Is It Fair To Only Be Able To Love One Person?

But that's a good way to have someone hate you and I'm not looking out to make anyone hate anyone - especially me. I want to be her friend and I wouldn't want her feelings doing a Jekyle and Heid on me either. I don't want her coming after me and trying to kill me for ruining her life or something. Not sure how that could happen, but it's still a posibility . . .

She's gonna hate you a lot more oif you lead her on unintentionally. If she has feelings for you the hope will always be there. if you make a break then she'l find someone else.

I guess, she is away of everything, even the whole we need to stop thing, so it's not like I am leading her on. She actually was going to suggest in the near future that we break it off anyways, the more than friends part at least. I try not to keep people in the dark of things when it pertains to them in the most direct manner. She is ok with it, though she has feelings for me. She said she'll live and as long as I don't stop talking to her completely, then she won't care, as long as she can still talk to me . . .

That sounds like she is BSing herself - you are hurting her obviously. If you really were here friend then you would leave her alone.

Sounds like no matter what your gonna talk yourself into not breaking it off woth this girl - so maybe you should just dump your girlfriend - she deserves better than this.

Not really, its not like I cheated on her, and she's only had worse before me. Im sure there is always better person out there for all of us, but whether or not we find them is the problem. As for the friend, we work together, so its not like I can avoid her. We have to stay somewhat friends just so that we can comfortably work together. The shifts arent secure, so it's not like I am ask to avoid her either, thus why I dont want her to hate me. I don't know how I could work around someone that has no tolerance for me what so ever . . .

if she says she can still talk to you, well thats usually a guilt trip thing, or shes so patheticlly in love with you that you need to break it off comletely and say i dont like you blah blah ur annoying, the new girl sounds lilke a potential stalker to me!

Gotta love those love life problems - "oh my life is so complicated, moan etc" yadda yaddah.

Yes I often wonder what the starving kids in ethiopia would think of our petty problems!

I often think about third world countries too. But I think about how if America did have problems such as those, then we would not have any time to worry about such issues. Since that is not the case, I wish to resolve my little problem at hand. I think the answer is becoming more and more clear with every passing day. I hope I can resolve my issues quite quickly, yet things like these never clear up quite as quickly or easily as anyone hopes them to.

The point is - you are working with this girl. Probably every day. You are therefore unable to be objective about the situation.

We are all put in tempting situations. True love means that you never compromise a true relationship. It seems that this new girl is, at the moment, more important to you. Beware - you sound very young and if you are in this predicament now, it is very likely that you will repeat this pattern. Should you and this new girl get together, you will end up in the same situation, i.e. "i get on so well with New Girl but feel such passion with So And So". The grass is always greener, as they say.

You say this new girl is NOT a bunny boiler, but you are frightened to cut all ties with her because she may make life difficult for you.

Honestly, it takes NO effort for woman not to overstep the mark with another woman's boyfriend/husband. She has a void in her life that she is trying to fill with you.

Woman's Secret #164 - if you know another woman's man and you want him, simply stick around, confide in him so he confides in you, making him question his relationship with his girlfriend/wife, tell him that you respect his relationship and be understanding to the point of professional counsellor. Wait. He will think how understanding you are, and how understanding his girlfriend isn't. How he confides in you, but cannot speak to her like that. Eventually, you will seem irresistible.

Oh puh-lease. how would you like to share your future wife with other men because "it's not fair to love just one person". if we were not supposed to be monogamous then why is it so painful and destructive to have an affair or find out that your partner is having one?

each to their own and all that but i hate people who are so selfish they can't see past their own nose. you are cheating if you are maintaining a relationship with another person. the biggest sign is that you are questioning your current relationship. and in denial of your own behaviour.

Oh puh-lease. how would you like to share your future wife with other men because "it's not fair to love just one person". if we were not supposed to be monogamous then why is it so painful and destructive to have an affair or find out that your partner is having one?

each to their own and all that but i hate people who are so selfish they can't see past their own nose. you are cheating if you are maintaining a relationship with another person. the biggest sign is that you are questioning your current relationship. and in denial of your own behaviour.

That little secret sounds quite familiar, but Im not being too hasty about it. Wow. That sounds just like whats going on from an outside position, except for the fact that the New Girl has told me she just wants me to be happy. So if I am more happy with my girlfriend, doesn't that defeat the purpose of playing the mind game with me?

I agree 100%. How would you feel if it was your girlfriend that was seeing someone else behind your back. I think it would be a whole different story then wouldn't it?

Of course she's told you she wants you to be happy! She wouldn't say " I want you to be so miserable so that you have no option other than to turn to me" - which, in a way, you are.

The mind game is - she has GOT you questioning your happiness with your girlfriend!! That is why you posted in the 1st place. Maybe the New Girl does not even realise the extent of what she is doing - but it really is old hat.

I don't expect you to stay with someone you are not happy with but it does take years to learn to be objective about love! As for that Secret #164 - if more men knew about it i'm sure a lot more heartbreak would be avoided. Sure, New Girl makes you feel a bit special, wanted, liked - all those things our great human egos need. I just think you sound too nice to be another one of those men that have voids in themselves/their relationship that they idiotically try and fill with somebody else.

I actually talk to the other girl about my problems with my girlfriend. I said way back in the forum that the other girl is pretty much me as a girl, mentally. Thus when I need to know what to do in a situation from a girl's perspective, I go to work and ask her about it. Once again, this new girl is fully aware of my love for my girlfriend and "claims" (in reference to UnregisteredBo!'s comment) that she fully respects any decision of mine and my relationship I have with my girlfriend.

honestly, I think you need to spend one evening with your girlfriend and make her feel really really special and luved.....maybe you dont realize it but youve been pushing her away to!