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Why do I find fault with everyone?

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    • Thread Starter
    #1

    What is wrong with me? With friends/potential friends, I look for their faults, and put myself off of them. Seeing them as boring, socially awkward, geeky etc.

    Just always finding fault.

    Why do I do this, and how do I stop?! I want to have friends :confused:
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    Stop it, it's not nice.
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    Cause your not happy with yourself so you see the faults in everyone else
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    Nobody is perfect.
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    (Original post by wellerism)
    Cause your not happy with yourself so you see the faults in everyone else
    Kind of, yeah: OP, if you get into self-doubt etc. then often you end up applying that to others.

    It's not your fault how you feel. It's how you act that counts.
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    Tbh I'm always finding faults with people. It's normal. I don't think I've got self-doubt necessarily, as much as it just annoys me when people don't accept their faults and live their lives.
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    (Original post by Sophie3)
    it just annoys me when people don't accept their faults and live their lives.
    I know the feeling :rolleyes:

    OP there will be some insecurity there, perhaps qualities in your friends that you'd like, but perhaps you aren't too confident or just haven't gone to the effort to do the same, so instead you try to make yourself feel better by doing this.
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    I used to do that with guys when I had really low self esteem and thought no one in their right mind would like me. If they did, I would find a fault in them to stop myself from liking them.

    Do you happen to criticise or over analyse yourself? Because that could be partly the reason you find all the faults in others. The only advice I can give to help you stop is to think more positively about yourself. Once you can do that, you'll be able to look for the positives in other people rather than the faults.
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    its good to be picky. you shouldn't want to be friends with everyone or to like everyone. that being said, there are things that are important and things that are not. if someone is dishonest, superficial, a slacker, horrible hyegine (sp) or unintelligent those are faults that should hinder friendship. someone having poor fashion sense, physically unattractive, not a lot of money, or silly annoying quirks are all things that can be overlooked. everyone has faults. so consider what is important to you in a friend. if someone has those qualities then they are worth your friendship and time, whatever their other faults might be.
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    becaue you are judgmental.
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    people with bad social skills drive me up the wall. they make me feel embarrassed for them. people who are fat and clearly arent bothered about it also bug me. smokers i dont like. etc etc.
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    (Original post by Lara C.)
    people with bad social skills drive me up the wall. they make me feel embarrassed for them. people who are fat and clearly arent bothered about it also bug me. smokers i dont like. etc etc.
    sounds like you're a bit quick to pass judgement on people my dear. if someone is, as you say 'fat and not bothered about it', why is there an issue? If they complained about being fat but then did nothing about it, sure, but the only person they're causing problems for is themselves. It's not like they're ramming cream buns down your throat. If people are happy how they are, let them be.
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    (Original post by oldrafiki)
    sounds like you're a bit quick to pass judgement on people my dear. if someone is, as you say 'fat and not bothered about it', why is there an issue? If they complained about being fat but then did nothing about it, sure, but the only person they're causing problems for is themselves. It's not like they're ramming cream buns down your throat. If people are happy how they are, let them be.
    i do respect their right to eat what they want i dont say anything just what i think. i view people like that as lacking in many things which i aspire to, so i naturally see them in a bad light.
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    Misanthropy... maybe you just don't like people in general.
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    (Original post by Lara C.)
    i do respect their right to eat what they want i dont say anything just what i think. i view people like that as lacking in many things which i aspire to, so i naturally see them in a bad light.
    I see your point, but don't you think it's a bit harsh to automatically categorise people and not give them a chance? Everyone has negatives to them, but you might find some really good positives too.

    For the OP; Often the reason people find fault with others is that they go looking for negatives in people, so try focusing on the good things about a person when you meet them instead.
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    do you not like yourself maybe?
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    (Original post by oldrafiki)
    I see your point, but don't you think it's a bit harsh to automatically categorise people and not give them a chance? Everyone has negatives to them, but you might find some really good positives too.
    well thats the keyword right there. you dont really have a choice. however i dont see it as that bad a thing, it helps people to keep up their standards - which is important.
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    (Original post by Lara C.)
    people with bad social skills drive me up the wall. they make me feel embarrassed for them. people who are fat and clearly arent bothered about it also bug me. smokers i dont like. etc etc.
    all of these are valid points. naturally you don't want to interact with people who don't want to interact with people. if you take care of yourself and value your health then it is understanding that you wouldn't have much in common with those who don't. and if you don't smoke its perfectly reasonable to not be friends with smokers because if you don't want to deal with second hand smoke you shouldn't have to.

    the only one i might say is iffy is the fat issue. its reasonable that people who care about health would want to mingle wth the likeminded...but there is a chance you could miss out of some good friends who may have medical issues. so with the weight issue, don't be overly judgemental until you get to know someone a little bit. if slothfullness is their issue then don't be friends, if they are activly trying to get healthy or its a medical reason then there is no reason to be offstandish.
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    also, ignore the people who say that you dislike yourself. having high standards for others doesn't mean you hate yourself, it just means you have high standards...and that's a good thing.
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Thanks people - I think you are right, I am the same with myself, really critical and over-analytical about everything I do. To the point that I analyse the people I choose to spend time with.

    Once I ease up on myself, hopefully I will be able to do the same for others.

    Think it's to do with self-esteem, I just assume that there must be something wrong with them, for them to want to be friends with me. Then when I find that there is something imperfect with them (as there is with everyone), I put myself off.

    I should realise that people do want to be friends with me, and I am a person who people want to be around, and I should understand that the fact that they like me shows that I am likable - not that they are desperate for anyone.

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Updated: August 25, 2008
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