
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    (Original post by Helenia)
    It's not normal, but it's also not unusual. There's so much thrown at us in the media about what we should look like, not to mention the unrealistic expectations given to guys by the surgically enhanced girls in porn, that some girls just think they won't compare.

    Personally it makes no sense to me. My body is crap by a lot of people's standards but if I'm getting intimate with someone then nakedness seems like the most natural thing ever. I guess this doesn't work for everyone though. I find it especially odd that she'll let you put your penis in her vagina but not let you look at it. The best you can do is compliment what you do see of her, and don't push her too much.
    Helenia you speak the truth, I totally agree with you.
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    It's not normal in my mind but I don't really know about anyone else so it might be quite a common thing. For me if you are going to be in a sexual relationship with someone who loves you then why be ashamed and insecure about your body, it makes no sense. Like Helenia said, nakedness is perfectly natural. Make sure you compliment her loads and make her feel really good about herself.
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    (Original post by silverbolt)
    many women view the vagina as someting ugly - but then lets face genetalia rent the most visually pleasing things on the world whether male or female.
    Op your gf isnt that unusual many women find thier bodies unlikable and assume for whatever reason that no one else will either,
    You can support her and encourage her however at the end of the day its her choice.
    And Jillie you had a hoody on during sex - blooming heck no offence hon but what a turn off
    Really? Its usually more with breasts though, I diddn't know vaginal insecurity was such a problem:confused: . My gut instinct would be that she just dosn't like her body much overall. I don't want to stray into the realms of sex advice - what about massage and stuff to make her more confortable?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    She's never voiced any objection to me going down on her .. but I wouldn't want to anyway because quite frankly, vaginas taste disgusting and there are better, more hygienic ways of pleasuring a woman.

    I've told her time and time again that nipples are part of the breast, and (because I'm a male) are therefore awesome... I spend a lot of time re-assuring her.

    She has said to me that she hates not being able to let herself go in front of me, and that there's nothing she'd like more than to just let me see her in all her glory. There's just something inside her that won't let her do it ... a psycological problem perhaps?
    Lol maybe she picks up your hesitance. If you were happier to pay attention to it then she'd probably feel happier with it. And it's not exactly unhygienic...I'm sure the only reason her mouth goes anywhere near your cock is for your benefit, it's only fair that you return the favour. One thing girls always seems to complain about is not getting enough oral sex. No wonder she feels uncomfortable if that's your attitude towards it! (and yes, she will pick it up, girls aren't that thick-skinned)
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    She's never voiced any objection to me going down on her .. but I wouldn't want to anyway because quite frankly, vaginas taste disgusting and there are better, more hygienic ways of pleasuring a woman.
    Have you told her this? It seems like she has very low self esteem already, your rejection of any part of her body will only make it worse. I'm not saying it's your fault, but sometimes actions speak louder than words. It's no use you saying she looks beautiful if in some way she senses you are repelled by a part of her.
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    The problem with insecurities is that often they're completely dependent on a person's own idea of themselves and there's not much anything you can do to change it (from personal experience). I'd say you should stop pressurising her or mentioning it for a while...because discussing it is likely to make her feel more insecure (strange though it sounds). She'll probably come around as you get more comfortable together, people are just different...
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    She's never voiced any objection to me going down on her .. but I wouldn't want to anyway because quite frankly, vaginas taste disgusting and there are better, more hygienic ways of pleasuring a woman.
    Well, there you go.

    You're the first man she's slept with, and you think she's unhygienic and tastes disgusting.

    No wonder she feels like crap.

    I can't give you a solution, but I've certainly underlined the problem for you. Down to you now.
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    is she fat?
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    Yeah that's what I originally would have said, but from what OP said about finding her vagina repulsive...if that's her first proper sexual experience then of course it's going to accept her self image...after all we learn a sense of self in the first place through external means (other people, a mirror image (google Lacan if you're interested)).


    (in response to sugarlumps)

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Updated: January 25, 2009
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