Discuss matters related to personal health and relationships in this forum. However, please keep it sensible and remember that people of all ages can view these forums. Remember, all advice is unprofessional.
Can someone tell me what the point was of me trying so hard to get into university? It was the one thing that kept me going. Gave me something to fight for. A reason to not kill myself and to try and stop self-harming. And now I've got here I just can't do it. I can't cope with the work. My depression is worse. I'm a mess sitting here crying. I can't drop out but I can't do this either and now it's looking like I've only got that one option left of just not existing anymore. I'm a pathetic neurotic freak. Why can't I cope with life? All I want to do is be 'normal' - to be able to live my life without breaking down for once. To be able to complete my assignment rather than struggling to write 152 words in 3 hours. It's not even a hard one but I just can't do it. I can't cope on my own here either. First time in nearly 5 years without having counselling of some type and I break down. How goddam pathetic is that? I should be able to cope on my own. Pathetic stupid freak! God I hate me so much. I don't even know what the point of me trying to stay alive for so long is?
*Hug* I'm sure your uni will have some kind of support network you can tap into. If you don't like your course then could you change to another. And I don't think your pathetic. I bet theres hundreds of other students out there who are struggling and feeling really down. And is there really such a thing as 'normal'?
I'm sorry I probably haven't been very helpful but if you ever want to rant feel free to message me.
The thing is I have the support and I still can't do it. I have an academic mentor, a social mentor, a peer supporter and see the doctor. I'm a failure I really am.
I feel very self-destructive tonight and don't know what to do. All I want to do is cut and cut and cut but I'm scared because I know only deep ones will be enough. That doesn't bother me too much but I don't want to have to go to A&E. Which leads me to think why not just cut really really deep and just be over and done with it? I don't deserve to be on this earth.
Think about it.. Never understood this whole idea? It's okay to feel down, and I can sympathise but this SH stuff, stay well clear. It helps nobody, and puts pressure on everyone afterwards.
So okay, you can't do something. I take it you've just started uni. You'll have time enough yet - talk to others, see how they are coping (I bet alot of them aren't as well as you'd think)
I'm sorry for what you're going through Anon, I hope it gets better.
Don't hate yourself. My fiance's just getting through his depression last year and this is the worst thing you could do. Think about all the things you're calling yourself, and imagine if the next time you went for your session with your social mentor, they treated you like that. How awful would you feel? How would you feel if someone else said to you 'you don't deserve to be on this earth' I hope you'd feel angry and offended, deeply hurt- that's the kind of negative, hurtful impact you're putting on yourself.
You have depression. This doesn't make you a freak- plenty of people go through depression and it's something to do with not getting the balance right of chemicals in your brain, not due to your personality or your own 'failures'- you're not a failure. Please don't do anything self destructive.
Also, talk to people. You said you go to see mentors and your doctor- do you tell them everything you're telling us on this forum? You're locked into a vicious cycle of hating yourself. It's what depression does- the more you experience your negative emotions, the more you feel like you should be in control and you should be 'normal' and this isn't helpful because all it's going to do is make you feel like more of a freak and more of a failure- neither of which you are, by the way. You've already displayed quite a lot of intelligence by the fact you're at uni- it's a big achievement to get to uni.
I just read your last sentence 'I don't deserve to be on this earth'. Of course you do. If your mentors etc aren't helping you or you don't feel comfortable opening up to them, try the Samaritans or other counsellors.
OP cutting won't help you, it's a short-term release and you know that. Trust me I've been there. You need to phone somebody right now, whether it be a friend, family member, counselling service, you've got to get in touch with someone. It is NOT your fault that you feel this way OP, seriously it isn't because depression can strike anyone at any time, it's to do with the chemicals in your brain and they get imbalanced, so sometimes people need help, it's nothing to be ashamed of. If you want to talk you can PM me
Seriously m8, self-harm is not the way forward.
Feeling down is part of life and you need to find ways with yourself about how you can solve them. PM me if you wana chat in depth privately!
(Can a Mod put a potential trigger on this thread please?)
It maybe that it because you are away at university, you aren't near you family anymore and living in such a small room you can't escape from the work, i get upset and i can't work at home because i do everything at my desk, so it constantly feels like i am working, and getting nowhere. Try putting everything out of sight or at least out of the way and having some real down time at least once a day. Dunno if that will help, but it helps to distance you from your work.
Have you tried doing a sport like kick boxing or a martial art and putting all your anger and self hatred into that and then try and use that instead of self harm?
OP, please don't do anything stupid.
You said that it's the first time you haven't had counselling for a few years? Well maybe you should try and get some again.
