This discussion is now closed.

Check out other Related discussions

Can others' faith in you be a bad thing?

Scroll to see replies

Yup...

Got 100% in my january English Literature paper, and now, all of a sudden, everyone expects me to do well in everything else. The morning before another english exam, I had the headteacher going: "Oh, you're going to do it again then? Go for it. You'll do just fine."

Ended up not even finishing the essay. ._.

Reply 21

User192499

Yawn-er

At AS Level I got something like 114/120, 90/90 and 89/90.

In January I got 57/90.

Telling my teacher that was.... interesting.

Reply 22

AJ-24

EducatingBrogan

I totally understand that. I hate having to consider B grades a fail, while others look on and think "arrogant" while they celebrate getting Bs and Cs. It's horrible pressure, and I'm glad I have friends who understand why I'm so bothered about As.

Yeah, I have a couple of friends who understand :smile:

But some people get really stange about it :s-smilie:

they seem to assume because you've done well in the past, (and I'm not going to lie ... I'm not bad at the subjects I do, without sounding arrogant) that you'll automatically do well in the future.

They seem to miss the part out where you put the effort in throughout the years, where you sacrifice a few nights out near exam time to revise - to them it's just "they'll do well, they're clever" :p:

Its nice to have other people's faith I suppose though, I just know that if I don't get the grades ... it'll dissapoint everyone, especially family, even though they're like "we'll be proud whatever you do" ...

I'll stop ranting now :smile:

exam went well today :biggrin:

lol

Reply 23

petalpelt

EducatingBrogan

I resat a unit of English lit/lang because I had a B, which resulted in a LOT of B**ching about me being arrogant, and thinking I'm better than everyone else:
"She should be happy with a B, the rest of us got C's, D's and E's" But I NEED an A in English to go to my chosen uni.

Reply 24

angel_night

My friends ans family have always told me this. I had a complete break down the few days leading up to my final 3 exams, and the morning of them I was a state and went to my exam in tears. It just made me feel worse, everyone around me telling me I'd do fine and they had absolute faith in me. I knew I wasn't capable of achievng the grade I wanted and which others believed I'd get. Results day is going to be disappointing and I'm going to have let so many people down :frown:

.

Ruth xx

Reply 25

Yawn-er

EducatingBrogan

At AS Level I got something like 114/120, 90/90 and 89/90.

In January I got 57/90.

Telling my teacher that was.... interesting.

XD;; Ouch. I think I'll just have to avoid my teacher on results day... get away as quickly as possible. I can just imagine the disappointment on her face. ._.

Reply 26

User192499

AJ-24

exam went well today :biggrin:

lol

Hmmm..... it's very annoying, the "we'll be proud whatever" speech, because I can see in my mum's face that although she'll be proud of me, the disappointment of almost having your only daughter go to Oxford then it being ruined unexpectedly at the last minute, would stay forever.

Plus, if I'd been rejected at interview or something it would be easy to say "Well it's just Oxford's choice of what they're looking for" and kind of "blame" (that's the wrong word but I can't think what else to use) the University.

Now, Oxford have said yes, my interview was good and my written entrance exam somehow went down well. Oxford have nothing to do with whether I get in or not now, it all lies with me.

So if I didn't get the grades, it would be me who caused the disappointment.

Oh hell, I'm depressing myself now. Better shut up.

I had an exam today too. Didn't go as great as yours by the sound of it, but could have been worse I suppose.

Reply 27

adam5390

EducatingBrogan

Ok, I'm preparing myself for answers telling me I'm being stupid and "wouldn't you prefer that to no-one believing in you" but I'm going to say this anyway.

Is it just me, or does someone saying "I have every faith in you, you'll do well" make you feel even WORSE when you're worried about an exam? This morning, for example, when I was having a minor panic attack about an exam, my teacher assured me that she believed I was capable of doing brilliantly and didn't doubt for a second that I'd get an A.
When I considered how truly unready I was for the essay section of the paper, I felt like I'd completely let her down.

My family too, especially since my Uni offer. They're all so proud and assume I'm going to be in Oxford at the end of this year.
They all think "of course she'll get three As" and don't consider how hellish the study period is!

I'm at the stage where if I get to Oxford, I'll be shocked. On results day, if I get three A's it'll be big big news for me, the biggest shock of my life and something worth being really excited about.

Whereas to everyone else it'll be "See, we all knew you'd get them!"

Everyone else will be earth-movingly shocked if I don't get the grades. I will be if I do.

And every time I'm told "I have faith in you" just before an exam, all I feel is that I'm letting everyone down, that I have this reputation of a brilliant student which I just plain don't deserve.

I'm not saying I'd prefer if people said "how on earth do you plan to get the grades, you're rubbish" but just once in a while, I'd prefer it if people backed off a bit and accepted that three As is a chance, not a guarantee.

Because now if I don't get the grades, I'll have to bear seeing the numbed disappointment and shock of "what went that badly wrong" on the faces of friends, family and teachers.

I wish people could see things my way, that it's not so easy to say "Of course it'll turn out right" when it's actually ME who has to do the exams!

I probably sound really stupid, I'm finding it hard to convey what I mean.

Does anyone else feel similarly?

Wow! Ditto to every single word! I know exactly what you mean (well conveyed! :P).

Reply 28

User192499

petalpelt

I think the only time people in my school raise an eyebrow is when people get an A and choose to resit to get a "better" A.

