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    #421

    (Original post by Jellybean91)
    Oh my god :shock: firstly, never go anywhere near your ex ever again, and if you feel its worth it, call the police!! What he did to you is horrible and inexcusable!!!!

    Oh wow! I once had a boyfriend who would barely text me ever and it drove me up the wall! (back before facebook really boomed) but it made me feel really crappy! you're right when you say a couple of days every 6-8 weeks isnt worth it if youre miserable all the time. I think you need to talk to him and maybe insist on a decent conversation every single day. Tell him how you're feeling, and then the ball is in his court. Hes going to have to realise hes not giving you what you need and then do something about it! You deserve a boyfriend who makes you feel like he wants to talk to you! I know some boys can be bad with texting and dont like it or whatever, but he needs to buck up his ideas or hes going to lose you! Massive :hugs: for you! Sounds like you're going through a lot :console:
    Ach, he didn't mean it, i forgave him & moved on. But i'm no longer associating with him. Plus it didn't go as far as it could have and i am so thankful for that. :L

    Well he's on a student budget and is normally extremely low on credit so face book's fine except he's all nocturnal now because classes are over (and he hasn't come home, grrrrr!).

    I tried that. I got this amazing answer "I'm sorry, thats just the way i am"

    .....GRRRRR.

    Ps, thank you for answering me. Even talking about it to somebody who really understands helps so much, i feel so much calmer. Plus, i got to spend all day in the sun today- happier bunny
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Ach, he didn't mean it, i forgave him & moved on. But i'm no longer associating with him. Plus it didn't go as far as it could have and i am so thankful for that. :L
    What he did was abuse. He wants you to think he didn't mean it and just to forgive him, but he sexually assaulted and abused you. But I think he did mean it otherwise he wouldn't have done it.

    (sorry, that's just my opinion. I'm glad you've moved on and not associating with him any more though.. keep yourself safe )
    #421

    (Original post by Sazzy890)
    What he did was abuse. He wants you to think he didn't mean it and just to forgive him, but he sexually assaulted and abused you. But I think he did mean it otherwise he wouldn't have done it.

    (sorry, that's just my opinion. I'm glad you've moved on and not associating with him any more though.. keep yourself safe )
    Well he was drunk and when we talked about it, he was in tears. But i'm done with him. I think that to dwell on it would make me miserable, so i told him he is forgiven but that we can't be friends any more. Which was hard, we were best friends, but i can't look at him any more.

    He thinks he loves me, so it's a lot more complicated
    #421

    (Original post by Sazzy890)
    What he did was abuse. He wants you to think he didn't mean it and just to forgive him, but he sexually assaulted and abused you. But I think he did mean it otherwise he wouldn't have done it.

    (sorry, that's just my opinion. I'm glad you've moved on and not associating with him any more though.. keep yourself safe )
    But thanks for, you know, caring xxxx
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    But thanks for, you know, caring xxxx
    Hmmm, I see that it's more complicated than I first thought. Just on the face of it it sounded like he'd somehow managed to worm his way out of what he did.

    But anyways, I agree it's best not to dwell on it
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    Not going to see my boyfriend for a month because we both have exams. It's going to be hard- I miss him loads already
    #440

    I'm always being let down, he keeps promising to see me, and then as soon as it gets near to the time he always changes and says its got to be for shorter periods of time or like he has to work while I'm there. Normally It doesn't get to me much, but this time it's the last time I'm going to see him for months and he's gone and changed it again. I don't really want to carry on like this but I don't wanna stop being with him but this is kind of the final straw if he changes our months in advance plans to see each other for the last time for a while, it kind of tempts me just to go **** it I don't wanna put up with this :/
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    (Original post by thompsonic7)
    Not going to see my boyfriend for a month because we both have exams. It's going to be hard- I miss him loads already
    It's only a month! You'll both be busy with exams and it will be over before you know it.

