The guilt of going away...

I really want to go away for university. It's been my dream ever since I was little. However my family have always been really strict and said no.

I'm applying to unis outside my city but when they ask me why I just say 'oh for no reason really'. But they think I've got other ideas and they keep letting me how much I'll be letting the family down if I go against their wishes. They actually think it's wrong for a girl to go away to uni by herself. I don't know.

I really want to go but I just feel so guilty. I don't know what to do. Has anyone else been in the same position? Advice appreciated, thank you. :confused:

Reply 1

AnonyMatt

Why should you feel guilty?

Reply 2

Wilt

AnonyMatt

Why should you feel guilty?

It's their problem, not yours...i'm sure they'd be even more let down if you didn't go to uni at all, or dropped out because you didn't like it.

Reply 3

Jade4666

Hundreds of people move away from home for the very first time when going to uni and most cope well. why should you be any different than tht if thts what you wont. I just dont understand the logic of some people lol

Reply 4

DisgruntledMoth

I'm having the same problem. My parents were furious when they found out I'd started to fill out the UCAS website information, but mostly because they're jealous idiots who don't want me to have anything better than the oppertunities they were given.

I expect in your case they don't want you to leave the home because they want you there, they just love you that much. Maybe you should have a talk with them about how you view university as that vital step in reaching maturity, and that you growing up is completely inevitable.

Reply 5

tsarcasmic

It's like my whole life I've been in a bubble!This family of mine - I do adore them but I feel like I need to be just me for a while, as opposed to someone's sister or daughter. They keep accusing me of wanting to leave them! Whatever I say they turn it around to show me the unappreciative side of my personality. I know I take them for granted, they're my family... but I feel too young to be handed the responsibility of caring for my mum. I know.. I'm a terrible person. I just don't see how this can work for anyone.

Reply 6

Aack

It's your choice at the end of the day. Why do they want you to stay? It's your life...

Reply 7

.ka

there aren't many terrible people in the world (really) anyway you're not one of them

Reply 8

DisgruntledMoth

tsarcasmic

Well, you said that you just tell them "oh, for no reason really". Tell them what you've just said here.

Reply 9

Jade4666

You know my cousin has been in the same position as you, not completely but like her mum was really protective of her n such n my mum was the complete opposite my cousins started to 'rebel' a little now tho lol.. I just think that the best way to allow someone to grow up is to let them make their own mistakes. I think they just need to be reassured that you know exactly what you are doing n what you want and convince them that at 18 you can and will cope but that you appreciate them being there for you

Reply 10

tsarcasmic

I have the terrible situation where I just get mocked for trying to express actual feelings. Believe me I have tried... it usually ends with 'Tanya, you're too young to know what you want for the next 4 years' or a 'You'll never survive on your own'. It's like how will I ever know unless I try? But in my family.. you can't just try something with the possibility of failure. There's some weird goings on. If I didn't have my friends.... I'd probably have been committed long ago!

Reply 11

Lichtschalter

tsarcasmic

I don't want to sound mean but they sound like a really unhealthy family. Of course you want to leave them! I love my parents and my brother dearly, but I still wanted to leave them because it's a part of life and completely natural. And yes, it is difficult, but it's more difficult being unable to let yourself experience life outisde of the closed family circle. The fact that they have a problem with a girl going alone to uni sounds sexist and old fashioned, maybe you should put it to them that they try and tell you honestly why they don't think a girl is able to handle independent living.
And as for caring for your mum, that's a hard one. But it's not like she doesn't have her husband to care for her. You are too young to take on that responsibility, and you have your own life to lead. That doesn't mean you can't visit and spend holidays at home, so it doesn't make you a terrible person, I think everyone in your position would feel the same. Be brave and tell them.