getting your bottom smacked

well, firstly, I wouldn't go into a supermarket with a six-year-old without some plan to keep them relatively engaged and interested. I used to nanny for a six-year-old, and when I'd take her to the supermarket or the shops - she had her own little trolley that came with a play set she had, and I would give her her own shopping list that was illustrated with stickers and pictures and as a reward for helping me she'd get a little present of a magazine or something. this generally eliminated any tantrums.

if a child was having a tantrum in a shop, I would most certainly pick them up and take them back into the car or outside, for them to calm down where they can't cause any havoc. I would then try to work out the reason for their tantrum. we had a phrase, HALT, "hungry, angry, lonely, tired" which sums up the majority of the reasons for children's tantrums.

then I'd take them back into the shop, to apologise to whoever had to tidy up after them. I'd also expect them to do a few extra chores around the house to "pay for" any damaged cereal boxes and I'd have to talk to them about how we act in public.

I would hope that a six-year-old would be getting past the tantrum stage, though. I'd have to think for the future as to why they were acting so disrespectfully.

ok, so it's a five-year-old?

well, firstly, I wouldn't go into a supermarket with a six-year-old without some plan to keep them relatively engaged and interested. I used to nanny for a six-year-old, and when I'd take her to the supermarket or the shops - she had her own little trolley that came with a play set she had, and I would give her her own shopping list that was illustrated with stickers and pictures and as a reward for helping me she'd get a little present of a magazine or something. this generally eliminated any tantrums.

if a child was having a tantrum in a shop, I would most certainly pick them up and take them back into the car or outside, for them to calm down where they can't cause any havoc. I would then try to work out the reason for their tantrum. we had a phrase, HALT, "hungry, angry, lonely, tired" which sums up the majority of the reasons for children's tantrums.

then I'd take them back into the shop, to apologise to whoever had to tidy up after them. I'd also expect them to do a few extra chores around the house to "pay for" any damaged cereal boxes and I'd have to talk to them about how we act in public.

I would hope that a six-year-old would be getting past the tantrum stage, though. I'd have to think for the future as to why they were acting so disrespectfully.

ok, so it's a five-year-old? well, I would still expect them to do extra chores around the house in order to help 'pay' for a new television. I would not try to use anything logical on a five-year-old child, or any age child, in the heat of the moment, I would remove them immediately from the situation and calm them down. logical consequences would still come later. I'd also try to involve them in the various aspects of replacing the television, so they child could see the longer ranging consequences in replacing the television.

the focus of my response to that situation would not be replacing the television though, it would be why the child had done it in the first place and how to deal with that.

I really love this post and agree almost competly with it, especially about the shopping list etc. BUT I'm not sure that taking them back to the car and waiting for them to calm down in wholly pratical and whilst in theory sounds like the idea solution; it may not be akways possible for a busy mother/ father/ whoever to wait for them to calm down, especially if they have 101 other things to do that day. Also say you were almost done with your shopping, leaving it and going back to the car may not always be possible.

I can't imagine staying in a supermarket with a child having a tantrum, no matter how busy I was. like spotty dog, I have stood outside tescos for about 20 minutes with a four year old having a tantrum.

children misbehave to gain attention. If attention is given, it's pandering to their needs. I know you personally won't agree with this but children are not there to be reasoned with - reasoning is a fancy word for pandering to - if you give a child leaway it will take it and argue for more. I have seen my 6 year old brother do this in the past. Discipline and force are needed - sitting him down and talking to him about what he has done and asking for his "reasons" of which there are usually none really, doesn't cut it.

(seriously, last post lol, promise)

I wasn't happy when my mum did it and I wouldn't do it to my own kids. I don't resent her for it though. I guess it depends on the parent and their morals.

Maybe because of it I react more aggressively when provoked but maybe its just my hair and temper

I would never punish a toddler for being inquisitive. this is part and parcel of being a toddler, and something I would greatly encourage within the boundaries of safety.

In the instance you suggested, well, firstly I wouldn't not have plug covers in a house with a young child. I also wouldn't respond by sitting a child on a "naughty step" at any point. I would pick the child up, move them away from the plug socket and use re-direction to get them involved with another activity. I'd keep doing this as many times as was necessary, until I bought some plug covers.



I don't believe in punishment full stop. I believe in discipline, it has to teach a lesson and teach the child what to do next time.

Firstly - no-one ever said anything about repressing inquisitiveness within the boundaries of safety - the example being used here is very definitely unsafe! And secondly, I think this sounds like a wholly impractical and ineffective way of dealing with the problem - if you just distract the child and don't ever let him/her know that sticking your fingers in plug sockets is bad, how will the kid ever learn? It'll just continue to keep doing it and you will have to waste all your time running around trying to avert its attention. By all means, don't smack the child if that's not what you believed in - but at least a firm "NO" to let it know that it's doing something wrong, would surely be in order? If I was a two year old who, every time I stuck my fingers in a plug socket, my mum grabbed me and gave me a really fun activity to do, I'd probably start doing that whenever I was bored!

I was smacked on my bum as a child if I did something wrong, and I really don't resent them for it. I've turned out to be a respectful, well mannered and well behaved person, so it must have done me good.

The thing is though, there's a fine line between smacking a child when they've done something very wrong and beating them. And in no way is beating them gonna do them any good. I've never had a problem with being smacked, I guess times have changed though now.

In seriousness parents should be able to do what they like. Smacking is not child abuse, if you say it is then you belittle child abuse, probably don't even have a clue what child abuse is.

There isn't a thin line between smacking and abuse. If you were a parent you know that it's black and white.