Reply 29

MSB

EducatingBrogan

Well, yes, you could put it like that... :s

It's the same for me. People, like friends and family, think that the interview etc. was the only hurdle, and assume that I'm practically there now.

Reply 30

petalpelt

EducatingBrogan

I think the only time people in my school raise an eyebrow is when people get an A and choose to resit to get a "better" A.

yeah.. I've been known to redo coursework if Im only just into the A band.

Reply 31

User192499

MSB

It's the same for me. People, like friends and family, think that the interview etc. was the only hurdle, and assume that I'm practically there now.

An Oxford offer is an honour, and the best thing ever to happen to me. Well, it was when I was given it. Now, mid A-Levels, the blessing has bcome a curse.
It'll only become the shining brilliant honour again if I get those three confirming little letter As on the sheet on August 14th.

Reply 32

ifelthope

I understand completely... well, with me it's not as severe as you because it's only IGCSE level, but still people have really high expectations. Those make you feel really afraid of disappointing them, many of my teachers have been going 'How have the exams been going? Wait, don't tell me, you're going to come out with all As and A*s.' After a particularly bad Maths paper I was rather upset and my Maths teacher talked to me and a friend to calm us down, and he went 'I'm sure you're fine, maybe the A you expected isn't as safe, but you'll be fine.' Not to mention all my friends just looked at me weirdly when I complained about the paper and they went 'yeah, yeah, it was difficult, you're going to get an A* anyway.'
And I definitely know the feeling when someone says 'I knew you'd do well'.

Reply 33

lynds81

I am in exactly the same situation... My whole family/all my teachers and all my friends are all convinced I will get AAA, and I know when I don't they are all going to be so shocked and disappointed, whereas if I get AAB I will be really pleased, because I know how difficult I have found Further Maths this year.... Argh, it's so depressing/frustrating...

Reply 34

User192499

petalpelt

yeah.. I've been known to redo coursework if Im only just into the A band.

Coursework I'd do, for the sake of a few marks. I don't think I'd do an exam paper again though, too much stress!

Reply 35

AJ-24

EducatingBrogan

.

Oh hell, I'm depressing myself now. Better shut up.

I had an exam today too. Didn't go as great as yours by the sound of it, but could have been worse I suppose.

If it helps, I could quote something extremely cliched like "it's not the end of the world if you 'fail' " and by fail I mean get grades that others would kill for :biggrin:

lol

It probably won't help ... but my brain is drained from physics :frown:

so it'll do :smile:

But in all seriousness, you never know what'll happen on results day, even if you slip slightly in some areas, they might not completely reject you, depending on how your interview and that went ... And who know's you'll probably get the grades - 'you're clever' :smile:

Reply 36

User192499

AJ-24

If it helps, I could quote something extremely cliched like "it's not the end of the world if you 'fail' " and by fail I mean get grades that others would kill for :biggrin:

lol

It probably won't help ... but my brain is drained from physics :frown:

so it'll do :smile:

Yep, at least two of my 4 subjects are entirely out of my hands now. It's strangely pleasant to think that even if I've failed French or Welsh, there's nothing I can do now.
Two more papers, then my fate is decided. I just have to wait to find it out. :smile:

Reply 37

xixixiwater

I know how you feel.
Everyone has high expectations of you and give you the pressure to do well and when you have put into a lot of effort to get a good grade, they don'tacknowledge it - because you(and me and others) are perfectionists.
I think it's mainly the result of we reaching our very limit or even surpassing our limits, and we keep think that it's not our best, we have to get better and continuously pushing ourselves forward. While others don't notice this "working hard" physical and mental strain.

I agree, others may have a better idea of how you would do(i.e: your teachers knows better about your eprformance than you as s/he knows how well one has to be to get a certain grade), but they don't know how much effort/strain you yourself put into your work than yourself.

And overall, I don't think it's a bad thing that they constantly say you can do well, because it's like the indicator showing what you can achieve when you work at your best. Same as getting a bad mark one day, it's not a bad thing, just showing you that you are not working at your best.

And as we are on this "high expectations" topic, may I ask does any of you receive comments like "you have a better mark than me and you say it's bad, therefore youa re insulting me" kind of comment? And if so, how do you tackle with these things? o__O?

Reply 38

gorilla_baby

EducatingBrogan

holly ***, exactly how i feel, but what makes it worse if that i'll feel terrible as well if i dont get the As...wait what makes it even worse is if you have older siblings who got all As, doing pretty much same subjects as you..soo much pressure, as well as me myself wanting to do well, but feeling unprepared, panic...like i've failed in my exams...mostly i hate it when i know the answer, could've aced it, but for osme reason either dont put the correct answer or just put the opposite..off topic, i know..but it sucks..
my family also has high expectations..i'm probably gonns br worried about results all summer, and how i've failed my family, especially parents..myself and some of those teachers who just believe in me sooo much...damn!!

Reply 39

AJ-24

xixixiwater

And as we are on this "high expectations" topic, may I ask does any of you receive comments like "you have a better mark than me and you say it's bad, therefore youa re insulting me" kind of comment? And if so, how do you tackle with these things? o__O?

Yeah, I mentioned that before :smile:

And you just learn to accept that people have different abilities, and chances are you'll do better than someone and still not be happy with your grade, but then you'll have friends who understand that you want to be the best at something.

Like with me, I'm awful at music/art/being creative/english :biggrin: