Who's in the wrong here-the parents or the overaged lover?
This case refers to a 15 year old girl who ran away from her home to live with her 26 year old boyfriend who is currently unemployed and already has three children.
It's obvious this is a case of underage dating but the article seems to place her parents as also being part to blame. They come across as incredibly snobbish and
I thought it seemed as though their daughter was just trying to get back at them for the way they raised her, as some kind rebellion? What say you?
The police say they can't do anything about the case because she left to live with her boyfriend voluntarily and was not forced. Bear in mind that underage sex in Britain is supposed to be illegal. Should the police be doing more?
A 15-year-old girl explains why she ran off with an unemployed father-of-three ... and her mother tells how it broke her heart
By NATASHA COURTENAY-SMITH - More by this author » Last updated at 23:24pm on 12th May 2008
According to her parents, 15-year-old Victoria Pilkington has enjoyed a "five-star upbringing".
Home is a four-bedroom detached house in West Sussex, holidays are taken twice a year in Spain and America, and Victoria has spent her life enjoying every hobby imaginable, from horseriding to ice-skating and martial arts.
Victoria herself was proving to be something of a model daughter. Well-mannered, bubbly and affectionate, she had ambitions to become a lawyer.
Her mother Suzanne, 45, and stepfather Richard, 38, considered themselves blessed to have her.
Today, they should be making last-minute preparations for Victoria's GCSEs, due to start in a fortnight.
Instead, the family's plans are in tatters.
Seven weeks ago, Victoria ran away from the family home to be with her 26-year-old boyfriend, Jack Moore, an unemployed father of three children.
Now Victoria and Jack have set up home together in a run-down council house in Bletchingley, Surrey.
Until the day she left, her devastated parents hadn't even known of their daughter's relationship. Understandably, they are distraught.
"I'm living every mother's nightmare," says Suzanne.
"My under-age daughter has run off with a man 11 years her senior and the police say they can't intervene unless she makes a complaint.
"I wish I could snatch Victoria back, but the police say I'd be breaking the law. As for Victoria, well, when I describe her, I want to make it clear I'm talking in the past tense.
"In the little contact I've had with her since she ran away, she's incredibly rude and has sworn at me. She's no longer attending school, despite the big ambitions she had for her life. As far as I'm concerned, my daughter has either had a personality transplant or been brainwashed by this man."
Certainly, when I visit Victoria at the property they now call home, which they share with one of Jack's friends, it is clear much has changed in her life.
With no carpet on the floor and the most rudimentary of kitchens, the couple don't even have a bedroom.
Victoria sleeps on a battered old sofa, while Jack beds down each night on a lumpy old armchair opposite.
School is rapidly becoming a fading memory.
The only reminder of her once lofty ambitions is a battered sociology book on a wobbly coffee table. Instead, Victoria and Jack spend their days with his family and friends, or taking long walks.
"Once, I would have walked into a house like this and turned my nose up at the squalor," says Victoria.
"But I used to be a total snob. Of course, I can see this isn't as nice as Mum's house, but I'm happier here than I ever was there. Mum looks down on Jack because of his social class but he's a far better person than she is.
"Mum thinks she gave me this perfect life. Well, it may have looked perfect on the outside but it didn't feel that way. I was under so much pressure to be who she wanted me to be a conventional, immaculate, good little girl who never went out. She pushed me to breaking point.
"Now is my chance to have what I want out of life. I know what I have now might not look like much, but as weird as it sounds, I prefer my life this way. I certainly won't be going home."
Victoria and Jack met in February, when he was working in her local shop.
"I found Jack incredibly charming and down to earth," says Victoria.
"He has none of the airs and graces so typical in my family. I quickly realised he was from the 'real world' not the cossetted and sheltered existence I lived in.
"Jack told me he had three children from a previous relationship, but that didn't put me off. Although he and his ex are no longer together, he still sees his children regularly and I've met them, too. He's a great dad. I wasn't bothered about his age either age is just a number, after all."
The relationship became intimate within weeks, but Victoria's parents were oblivious.
"The first we knew about Jack was when we got a phonecall on Easter Monday from a friend, saying his son had spotted Victoria in town with this man called Jack," says Suzanne, who divorced Victoria's father more than a decade ago.
She has two other children, Bertie, 21, and Georgia, her three-year-old daughter by Richard.
"I said I'd never heard Victoria talking about a Jack. Then, this friend told me that not only was Jack 26 years old, but he was known for being into drugs.
"When I got home, I asked Victoria who Jack was. She completely denied knowing anyone called Jack and ran back upstairs to her room.