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm always being let down, he keeps promising to see me, and then as soon as it gets near to the time he always changes and says its got to be for shorter periods of time or like he has to work while I'm there. Normally It doesn't get to me much, but this time it's the last time I'm going to see him for months and he's gone and changed it again. I don't really want to carry on like this but I don't wanna stop being with him but this is kind of the final straw if he changes our months in advance plans to see each other for the last time for a while, it kind of tempts me just to go **** it I don't wanna put up with this :/
    :hugs: I don't think that's fair on you. If you have it planned for months in advance, he shouldn't be changing it! I wouldn't put up with it either. Let him know how you feel about it. Make it clear it's not ok to keep letting you down, and give him a chance to start keeping his promises to see you.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Ach, he didn't mean it, i forgave him & moved on. But i'm no longer associating with him. Plus it didn't go as far as it could have and i am so thankful for that. :L

    Well he's on a student budget and is normally extremely low on credit so face book's fine except he's all nocturnal now because classes are over (and he hasn't come home, grrrrr!).

    I tried that. I got this amazing answer "I'm sorry, thats just the way i am"

    .....GRRRRR.

    Ps, thank you for answering me. Even talking about it to somebody who really understands helps so much, i feel so much calmer. Plus, i got to spend all day in the sun today- happier bunny
    Oh he didnt mean to sexually abuse you for an hour? That makes it ok does it?

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Well he was drunk and when we talked about it, he was in tears. But i'm done with him. I think that to dwell on it would make me miserable, so i told him he is forgiven but that we can't be friends any more. Which was hard, we were best friends, but i can't look at him any more.

    He thinks he loves me, so it's a lot more complicated
    Look OP, im going to be blunt because i know no other way to be. The excuses for his behaviour, the he didnt mean it, he loves me really, he was drunk yadda yadda yadda have been said to abused partners down through the ages. When will you realise its abuse. for an hour you were scared of him whilst he molested you. will he have to put a knife to your throat and forcibly rape before you realise its abuse?

    You'll be giving us the line of "it doesnt count when its your boyfriend" line next.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm always being let down, he keeps promising to see me, and then as soon as it gets near to the time he always changes and says its got to be for shorter periods of time or like he has to work while I'm there. Normally It doesn't get to me much, but this time it's the last time I'm going to see him for months and he's gone and changed it again. I don't really want to carry on like this but I don't wanna stop being with him but this is kind of the final straw if he changes our months in advance plans to see each other for the last time for a while, it kind of tempts me just to go **** it I don't wanna put up with this :/
    Thats really unfair on you. Why does he keep changing the plans on you?
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    (Original post by silverbolt)
    Oh he didnt mean to sexually abuse you for an hour? That makes it ok does it?



    Look OP, im going to be blunt because i know no other way to be. The excuses for his behaviour, the he didnt mean it, he loves me really, he was drunk yadda yadda yadda have been said to abused partners down through the ages. When will you realise its abuse. for an hour you were scared of him whilst he molested you. will he have to put a knife to your throat and forcibly rape before you realise its abuse?

    You'll be giving us the line of "it doesnt count when its your boyfriend" line next.
    Am I mistaken as I thought it was this poster's ex, not boyfriend? Not that people aren't correct that he was absolutely out of line. But if OP wants to move on in this case, then I'll go with that.

    OP, just out of interest, for an hour were you not able to get away at all, or shout for help? Were you physically restrained?

    Sorry I've been a bit AWOL. Not seeing as much of my other half due to other commitments we both have, but it gets better soon We've been in contact well, which makes it so much easier and as hard as it is we feel so fortunate to have each other at all .
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    ok well just had a meeting with my boss

    it would appear my plans are now well and truly brought forward. she knew i was planning on leaving (i didnt need to tell her but shes glad i did) she understands that with my grans failing health it would be better for her if i was there.

    she was really good about it - only asked that i keep her informed and if theres anything she can do to let her know.

    looks like theres nothing else tell my gran (and make sure shes ok with me moving in and start getting things in motion to move in about 5-6 weeks.

