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Ex-Student/Teacher Friendships/Relationships

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    • Thread Starter

    Hey guys. Recently I've got in touch with my History teacher from sixth form, and it's brilliant; we totally clicked from the moment we started talking. We talk about all sorts; Shakespeare vs De Vere, Froissart's Chronicles, life as it is at the moment, memories from back at school...

    He told me he was disappointed in me for not working hard and he was even more disappointed when I dropped History in year 13; I hadn't realised I'd done that, and we talked about it, I apologised, and now we're totally fine.

    It's been a total of 4 days, I think, and we talk about pretty much everything - we call each other by first names, and have both expressed our surprise at getting close, close enough to consider ourselves friends, in such a short space of time.

    I've been frank with him about where we stand; I made it clear that if all he was talking to me for was to get a quick ******* from a 19 year old, then he needs a reality check because I'm not in it for anything like that - after all, I'm in a long-term relationship and I'm married.

    He was a little offended that I said it, and was adamant that he found me interesting, clever and far more mature than he had expected, someone who was genuinely interested in talking about literature and history, and equally about finding out what he was really like.

    He's about 20 years my senior - but I don't really care, as we're simply friends. Even if he showed extra interest, I'd make it clear that I wasn't interested in pursuing any other kind of intimate relationship; a close friendship is a jump enough!

    So really... all I wonder is, how do you all feel about ex-student/teacher friendships/relationships? Have you had one? Etc, etc.

    I think they're awesome.....

    (going out with my ex-scout leader )

    I think it's a bit weird. My ex-form tutor keeps pursuing me. And I'm still at the school. In Year 11. He's 29. Ew.

    Teacher on facebook, my friend and another teacher may be ''' ''' .

    It depends on your situation I think.
    For you I think it's fine though, because the guy obviously knows where he stands and you're strictly friends!

    i went to a tutorial college (because i got expelled from my regular school) and i had the mobile numbers of all my teachers, we were all on first name basis, they used to msg me on facebook to come to their pub crawls, i even went and saw a play my french teacher had written in his spare time being performed

    i even texted my sexy german teacher something naughty when i was wasted and she sent back thanks hahah

    yeah i dont think its weird at all :P

    I think it's fine, I don't keep in touch with any of mine really but it wouldn't stop me just because they used to teach me.
    • Thread Starter

    Anonymous #3, that is weird as hell! I mean, it's all okay if you've left school and they show a casual interest - more to the point, I think it's less scary if you add them first; safer that way. You draw the boundaries.

    But no, I'm so glad someone invited me to add him on Facebook; he really reminds me of a friend that I've sort of lost contact with (only 21 years older LOL) ... he's really great company and I have a feeling we'll be talking until I'm 40 and he's... 60. Wow. *laughs*

    Well, anyway. We'll be talking for a while.

    I'm friends with some of my old teachers, and don't see anything wrong with that. As long as neither of you want anything more than friendship, then it's absolutely fine. If you really do think he's just out for a quick shag, then I'd back off and not encourage him, but he sounds like a fairly genuine chap, as far as I can tell from what you have said.

    As long as they're not currently teaching you, it seems fine to me
    Good luck with it.

    I still talk to my old music tech teacher. I was even in a band with him, although I've left now. Got invited to his wedding as well although I had to miss it cos of work.

    Ultimately it isn't really 'normal', especially when they're much older than you. But ultimately it's also your life.
    I've been in contact with one of my teachers from sixth form since I left about 4 years ago, by text and email. We get on so well and can talk to each other about anything. However, he's 33 years my senior and has tried to make a pass at me several times, even though he knows I've been in a serious relationship for over three years. Generally I just tell him no and he apologises and things carry on as normal (admittedly he hasn't tried that little stunt for a while now, thank God).
    On the other side of the coin, I'm still in touch with my French teacher. Same sort of timescale, but she's only 15 years older than me rather than 33 We get on fantastically and she's just a great friend now (not that I really see her, she moved to Oz a couple of years ago).
    So in answer to 'what do I think about it'...I'm not sure that I'm really qualified to judge. I've seen it turn out 'normally' and 'not normally' too. It's just up to you as to how you handle it.
    • Thread Starter

    *smiles* No, I agree it's not 'normal' as such, but as you said, it's just what's happened and I'm not bothered that it's a bit weird in some people's eyes.

    Btw, in the original post, I wrote that I'm married; I meant HE'S married - I'm in a long term relationship. Phew. Saw that and wondered why the hell I'd said I was married...

    He is a decent guy; when I first went to a last-minute open evening for the Sixth Form there (it was a guys school, but with a co-ed Sixth Form), I was really, really nervous because I was very gay and very shy around guys... you may ask why I wanted to go there - I figured I needed to get over my shyness and besides, it was a good school. Anyhoo. So I arrived and there was so much to take in at once; how different the school looked, the syllabus of each subject, the teachers seemed to have a totally different manner to my previous all-girls school.

    Overwhelmed doesn't cover it!

    But then near the end of the evening, he was wandering through the hall to get somewhere, and one of the other teachers dragged him over because I had said I wanted to do History at AS Level. At this point I had been given a LOT of information and was about ready to collapse - but he simply smiled, shook my hand, and took me aside. He sat down, and started talking me through the syllabus, asking about my interest in history, and was really attentive.

