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The Long Distance Relationship Society Advice Centre

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    Hello and welcome to the LDR society advice centre.

    If you are in an LDR or will be in the future and want to talk about it, feel free to post here and we'll do our best to give you advice.

    If you just feel like an un-LDR related chat, you can come to the LDR Society chat thread which is located here.

    We also have a wiki page which lists all our members, please feel free to add yourself if you join. The wiki page can be found here.

    If you do wish to join just send a request and you'll be added soon.

    Chris
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    Just to subscribe to this thread so I get notified of new posts

    Everything is going well at the moment, sun is shining, dinner is cooking and Sean's hopefully coming up for a few days next week

    :hugs:

    Emily
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    Also posting to subscribe.....

    I look forward to helping all you fledgling LDRers And putting up with all the old timers :p:
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    Another posting to subscribe

    Just heard Si's coming home in 2 weeks so I get to see him again (albeit briefly!)
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    subscribe post again, 3 days untill i get to see emma, can not wait.
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    Yet another subscribe post
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    sitting with him now, while he works. Back to london tomorrow, and will have to play it by ear as to when i next see him, cos he has so much to do.

    I hope this thread survives and is useful.
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    Maybe ppl should keep an eye on it and if it moves down a page or two, then post in it (with something reasonably relevant) to bump it up?
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    Sounds like a plan Katie - as long as it's reasonably near the top people have a chance of finding it before they start a new thread on LDR-stuff.
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    if it becomes really well used, it could be stickied like the contraception thread. We'll wait and see.
    #1

    Hello there, I'm really stuck in a rut and thought you guys could give me a bit of advice regarding my boyfriend (who lives 100 miles away and I've been with for 1 and a half years.
    I did post this on another forum, but I think seeing as most of your are in ldrs, you would give more relevant advice. So here goes: its a long post, sorry.

    Basically, all my friends say to me that my boyfriend treats me like crap...and I think I'm starting to believe them. But I'd still like an outsiders view.
    I'll give you a few examples of the things he has done to make me cry.
    2 months into the relationship he asked me to introduce him to one of my friends, so I did. I later found out from her that he flirted with her and didn't tell her he had a girlfriend (she didn't know i was with him at the time). I broke up with him, cus at the time I wasn't into him that much. He emotionally blackmailed me (fainting at school, starving himself, begging at my door etc), and we got back together. After that, we had a pretty much perfect relationship for 9 months. He was great.

    It all started going downhill when he went to university. In December, he went on holiday with these three American girls to spain, and didn't tell me until 2 days before. I felt a bit hurt that he didn't think to consult me, but eventually got over it when he came back for Christmas.
    In his second term, he started neglecting to call me (we had planned before he went to uni that we would speak once a day on the phone). He would often ignore me for up to 4 days. I told him off for this, but he keeps doing it!
    Valentines day - I get no card or gift...but I at least expected a phonecall. At one am on feb 15th i get a text from him saying that he wont be able to call me. I ask him why and he tells me that he wanted to go to a party with some americans in his halls common room. wtf?!

    Around April time, he again neglected to call me for a period of 4 days. When he came back for Easter, I did a bad thing and looked at his phone. what I found was a lengthy text conversation with a girl from his uni, during the period when he was ignoring me. In this conversation he admitted to this girl that he wanted to '**** around' yet wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. What the hell? He then asked her how she gives good blowjobs, and told her I was only average at them (what does he expect? he is my first, I'm young and not experienced). Then she told him she would take him out to spearmint rhino to get rid of his frustrations, and that she would bring round some porn videos for him. This isn't normal friend behaviour surely?! Also, why does he think its okay to have a long late night text convo with this girl, yet ignore his own girlfriend?
    Thing is, him and this other guy are gonna be living with this girl next year, which means I will eventually have to meet her. I really dread this, cus she knows so much private stuff about me, it's gonna be so awkward for me. Argh!

    If you read all that I congratulate you.
    #1

    Sorry about the terrible spelling btw.
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    Personally I'd agree with your friends. It sounds to me like he really isn't as committed as he seems to say.

    I think it'd be harder for him to emotionally blackmail you this time round if you do break up with him, because you're long distance.

    He basically sounds like a pakhtan.

    :hugs:
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    the fact hes not contacting for for four days means something. friends tend to have truthfull advice, id listen to them in the instance
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    I would agree with your friends too. He hasn't treated you nicely, and to be honest, if he does want to spend the rest of his life with you, he shouldn't be "****ing around" (don't know what the 4 letter word was but I can guess).

    I think at the end of the day it's your choice, but to me it sounds like he's just making the most of both worlds and screwing you over basically.

    :hugs:
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    Get rid of him, quickly. He's not committed enough for an LDR, and you will end up becoming very affected by his actions to the point where your confidence is shattered. If you are going to last in an LDR complete trust, communication and most importantly commitment is required. From what you have described he clearly is not able to contain himself.
    Also, the girl, if he has shared that much that it is awkward, then he is clearly untrustworthy.

    I'm sorry to say it though, but he just isn't right for you in this situation.
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    I'm afraid I agree with your friends too.
    If you had agreed to a phone call a day, then it should be stuck to, unless there's a serious reason why he can't.
    Someone who wants to spend the rest of their lives with you, should not be wanting to "**** around" with others.

    Do you trust him? Trust is needed so much in any relationship, especially LDR's.

    I hope you get things sorted, both with him and housing if neccessary. You said you were going to be living with him, and this girl?
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    Yay, the threads are finally in place (Just need to subscribe to this, and I don't really have anything interesting to say.. )
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    I think I would tend to agree with what others have said. Lou (Southernlight) pretty much said exactly what I was going to.

    It sounds like you're in a tough situation, so have a :hugs:, I'm sorry none of us have been more positive about it; but from what you've said, it sounds like you might be better off without him.
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    Anon 1, I'd agree with your friends. He doesn't sound committed enough for a 'normal' relationship, let alone an LDR.
Updated: July 9, 2013
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