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The Long Distance Relationship Society Advice Centre

For those of you that have your LDR coming to an end, do you feel nervous about being together again? my girlfriend says she is a little, however I am not in the slightest bit nervous. She is worried that after a year apart things will be different, whereas I can only see it being the same. She reassures me that she still loves me etc. but seems to be worried that we've invest so much in this year emotionally and financially and that it might not be the way it was before :<

Just curious if anyone else has had such feelings when an LDR has come to an end (and becomes a normal, close quarters relationship).

Personally, I don't, but I can understand how you could feel that way. Of course it won't be exactly the way it was before, because you've had different experiences and gone through different things. In some ways, it could be better- as you've had time to mature into the relationship more and learn more about yourselves. Ultimately, it sounds corny but if the love and compatibility is there- then I am sure you guys will fit in back together just fine. There might be a few instances of space/habits becoming a contentious issue, but most likely you will get on very well. It's good she's talking to you about it though, if there are any issues, it won't be some kind of sudden, unpleasant revelation :smile:

Just keep skyping each other regularly, even as you're nearing the end of this time apart. Even letting each other know about mundane every day issues is a good way of getting used to each other's temperaments again.

Reply 8181

Anonymous #443

Advice anyone? I don't want to post my username as my boyfriend also uses this site.....

I've been in a relationship for 5 years now, we were long distance for a few years when we met (living 200 miles away seeing each other every few months). We both ended up in the same town for uni and have been together ever since. I miss him so much during half term and we've both just left for the summer hols. Only thing is, next year uni will be over and all I can think is he will be gone. The thought has me absolutely in bits.

I can't see him moving to my town as I live right up north and there aren't many prospects here for him and I can't afford to live down south. Neither of us have the money to afford a place together and I can't help but think once uni is over, so are we. I can't go back to an LDR forever :frown:

I guess saying goodbye to him yesterday has put this in my mind. One thing I can say for certain goodbyes never get easier :'(

Reply 8182

ct2k7

13

Original post by Anonymous

Advice anyone? I don't want to post my username as my boyfriend also uses this site.....

I've been in a relationship for 5 years now, we were long distance for a few years when we met (living 200 miles away seeing each other every few months). We both ended up in the same town for uni and have been together ever since. I miss him so much during half term and we've both just left for the summer hols. Only thing is, next year uni will be over and all I can think is he will be gone. The thought has me absolutely in bits.

I can't see him moving to my town as I live right up north and there aren't many prospects here for him and I can't afford to live down south. Neither of us have the money to afford a place together and I can't help but think once uni is over, so are we. I can't go back to an LDR forever :frown:

I guess saying goodbye to him yesterday has put this in my mind. One thing I can say for certain goodbyes never get easier :'(

Have you talked to him about it?

Reply 8183

Anonymous #443

Original post by ct2k7

Have you talked to him about it?

He knows how I feel and he doesn't really bring it up because he knows it upsets me but he can't give up his ambitions because of me. I know that he intends to live down south and he wants to find a job there but that doesn't really leave much room for me. I know it sounds silly but I don't feel ready to leave my family and friends completely and not only that but I have no money.

We are only young and he does say a lot he wants to travel rather than settle down and live in a house like an old married couple lol I understand where he is coming from completely because it feels like a big step to take and if we lived close it wouldn't even be an issue. Right now everything is perfect but it's all going to come to an end.

Reply 8184

kat91s

11

HALFWAY!!! :woo:

73 more days...

Reply 8185

ct2k7

13

Original post by Anonymous

He knows how I feel and he doesn't really bring it up because he knows it upsets me but he can't give up his ambitions because of me. I know that he intends to live down south and he wants to find a job there but that doesn't really leave much room for me. I know it sounds silly but I don't feel ready to leave my family and friends completely and not only that but I have no money.

We are only young and he does say a lot he wants to travel rather than settle down and live in a house like an old married couple lol I understand where he is coming from completely because it feels like a big step to take and if we lived close it wouldn't even be an issue. Right now everything is perfect but it's all going to come to an end.

You need to decide what to do, and it isn't easy. I'll be in a similar situation, but my problem is that I've got clingy family, and they will want to be with me wherever I move.

On another topic, 15 days without contact :frown:

Reply 8186

Anonymous #444

Hi everyone

I'm not actually in a LDR but I met a guy who studies in the same city as me, but he will be going back home (about 80 miles away) in two weeks. I live here and he'll be at home until September. We've only had one date but it went really well and I think there's something there. Do you think it's silly to see him again, especially as he'll be going soon?

