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I'm not quite sure how to write this. As a child I was always very shy. My dad left my mum when I was about 3 or so, and my mum has had boyfriends on and off since then. I was bullied all throughout junior school by one boy. He was the one who everyone hated, yet for some reason saw it reason for me to be the victim of his rage. I remember many times of being in the playground and there being a group of boys and him always pushing me away when I got near to the group. In the end I just used to sit on my own by the edge of the grass and occasionally talk with the teachers who were on "lunch duty". I then went to senior school which was much improved environment wise, but I was still incredibly shy. I had one "best-friend" (who had come to the school in Year 9), yet he was the guy who was exactly who I wanted to be - well-liked by all 'hierarchies' of the year, so him being who he was and having the friends he did didn't have a lot (or "enough" time to spend with me. GCSE years still seemed to be the same. Went to college for A-levels and AGAIN seemed to be the same as I always was - it seemed so daunting, so many people? I then last September went to university. I had gone there with several external expectations. To grow as a person, to develop myself intellectually, to meet like-minded people. I built uni up to be some kind of utopia far off in the distance and once I got there everything would change and be great, studying subjects I love, going out with friends every night. I was sold this wonderful, bountiful dream. Turns out that uni is not a utopia, it's just another set of buildings where I live in a tiny room in a flat with people who hate me. I thought making friends would be simple, living in a hall with 1000+ people, and I always try to be friendly and polite. But last year I didn't even make one significant friend. The people there were are all so outgoing compared to me - I didn't hold that against them, I just find it impossible to talk to them and relate to them. My flatmates all know each other and get along so well and I was just the social outcast who couldn't even cook. I felt like I just wanted to be back home with real friends where I feel happy and comfortable, yet I barely have any. It was a struggle to get up in the morning as I felt I was just an education robot, i.e. go to lecture + tutorial but have no "life" outside of that - I would simply between/after lectures go back to my room and sit on the internet/watch TV. I had nowhere else to go, nothing to keep me occupied somewhere. I was sure my flatmates hated me (I had been put in one of the few single-sex flats, so I was living with 7 other guys). They were all out practically every night - not that I feel so egoistic to hold that against them - but most of them were immature ***** who ran around at 3am banging on my door asking if I'm deaf – NO, I’M REALLY JUST SLEEPING. They would sometimes hold parties in my flat and I didn't feel I could participate as I was the "outcast" (for the times they would come up to my door, laughing, asking whether I wanted to come to the flat party). Everyone around me seemed to get on so well with their housemates; I certainly did not. They were intimidating and liked to do pranks on me and **** and I know they talked about me behind my back. It got so bad that I used to start hardly ever going into the kitchen to eat as I was so scared of seeing any of them. I pretty much went hungry all day and crept in there late at night only when I knew no-one was there or not at all and just kept food that doesn't need to be in the freezer/fridge and ate it in my room. I resorted to eating cold beans just so I didn't have to see the people in my flat or I would go the Tesco Express on Wilmslow Road for food that I could eat straight away. I was sick of seeing the same four breeze-blocked walls. My sleep pattern was the real undoing of me last year. It ended up that I was sleeping 6am - 1pm, and even got worse that it was 12pm - 9pm -- I got into that because of trying to stay up a full "day" to try and shake my sleep pattern off but ended up giving up around lunchtime I was so tired, and got into sleeping for the day. I would spend days and days "trying" to shake off that sleep pattern. I would wake up and it would be just getting dark. My entire activity that "day" would be going to the Tesco Express (which stayed open till 11pm) and getting a microwave meal. I would then just sit in my room all night (my 'day'). I managed to move flats in January, but I was so mentally exhausted that I barely went out for the remainder of that academic year.