"I heard her pick up the cordless phone upstairs, so I called up to her to come down immediately. She walked down the stairs, threw the phone at me and ran out of the front door.
Richard ran down the road to find her but had no luck. Half an hour later, a neighbour knocked on our door to say Victoria had gone into their house, called Jack and he'd picked her up in a car.
"We were completely stunned. I couldn't believe our perfect daughter had done such a thing."
Worse was to come. After looking in her daughter's room for clues about Jack's address, Suzanne came across a packet of contraceptive pills.
Until then, she was convinced her daughter was a virgin.
Suzanne and Richard called the police to report their daughter missing, but the following day the police told them Victoria didn't want to return home.
Suzanne says: "The police said they believed the couple to be at Jack's mother's house in Bletchingley, but that they didn't have the power to go in there and bring her home," says Suzanne.
"In my mind, my daughter had effectively been kidnapped. I couldn't believe there was nothing we could do."
In desperation, Suzanne and Richard drove to Jack's mother's house, having been given the address by the police.What they discovered horrified them.
"The house had doors hanging off, ferrets in cages, piles of rubbish everywhere and dirty clothes hanging on a washing-line," says Suzanne.
"I wept when I saw it. As the door was standing open, Richard and I went in. The property was in an even worse state inside. There were empty cardboard boxes and old newspapers everywhere."
Surrounded by the mess was Victoria.
"She was sitting on the sofa, looking sheepish with this man at her side. She was wearing a dirty tracksuit and her hair was filthy. I'd never seen her in such a state.
"After a brief chat, Victoria agreed to come home. When we got back, we sat her down and explained that we understood she loved Jack, but that he was too old for her, and that he would get into a lot of trouble if they carried on seeing each other.
"I said it was 12 weeks until she turned 16, at which point I couldn't stop her seeing Jack, but until then she should focus on her GCSEs."
But when her parents woke up the following morning, Victoria's bed was empty.
She had run away again, and has not returned since.
"Richard and I spent 20 hours a day driving around the streets looking for her, putting up posters and calling everyone we could think of," says Suzanne.
"It was then that we started hearing all sorts of rumours about Jack, that he'd given her cannabis. I was distraught, half expecting a call saying Victoria had been found dead."
Suzanne was reassured by police that once Victoria and Jack were located, they would be detained for 72 hours and her daughter would be returned home.
However, when the police did eventually locate the runaways just over a month ago once again at Jack's mother's house the couple were not detained.
In the past few weeks, Suzanne has had virtually no contact with her daughter, save for the occasional call and an alarming letter.
"Victoria wrote to us, and the first page of the letter was all about how much she missed us, and her sister Georgia," says Suzanne.
"But the second page was full of swear words and aggressive language. I was chilled to my core. I am sure the words came from Jack. He must have been standing over her telling her what to write."
Most troubling of all, Suzanne claims an anonymous posting on the website of her local newspaper suggests Victoria is now pregnant.
However, these pregnancy rumours are strenuously denied by Jack and Victoria, who insist they are not sleeping together at the moment and won't be doing so until she turns 16 in July.
The whole story sounds like a case of attention seeking but what say you? Yes I know this article was placed in the Daily Mail of all places but I came across it on the internet and thought it was interesting.
Re: Who's in the wrong here-the parents or the overaged lover?
Why do her parents come across as incredibly snobbish? Because they have a nice house and they have expectations for their daughter that don't include council houses and teenage pregnancy?
They sound perfectly reasonable to me, in that article.
Re: Who's in the wrong here-the parents or the overaged lover?
This is what happens when women date men younger than themselves...teach the mother for being such a bad example.
but seriously
I myself am in a age gap relationship, but that is still wrong. What kind of 15 year old can seriously be in a relationship with a 26 year old? The 4 years between my age and hers, makes all the difference when growing up!
Also, her parents said when she was 16 they couldn't stop her seeing him, so why couldn't she wait? Idiot
Re: Who's in the wrong here-the parents or the overaged lover?
Originally Posted by la fille danse
Why do her parents come across as incredibly snobbish? Because they have a nice house and they have expectations for their daughter that don't include council houses and teenage pregnancy?
They sound perfectly reasonable to me, in that article.
Agreed, I dont think it has much to do with her parents social class or lifestyle. Does any parent aspire for their 15 year old child to end up out of education, on a council estate, shacked up with a man 11 years her senior and 3 kids in tow? If that makes them snobs, I expect a majority of us are snobs.
Re: Who's in the wrong here-the parents or the overaged lover?
Originally Posted by Bismarck
Am I missing something why here? Why hasn't the guy been arrested for statutory rape?
