Discuss matters related to personal health and relationships in this forum. However, please keep it sensible and remember that people of all ages can view these forums. Remember, all advice is unprofessional.
I’ve just finished my first year at uni and i can honestly say it has been one of the worst years of my life. I know there have been many threads like this and I’m sorry for making another but i tried my hardest to enjoy university but despite my best effort things have just been awful.
I joined 5 societies which i went to regularly, i volunteered on several projects, i am a student ambassador and i went to every fresher event despite the fact they were all really terrible. I talked to anyone and everyone and invited myself along to events that people were planning. Eventually i made one friend who lived in the same halls as me and we got on really well and she had many of the same problems at uni as me. However she moved to a different hall because the halls we lived in were very unsociable.
After she moved she just forgot all about me....we met once for drinks but all she did was rub my face in it about how crap the halls i lived in were and how life was so amazing and incredible in her new halls. As time went on she stopped returning my calls and ignored me. After that happened i got really depressed and so i went home for a bit. Consequently i missed so much work in the first term and had to spend the remainder of the first year fighting to keep top of all the work. I went to see my departmental tutor and confessed that i had missed a lot of lectures; he was really nice and gave me some advice.
Since uni I’ve become really distant from my friends back home. None of them have gone to uni, they all left school at 16 and now when we meet up it’s like we don’t have anything in common anymore. I think we’ve just outgrown each other.
I have also been seeing the university counsellor. However he’s awful and i'm scared of him. He started recording our sessions as he said he wanted to use me as a case study as he is having training in CBT i was not happy with this. Whenever i disagree or object he makes out that I’m not going to get anything out of counselling unless i co-operate but i think some of the things he says are unreasonable. He asks really inappropriate questions such as what my sex life is like.
He got me to keep a food diary and would make comments about what i was eating, which made me feel really bad and he said that i should aim to eat 2 meals a day which i don’t think is healthy.
In the summer holidays he expects me to go all the way back for counselling but it’s a two hour journey to get there from my home town. I’m working full time in the summer and volunteering in my spare time therefore i don’t want to waste my days off having to travel all the way to see him. I mentioned that it wasn’t convenient for me and he was very rude about it. We haven’t booked another appointment he expects me to e-mail him to tell him when I’m free but i don’t want to. I see this as a way to escape but then he’s got my number, my e-mail and my address, he’s called me and e-mailed me before and so he might do it again if he doesn’t hear from me. I don’t want to be rude but I’m too scared to tell him.
Anyway i just don’t know what to do. I’m dreading going back to university next year because the past year has honestly been one of the worst years of my life. The only thing that kept me going was my dream of becoming a clinical psychologist.....however after the bad experience i had with my counsellor I’m having serious doubts as i don’t want to make anyone feel as bad as he made me feel. I don’t want to transfer to another university because i love my course and there’s no guarantee that if i go somewhere else i will find the social side better and at the end of the day my degree is what i am here for.
I'm just purely curious, but is it okay to ask what University you go to?
Also, have you considered seeing another counseller outside the University and so forth?
I'm at Cardiff......lol just kidding i saw in your sig that you're going there so thoguht i would wind you up.
I'm not sure if i should say....i dont want any prospective students to read this and be put of just because of my bad experience. :o
I considered seeing another counsellor but i'm abit scared that the same thing will happen all over again.
Originally Posted by Caliowin
You could drop out and do something else if you feel university isn't what you need. there's no shame in that.
I can't i need a degree for my career, plus i love my course and at the end of the day that's why i'm here in the first place. If i didn't love my course i probably would be out of here in a heartbeat.
First of all, yes your uni counsellor does sound like a creep. Don't bother with him again, he's hardly going to make you feel better is he?!
Secondly, I would suggest just trying to work out what path in life you want to take and then seeing where it takes you. Maybe think of 10 things you would like to do in your life and start making them happen. If you really don't know what to do, just chill for a bit, get a job at home and start earning some money, try to make some friends and go travelling or similar. But yes, it is shame a that you didn't get on with many people at uni (the girl you did meet sounds like a looser too in the end, you are better off without her!).
