Discuss matters related to personal health and relationships in this forum. However, please keep it sensible and remember that people of all ages can view these forums. Remember, all advice is unprofessional.
First of all, I'd like to point out that this is in fact everything to do with health and relationships.
I'm beginning my A2 year. Bit of a loner. Smart. People come to me in the classroom, but not outside of it; tend to stick to my own friends from my old school and I don't particularly like the people in my new school (transferred schools at end of GCSE).
Why don't I like them? They're arrogant, insensitive ****ing pricks who seem to like using you, making fun of you, or making themselves look bigger and greater and every given chance. Either that, or they're so enclosed and shy that talking to them seems to be a huge effort, and making conversation is the hardest thing one can possibly do. Trust me, everyone in my college is like that; they ALL fall into both categories. I spent about 6 months trying to find people I could really connect with, friends wise, and there was noone. Picture one of those schools that have a riot van parked outside each day. Now tone down the image to a lesser extent, and that's pretty much my college.
So, I stuck to my old friends. I now only have one more year of this hell before I go to university, which to me, seems like salvation.
I don't know.. my GCSE years were brilliant, loads of friends, I was happy, smiling... but here, it's like, I'm a complete ****ing loner, and it annoys me to hell, I mean, it's finally getting to me. I find it awkward at breaks and lunches because everyone just sticks with their little friend groups or goes out to the town or whatever, and I'm left doing **** all, or trying to get together with my old mates to do something.
Is there something wrong with me? Surely I can make friends? I don't think I'm egotistical or self centered, I really, really make an effort to get to know people when we talk, but they just seem to turn away or make short ambiguous answers to prevent the conversation from going forward... I guess it just sucks to be me. When I talk to people alone, for example, when they're sitting next to me in class, they're really nice, friendly, etc etc; but when it gets to getting out of the classroom... different story altogether.
Hmm, it must be really hard. Have you ever tried chatting to anyone in yur class about it? Maybe just drop in hintds to the people you like such as "Ahh I have nothing to do at lunch, its really hard to find people to go into town with."
Of course, but it's really wierd... the main mass idea is that "if you're not in a social clique, you're not social". I mean, what the hell?
I've tried dropping hints and stuff, yeah, but all they seem to do is go "Hmm, yeah", and then divert the topic somehow by either talking to their friend sitting close to them, asking the teacher for help on a question, or asking me to help them with a question.
They just don't seem to like moving out of their social clique unless they're forced to by a teacher or whatnot; the only times I've actually been with a group of people from my college outside are on trips and stuff... and generally, people seem to just not be interested there too.
Maybe you could concentrate your effort on the people who are shy... the other lots sound rather unpleasant but the quiet people might gradually get friendlier as they get to know you.
Still, sympathy for the situation, it's a horrible feeling to have.
I mean, it's just, wierd. I think I might be able to get through the next year if I get a car and just go to sleep in it during break + lunch when I need to.
Shy ones are often misleading too; some of them make out as though they're not a part of a social clique when in fact they are, and they're just like everyone else. >_<"
I was thinking of just, like, concentrating on doing well in my exams just for this one year, then going crazy in my first year of uni... and that's probably the road I'll take...
I suppose you could just use the lunchbreaks for homework/general reading and so have a bit more spare time outside of college to do what you want.
In the spare time you have then you could join some good clubs or sports activities where you could make friends outside of school. I think people in activities like that tend to be more welcoming of people, especially if the activity is centered around teamwork like many sports or orchestras or something.
I'm now at uni but your experience of college sounds identical to mine, save for the fact that very luckily I did meet 1 girl in the form which I was randomly placed into. She was and still is my best friend. It was a pretty depressing time in my life after, as you say, being popular at primary school and high school and having such a good time there. If it hadn't been for my best mate I don't know what would've happened really.
My advice for you would be to give up trying to make friends. It's obviously not meant to be and your time would be better spent working towards getting excellent A-level results so you can go to the uni of your choice (and start again). A year isn't long in the end and you can still hang out with your old friends after college and at the weekend.
I spent my time at college between lessons, the library, and town, where we went for lunch pretty much every day.
In the spare time you have then you could join some good clubs or sports activities where you could make friends outside of school. I think people in activities like that tend to be more welcoming of people, especially if the activity is centered around teamwork like many sports or orchestras or something.
