Cant get over the fact that I hurt someone i care about - how can i forgive myself?

About 11 months ago I did something that really hurt the person who meant the most to me. Of course I didnt mean to hurt them, It was the biggest mistake of my life something I never thought Id be able to do; at the time I was going through a pretty tough time and was a bit of a mess and dealt with everything totally the wrong way. though not trying to excuse what I did.

Anyway, I still cant get over the fact that I hurt the person so much. The guilt is ripping me apart. I have dreams where I just see the person crying and its all my fault, and whenever I think about the reality of all it just break down. Ive tried my hardest to try to heal the pain for the other person, and i hope they get better by the day. The thought of them hurting because of me is just.. awful :frown:

And its all my fault so I feel lke I tell myself that I dont even deserve to feel miserable, or indeed happy, because its all my fault.

Ive always sort of lived my life by my morals and integrity and I suppose I now find it difficult to feel like I can be the same person after Ive let myself down so much and like Im a hypocrite to try to be that same good person :frown:

I would do anything to go back in time and remove my mistake but I cant. I know I just have to deal with my mistake and get over the guilt as such but use it to make myself a better person (the whole thing has made me less naive) but I just find it so hard to forgive myself for hurting someone I cared about so so much.

I dont know why Im posting here Ive just gone on too long like this and was hoping maybe somebody on here might have experienced similar feelings? Or any advice on learning to forgive yourself? I am a very forgiving person generally, I believe life is too short for conflict, so why am i finding it so impossible to forgive myself? :frown:

Sorry for the long moaning post, thankyou for bothering to read if you got this far

Reply 1

Jabbamuffin

Everyone makes mistakes, that's just life...

The sooner you accept that it's not going to be an easy ride all the way through, the sooner you're going to be able to forgive yourself.

Reply 2

Aname

ClareR

I don't know why I'm posting here I've just gone on too long like this and was hoping maybe somebody on here might have experienced similar feelings? Or any advice on learning to forgive yourself? I am a very forgiving person generally, I believe life is too short for conflict, so why am I finding it so impossible to forgive myself? :frown:

Getting your thoughts and feelings out is the best way to heal. Have you spoken to the person in question about how bad you feel? the forgiveness you are looking for can be given by them, or actions to help others in whatever situation you/they have experienced.

Without knowing more details, I can't say that everyone makes mistakes. But it is a sign of your qualities as a person that it is eating you up to have hurt someone else.

Reply 3

*Passion*Fruit*

ClareR

Sorry for the long moaning post, thankyou for bothering to read if you got this far

In my experience i'd recommend sitting down with yourself, reflect over what happened one last time and come to full terms with it then furthermore decide within yourself that you're going to let it rest and learn from it, remembering never to bring it up again.
Time may be the only answer here.
:smile:

edit: oh and it's great you've been doing everything to make that person feel better but as I say, it may be time to decide to let it rest...how is the person in question going to able forgive you if you keep bringing it up? They'll need to deal with it inside too.

Reply 4

openbookuk

ClareR

The thought of them hurting because of me is just.. awful :frown:

You know, people get hurt and let down by others and in time they get over it. I can tell by your remorse that you are truly upset and regret acting out of character. Many of us try to live up to high standards of morality and integrity, but none of us are beyond reproach all the time and can let ourselves and others down. It is just life. You are clearly an intelligent and principled lady so start by being kind to yourself for a moment and try being more forgiving of yourself. Put it down to experience. PM me if you want.

Reply 5

shamrock92

It's often very difficult to forgive yourself for things, I find it harder than forgiving other people. God has forgiven you, though; that's the main thing.

What did you do?

I'm going through this now. And it's literally completely eating away at me. I can't feel happy and I feel so sick every time I think about it. I don't speak to the person I love because he doesn't want to speak to me ever again. I know he's moved on and probably never thinks about me. Friends tell me he is doing well and is happy. I just can't be. A part of it is because I hate myself so much for doing what I did because it meant I lost him. I hate myself for doing something that made someone I love so much and someone who used to love me not love me or respect me or want to be with me anymore.

I see your post is from 2008. How did you deal with it? I feel like I'll forever be stuck like this until I fall in love again. But honestly it's been a year now and I haven't even come close to finding something even half as good.

Reply 8

Tylerd94

Stop feeling sorry for your damn self you did something wrong now pay the price. I have forgiven myself for what happened but I haven't just done that I'm going to get some real help to ensure nothing like hurting the people I love ever happens again they are the only people I've ever hurt and it's time I put a stop to it since losing the most important person in the world to me. So that we can hopefully at the very least be friends again as he said he'd like that.

Try and do everything possible to improve yourself and with the new improved you hopefully the person you have hurt would like to meet up with you and if not well then at least you've improved yourself knowing you will meet someone else and not mess up again x