Any advice would be appreciated!

Reply 8187

ct2k7

13

Original post by Anonymous

Hi everyone

I'm not actually in a LDR but I met a guy who studies in the same city as me, but he will be going back home (about 80 miles away) in two weeks. I live here and he'll be at home until September. We've only had one date but it went really well and I think there's something there. Do you think it's silly to see him again, especially as he'll be going soon?

Any advice would be appreciated!

Go for it. At least you won't live with the regret of losing him to someone else.

Reply 8188

Anonymous #445

I've posted this elsewhere but was recommended this thread. Can somebody help?

So my boyfriend left yesterday for a far away country for over 2 months.
He'll be working on an ambulance in this country and taking a course.
This is really tough for me (more so than I'm trying to let on). We're already in an LDR and have been for near 2 years but this different.
1. the country he's going to is known for being dangerous and I'm worried about the things he'll be exposed to and the risk he's putting himself in.
2. We can barely speak. We've made phone arrangements and a few messages but there'll be no prolonged conversations at all. I put the success of our LDR down to regular telephone and skype contact and I'm a bit down we can't have anything similar.

He's always been my rock and on top of this I'm going through big family issues at the moment and don't really have a decent outlet. He knows I'm down but I'm trying not to let on too much because I don't want to take away from the excitement of his trip.

Has anybody been through anything similar? what can you recommend?
We can't even write to each other properly the old fashioned way as the postal service is notoriously bad and all my letters would get lost.
I've had the idea of writing to him everyday in a little journal and giving it to him when he comes home but it's not really helping at the moment.
Any advice would be great.

Reply 8189

ct2k7

13

You'll need to trust him, that's a given. I know it's worrying, but there's not much you can do but keep him feeling safe with your love. My LDR isn't exactly the shining example of an LDR, I barely even speak to my SO. It's crap, but there's nothing that can be done. I have to trust him and he has to trust me.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 8190

Charlottey!

2

Original post by chelseeaxo

I was wondering if i could get some advice on a LDR?
My boyfriend and I got together in April, I plan on going to university next year but hes in the year below so will be doing his A Levels. Im hoping to go to Plymouth (3 hours away) but then we would have only been going out for 5/6 months. Do you think our relationship will be strong enough to survive the distance or should i end it now before it geta later down the line?
Thanks in Advance,

Chels

Me and my boyf got together in the April, and didn't even talk about uni/going to uni as we both knew we had different choices & tbh were both too scared to come to terms with it ha. Come results day I was a blubbering mess and he was saying he was just relieved that I was actually bothered :P As it happened, he went to Lancaster (2 and a half/3 hours away) while I had a gap year). We've been together 2 years and cos of the uni I'm at, we're still 2 and a half hours away!

So basically just talk to him about it? See where you both are? Cos in my opinion its not the length of time you've been together but the amount of love/trust/loyalty in the relationship! (Sounded less cheesy in my head..)

Reply 8191

silverbolt

19

well im back,

and id say the only thing ive got going for me is that in two and a half weeks ill be back there for good. Bed felt empty last night. But now the time comes to start all the packing and shizzle

so did i miss much

Reply 8192

Anonymous #446

Hey folks, I could do with some advice on how to cope long distance, especially Skype advice!

My boyfriend and I are LDR at the moment as I am working and travelling abroad. I've only been here for about a week so settling in etc has been quite intense...yesterday afternoon he asked me to Skype tonight (we haven't at all yet) so I said yes, and would let him know when I could after working if he let me know when suited him. He didn't reply with when suited him which...yeah, wasn't great. And, while I think it's important we keep up the communication lines I'm not sure how to juggle this. My flatmates are going out, but I'm going to bow out for one evening to skype him. Is this fair enough or am I verging on missing out?

I want to get a fair balance of communicating with one another and enjoying our own time apart, so any tips? Thanks.

Reply 8193

kat91s

11

Original post by Anonymous

Hey folks, I could do with some advice on how to cope long distance, especially Skype advice!

My boyfriend and I are LDR at the moment as I am working and travelling abroad. I've only been here for about a week so settling in etc has been quite intense...yesterday afternoon he asked me to Skype tonight (we haven't at all yet) so I said yes, and would let him know when I could after working if he let me know when suited him. He didn't reply with when suited him which...yeah, wasn't great. And, while I think it's important we keep up the communication lines I'm not sure how to juggle this. My flatmates are going out, but I'm going to bow out for one evening to skype him. Is this fair enough or am I verging on missing out?

