[Anonymous]

I hope this doesn't turn into too much of a catharthic rant, but I am really struggling at the moment and don't know where to turn.

To put you in context, I was always the kinda fat guy at school. I always had lots of mates and I got 5As in my A-levels so was successful in other ways. However, then I went on a gap year.

In my gap year I decided to lose some weight and managed to lose 4stone. I am now 5'9" and weigh 75kg (which I reckon might be about healthy?) and work out a lot, so am pretty solid.

However, I've become paranoid that I'm still fat and I really struggle with eating and I'm a bit worried I've developed an eating disorder.

When I was living away from home it was quite straightforward; I ate what I needed to to lose weight and didn't have anyone to comment or judge me. However, now I'm back home before uni, I'm finding it really hard.

My brother is a bit younger than me and eats a deplorable diet; constantly snacking on crisps, chocolate, fast food, etc. and has an almost perfect physique while I do my best to eat healthily, exercise daily and maintain my figure.

I'm constantly checking myself in the mirror and comparing myself to other guys (I'm not gay or anything, btw). In fact, you would be very surprised and I think most people would if they knew I was actually sitting here writing this.

I'm not losing any more weight, although I am going to the gym for about 2 hours every day. My parents call me a "food nazi" because there's very little I'll eat nowadays and I have to admit I have done some stupid stuff recently.

For instance, the other night, I was a bit stressed and ended up eating awhole box of crunchy nut cornflakes and about 12 weetabix - foods that I have avoided for the last year. I felt pretty ill and ended up forcing myself to throw up.

I'm also tempted to eat unhealthy stuff sometimes, but I feel so awfully guilty and shameful if I do; so what I do now is chew something up til I get the taste for it and then spit it out. This is with biscuits, crisps, chocolate etc.

Maybe some of you think I'm pathetic; I do. When I saw all the stuff on Hllyoaks with hannah etc., I thought WTF; I could never be like that. But I realise now, I kinda am...

Advice, thoughts?

Thanks for reading this, btw.

[bellebaihe]

Don't panic. Your situation is really understandable, and good on you for losing so much weight in your gap year. I know someone else who lost about 4 and a half stone in about 5 months and they felt amazing afterwards, but now their weight decrease has sort of stopped. Although they feel put out because their weight isn't decreasing as fast now as it was then, I think that's perfectly natural, because a body can't keep on losing weight at such an immense rate. Just try to look at yourself in the most positive way possible, given you've already achieved so much. It's great. The more anxious you get about it, the harder it will be to lose weight in the future. It's worrying about you throwing up and feeling so down about it though. Your weight loss is probably still happening even though it's not immediately visible, specially if you're going to the gym and continuing to eat healthily. Just keep this up! Focus on how successful you've been in losing the weight you have, and whenever you feel depressed come and have a rant on here.

=) Good luck (=

[Georgiahoneybee]

First of all I don't think you're pathetic at all and also I'd like to second the congratulations on the weight you lost over your gap year, that's quite an achievement.
So you're looking to lose a little more weight, but your calculating your BMI puts you in the healthy range and also remember that muscle weighs more than fat so I think really now you need to be thinking everything in moderation.
I know it's so much easier said than done, but it is the case. A couple of months ago I ate super healthily and worked out a lot and did lose some weight, but I was so strict with myself that one day I did kind of just snap and ended up eating terribly for about a month or so. Now I'm trying to be healthier but I am allowing myself a treat sometimes because otherwise I find I obsess about the foods I can't have and I think that's what can lead to situations like the one you've found yourself in-in particular the binging aspect.
I know you feel guilty when you want to eat something unhealthy, but, especially considering the amount you work out, a little treat won't do any harm.
I know it's hard, have you tried talking to your parents about how you're feeling? I mean I'm sure their comments, calling you a "food nazi" doesn't help but they're probably just worried about you.
Also with weight loss, obviously depending how heavy you are to begin with, the first bit of weight can come off reasonably quickly but then you hit a sort of plateau, but so long as you continue to eat a healthy balanced diet and exercise then I'm sure it wil happen.
Best of luck, you've done so well, just try and make sure you continue to lose weight the sensible way and don't be so hard on yourself!

[Anonymous]

Hmm. The thing is; I'm not all that sure I need to lose any more weight. Statistically, I think I'm ok. It's just that I feel fat.

I am normally a really driven and successful person which makes this all the more weird...

[kate03]

You're not at all pathetic, well done for posting about it, it takes guts. It must be hard to view yourself properly at your current weight when you've looked differently before. However, the fact that you're restricting what you eat, and binge points to you feeling out of control with what you eat, especially as you make yourself sick. Is there anyone that you could talk to about it or that knows what's going on? (If you don't feel you could go to your GP, how about a friend?) Feel free to PM me if you want to talk about it :-)

[about_my_bow]

hey

first of all well done for posting this, lots of people keep quiet about things like this. also well done for loosing all that weight, its a great achievement. I dont want to keep repeating what everyone else has said because they've said it so perfectly. all i will say is that you are not pathetic! Never think that. Feel free to pm me and have a chat, i've suffered with eating disorders for the past 3 years so im happy to talk whenever