I feel as I have had no "experiences" to draw on for conversation - at least with regard to social activities, "being out with friends". It is as if everyone in this world has a photo-album - most people's are full of snapshots of memories of fun times they had (maybe some weren't that fun, but they have had the experiences), whereas mine is mostly empty. I might have snapshots in there that most people wouldn't even consider putting in their albums - a slight conversation with a shop-assistant, or finally plucking the courage to say something in a tutorial and the tutor responding to it. I seem to have no memories of "fun teenage life" - I have had, throughout my life, either none, one or two friends - but even though they were my friend in school I often felt that I was somehow a 'waste of their time ' - that I didn't have much to say to them outside of school, that I had no experiences with other friends to relay etc. Their other friends seemed so much more lively, exciting, social. My life seems to have been "education" (school, college, uni) and "domestic" (home, halls), of which the latter could be sectioned again into "the internet". My social life seems to exist on there; in place of one existing in real life it exists on an MSN contact list. Sometimes I love it, talking to people all over the world, sometimes I find it no replacement at all for a zero-existing social life in the 'real world'. And indeed just as I'm typing this now, the photo-album idea can be exemplified by one thing: photos on Facebook. I see friends of mine from school, some of whom were like me, now seemingly being tagged in over 1000 photos. Their profile page is full of comments by friends of theirs talking to them, inviting them out to clubs etc. I've been tagged photos from only 2 nights ever, and the rest are just photos I added from holiday snaps as I couldn't bare my photo amount to be that low, even though now it is still embarrassingly low. (I guess this seems bizarre for those who don't use Facebook! It seems two things matter on that site - amount of friends and amount of tagged photos of yourself) I remember feeling incredibly low the first time I realised how much of an active social life my (previously shy/introverted) friends were having at uni. Why wasn't I?
I used to feel so clueless about socialising when it involved alcohol. Shameful as it sounds, my first experience of alcohol was in freshers week. And don't get me started on drugs! (and the derivations, variations of - what the actual **** is MDMT?) Am I supposed to have already known the details of smoking hashish with one of those dodgy vaporiser things? I desperately want to be social-skilled, knowledgeable of the teenage lifestyle, and able to take part in it. I remember a few times my mum has told me what she got up to at university when she was there, her expectation that I would be able to identify with it all. I hate being an outsider.
My ideal "social" meets seem to be with a single person - when there is group of people, or even just more than one, I seem to lock-up, as if when I'm only with one person I can't be judged, as a conversation has to be maintained with JUST that person, but when there are two people (or more) who are then talking I seem to just drop out of talking, feel self conscious that they will judge me as inept socially, that they have more experience and interesting things to talk about than what I can contribute. Which makes sense, their photo-albums are way more fuller than mine. University seems to provide an unparalleled opportunity to meet loads of people, yet I blew my first year. Part circumstances, part my own introvertness. Once I get into the proper "world of work" there will be no such opportunity for meeting people as uni provides. Yet I remember telling myself after I'd got my A-level results and uni was rapidly approaching. I can't keep having crap year after crap year after crap year and hoping with all my heart that the next will be infinitely better. But I don't know how to become more "social", having lacked life experience (through barely living one, compare to most people I'm surrounded by). Sigh.
But what has really made me post this now is that my flatmates in halls this year (I went into halls again as I didn't know anyone to even remotely think of asking to live with - or them to ask me). Last year was just bad because of the all-male general laddishness that the flat had - no girls to calm the atmosphere! But because I am a 2nd year in halls the accommodation office decided in their infinite wisdom to mix 1st years, 2nd years and 4th years in one single 8 person flat. Which might not sound bad but the 2nd year guy is never here, and the 4th years I literally never see because of all the work to do - one of the 4th years is actually doing an Engineering masters degree?!! So which means I basically am "day to day living" with only the two 1st years, who are horrible. They themselves have become the best of friends (fine) but they judge everyone else in the flat as beneath them, almost as if there's a "We're great friends, the rest of you don't know each other as well as we do so f*ck you". They keep talking about me behind my back, and I know this because when they go for a smoke they do it near my window (I'm on the ground floor). I'm not gonna reel off soundbites because I don't really like to think about it so in-depth but this week I've heard "He knows we know he's weird" and just today when I was coming back from Tesco, they said that I hadn't mentioned it was my birthday on Wednesday and that they only saw it on Facebook and then starting getting annoyed with me because them potentially not realising would "make them look stupid" - like I give that much of a toss, and like volunteering information to them anyway!! And THEN they said "So are you going out clubbing or anything?" and I replied that I had an exam at 9am the day after so probably not and the guy replied with "Well there'd probably only be about 3 people going anyway" :/ Why can't I live in a NORMAL flat with NORMAL people who are ACTUALLY THERE and are NICE and so I don't have to most of the time just be around these 2 horrible people?? Last year was ****, this year is ****, I really do not know what to do with my life. But then -- this year I actually crave to go out with people, to meet new people. Last year I did not, I was way too introvert and was like a rabbit caught in the headlights during freshers week. I learnt from my mistakes. But because I do not have a social base with which to go out I find it hard to actually meet new people.
Have you thought of joining a society or two? It's a good way to make friends as you'll have something in common and your not being pressured to make friends with each other . I feel really sorry that you've had such annoying flatmates. Hopefully you'll get nicer hallsmates next year!
Lol I read it all And wow... To be honest I think you need counseling, as easy as it is to say all these people who you have been placed with are horrible, the fact of the matter is, you are the biggest issue in your life. Look into the possibility of some counseling in your area, work on your self-esteem, try harder with your self image, if you feel good about yourself then it will show and others will feel good about you.
Maybe it will work maybe it won't, but you can't expect your life to get better without actively trying to make it better, that's really all the advice I can give you
ive actually heard similar stories from my friends currently in their first year, dont click with people so deliberately keep to themselves in their room, or coming back home nearly every weekend to get away from uni.
i guess you got caught up in a cycle in the first year and now haven't any confidence to make any drastic changes to your lifestyle - although im pretty sure you've already said that..
seriously, isn't there a university counsellor? they're there to help with situations like this, and maybe snapping out of it, changing flats, approaching this new opportunity with a whole new attitude, will turn this around
Well, I read all of it. You're not dissimilar to me in a lot of respects; I'm the shy, retiring sort who cannot be placed into a definable group, who doesn't want nor need alcohol, and who has no life. I think that people such as you and I are of a particular ilk in that we cannot get out of our comfort zone, we cannot do things to make ourselves fit in better with the world around us; something spontaneous, something stupid, something out of this world. To outside appearances we are aloof and unapproachable, many people even perceive me as being arrogant or snooty, and it is these impressions that lead to us being negatively stereotyped. The fact of the matter is that, if you don't socialise in the manner that people are used to, you are (and I would argue unfairly) defined as being these things - aloofness is something that is wrongly attributed to me often.
I suppose the grim and brutal truth is that we expect the world to change around us. We expect magic to be brought by the world to us, as if we're going to be changed by some magical force. It's not going to happen. You have to be different if you want to change or you can carry on being the same and getting the same results. Many rebellious teenagers think otherwise, but the onus is on the noncomformist to conform, to be a part of the populous, at least to an extent, in order to fit in rather than the other way round. It's alright letting this fuel within you spew up, building up an anger, portraying your faults as the rest of the world's, but ultimately the world is what it is and you've got to change things yourself. I know, for instance, that I'm a little withdrawn, but I'm going to have to open my mouth and use it - everyone else does, and even when it doesn't come out right they seem to do it to good effect.
If you don't talk, people think you don't want to. It's not up to them to coerce the words out of you. First impressions count for a lot and when people see you this way they quickly judge you. I would suggest that it's not Uni you hate, it's a little bit of everything - I know, for instance, that that can be said of me. I'm different to you in that at various times I've had groups of friends, and I'm probably not as introverted as you are, but I am of the same ilk and understand your mindset intimately. It's not a problem with not drinking alcohol - no-one has ever judged me for that. It's not a problem to do with them either, they're not perfect but you've no right to judge. The fact of the matter is that like-minded people don't exist when you create a world full of mysticism and romanticism, when you're always criticising, always comparing, where you're always looking for something deeper or better.
You've got to get used to the real world and then come to terms with the fact that things only ever get better when you endeavour to make them so. You can't just feel like you never have any energy to make friends, you can't feel like you can't participate in parties. Such behaviour is by definition very anti-social, so you can hardly profess to misunderstand their reasons for thinking you're a bit boring and/or a bit of a knob. They're being overly judgmental, admittedly, but you can hardly blame people for judging. The truth is that there's no such thing as life experience - every person experiences different things - life is all about mind-set and your ability to succeed in any one goal is determined by your attitude and your approach as opposed to the experiences that have come before.
Apart from which, I wish you luck. Your own inhibitions are holding you back, just as mine did, so I'd advise you to abandon them altogether and just do something mad. You don't need counselling, you need to chill out and go with the flow.
Last edited by LukeatForest : 19-01-2009 at 20:51.
I have to say, it's never too late to stop living. That in itself is a good start, right? I think I really feel for you. There're a lot of things you mention, like being a bit of an anomaly among flatmates, and expectations of Uni being somewhat dashed, that I can relate to. I'm only in my first year, and think that my time's been jeopardised a bit (by myself) because some stuff happened over the summer, and I let it ruin some of this experience for me. But hey, it appears we keep rolling.
I don't believe for a second you don't have any experiences to speak of! Maybe you're really crap at remembering things, like me, or maybe you just haven't done any of the stuff you really want to yet. There's always a window, some loophole that can get you involved in conversation with someone- if you feel you don't have a past to talk about, talk about your future. Why not take a minute on occasion to think about the stuff you might want to do in the future- hell, think about the stuff you /don't/ think you want to do and ask yourself why. You might surprise yourself with the amount of ambition you've got holed up in there :P
Now. If there's anything I'm familiar with, it's the world of the internet. Over the past couple of years I've delved into (now quite fun and close) friendships with people I've never met, going entirely against the conventional "if you make friends on the internet, you will get raped and die" attitude to such things. In many ways, I don't regret it at all, and for the record, have always been careful. I've known why it's frustrating, having it seem like.. You can talk so freely to mates online, and like it just wouldn't be the same were you having a conversation face to face. Much as I feel comfortable interacting with both online and day-to-day friends on the internet, though, I can't deny that there's other stuff to do with your day, having taken the time to look around and explore what's available to me.
In all honesty, you don't sound that weird to me. Not there's a problem in being a bit weird, in my humble opinion. Where are you at Uni? I know this might all sound a bit like a contrived Oprah-esque monologue, but I don't think you're completely lost- there's hope yet, so never fear!
My advice? Embrace your weirdness; before you respond to situations that make you feel bad in any way, stop yourself and find what there is to laugh about in it, and soon you'll be smiling. Everyone wants to talk to a smiler. And as well, don't take it all so seriously. There're bazillions of people in the world, many of which will want to be your friend if you give them half the chance- which you haven't been doing. In short, chill the fack oooout, man! :P
Ooh that was a challenge to read but the general gist is that you feel your whole life has been ****.
I'm not going to dispute that - from the way you described it, it doesn't sound fun. The thing you need to realise though is that just because your past was a mess, it doesn't mean your future has to be.
Originally Posted by tymbnuip
I'm not quite sure how to write this. As a child I was always very shy. My dad left my mum when I was about 3 or so, and my mum has had boyfriends on and off since then. I was bullied all throughout junior school by one boy. He was the one who everyone hated, yet for some reason saw it reason for me to be the victim of his rage. I remember many times of being in the playground and there being a group of boys and him always pushing me away when I got near to the group. In the end I just used to sit on my own by the edge of the grass and occasionally talk with the teachers who were on "lunch duty".
It's hard but you've got to move on now. That was a long long time ago - you were all children and children can be such pigs to one another. Move on from your past - talk to someone about it in order to get over the hurdles - you have to accept your past and realise that it's over in order to move on now.
Originally Posted by tymbnuip
I then went to senior school which was much improved environment wise, but I was still incredibly shy. I had one "best-friend" (who had come to the school in Year 9), yet he was the guy who was exactly who I wanted to be - well-liked by all 'hierarchies' of the year, so him being who he was and having the friends he did didn't have a lot (or "enough" time to spend with me. GCSE years still seemed to be the same. Went to college for A-levels and AGAIN seemed to be the same as I always was - it seemed so daunting, so many people?
Evidently, you're introverted. If people can't accept that then they're not worthy of your time. Don't ever change yourself for other people - you are what you are, accept yourself and associate with people you are similar to (societies!) - don't put yourself in situations involving large numbers of people if that's what makes you unhappy.
Originally Posted by tymbnuip
I then last September went to university. I had gone there with several external expectations. To grow as a person, to develop myself intellectually, to meet like-minded people. I built uni up to be some kind of utopia far off in the distance and once I got there everything would change and be great, studying subjects I love, going out with friends every night. I was sold this wonderful, bountiful dream. Turns out that uni is not a utopia, it's just another set of buildings where I live in a tiny room in a flat with people who hate me. I thought making friends would be simple, living in a hall with 1000+ people, and I always try to be friendly and polite. But last year I didn't even make one significant friend. The people there were are all so outgoing compared to me - I don't hold that against them, I just find it impossible to talk to them and relate to them. My flatmates all know each other and get along so well and I was just the social outcast who couldn't even cook. I felt like I just wanted to be back home with real friends where I feel happy and comfortable, yet I barely have any. It was a struggle to get up in the morning as I felt I was just an education robot, i.e. go to lecture + tutorial but have no "life" outside of that - I would simply between/after lectures go back to my room and sit on the internet/watch TV. I had nowhere else to go, nothing to keep me occupied somewhere. I was sure my flatmates hated me (I had been put in one of the few single-sex flats, so I was living with 7 other guys). They were all out practically every night - not that I feel so egoistic to hold that against them - but most of them were immature ***** who ran around at 3am banging on my door asking if I'm deaf – NO, I’M REALLY JUST SLEEPING. They would sometimes hold parties in my flat and I didn't feel I could participate as I was the "outcast" (for the times they would come up to my door, laughing, asking whether I wanted to come to the flat party). Everyone around me seemed to get on so well with their housemates; I certainly did not. They were intimidating and liked to do pranks on me and **** and I know they talked about me behind my back. It got so bad that I used to start hardly ever going into the kitchen to eat as I was so scared of seeing any of them. I pretty much went hungry all day and crept in there late at night only when I knew no-one was there or not at all and just kept food that doesn't need to be in the freezer/fridge and ate it in my room. I resorted to eating cold beans just so I didn't have to see the people in my flat or I would go the Tesco Express on Wilmslow Road for food that I could eat straight away. I was sick of seeing the same four breeze-blocked walls. My sleep pattern was the real undoing of me last year. It ended up that I was sleeping 6am - 1pm, and even got worse that it was 12pm - 9pm -- I got into that because of trying to stay up a full "day" to try and shake my sleep pattern off but ended up giving up around lunchtime I was so tired, and got into sleeping for the day. I would spend days and days "trying" to shake off that sleep pattern. I would wake up and it would be just getting dark. My entire activity that "day" would be going to the Tesco Express (which stayed open till 11pm) and getting a microwave meal. I would then just sit in my room all night (my "day". I managed to move flats in January, but I was so mentally exhausted that I barely went out for the remainder of that academic year.
I want to be social, but feel like I have never have any energy to make friends.
So uni hasn't been how you imagined it and your housemates were ***** - they're gone now.
Originally Posted by tymbnuip
I feel as I have had no "experiences" to draw on for conversation - at least with regard to social activities, "being out with friends". It is as if everyone in this world has a photo-album - most people's are full of snapshots of memories of fun times they had (maybe some weren't that fun, but they have had the experiences), whereas mine is mostly empty. I might have snapshots in there that most people wouldn't even consider putting in their albums - a slight conversation with a shop-assistant, or finally plucking the courage to say something in a tutorial and the tutor responding to it. I seem to have no memories of "fun teenage life" - I have had, throughout my life, either none, one or two friends - but even though they were my friend in school I often felt that I was somehow a 'waste of their time ' - that I didn't have much to say to them outside of school, that I had no experiences with other friends to relay etc. They're other friends seemed so much more lively, exciting, social. My life seems to have been "education" (school, college, uni) and "domestic" (home, halls), of which the latter could be sectioned again into "the internet". My social life seems to exist on there; in place of one existing in real life it exists on an MSN contact list. Sometimes I love it, talking to people all over the world, sometimes I find it no replacement at all for a zero-existing social life in the 'real world'. And indeed just as I'm typing this now, the photo-album idea can be exemplified by one thing: photos on Facebook. I see friends of mine from school, some of whom were like me, now seemingly being tagged in over 500 photos. Their profile page is full of comments by friends of theirs talking to them, inviting them out to clubs etc. I've been tagged in about 6 photos, and the rest are just photos I added from holiday snaps as I couldn't bare my photo amount to be that low, even though now it is still embarrassingly low. (I guess this seems bizarre for those who don't use Facebook! It seems two things matter on that site - amount of friends and amount of tagged photos of yourself) I remember feeling incredibly low the first time I realised how much of an active social life my (previously shy/introverted) friends were having at uni. Why wasn't I?
I feel so clueless about socialising when it involves alcohol. Shameful as it sounds, my first experience of alcohol was in freshers week. Yet still to this day I feel clueless about what to order at pubs, in clubs etc. And don't get me started on drugs! (and the derivations, variations of - what the actual **** is MDMT?) Am I supposed to have already known the details of smoking hashish with one of those dodgy vaporiser things? I desperately want to be social-skilled, knowledgeable of the teenage lifestyle, and able to take part in it. I remember a few times my mum has told me what she got up to at university when she was there, her expectation that I would be able to identify with it all. I hate being an outsider.
My ideal "social" meets seem to be with a single person - when there is group of people, or even just more than one, I seem to lock-up, as if when I'm only with one person I can't be judged, as a conversation has to be maintained with JUST that person, but when there are two people (or more) who are then talking I seem to just drop out of talking, feel self conscious that they will judge me as in-adept socially, that they have more experience and interesting things to talk about than what I can contribute. Which makes sense, their photo-albums are way more fuller than mine. I guess what has prompted this posting is that in a month or so I will be starting 2nd year university and I know that I *HAVE* to change. University seems to provide an unparalleled opportunity to meet loads of people, yet I blew my first year. Part circumstances, part my own introvertness. Once I get into the proper "world of work" there will be no such opportunity for meeting people as uni provides. Yet I remember telling myself after I'd got my A-level results and uni was rapidly approaching. I can't keep having crap year after crap year after crap year and hoping with all my heart that the next will be infinitely better. But I don't know how to become more "social", having lacked life experience (through barely living one, compare to most people I'm surrounded by). Sigh.
But what has really made me post this now is that my flatmates in halls this year (I went into halls again as I didn't know anyone to even remotely think of asking to live with - or them to ask me). Last year was just bad because of the all-male general laddishness that the flat had - no girls to calm the atmosphere! But because I am a 2nd year in halls the accommodation office decided in their infinite wisdom to mix 1st years, 2nd years and 4th years in one single 8 person flat. Which might not sound bad but the 2nd year guy is never here, and the 4th years I literally never see because of all the work to do - one of the 4th years is actually doing an Engineering masters degree?!! So which means I basically am "day to day living" with only the two 1st years who are horrible. They themselves have become the best of friends (fine) but they judge everyone else in the flat as beneath them, almost as if there's a "We're great friends, the rest of you don't know each other as well as we do so f*ck you". They keep talking about me behind my back, and I know this because when they go for a smoke they do it near my window (I'm on the ground floor). I'm not gonna reel off soundbites because I don't really like to think about it so in-depth but this week I've heard "He knows we know he's weird" and just today when I was coming back from Tesco, they said that I hadn't mentioned it was my birthday on Wednesday and that they only saw it on Facebook and then starting getting annoyed with me because them potentially not realising would "make them look stupid" - like I give that much of a toss and like volunteering information to them anyway!! And THEN they said "So are you going out clubbing or anything?" and I replied that I had an exam at 9am the day after so probably not and the guy replied with "Well there'd probably only be about 3 people going anyway" :/ Why can't I live in a NORMAL flat with NORMAL people who are ACTUALLY THERE and are NICE and so I don't have to most of the time just be around these 2 horrible people?? Last year was ****, this year is ****, I really do not know what to do with my life. But then -- this year I actually crave to go out with people, to meet new people. Last year I did not, I was way too introvert and was like a rabbit caught in the headlights during freshers week. I learnt from my mistakes. But because I do not have a social base with which to go out I find it hard to actually meet new people.
Could you transfer to another halls/flat this year as you don't get on with the 2 first years?
All of this shows that you've had a rough time of it for quite a while now - you can change it, you've got to make the decisions though. You've been surrounded by horrible people and situations for so long that it's exhausted you and now you're miserable.
You need to talk to a counsellor about the issues in your past and you need to talk to someone at Uni about you future - set some goals for yourself and aim to achieve them. Get happy - look after number 1. Face your past and then move on from it - it doesn't have to become part of you. Stop caring about what people think of you and befriend people who you relate to.
You can sort your life out - just take a step back and look at your options.
Good luck
I guess I was going on a bit of a ramble but I definitely feel more "socially capable" this year than last, but there's no point in that being the case when you don't have friends/flatmates to go out with. But I am still introverted in the sense that being around people kinda drains me, like I have to go back to my room to recharge my batteries sometimes.
It's your confidence you need to work on, and that will come through the practice of socialising! Is there any way you can get a part-time job? Or take up some volunteering of some sort? This is socialising in its easiest form; you don't have to keep up constant conversation becase obviously there's work to do, but it's still satisfying in that you get to meet lots of new people.
Maybe if you acted a bit more laid-back in front of these guys (obviously idiots, I'm so sorry you have to be stuck with them I really am) then they'd lay off a bit. If you showed them some confidence (even if you have to completely fake it) they'll have more respect for you.
Perhaps you could befriend some people on your course you've never spoken to- a clean slate almost? Or meet up with some of the people you talk to on the internet?
Hi, just about managed to make it through the post first of all i just want to give you a big hug cos it sounds like you've been having a hard time (also before i forget are you at manchester uni?? i know a tesco express on a wilmslow road lol) okay i agree with the person who said maybe you could benefit from counselling? or at least going to see your gp about it.. there are different types of therapy that help you look back on past experiences and use this to help you change future behaviour patterns? perhaps it can help you to become more confident and outgoing (from your post i think you sound sweet and not a weirdo so you need to stop telling yourself you are)
as for the moment i would say try and ignore your flatmates they sound horrible, i know it can be hard when everyone else seems to get along and you feel like an outsider.. i think everyone has experienced that to some extent.. concentrate on things you enjoy.. do you perhaps have a hobby? sports? joining a society could be an option.?
do you think it would be completely out of the question to say to your flatmates 'look i know we've got off to a bad start but i'm having a hard time here and was wondering if we could start afresh?' might be worth a shot.? i dunno..
and as for the feeling behind on 'teenage experiences' i wouldn't worry.. a lot of people just blag it.. i know i did with sheesha (only done it once before uni) so don't be afraid.. people aren't going to judge you for being slightly more unsure of things, i'd probably think it was sweet..
it seems pretty tough right now but i think admitting your stuck in a bit of a cycle is good, now you just need to focus on how to get out of it.. have a positive outlook, try new things, be brave.. if you always assume people are going to dislike you and make you an outsider and don't give them a chance to prove that wrong then that's what's gonna happen.. you've had it bad for a while right now but it won't always be like this
Well, I read all of it. You're not dissimilar to me in a lot of respects; I'm the shy, retiring sort who cannot be placed into a definable group, who doesn't want nor need alcohol, and who has no life. I think that people such as you and I are of a particular ilk in that we cannot get out of our comfort zone, we cannot do things to make ourselves fit in better with the world around us; something spontaneous, something stupid, something out of this world. To outside appearances we are aloof and unapproachable, many people even perceive me as being arrogant or snooty, and it is these impressions that lead to us being negatively stereotyped. The fact of the matter is that, if you don't socialise in the manner that people are used to, you are (and I would argue unfairly) defined as being these things - aloofness is something that is wrongly attributed to me often.
I suppose the grim and brutal truth is that we expect the world to change around us. We expect magic to be brought by the world to us, as if we're going to be changed by some magical force. It's not going to happen. You have to be different if you want to change or you can carry on being the same and getting the same results. Many rebellious teenagers think otherwise, but the onus is on the noncomformist to conform, to be a part of the populous, at least to an extent, in order to fit in rather than the other way round. It's alright letting this fuel within you spew up, building up an anger, portraying your faults as the rest of the world's, but ultimately the world is what it is and you've got to change things yourself. I know, for instance, that I'm a little withdrawn, but I'm going to have to open my mouth and use it - everyone else does, and even when it doesn't come out right they seem to do it to good effect.
If you don't talk, people think you don't want to. It's not up to them to coerce the words out of you. First impressions count for a lot and when people see you this way they quickly judge you. I would suggest that it's not Uni you hate, it's a little bit of everything - I know, for instance, that that can be said of me. I'm different to you in that at various times I've had groups of friends, and I'm probably not as introverted as you are, but I am of the same ilk and understand your mindset intimately. It's not a problem with not drinking alcohol - no-one has ever judged me for that. It's not a problem to do with them either, they're not perfect but you've no right to judge. The fact of the matter is that like-minded people don't exist when you create a world full of mysticism and romanticism, when you're always criticising, always comparing, where you're always looking for something deeper or better.
You've got to get used to the real world and then come to terms with the fact that things only ever get better when you endeavour to make them so. You can't just feel like you never have any energy to make friends, you can't feel like you can't participate in parties. Such behaviour is by definition very anti-social, so you can hardly profess to misunderstand their reasons for thinking you're a bit boring and/or a bit of a knob. They're being overly judgmental, admittedly, but you can hardly blame people for judging. The truth is that there's no such thing as life experience - every person experiences different things - life is all about mind-set and your ability to succeed in any one goal is determined by your attitude and your approach as opposed to the experiences that have come before.
Apart from which, I wish you luck. Your own inhibitions are holding you back, just as mine did, so I'd advise you to abandon them altogether and just do something mad. You don't need counselling, you need to chill out and go with the flow.
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Oh great, I hate uni
time to spend with me. GCSE years still seemed to be the same. Went to college for A-levels and AGAIN seemed to be the same as I always was - it seemed so daunting, so many people? I then last September went to university. I had gone there with several external expectations. To grow as a person, to develop myself intellectually, to meet like-minded people. I built uni up to be some kind of utopia far off in the distance and once I got there everything would change and be great, studying subjects I love, going out with friends every night. I was sold this wonderful, bountiful dream. Turns out that uni is not a utopia, it's just another set of buildings where I live in a tiny room in a flat with people who hate me. I thought making friends would be simple, living in a hall with 1000+ people, and I always try to be friendly and polite. But last year I didn't even make one significant friend. The people there were are all so outgoing compared to me - I didn't hold that against them, I just find it impossible to talk to them and relate to them. My flatmates all know each other and get along so well and I was just the social outcast who couldn't even cook. I felt like I just wanted to be back home with real friends where I feel happy and comfortable, yet I barely have any. It was a struggle to get up in the morning as I felt I was just an education robot, i.e. go to lecture + tutorial but have no "life" outside of that - I would simply between/after lectures go back to my room and sit on the internet/watch TV. I had nowhere else to go, nothing to keep me occupied somewhere. I was sure my flatmates hated me (I had been put in one of the few single-sex flats, so I was living with 7 other guys). They were all out practically every night - not that I feel so egoistic to hold that against them - but most of them were immature ***** who ran around at 3am banging on my door asking if I'm deaf – NO, I’M REALLY JUST SLEEPING. They would sometimes hold parties in my flat and I didn't feel I could participate as I was the "outcast" (for the times they would come up to my door, laughing, asking whether I wanted to come to the flat party). Everyone around me seemed to get on so well with their housemates; I certainly did not. They were intimidating and liked to do pranks on me and **** and I know they talked about me behind my back. It got so bad that I used to start hardly ever going into the kitchen to eat as I was so scared of seeing any of them. I pretty much went hungry all day and crept in there late at night only when I knew no-one was there or not at all and just kept food that doesn't need to be in the freezer/fridge and ate it in my room. I resorted to eating cold beans just so I didn't have to see the people in my flat or I would go the Tesco Express on Wilmslow Road for food that I could eat straight away. I was sick of seeing the same four breeze-blocked walls. My sleep pattern was the real undoing of me last year. It ended up that I was sleeping 6am - 1pm, and even got worse that it was 12pm - 9pm -- I got into that because of trying to stay up a full "day" to try and shake my sleep pattern off but ended up giving up around lunchtime I was so tired, and got into sleeping for the day. I would spend days and days "trying" to shake off that sleep pattern. I would wake up and it would be just getting dark. My entire activity that "day" would be going to the Tesco Express (which stayed open till 11pm) and getting a microwave meal. I would then just sit in my room all night (my 'day'). I managed to move flats in January, but I was so mentally exhausted that I barely went out for the remainder of that academic year. 
. I feel really sorry that you've had such annoying flatmates. Hopefully you'll get nicer hallsmates next year!
And wow... To be honest I think you need counseling, as easy as it is to say all these people who you have been placed with are horrible, the fact of the matter is, you are the biggest issue in your life. Look into the possibility of some counseling in your area, work on your self-esteem, try harder with your self image, if you feel good about yourself then it will show and others will feel good about you. 
You were really unlucky. I can't really give you any advice but I'm sorry 
