[Anonymous]

Please keep as anon as my bf comes on here - if not please delete. Thank you.

I've been with my bf for well over a year now and we've been having sex for the majority of that time, so this is NOT about virginity-losing or anything.

Basically last night he stayed over at my house for the first time because I'm not usually allowed to have him stay the night. We had an argument earlier in the evening and went to bed in near silence. Then he suddenly climbed on top of me and pulled off my pyjamas and we had sex, and I didn't stop him but I really wasn't enjoying it and we just had sex in silence with him occasionally making a noise, and then he finished and rolled off and just went to sleep.

Now this morning I feel really dirty and really upset about it, I feel sick when I think about it, almost as if I'd been raped. I don't know what to do to make myself forget about it. Any help is much appreciated.

[Flicker]

That's just weird - what did you say to him about it this morning?

[Poldev]

Tell him!

[Democracy]

He sounds lovely...or not

[MuseValheru]

You didnt try to stop him? I cant see how this can be compared to rape! Saying things like this can ruin peoples lives.

[Lychee]

You need to talk to him abouit this and tell him how you are feeling. Not sure why he thought it would be ok if you were mad at each other. Did he kiss/ cuddle or anything?

[Mijdge]

I'd tell him you weren't comfortable, and see how it goes. Sorry I can't give you more advice, hon. xx

[Sazzy890]

Unless you said "No, I don't want this, stop." and he continued it doesn't count as forcing you, or if he pressured you that could also be forcing you. But it doesn't sound like he pressured you.

Although I do think you should talk to him about this, you need to be able to discuss this with your boyfriend and have trust. If you can't tell him how you feel about this, how is he going to know in future? In future if you don't enjoy it and don't want to do it, say no.

[LinMolko321]

I think it's important to talk to him about it.

And ask him how he felt about it, he might be truly shocked and upset by your feelings.

[steelmole]

Maybe he just didn't realise how you felt. I can never tell if people are angry or annoyed.

[randomgirl]

He took off your clothes and starting having sex with you even though you had not responded in anyway (physically or verbally)?
He shouldn't have just assumed consent like that.

I think that you should confront him about this (if you do not feel able to do it alone, tell a friend or relative and they can come with you?). It may be that he assumed from your lack of resistance that you were okay with it, that said, he shouldn't have assumed anything.

[Mijdge]

(Original post by MuseValheru)
You didnt try to stop him? I cant see how this can be compared to rape! Saying things like this can ruin peoples lives.

Excuse me, but some people CAN'T say no, they feel like they don't have the power to. Just because she didn't say no, doesn't mean she wouldn't feel dirty and used. Men shouldn't be allowed to treat women as property they can abuse.

[Hylean]

To be fair, if you didn't want to have sex with him, it's still rape, even if you didn't try to stop him.

[meenu89]

Whatever you do you have to tell him that were not happy with it. Next time, you have to let him know before he starts anything

[Lychee]

(Original post by MuseValheru)
You didnt try to stop him? I cant see how this can be compared to rape! Saying things like this can ruin peoples lives.

She said it feels like rape- not that it was rape, and that is a valid feeling. If she felt like he was forcing her and that she didnt know how to say no then that is a similar experience and will undoubtably affect her emotionally. Expressing how she feels is not the same as going to the police and reporting her b/f.

[Kittten]

(Original post by MuseValheru)
You didnt try to stop him? I cant see how this can be compared to rape! Saying things like this can ruin peoples lives.

I thought it was rape unless she consented, which she clearly didnt if she didnt say anything.
OP your bf sounds a bit odd. Talk about it, with him and tell him how you feel. If it was me then I'd probably break up with him because I think it shows a lack of respect, but maybe thats just me.

[supernova2]

(Original post by Hylean)
To be fair, if you didn't want to have sex with him, it's still rape, even if you didn't try to stop him.

Are you sure!?

[DamnitJanet]

Tell him you didn't feel comfortable and talk about it with him, but I'd reccomend you don't mention the word rape, that's not going to help the situation. After all, if you didn't stop him or protest and you've been having sex for a while, he may well have not noticed that you weren't so keen. It's quite possible he thought you were having make-up sex, and wasn't aware that you were still upset- either way, it's probably good to have a chat.

[manderlay in flames]

Shove it feminists, if you let your boyfriend undress and have sex with you without a movement or word of restraint you have nothing to complain about- it's implied consent! If You don't need a signed consent form every time kids.

[.pushing.charlotte.]

(Original post by Hylean)
To be fair, if you didn't want to have sex with him, it's still rape, even if you didn't try to stop him.

the poor guy isn't a mind reader.
if she didn't want sex she should have just spoken up!