the joys of being gay!

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I wish I was queer so I could get chicks!

If your ass is a Chinese restaurant I'll have the poo-poo platter
My friend Jerry Vandergrift kissed me in Home Ec. class
Later in the afternoon some jarheads in the locker room kicked my ass
I said guys I'm like you I like Monster Trucks too
Wanna see how many push-ups I can do?
I just wish I was queer so I could get chicks
Chicks dig guys that are
Queer guys that don't dig
Chicks that don't dig guys like me
See I'm not queer I'm too ugly
But if I were handsome just imagine how great it would be
Incognito as gay though but not actually that way though pseudo homo phony
Maybe it's a stupid theory or maybe just stupidity
But if I was a queerbee in the fashion industry
Scoring with a super model would be easy
Cause 'super model' means voluptuous but is also is synonomous with 'super dumb'
Ya see I'd be a good listener so she'd treat me like a sister and soon I'd become
That trusted friend that cares that rubs her back and braids her hair
No it wouldn't be a week before I'm in her underwear
I wish I was queer so I could get chicks
Chicks dig guys that are
Queer guys that don't dig
Chicks that don't dig guys like me
See I'm not queer I'm too ugly
Doesn't matter what I'm packin' in my denim it's what's in my genes
The only smoked meat the only sausage I would eat is made by Jimmy Dean
See I'm not to keen on the smell of Vaseline
No I'm not Princess Di and I don't wanna be a queen
I wish I was queer so I could get chicks

Anyway if I were gay I'd have to change my name to Dirk or Lewis
Hang out with my mom's hair stylist his name is Kip he's got a lisp he talks like this
And wear my mother's lingerie learn the songs of Broadway
And appreciate Depeche Mode and avant garde ballet
I wish I was queer so I could get chicks
Chicks dig guys that are
Queer guys that don't dig
Chicks dig guys that are
Queer guys that don't dig
Chicks dig guys that are
Queer guys that don't dig
Chicks that don't dig guys like me
See I'm not queer I'm too ugly
And I don't shave my heiny
Don't shave my heiny
See I'm not queer I'm too ugly

The Bloodhound Gang's best song ever.

Reply 401

magiccarpet

i have been banned before for saying this, but i truly belive it:

gay people do not exist.everyone is straight really. God made sex for people to procreate . this is why everyone is straight

Reply 402

SamTheMan

magiccarpet

i have been banned before for saying this, but i truly belive it:

gay people do not exist.everyone is straight really. God made sex for people to procreate . this is why everyone is straight

People were made to eat, drink and sleep and reproduce. But that plan got messed up on the way. We weren't designed to work as bankers or lawyers, yet we do.
Most aspects of our sexual behaviour no longer have anything to do with our natural instincts. Society and Culture play a key role. We're not animals any longer when it comes to sex (some may beg to differ...). Even if you look at nature, many species such as Penguins present aspects of homosexuality.

Reply 403

magiccarpet

silkymouse1

It is incorrect to say that straights have the aim to reproduce. i have plently of straight friends who have no wish to do so.
Why, when discussing sexuality does it always have to get down to sex? I'm gay, and when I see another woman, I don't automatically think of sex. I'm simply attracted to them. So my purpose isn't to reproduce. That's exactly the same as many straight people I know. I can have other objectives in my life than reproducing.
The fact is, I found the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, and when people tell me that I am wrong or do not have a purpose, just because that person is the same sex as me, it's just ridiculous. So much hate springs up about often very loving rlationships. It's ironic really.

L

no i dont hate gays i just dont believe in them. the brain is programmed right from the start of the human race to procreate. love and pleasure are only to make people with to procreate. subconsciously we are all straight and gayness is an active action which goes against that.this is why most people can see the attraction in a fit person of the same sex but do not act on it

Reply 404

Checking for Spies

SamTheMan

Well said!If I could applaud I would! :smile:

Reply 405

Barny

Alice2411

wel the only bad thing i find about gays is that they can be extremly bitchy! even more so than girls! but other than that i love em, they are hilarious, altho they tend to be extremly sarcastic (basing this on one guy tho)

Best comment ever.

'They tend to be extremely sarcastic(basing this on one guy though)

Pure class that was..

Reply 406

hollylianne

Mad Vlad

Riiiight... English PLEASE!

Hey,
Theres no rule on how to write, an as long as ppl can read it and its not that unreadable, i dont c the problem.

Reply 407

hollylianne

magiccarpet

Well you dont make yourself gay, you can't help it! What if you were gay or bi, how would you feel if everyone thought it was disgusting. Its not their fault.

Reply 408

NDGAARONDI

magiccarpet

the brain is programmed right from the start of the human race to procreate.

Have neurologists said this?

Reply 409

TKR

magiccarpet

i have been banned before for saying this, but i truly belive it:

gay people do not exist.everyone is straight really. God made sex for people to procreate . this is why everyone is straight

by your logic then condoms don't exist? what a joke! Do you really beleive that gay people DO NOT exist? or do you mean to say that homosexuality does not exist? Are gay people simply affecting their behaviour in order to get attention? Or do they enjoy homophobic comments and abuse?

Reply 410

Cellardore

hollylianne

Well you dont make yourself gay, you can't help it! What if you were gay or bi, how would you feel if everyone thought it was disgusting. Its not their fault.

to be prefectly honest i don't believe you can get someone who is 100% straight or even 100% gay.

Reply 411

Makavelli_07

Cellardore

to be prefectly honest i don't believe you can get someone who is 100% straight or even 100% gay.

Does that mean i'm partly gay? :frown:

Reply 412

viviki

magiccarpet

If that was the case everyone would be bi not gay.
Some people feel no attraction towards the opposite sex. Also what about gay animals ( there is certainly evidence to suggest they exist) are they just subconsciously reacting against social norms? Are they capable of this? I think not.

Reply 413

Zarathustra

magiccarpet

gay people do not exist.everyone is straight really. God made sex for people to procreate . this is why everyone is straight

People who are attracted to members of the same sex exist. End of. That is, sorry to say, a pretty incontestable fact that no pseudo-scientific neurological theory is going to override. Perhaps everybody is supposed to be straight, but in that case something's gone terribly wrong...because everybody ISN'T.

Lets try a parallel argument. 'God made ears for people for hear*. Therefore, no-one has their ears pierced. Everyone that claims to doesn't exist.' Whoops, we just wiped out quite a large percentage of the population!

ZarathustraX (Posting from some supra-sensible realm of non-existence, apparently)

* A note on the relevance of the analogy: human reproductive organs are (supposedly) designed for procreation - gay sex is not conducive to the fulfilment of this aim as it does not procreate. Ears are designed for hearing - driving metal stakes through them is not conducive to the fulfilment of this aim as it does not enhance hearing in any way.