Ok sorry, so you definitely want to go into clinical psychology. How about starting again elsewhere? Or seeing how the second year goes, it can be quite different from the first apparently.
I'm not sure about your University, because mine is broken into colleges with special tutors for each college. But is there a welfare officer at your University? If there is, I'd go and see them. Explain the situation with your counsellor and that he is making you feel uncomfortable and are there any alternatives. Don't see your current counsellor any more, he sounds dodgy and doesn't deal with things very well.
Also, is there a way you can change halls? Think of second year as a new start, you can make friends with some of the freshers, rejoin some societies and really really try and 'start again' as such. Try not to run away from it all if it gets too much this time, this gets you 'out of the loop'.
Second year will get better. I know people who met the best friends for life in their second year. You get in different seminar groups etc. Don't be disillusioned for your future career - you've had a bad experience with a counsellor and it's unlucky because not all are like this.
Sorry I can't give you more specific information, and all my advice is just from personal experience. I genuinely do feel bad for your situation though
I'm at Cardiff......lol just kidding i saw in your sig that you're going there so thoguht i would wind you up.
I'm not sure if i should say....i dont want any prospective students to read this and be put of just because of my bad experience. :o
Haha okay no problem... and I saw the Cardiff one coming by the way. :P
I've heard lots of things about being able to transfer, when I went to a Brighton Uni open day they said lots of stuff about being able to transfer in the first year (not sure why they'd mention that when trying to sell their Uni but anyway) it should be possible in all Unis. I guess now would be the time to start looking if you can.
That guy is an awful counsellor. Trust me when I say you should go to a new one, like immediately. Some counsellors are really nice and really helpful. That guy sounds like a moron and an ass.
Often it's not you, it's just bad luck. Grind through your degree, become the best person you can in the meanwhile, and move halls or something and start afresh. Be positive.
That guy is an awful counsellor. Trust me when I say you should go to a new one, like immediately. Some counsellors are really nice and really helpful. That guy sounds like a moron and an ass.
To put it bluntly .
Yeah I had a counseller years ago who was just arrogant and didn't seem interested in helping me at all. I just felt relieved when I didn't have to go and see him any more to be honest, if anything he made me worse.
the counsellor is ****. do not go back during summer. consider changing halls. is the uni a top 5?top 10?below top 10....id just like to know because perhaps its a case of your peers being pretty **** and generally not your type of people hence the uni isnt for you or perhaps its just a terrible hall?
Everyones becoming paranoid the OP goes to the uni they're planning on going to now lol.
Anyways i suggest that you stay in halls again in your 2nd year, because not every batch of students each year are going to be the same. If things still aren't going well i suggest you change university. Also never see that cousellor again, he seems very creepy!
The main problem seems to be with your accommodation and not getting along with people in your halls etc. Do you have a place sorted for next year yet, and will you be living with people that you can see yourself getting along with? Over the year I have drifted away from the people in my halls and the majority of my friends are the people within my societies and people that I have met going out, and these are who I will be living with next year, rather than those in my halls. Trust me, once you're in a house with people with whom you have chosen to live, you will no longer be lonely .
Everyones becoming paranoid the OP goes to the uni they're planning on going to now lol.
Anyways i suggest that you stay in halls again in your 2nd year, because not every batch of students each year are going to be the same. If things still aren't going well i suggest you change university. Also never see that cousellor again, he seems very creepy!
lol yes as the OPs situation is my ultimate nightmare!uni is supposed to be my escape from this dump and the greatest time of my life.
I’ve just finished my first year at uni and i can honestly say it has been one of the worst years of my life. I know there have been many threads like this and I’m sorry for making another but i tried my hardest to enjoy university but despite my best effort things have just been awful.
I joined 5 societies which i went to regularly, i volunteered on several projects, i am a student ambassador and i went to every fresher event despite the fact they were all really terrible. I talked to anyone and everyone and invited myself along to events that people were planning. Eventually i made one friend who lived in the same halls as me and we got on really well and she had many of the same problems at uni as me. However she moved to a different hall because the halls we lived in were very unsociable.