    Oh crap

    oh hell yeah
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    So I've been following this thread for a few months and i suppose it's about time i came out with my problem.. I received a conditional offer from LSE and just a few weeks before i got the offer, i got into a relationship with an amazing guy whom i love with all my heart but here's the catch - i'm from Malaysia and he is from Indonesia so it's already a LDR to begin with and somehow i just don't feel like going further away from him than i already am. I was thinking of maybe just giving up on going to LSE and stay here for a transfer programme so that i could get more time to spend with him first before moving to the UK.. Only problem is that the universities that i could possibly go to are like Manchester, Leeds, Reading, West of England, Sheffield and a few others which i can't seem to remember at the moment. I know it's incredibly stupid for me to give up such a huge once in a lifetime opportunity just for a guy but i strongly feel that this is all going to be worth it.. I haven't told my parents about it because i know that they would definitely flip out. What should i do?
    #421

    (Original post by silverbolt)
    Oh he didnt mean to sexually abuse you for an hour? That makes it ok does it?



    Look OP, im going to be blunt because i know no other way to be. The excuses for his behaviour, the he didnt mean it, he loves me really, he was drunk yadda yadda yadda have been said to abused partners down through the ages. When will you realise its abuse. for an hour you were scared of him whilst he molested you. will he have to put a knife to your throat and forcibly rape before you realise its abuse?

    You'll be giving us the line of "it doesnt count when its your boyfriend" line next.
    He's my ex. Not my boyfriend. He was my ex at the time, and we're no longer talking. If he were my bf, i'd have ended it on the spot. I'm not stupid.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Ach, he didn't mean it, i forgave him & moved on. But i'm no longer associating with him. Plus it didn't go as far as it could have and i am so thankful for that. :L

    Well he's on a student budget and is normally extremely low on credit so face book's fine except he's all nocturnal now because classes are over (and he hasn't come home, grrrrr!).

    I tried that. I got this amazing answer "I'm sorry, thats just the way i am"

    .....GRRRRR.

    Ps, thank you for answering me. Even talking about it to somebody who really understands helps so much, i feel so much calmer. Plus, i got to spend all day in the sun today- happier bunny
    You need to stop yourself thinking that way... dont excuse him, what he did was abuse and he knew perfectly well what he was doing! Yes, you guys being best friends does complicate it slightly, but honestly, no best friend (or for that matter friend at all) would hold you there against your will (using his strength against you) and try to get his way!! My best friends a guy too and he wouldn't dream of doing that to anyone and least of all me! Just because he's stronger than you doesnt mean he can use it against you and as someone whos suffered abuse in the past, I find it scary that a man can do that to women! Stay away from him, honestly! You're better off without him! (anyway, I digress, sorry its a sensitive subject for me...)

    The 'sorry thats just how I am' is going to have to change though! He needs to realise that if he doesnt start communicating with you, hes going to lose you. Talk to him seriously about it. Tell him how important it is and how you need that communication with him and if hes not ok with that and refuses to make an effort, then maybe you need to really think about if you can carry on how you are, and if you want to carry on with someone who wont make that effort for you! sorry if that sounded harsh, it wasn't meant to... have lots of :hugs:
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    (Original post by Sapphiera)
    So I've been following this thread for a few months and i suppose it's about time i came out with my problem.. I received a conditional offer from LSE and just a few weeks before i got the offer, i got into a relationship with an amazing guy whom i love with all my heart but here's the catch - i'm from Malaysia and he is from Indonesia so it's already a LDR to begin with and somehow i just don't feel like going further away from him than i already am. I was thinking of maybe just giving up on going to LSE and stay here for a transfer programme so that i could get more time to spend with him first before moving to the UK.. Only problem is that the universities that i could possibly go to are like Manchester, Leeds, Reading, West of England, Sheffield and a few others which i can't seem to remember at the moment. I know it's incredibly stupid for me to give up such a huge once in a lifetime opportunity just for a guy but i strongly feel that this is all going to be worth it.. I haven't told my parents about it because i know that they would definitely flip out. What should i do?
    Well, while thats a really difficult decision to make, but I will say this... what happens if a year down the line you break up and you gave up this amazing opportunity? How would that make you feel? (I know that may not necessarily happen, and you certainly wont feel like it ever will right now) Would you ever regret the decision to not go, 5/10 years down the line when its too late? Is there no possibility for him to come to the UK with you? It can work, honestly! Its hard, but if thats what you want to do, I'm sure he'd support you in that! :hugs:
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    (Original post by Jellybean91)
    Well, while thats a really difficult decision to make, but I will say this... what happens if a year down the line you break up and you gave up this amazing opportunity? How would that make you feel? (I know that may not necessarily happen, and you certainly wont feel like it ever will right now) Would you ever regret the decision to not go, 5/10 years down the line when its too late? Is there no possibility for him to come to the UK with you? It can work, honestly! Its hard, but if thats what you want to do, I'm sure he'd support you in that! :hugs:
    I've given thought to that as well but I am the kind of person who doesn't regret doing anything because I believe that every mistake is a lesson learnt. However, it would really be a huge move for me to give up going to one of the most prestigious universities in the UK just for a guy and we might break up but I suppose I'm willing to give it a shot. He can't go to the UK with me because he's currently studying in a university in Indonesia so he can't just drop out like that.. He told me that he'd support me if I were to choose to go to UK but somehow I feel that it wouldn't be a smart thing to leave him behind..
    #441

