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Public Speaking- Intro Help

I understand this isn't exactly English, but I couldnt find a more relevant sub forum so feel free to move it mods.

Anyway, I have a inter house public speaking competition on Thursday and a run through tomorrow. Our topic is "The importance of Individuality". Im the chairman and this is what I have got so far

Any advice/crit would be much appreciated

Ladies, gentlemen, individuals; welcome!

That old historical favourite: Nikata Khrushchev once told us “Comrades, we must abolish the cult of the individual decisively, once, and for all”. Now, I appreciate that Mr. Khrushchev is a highly popular historical figure-I’m sure that many of you would rank him in your top 5 Soviet leaders- and it will be a difficult task to persuade you that some of his views may be somewhat misguided. Nonetheless, we in Grenville like a challenge, and so to try and persuade us of the “Importance of Individuality”; it is my great pleasure to introduce a true individual: CB

Reply 1

Da Bachtopus

You will look back on this in few years time and clutch your forehead with embarassement. But I think it'll probably do for now. Your punctuation is crazy, though I doubt people will hear that.

Reply 2

JAKstriked

Da Bachtopus

You will look back on this in few years time and clutch your forehead with embarassement. But I think it'll probably do for now. Your punctuation is crazy, though I doubt people will hear that.

wat?

If I don't want to be so embarrased what should I change?

Reply 3

Da Bachtopus

Everything. It sounds like you're trying to be clever and funny, but is actually just glib. "That old historical favourite", "your top five soviet leaders" -- it's kind of embarassing, tbh. I know this sounds harsh, but I'm afraid it's true. There's a kind of self-satisfied sniggering behind this sort of rhetoric which is really off-putting.

Also, as Chair, why are you supporting one side? Surely you just introduce the motion then ad-lib some links based on the content of each speech? Or is this some weird debate where everyone is proposing?

On the other hand, this is just me. It's quite probably the audience might like it.

Reply 4

Howells

JAKstriked

That old historical favourite: Nikata Khrushchev once told us “Comrades, we must abolish the cult of the individual decisively, once, and for all”. Now, I appreciate that Mr. Khrushchev is a highly popular historical figure-I’m sure that many of you would rank him in your top 5 Soviet leaders- and it will be a difficult task to persuade you that some of his views may be somewhat misguided. Nonetheless, we in Grenville like a challenge, and so to try and persuade us of the “Importance of Individuality”; it is my great pleasure to introduce a true individual: CB

Who has a top 5 Soviet leaders??
Is that some sort of poor attempt at a joke :s-smilie:

Reply 5

ThisNameNowTaken

Break the ice with an "importance of Individuality" joke

...there are so many to choose from

Reply 6

electriic_ink

I think the problem is is that in your slightly witty delivery you are undermining something that you are trying to convey to the audience as a serious matter (ie individuality). As this is a school thing, however, you know your audience very well and maybe this type of thing washes down well with them.