After she moved she just forgot all about me....we met once for drinks but all she did was rub my face in it about how crap the halls i lived in were and how life was so amazing and incredible in her new halls. As time went on she stopped returning my calls and ignored me. After that happened i got really depressed and so i went home for a bit. Consequently i missed so much work in the first term and had to spend the remainder of the first year fighting to keep top of all the work. I went to see my departmental tutor and confessed that i had missed a lot of lectures; he was really nice and gave me some advice.
Since uni I’ve become really distant from my friends back home. None of them have gone to uni, they all left school at 16 and now when we meet up it’s like we don’t have anything in common anymore. I think we’ve just outgrown each other.
I have also been seeing the university counsellor. However he’s awful and i'm scared of him. He started recording our sessions as he said he wanted to use me as a case study as he is having training in CBT i was not happy with this. Whenever i disagree or object he makes out that I’m not going to get anything out of counselling unless i co-operate but i think some of the things he says are unreasonable. He asks really inappropriate questions such as what my sex life is like.
He got me to keep a food diary and would make comments about what i was eating, which made me feel really bad and he said that i should aim to eat 2 meals a day which i don’t think is healthy.
In the summer holidays he expects me to go all the way back for counselling but it’s a two hour journey to get there from my home town. I’m working full time in the summer and volunteering in my spare time therefore i don’t want to waste my days off having to travel all the way to see him. I mentioned that it wasn’t convenient for me and he was very rude about it. We haven’t booked another appointment he expects me to e-mail him to tell him when I’m free but i don’t want to. I see this as a way to escape but then he’s got my number, my e-mail and my address, he’s called me and e-mailed me before and so he might do it again if he doesn’t hear from me. I don’t want to be rude but I’m too scared to tell him.
Anyway i just don’t know what to do. I’m dreading going back to university next year because the past year has honestly been one of the worst years of my life. The only thing that kept me going was my dream of becoming a clinical psychologist.....however after the bad experience i had with my counsellor I’m having serious doubts as i don’t want to make anyone feel as bad as he made me feel. I don’t want to transfer to another university because i love my course and there’s no guarantee that if i go somewhere else i will find the social side better and at the end of the day my degree is what i am here for.
Just tell your counsellor you don't feel the need for anymore sessions it is incredibly weird expecting you to travel for more sessions. Maybe he is stalking you. If you enjoy your course then stay and try to be more positive next year.
The only problems I can see are - 1) Your halls aren't very sociable- so what?
2) Some girl is too busy to keep up a friendship with you - let her go
3) your counsellor is a moron - don't go to his sessions
You just have to pucker up, work really really hard for a bit to get on top of the work, then everything is hard. If you let little things like a girl ignoring you cause you to go home and mess up your work, you will fall behind and it all spirals downhill. You foolishly let yourself slip, now you have to pick yourself up again through hard work. Its very doable- hang in there- work hard, play hard, and before you know it, you'll be back in a great position.
The only problems I can see are - 1) Your halls aren't very sociable- so what?
2) Some girl is too busy to keep up a friendship with you - let her go
3) your counsellor is a moron - don't go to his sessions
You just have to pucker up, work really really hard for a bit to get on top of the work, then everything is hard. If you let little things like a girl ignoring you cause you to go home and mess up your work, you will fall behind and it all spirals downhill. You foolishly let yourself slip, now you have to pick yourself up again through hard work. Its very doable- hang in there- work hard, play hard, and before you know it, you'll be back in a great position.
What the **** are you talking about? Did you actually read my post??
i've finished my first year and yes i did slip in my first term....excuse me for not being completely emotionally dead. But i did catch up with all my work and worked hard in my second and third term. Things are fine academically.