Yeah... area that I live in is the same as my school. I moved house, and that's one of the reasons why I moved school. Joining clubs might be a sort of relief, but I think it may add more stress to my already stressful life. Going to the gym is enough for me, and meeting up with my old mates. Life outside of school is perfectly fine.
Originally Posted by Schokis
My advice for you would be to give up trying to make friends. It's obviously not meant to be and your time would be better spent working towards getting excellent A-level results so you can go to the uni of your choice (and start again). A year isn't long in the end and you can still hang out with your old friends after college and at the weekend.
I spent my time at college between lessons, the library, and town, where we went for lunch pretty much every day.
Yeah, I suppose that'd work; although I don't have a best friend like that, which is sort of annoying. A year isn't a long time I suppose. =P
They're arrogant, insensitive ****ing pricks who seem to like using you, making fun of you, or making themselves look bigger and greater and every given chance.
Well, they are teenagers (Not that I condone stereotyping, but come on this just proves it).
I think the main problem is that you're new at this school, and other pupils have probably known each other a long time etc.
Why not just try and persevere until it's over?
Although if you do need to make more friends at the school then I think the idea of joining a club/society in a good one.
What about bebo/facebook etc - could you start talking to classmates on there? It might make it easier to talk to them.
Why don't you try and be friends with these people anyway, I know the feeling but it might beat being stuck on your own and you don't have to stay in touch when you finish.
Why don't you try and be friends with these people anyway, I know the feeling but it might beat being stuck on your own and you don't have to stay in touch when you finish.
I tried; seriously, it was incredibly dry. Everyone's 50% chav too... I moved from a chav-free area into a sort of mid-chav zone, so I don't really think we have much in common apart from enjoying a drink here and there.
You could just be experiencing a difference between state & independent school students in general (esp. given the chav ratio). My state sixth form was extremely cliquey (i.e. the common room quickly became divided into four or five discrete territorial sections which were rarely if ever breached). I had (have) a friend who was in exactly your position, having transferred from a private school after his GCSEs, & he seemed far more willing to socialise between groups. That said, he soon went through the initiation ceremony and joined the clique that I was in; ultimately, you might just have to decide which group looks best & concentrate on making friends with a few of them.
To be honest, if there's really no one that you gel with, and it does sound like you've made the effort, then all you can do is tough it out and try and spend as much time with your old friends as possible. It must suck, but as you say, there's not long left now. Just focus on your work and look forward to a new start, and try and take something from the experience. Sorry I can't be more helpful. Good luck.
Maybe try one on one conversations with the people who seem nicer/more friendly. This is generally the best way to become part of a group. If you end up being friends with the one nice person they'll introduce you the the rest and you won't be an outsider anymore, so they'll start making conversation with you.
But I do agree that as long as you still have friends outside of school and such you don't NEED to make such a huge effort to get to know people. Try to concentrate on your school work?
Good luck :o
Been there done that, I know how you feel take my word for this stop making the effort. Focus on your A-levels I know it sucks to not have a buddy to hang around with, however all in all these people you make friends with at sixth form likelihood is you will never see them again. Stop this from ruining your education, I never focused on my A-levels, I was depressed and all sort of crap was going on in the end I got rubbish A-level grades why? Because I focused on making friends and in the end had nobody and I ruined my life not theirs whilst they were celebrating with A's and here was me more depressed than ever.
Really forget them, dont even help them when they need it, refuse lightly or tell them you dont know and they will eventually stop asking you.
The good thing is you have your old friends have you talked to them about this?
Plus Alevels are not exactly a year, you get study leave, summer holidays and such so it doesnt add up to a year, I use to think of holidays all the time thats why the year went fast for me. In a weird way.
When you begin university hopefully you will enjoy it. What universities have you applied for ? and what A-levels are you doing? out of curiousity.
OR another option can be to do private A-Levels at home or distance learning A-levels to not bother with these sorts of people.
I eventually told myself I either have friends and make the effort and pretend to be someone I am not OR I have no friends and change my life completely.
I chose option 2, no friends and I would rathar be a loner than be in a group of ******s. Your too good for them.
I can really relate with you here, I hated 99% of people in college.
I know it's not much help or consolation, but there will be an end to it and you'll be going to uni before you know it.
I don't know about your college, but the second year is not a year at all; everything started closing down slowly after about february!
best of luck.
Discuss matters related to personal health and relationships in this forum. However, please keep it sensible and remember that people of all ages can view these forums. Remember, all advice is unprofessional.
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I dislike the people at my college.
(Not that I condone stereotyping, but come on this just proves it).
