[dreamqueen]

At the start of this year I started going out with this guy and it was really amazing - we just had such a good connection. However, I ended it after a few months because it was incredibly intense and I was aware that he was going to York for university the next year, whereas I would be in Oxford, and I was really worried about keeping something so emotionally strong long-distance, so I thought it would be best to try to avoid getting too attached.

However, he sent me lots of emails and stuff saying he still loved me and I realised that I felt the same, and in the easter holidays we got back together. It's incredible being with him, but again I'm getting so worried about how things are going to be when he leaves. I have bad memories of a past long-distance relationship and the thought of things being that difficult with him is horrible. Plus I'm really quite paranoid because when we broke up he slept with someone else and kept some of the details from me, so I'm scared that I can't trust him. I don't know how rational that is - he's given me his email and facebook passwords and I do feel like he would be honest with me now, but I know distance has the potential to distort things. Plus I don't relish the idea of being an emotional paranoid wreck for my final year.

Also, next year he'll be in his first year of university and i'll be in my final year, so if the relationship were to survive that I would have to make some serious decisions about the future. I don't particularly want to work in York, I don't even know what I'd do there, but the idea of being apart from him for three years seems inconceivable - I don't know if there's any point in a long-distance relationship that spans such a big time period, as well as a big distance. If it were just a year I think I could cope with it but I feel like I'm going slightly crazy thinking over all the options.

Any suggestions?

[mollymustard]

I think if you really want a relationship to work, you can make it happen.
No matter where the people are, and what sort of time scale you are on.
You situation isn't at all easy, but there are lots of people in long distance relationships which are working out fine.

Three years apart isn't too bad. I know someone that has been apart from her boyfriend at Uni that long, but they have still stuck together.

You never know what is going to happen in 6 months time, and thats why its best to live for the moment. If you want to be with this guy, then why not just be with him.
Sometimes its easy to over think things, but why not just try to cross bridges when you come to them rather than creating problems for yourself now.

You may as well just go with what happens, and see where things end up.