    Well, girlfriend just exploded on me. It was my fault and now she's gone to bed but I have no idea how things will turn out in the long run.

    She lives in Canada and I'm from England, we've been together for around 5/6months.
    These past 2 weeks she's been different and busy with homework and family, we have hardly Skyped each other since.

    But tonight she was doing her Biology homework and I asked if I could help her, she tells me I can't help her and that I don't know Biology - which is true.
    I felt a little sad to it and I started acting a little sarcastic/depressing, "Nice to know I'm useful then, not like I ever am.".

    Only her response was: "wow, sorry." which I felt was sarcastic and I ignored her for around 40 minutes - until she exploded, saying that ignoring her for 40 minutes is really going to help.
    She accepted my apology before she went to bed, both of us giving a little-less-than-normal farewell to each other.

    We're both under pressure and I can't blame her for being mad at me and I know I shouldn't have ignored her, even if I was slightly mad. I was just trying to weasel a more sincere apology out of her but it didn't work.
    I'm just afraid of how things will turn out tomorrow and if things ever go back to normal.
    #441

    Well, girlfriend just exploded on me. It was my fault and now she's gone to bed but I have no idea how things will turn out in the long run.

    She lives in Canada and I'm from England, we've been together for around 5/6months.
    These past 2 weeks she's been different and busy with homework and family, we have hardly Skyped each other since.

    But tonight she was doing her Biology homework and I asked if I could help her, she tells me I can't help her and that I don't know Biology - which is true.
    I felt a little sad to it and I started acting a little sarcastic/depressing, "Nice to know I'm useful then, not like I ever am.".

    Only her response was: "wow, sorry." which I felt was sarcastic and I ignored her for around 40 minutes - until she exploded, saying that ignoring her for 40 minutes is really going to help.
    She accepted my apology before she went to bed, both of us giving a little-less-than-normal farewell to each other.

    We're both under pressure and I can't blame her for being mad at me and I know I shouldn't have ignored her, even if I was slightly mad. I was just trying to weasel a more sincere apology out of her but it didn't work.
    I'm just afraid of how things will turn out tomorrow and if things ever go back to normal.
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    (Original post by Sapphiera)
    I've given thought to that as well but I am the kind of person who doesn't regret doing anything because I believe that every mistake is a lesson learnt. However, it would really be a huge move for me to give up going to one of the most prestigious universities in the UK just for a guy and we might break up but I suppose I'm willing to give it a shot. He can't go to the UK with me because he's currently studying in a university in Indonesia so he can't just drop out like that.. He told me that he'd support me if I were to choose to go to UK but somehow I feel that it wouldn't be a smart thing to leave him behind..
    I've got to agree it would be a mistake to give up this opportunity for a guy. You should never give up what you want to do for someone else, because you will end up seriously unhappy down the line. Guys come and go, but you will always have to live your own life!

    Long-distance can work, and although it is difficult, you say you are long-distance already. Even if you end up a bit further away, it's not the end of the world!
Updated: July 9, 2013
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