I've never been good with essay writing, can somebody help me answer this question?

Don't start it 'Dear governors of Central Foundation'. It's an official letter, so start it, 'Dear sirs' or 'To whomever it may concern' or something.

Also, this is too informal (esp. the bits I've emboldened) :

You need to make it more formal, but not overly so. Oh, and the bit I underlined is just incorrect grammar. you shouldn't write the word 'stupid' in an official letter if you want to be taken seriously.

Sorry if I sound mean

thanks for the helpful advice and ofcourse u dont sound mean lol. that took me 20 minutes to write, and the exam is 45 minutes, so im seriously gonna fail english if i carry on at this rate. do these sort of problems get better if u practice more questions?

first of all its a GCSE question. im in year 10 right now and i've always sucked at english in sats i got maths - 8, science - 7, english - 5 realising that english is a crucial subject, ive decided to defeat this weakness of not being able to write essays by doing as much practice questions as possible. anyway here is the one im attempting right now:

Write a letter to your school governors persuading them to abolish school uniform

"Dear governors of Central Foundation,
I am writing to give my support on a new proposal that has been forwards at our school about abolishing school uniform. There are several reasons for this. This includes the fact that the items of clothing are expensive, discomforting and in most cases not worn appropriately by students.

Firstly, most students fail to wear school uniform to the necessary standards. For instance, I myself have seen students wear ties on their heads, wear shirts not tucked into their trousers, and wear their trousers significantly below waist line. I think this is dispicable and can only be the subject of one thing; the compulsory uniform policy. Surely you would all agree that it is purely a waste of effort enforcing this policy if students do not take it seriously and ‘bend the rules’ by wearing the items in a stupidly fashion."

obviously it's not finished, but im aiming for an A / A* for english, so i would like to know how i can make this beginning better.. cos at the moment, it sounds really rubbish

thanks alot

I have taken the liberty of amending your draft, however you will not, of course, use any of the undernoted as your own work, but should maybe look at where I have amended and think why. Any remaining errors apologies, but I have done this quickly.

Your original has poor grammar and punctuation and some of your word choices were not really appropriate. I have left in despicable with corrected spelling but do not believe it is appropriate, you should invest in a thesaurus to assist with word choice. Also wear (wearing in my draft) should be viewed as repetitive, the sentence is accordingly poor.

Whilst extra work will assist, you will also gain greatly by reading. If you read you absorb vocabulary and punctuation etc. I also think that as your first composite objection covers both expense and comfort, as well as appropriate dress, you should expand on each of the first two in order before covering appropriate dress.



Dear Sirs,

School Uniform Policy

I am writing to give my support to a new proposal that has been put forward at our school concerning the abolition of school uniform.

My main grounds of support for the proposal are that the current uniform is expensive, uncomfortable and in most cases not worn appropriately by students.

Regarding this latter point most students fail to wear school uniform to the necessary standard. For instance, I have seen students wearing ties on their heads, wearing shirts not tucked into their trousers and wearing their trousers significantly below waist line. I think this is despicable and can only be the consequence of one thing; the compulsory uniform policy. Surely you would agree that it is a waste of effort enforcing this policy if students do not take it seriously and bend the rules by wearing the items in a inappropriate fashion.

thx man

btw can you have one sentenced paragraphs or r those paragraph starters?

note: this will not come up in my exam - its just a question i picked up from my revision guide

i seem to get the hang of it now i'll post my finished product when i get back on my computer..

got a question - how would you start an essay if you were writing an article for your school magazine?

Fellow peers of Blabla school,
...?