    When I mentioned that I didn't know anyone else who would be taking History, he said not to worry, and that we could ***** about everyone else during the lesson if it would make me feel a little more at ease... which of course made me laugh. He went on to show me the text books we'd be using, and giving me some material to take home and read, if I wanted to have a deeper look at the syllabus.

    He then smiled again, shook my hand, and ambled off to wherever he was meant to be originally.

    It then turned out that he was my Form Tutor, which I was really pleased about because he had been so cool on the Open Evening. He ended up being a really good Form Tutor, and although he clearly wasn't great at dealing with emotional girls, whenever I looked a little down, he'd always ask if I was all right (though of course, made a quick exit as soon as he could!!). History lessons were a lot of fun, though there was only me and one other girl there.

    He was never anything but a good teacher; in year 13, I wanted to leave the school because it just didn't feel right anymore and so ended up skipping lots of classes. In the end, I just dropped History, but didn't tell him... I told my other History teacher instead, as even though they were both easy to talk to, the second was waaay more laid back and less likely to show any disappointment. Whereas I knew HE would, and that I'd feel even worse.

    Sooo I avoided him for the rest of the year, and every time he chatted to my friends, he always seemed to bypass me, sometimes just nodding in greeting - very far from the jokes from History lessons (everyone got joked with, not just me). It was ass-clenchingly awkward - I hate disappointing people.

    So when I added him I was expecting polite friendliness - and that's what I got at first - but then we got into a conversation about whether Shakespeare really wrote all the sonnets and plays, or whether it was a dude called Edward de Vere... and by the end of it, we were talking really easily. He came online again in the evening and he said I'd impressed him, and that despite what I pretended, I was actually really bright and quick (which is true; I just don't make the most of it - or didn't back then).

    When I apologised for leaving History and not trying, he admitted he had been disappointed in me, expecting more - and he told me he had messed up his A Levels first time round and that he didn't want his students to do the same.

    So anyway. A few conversations later and we're chatting like we've known each other for years - and I'm so glad it's all happened! I know what I want, and if he ever decides to try and cross boundaries I'll kick his ass! And he knows that, I made it very clear. He was equally blunt in saying he wasn't in it to have an easy **** with a 19 year old. So let's hope that's how it stays.

    So. That was long. But there's the background. ^_^

    I guess it really depends. A lot of the time it works. I speak to some of my older teachers sometimes on facebook.

    However when I was younger we had a teacher who collected some of your email addresses (and he was very sweet so we innocently gave them to him) and then started sending us pictures of his private parts and other twisted emails. And he used to take photos of my butt and talk about how nice it was. Hhe was also married, to one of my favourite teachers from school. It was the scariest thing in the world and I was afraid of telling anyone because I thought they would blame it on me. But eventually he left school.
    • Thread Starter

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I guess it really depends. A lot of the time it works. I speak to some of my older teachers sometimes on facebook.

    However when I was younger we had a teacher who collected some of your email addresses (and he was very sweet so we innocently gave them to him) and then started sending us pictures of his private parts and other twisted emails. And he used to take photos of my butt and talk about how nice it was. Hhe was also married, to one of my favourite teachers from school. It was the scariest thing in the world and I was afraid of telling anyone because I thought they would blame it on me. But eventually he left school.
    Hell, that's terrifying. *hugs* I'm sorry that happened. Especially at so young an age.

    For me, though, if he ever started seeming like he was about to start being an *******, I'd either block him and tell the school (just in case) and probably freak out - had some bad situations when I was a kid with someone I trusted, family-wise, and am pretty much not wanting to be someone's sex *****.

    So I'm going to be very, very sharp and to the point if he ever tries anything.

    I'm sure he won't.

    But if he does, he'll get into a lot of trouble.

    I dunno I find it a bit odd but it depends on the context and stuff really and I've not been in the position to judge. There is a girl in my old school who's now going out with my old head of sixth form, and he's very old.. like 60 and she's 18. Now, I find it odd, but more so, he's a VERY strict Catholic and he's n ever been married and once in a Gen studies class he heavily implied that he's never had sex cos obv he wasn't married... so I find it VERY odd he's ok with dating an ex student, and odd of her as well. But you know, what does my opinion matter, if they are happy that's what matters cos they are both lovely people so it's nothing to do with me.
    • Thread Starter

    No, that does seem weird to me too. Very weird. But can't judge them; never been in that position of falling in love with a teacher.

    Hopefully things will stay as they are and just be... as simple as it can be.

    The fact that you made it clear you were just to be friends, makes it seem ok to me. I'm still really good friends with a couple of my high school teachers, one of which I know liked me at school but I kinda didn't mind, and still don't really! You're bound to form friendships when you've spent so much time with them in the past. In fact, a teacher at our school ended up married to an ex-pupil a couple of years after she left and they're well happy together!

    Yes; I think as long as the boundaries are clear on both sides then it's OK. (And if that includes a relationship that doesn't involve cheating on anyone, that's OK too!)

    I'm still really good friends with 3 of my old a level teachers and it doesn't bother me in the slightest. The only people who've found it weird are other students as they've said, "Why would you want to be friends with a teacher?" but in my view they're just ordinary people who I click with. We send each other emails, letters, we hug and we call each other by first name. I also have some current lecturers and old teachers on Facebook.


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Updated: August 13, 2013
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