I want to get a fair balance of communicating with one another and enjoying our own time apart, so any tips? Thanks.

In my opinion it's too early to be giving up your social time to chat with him. You're still settling in, and this is the time to be making connections and new friends. He hasn't replied to let you know, so he may be busy himself, and it's fair enough if you decide to go out.

There will be plenty of opportunities to skype with him another night, and it's ok at this point not to have a routine worked out. Expect things to be a bit all over the place at the beginning. When things calm down a bit you can work out the communication side. Don't get in a flurry just yet. :smile:

Reply 8194

Jellybean91

12

Original post by Anonymous

Hey folks, I could do with some advice on how to cope long distance, especially Skype advice!

My boyfriend and I are LDR at the moment as I am working and travelling abroad. I've only been here for about a week so settling in etc has been quite intense...yesterday afternoon he asked me to Skype tonight (we haven't at all yet) so I said yes, and would let him know when I could after working if he let me know when suited him. He didn't reply with when suited him which...yeah, wasn't great. And, while I think it's important we keep up the communication lines I'm not sure how to juggle this. My flatmates are going out, but I'm going to bow out for one evening to skype him. Is this fair enough or am I verging on missing out?

I want to get a fair balance of communicating with one another and enjoying our own time apart, so any tips? Thanks.

Could you not skype him earlier and go out afterwards with your flat? I'm going to say from experience, you should go out as much as possible! Its such a shock moving abroad and getting to know people is so important! When I moved abroad, my sister told me from her experiences, even if the people you're going out with dont end up as your best friends there, they could introduce you to someone who could be! When I first moved to italy I got such a culture shock that I hid myself away and didn't do anything which is one of my biggest regrets ever! It made the rest of my time there so much harder, it was also bad for other reasons so I can't just blame that, but then I moved to spain and did the complete opposite. I went out at every opportunity and my boy completely understood that I had to do it to stop myself ending up miserable like I was in Italy. One of the first people I met there ended up leaving to go back home, so (because I didn't like my flat) I moved into hers, and her old flatmates became my new best friends there... so you really never know how you will meet your best friends over there! Take every opportunity! because while that wasn't the cause of all my misery in italy, it was a big contributing part of it. LDR abroad is hard, but your boy will understand! Maybe try and skype as early as possible? and then go out after! I hope you manage to find a good balance!

Reply 8195

such_a_lady

16

Original post by Anonymous

Hey folks, I could do with some advice on how to cope long distance, especially Skype advice!

My boyfriend and I are LDR at the moment as I am working and travelling abroad. I've only been here for about a week so settling in etc has been quite intense...yesterday afternoon he asked me to Skype tonight (we haven't at all yet) so I said yes, and would let him know when I could after working if he let me know when suited him. He didn't reply with when suited him which...yeah, wasn't great. And, while I think it's important we keep up the communication lines I'm not sure how to juggle this. My flatmates are going out, but I'm going to bow out for one evening to skype him. Is this fair enough or am I verging on missing out?

I want to get a fair balance of communicating with one another and enjoying our own time apart, so any tips? Thanks.

Sometimes I'm way too ready to bend over backwards to rearrange my evening to Skype, so I suggest you take a tough stance on this. If he hasn't replied with a set time, take it that you're not Skyping at all. I do the same with my boyfriend because otherwise he gets lazy and I basically sit at home waiting. Don't go there; take a tough line from the start and make it clear he has to fit in around your new life, not the other way round.

This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

Reply 8196

Anonymous #446

Original post by such_a_lady

Sometimes I'm way too ready to bend over backwards to rearrange my evening to Skype, so I suggest you take a tough stance on this. If he hasn't replied with a set time, take it that you're not Skyping at all. I do the same with my boyfriend because otherwise he gets lazy and I basically sit at home waiting. Don't go there; take a tough line from the start and make it clear he has to fit in around your new life, not the other way round.

This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

As it was him that suggested skype tonight, I thought that was quite promising! :smile:

But after he didn't respond to the message asking what time would suit, I sent another saying that if he didn't let me know I'd assume Skype was off this time.

^ I realise that probably sounded a bit cold, but it's not easy working out how to work things between us when I've never done this before! Thanks for your advice.