Anyone else stupidly upset about not being popular?

This is embarrassing for me as I've always considered myself to be very authentic, individualistic and much more interesting than any so-called 'popular' group of people around me.

But I recently changed schools and unlike in my old school where all the popular people were tossers and bimbos, in my new school they are ACTUALLY cool. They're witty and intelligent and fun and I want to be one of them, but I'm simply not interesting or funny enough.

And it makes me feel really rubbish. Facebook (*averts eyes*) makes it worse, I look at their pages and even THERE they're engaging in funny repartee and just generally being awesome and I know, I knoooowww it doesn't matter but I can't help being upset by it.

I was wondering if anyone else felt like this - that they want to be in the cool crowd, not simply for the sake of being 'in' (as I said, I used to be a bit of an outsider but didn't mind a bit because I didn't like the insiders) but because you genuinely admire them and wish you could be more like them.

:blushing:

.

Edit: oooh, this belongs in H&R, could it be moved? :redface:

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Reply 1

Ed.

I feel you will get a bashing for this. Along the lines of being popular isn't everything. However I do sympathize with you. If this group are really a cool bunch I imagine they would make an effort to get along with you. :smile:

Reply 2

OnlyMe!

Erm no.

Maybe you should spent less time admiring and aspiring to be something that you are not, and more time just being yourself and being comfortable with who you are?

Reply 3

Blundell

I did once, basically a group of really fun people who got drunk all the time, liked good music etc etc etc. I would hang around with them but was never actually considered one of 'them' and I was pretty annoyed and felt crap. Then I realised that there's no point in trying to be someone that your not so I got working hard and became one of the best students in my school and have a great group of friends who respect me for who I am! I understand that you want to be funny etc, but just stay as you are and people have more respect for you that way rather than trying to be someone different!

Reply 4

SuperSam_Fantastiche

When I went to sixth form, me and my mates suddenly went from being the irritating arseholes to the most popular kid in our year.

This popularity went to my mates heads and they subsequently started treating me like utter crap, just because they could and because they could pick and choose whichever friends they liked.

So erm, being one of the cool kids isn't cool.

Reply 5

username129099

you probably don't fit in because all their jokes are personal jokes for banterial puposes. Unless you are in on this ie. at the time of its conception then you just seem like a loser if you try and join in. Just hang round and wait until you are there when something funny happens then use it to get to talk to them, once you have started hanging around with them then you will be in the group permanantly as there will be more of these such jokes. In my experiences the best jokes come from trips or sports tours.

Reply 6

shadowrow

whats wrong with your own friends? maybe you should either start appreciating them or try a little harder to make some genuine friends. sorry i know what you mean i used to feel the same way but now i am so much happier to be part of a group that i love and love me for me

Reply 7

WokSz

Well, I see where you're coming from but I guess it's just part of being at school. You're lucky in a way to go to a school where the 'popular' people are actually the smarter, more interesting people. I went to a school where looks were everything and if you didn't wear Gucci or Prada you were classed as being a 'middle class' person.

Reply 8

trm90

It's not worth forcing yourself to join their group. Your problem is that you're admiring them for the wrong reasons; admire your own qualities for now and see if you can find someone similar.

Reply 9

Dude

Sorry to use an old arguement, but whats so good about being popular and being liked by everyone.

Personally, I don't care what people think of me. If people have a problem with me and think that I am a complete idiot, then thats their right to think so. I'm not going to change their minds or change my appearance/personality just to suit their ideas or values. I'm happy with the way I am, and I have friends that share my humour and ideas etc.

Reply 10

catzrin

There was a group at my school that I really wanted to be in a few years ago, not because they were especially "popular" but who I just thought were really cool. I wouldn't say admiration is the best way to start relationships with an entire group of people. I wouldn't try and force getting with them.

Reply 11

Ed.

doggyfizzel

banterial puposes..

I like that word. it may replace Banterous , when the need next arises.

Reply 12

Cherry Kisses

Don't become someone youre not. Be yourself, you are cool, you are a great person, and you don't need tons of friends to be happy.

Reply 13

nosnibor

Just speak to them! This idea of the 'popular' kids is so ridiculously outdated - at my school we of course have the group of funny, interesting, beautiful and cool kids (who I suppose are the 'popular' ones) but I still speak to them, have fun with them and say "hi" on a night out. They're just not my best friends.

Look at the amount of friends they have. Are they really more popular than you? Or do you just get intimidated by how 'cool' they are? Realise that you're putting them on a pedestal and then just talk to them. Say "hi" in the corridor, chat to the ones who are in your classes, if you see them in the street stop for a chat, add them on Facebook... It's not too difficult and if they're nice, they'll like you for who you are.

Of course, if they're bitches, you don't want to be friends with them anyway. Win/win, I say.

Reply 14

sheri234

I feel like that sometimes..when I see a group of really cool/fun people at the coffee shop. You could try and become friends with one of them, and hopefully they will introduce you to the "gang". the best thing to do is to make your own group with your mates...you never know, someone could be watching you wishing they were in your group.

it all comes down to how much you like your friends..nothing wrong with thinking your mates are uncool/dorky ect as long as you love and get on with em all is cool.

Reply 15

Archibald246

I once got told i was part of the 'popular people' and i found it weird... I didn't see it like that at all. But i think with my year group, everyone has their own group of friends but then talks to each other. There is one group of people who don't really mingle, and i guess some people would call them the stereotypical 'popular' people, but they seem to have less friends than everyone else, which confuses me!

I think that as long as you have good friends that you shouldn't want to be these people. If they were as cool as you say then they would be more friendly and you wouldn't feel like an outsider.

Reply 16

***amy***

well i'm going to go against the norm round here and say I sympathise. :smile:

Reply 17

shenzys

I used to be the most popular girl in my secondary school for 2 years because I was myself and didn't care what anyone else thought of me. I would mingle and have a laugh at any given moment. And then after about 2 years, I think the popularity got to my head, and now I'm paying the price for it. I became really nasty and lost my close friends, and now I don't even know who I am anymore. I don't have any close friends who I can really talk to, only acquaintances. Now, I'm trying to rediscover myself and trying to change into a person I want to be, not to be popular again, but just so I can know myself again.
My point is, be yourself. Being popular is not a good thing in the long run, trust me I've been there and am still suffering its after effects...

Reply 18

Aconite

doggyfizzel

Very true. You know that all the wit and the repartee etc are probably in-jokes that are trotted out again and again while everyone screams with laughter? Not being funny or anything, but that's how close little cliques work: constant reiteration of their exclusivity.

There's nothing wrong with admiring people, but have you got anything in common with any of them? Friendship based on you longing to be part of something you perceive as interesting and cool, and admiration for the group as a whole, isn't going to be as fulfilling as a friendship with one of them based on your common interests and matching personalities.

Maybe try speaking to members of the group by themselves? What may be louche exclusivity in the group can sometimes be banality in the individual.

Reply 19

watermelon sugar

if you like them for who they are, then just go talk to them? can't hurt, really.
getting to know someone you admire is a way better option than just getting jealous or copying them