It's entirely possible that I'm missing something, but the article doesn't present much in the way of evidence that they'd slept together. As long as they're denying it, there'd be no grounds to arrest him.
Re: Who's in the wrong here-the parents or the overaged lover?
Originally Posted by L i b
It'll be some tabloid obscuring the facts as usual.
Well we only need three facts. The girl is under 16. The guy is over 16 (and over 18). And they had sex. What other evidence is necessary?
Originally Posted by -Kav-
It's entirely possible that I'm missing something, but the article doesn't present much in the way of evidence that they'd slept together. As long as they're denying it, there'd be no grounds to arrest him.
15-year-olds don't secretly go on the pill unless they're sexually active. Even if they don't admit to it, what is the girl doing living with the man? He's not her legal guardian, and she's too young to choose who to live with. If he doesn't return her, it's kidnapping.
Re: Who's in the wrong here-the parents or the overaged lover?
I have sympathy for the girl. From what she says she was sick of her mum's snobbiness and felt that all the while she was living so materially she would never be satisfied. By running away she's done the opposite of what she hated and idk she probably feels liberated. Sounds a bit of a crap situation, but if that's her way of dealing with it...
Also no one can ever understand a relationship between mother and daughter fully. It's far far too complex for us to be able to judge, and parents can **** up their kids so badly.
Re: Who's in the wrong here-the parents or the overaged lover?
Originally Posted by THE NADINUS
I have sympathy for the girl. From what she says she was sick of her mum's snobbiness and felt that all the while she was living so materially she would never be satisfied. By running away she's done the opposite of what she hated and idk she probably feels liberated. Sounds a bit of a crap situation, but if that's her way of dealing with it...
Also no one can ever understand a relationship between mother and daughter fully. It's far far too complex for us to be able to judge, and parents can **** up their kids so badly.
She's 15. Frankly, she's too stupid to know what's good for her.
Re: Who's in the wrong here-the parents or the overaged lover?
Originally Posted by Bismarck
15-year-olds don't secretly go on the pill unless they're sexually active. Even if they don't admit to it, what is the girl doing living with the man? He's not her legal guardian, and she's too young to choose how to live with. If he doesn't return her, it's kidnapping.
Oh, I'm not saying that he shouldn't be arrested for statutory rape, just that the police couldn't possibly make a move based on contraceptive pills. Even if you take them as proof positive of sexual activity, which would be reasonable enough, they could easily be from a previous relationship. As I say, it may be bloody obvious what's going on, but there's not nearly enough evidence to charge the guy.
EDIT: Abduction charges could potentially be more interesting, because I think it's an issue of parental consent. You might have to demonstrate force or coercion, though.
Re: Who's in the wrong here-the parents or the overaged lover?
Originally Posted by -Kav-
Oh, I'm not saying that he shouldn't be arrested for statutory rape, just that the police couldn't possibly make a move based on contraceptive pills. Even if you take them as proof positive of sexual activity, which would be reasonable enough, they could easily be from a previous relationship. As I say, it may be bloody obvious what's going on, but there's not nearly enough evidence to charge the guy.
Surely they should be able to forcefully return her to her legal guardians?
Re: Who's in the wrong here-the parents or the overaged lover?
Originally Posted by Bismarck
Surely they should be able to forcefully return her to her legal guardians?
Common sense would suggest that it's a possibility. Obviously if it were a much younger child you'd like to think that police would be able to act, and the presumably that law would apply up to the age of 16. I suppose the problem might be that you couldn't necessarily charge the guy with anything, so the likelihood would be that she'd just go back to him.
Re: Who's in the wrong here-the parents or the overaged lover?
Originally Posted by -Kav-
Common sense would suggest that it's a possibility. Obviously if it were a much younger child you'd like to think that police would be able to act, and the presumably that law would apply up to the age of 16. I suppose the problem might be that you couldn't necessarily charge the guy with anything, so the likelihood would be that she'd just go back to him.
That's not really the police's business. Their job is to enforce the law, and in this case that means returning the girl to her parents.
Re: Who's in the wrong here-the parents or the overaged lover?
Originally Posted by Bismarck
That's not really the police's business. Their job is to enforce the law, and in this case that means returning the girl to her parents.
Looking at it, you're probably right. I can't think of a single good reason not to beyond 'manpower issues,' and that looks pretty flimsy when you have reason to believe that statutory rape may be taking place, even if you can't prove it. With any luck some passing law student will clarify the issue at some point.
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Who's in the wrong here-the parents or the overaged lover?
Yes I know this article was placed in the Daily Mail of all places but I came across it on the internet and thought it was interesting. 