You can PM me if you want someone to talk to.
I'll never smoke. Already had cancer once, don't want it again.
Cutting isn't a good thing to do but it does help and it's so hard not to do. At least that way I can punish myself for being so pathetic as well.
It doesn't. And you are be no means a failure. I would class a failure to those people 'who tlk lyk dis' on a forum. Your posts are all coherent and very well constructed, more than can be said for a lot of people on this forum! Stupid small thing I've noticed but it's the little things that count.
Chin up, you've taken a good step in posting here. Even write down some of your problems, this helps. Depression doesn't make you weird, it's so common you're not alone.
I tried getting some counselling the other day - went and spoke to them but they didn't offer me another appointment.
I don't tell my mentors about how I'm feeling because that's not they're there for but I did try telling my doctor a bit. Haven't seen her for a couple of weeks though and I'm too scared to make another appointment.
Happy Holidays, I've joined the karate club here but so far haven't been because I haven't been able to build up the motivation to go.
Another thing OP... List everything good you can think of at the moment, make everything into a positive instead of a negative. For example, you could write a list of targets. Like "Stop self-harming" would be a good one. Put an elastic band around your wrist and ping it when you feel like cutting, or hit something instead. Anything is better than damaging your own body, trust me
Happy Holidays, I've joined the karate club here but so far haven't been because I haven't been able to build up the motivation to go.
Go! I know it may seem really really terrifying but you'll meet new people and you'll be able to take your mind off work and depression and self harm for a bit. And I know that it may feel like you really just can't be bothered but you'll feel so much better for it.
instead of storing all of this inside of yourself and then releasing it on yourself dangerously, just have a rant. Say everything about your life, what's wrong, what's tight etc., and we will listen (as you have seen by the amount of posts this has got in a short time, people do care). You may feel better to get everything off or your chest.
I tried getting some counselling the other day - went and spoke to them but they didn't offer me another appointment.
I don't tell my mentors about how I'm feeling because that's not they're there for but I did try telling my doctor a bit. Haven't seen her for a couple of weeks though and I'm too scared to make another appointment.
Happy Holidays, I've joined the karate club here but so far haven't been because I haven't been able to build up the motivation to go.
What specifically? Anything I could help you fix over the internet (I work for Carphone Warehouse) or is it something major like not switching on?
I think it's the network here. My dad phoned vodafone for me and they said it's either the network or something major that I'll need to take into the shop for. Thanks anyway.
I think it's the network here. My dad phoned vodafone for me and they said it's either the network or something major that I'll need to take into the shop for. Thanks anyway.
Ah I know how you feel, my phone's just broken today and I have vodafone!But my phone just doesn't charge up, so nothing I can do. Vodafone can be awful with reception and stuff though, I don't think I'll be going with them again.
Right we need to find you another option then. Do you have flatmates or anyone nearby whose phone you can borrow? Or you can just talk to them?
To be honest, I was experiencing similar feelings of self hate and self loathing. This was quite recently, everyday I wasn't busy and had way too much time on my hands and so naturally my mind would wander, and it wouldn't explore any positive places thats for sure!
I felt trapped in my own depression and refused to talk to anyone about it as I didn't want to be a 'burden', be 'vunerable' or get judged. So I suppose it all ate me up, worried about EVERYTHING and I was withdrawing myself further and further away from everyone, even my boyfriend who got frustrated with my constant crying and refusing to tell him why.
But something changed it. And that's when I visited my dad in hospital after a major operation and he was scared to death about himself, like his health and he was in so much pain and was suffering. He was crying (I'd never seen that before ever) and was having hallucinations of ghosts. Also looking around the ward, I saw a range of people (old, young, middle aged) and they were in similar pain with concerned family and friends around them. So it occured to me that I was actually lucky. My depression was pretty relative, but at least I have my health. Millions of people have no health, no home and no future to live for. So why am I wasting my life away complaining when I should be glad for my fortunate luck for being brought up how I have, with a loving family and home.
So I shook my feelings of sadness off and become me again. My boyfriends happy I've gotten over it and its made me stronger and want to face things when they come. I wrote down everything that was bothering me, in my terms and spilled it out, in no particular order and that helped me get things in perspective. You can't control the world but you can control yourself and how you are.
Not quite sure what else to say tbh...don't know if it helps at all, but felt like sharing some experiences!
Discuss matters related to personal health and relationships in this forum. However, please keep it sensible and remember that people of all ages can view these forums. Remember, all advice is unprofessional.
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can't do this
If you want to talk you can PM me 