Secondly i didn't just go home because some girl didn't want to be my friend anymore. I went home because i tried ridcilously hard to make friends and to enjoy uni and despite me efforts it didn't pay off. When i finally did make a friend i thoguht things were looking up but then she completely ignored me when she moved,
Plus on top of that i'm living in a place where you barely see anyone and even if you do they're unlikely to talk to you. In addition, i seek counselling in order to get over my depression and to try and focus on uni work and get some guidance on where i'm going wrong and he turns out to make things worse.
I don't see how i've made a mountain out of a molehill. It's been a **** year and an incredibly stressful one at that.
Im having a similar problem but its ongoing, im 25 now but the reason why I didnt go to uni in past was I had a death in family 4 years ago and a murder investigation into it my familys name dragged through the mud and there was 2 years of hell from that then a year where I went to college to refresh my skills then onto uni where I have the happy 18 year olds bragging about their futures and shagging around and thinking im a weirdo as Im low because I havent made any friends, so in other words the reason im weird around people is because I dont have close friends, I dont have close friends as im weird around people, at least till they know me.
When im drunk I gush my emotions and tell everyone about my family and the murder that happened and how I wasted my life etc.
My halls(2nd ones I have been in) are TERRIBLE not exactly unsociable as much as im the weirdo, I can invite myself to nights out but then people laugh at me thats why they let me come as im the weird one who everyone points and laughs at.
It has affected my speech pattern too as I mumble and stutter, I always have been bad at speech but when I was younger it was nerves down to bullying so I mumbled or spoke to fast, now I cant say what I try to, even if I have it planned out Im just like "uh uh uh" trying to get the word out.
Uni is like that though if you dont click with people and generally arent an alcoholic who parties a lot you wont be popular
How old is your counsellor? He's being v unprofessional using you as a case study if you have specifically said that you are uncomfortable with that. And tbh, if he is in the middle of training for CBT, I'm sure case studies etc would be taken care of as an integral part of the course. Are you sure he isn't trying to teach himself as opposed to being on an accredited course?!! You might want to have a word with some of the uni staff about his behaviour or, although it might sound a bit OTT, the BACP because he doesn't sound v ethical or professional at all tbh. And CBT is a pretty short term discipline so I don't know why he would want to you to continue with it all anyway, don't let him ambush you into guineapigism!! He doesn't even know what he is talking about. I know it's difficult if you're scared of him but next time he gets in contact say that you would like to end the sessions and you weren't very happy with his behaviour and that you would also like him to destroy the recordings of his sessions. Judging by his character so far, he probably won't respond well to this, but in all honesty, if he refuses to adhere to your requests, seriously report him to the BACP because he shouldn't be a counsellor. However, I would say that counsellors nosing in on your sex life is pretty standad fare.
I wouldn't just drop out of the uni because of this bad experience, especially because your lecturers seemed like good people when u admitted the lack of work. Go home, have a breather, spend some time with the fam. Use the time to catch up on work so you feel refreshed and focus when u get back. **** that bloody counsellor off. Make an appointment with ur GP about how you have been feeling stressed and down, anxious etc, maybe try some light anti-depressants to make u feel a little better (not as scary as it sounds), and see if u can arrange some sessions with a local counsellor over the summer - don't let that one creep counsellor put u off.
Meet up with the old peeps and if you truly believe you've drifted apart then put all your energies into having a relaxing summer and then when u get back maintaing a good work/socialising balance. Believe me, u are not alone in uni not living up to expectations, so many people say the same thing. But remember that it is one step overcome on the clinical psychologist path, and use ur experience with the creep psychologist as good experience. You have to have the confidence and belief though to stand up to him because that will be an intrinsic part of being a psychologist. I think you need to assert yourself there because if you can't do it to him you might struggle to set the boundaries with your own clients. Learn from his (many) mistakes and cut loose. Just focus on getting a good class of degree and having a good, if small, circle of friends. The other girl u mentioned sounds like a loser, so don't worry about her man. Keep on.
Discuss matters related to personal health and relationships in this forum. However, please keep it sensible and remember that people of all ages can view these forums. Remember, all advice is unprofessional.
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