[Cocoa]

So just a quick recap about my history with my ex...Basically I just want to know if you guys think I should ask what his intentions are - whether he's still interested or if I should file him into the "just friends" category - you know that category no boys recover from - Thank you to anyone who is persevering and reading to the end

Before spring break last year our relationship was pretty strong...But when I came back he suddenly wouldn't talk anymore, and either canceled with short notice on plans that we had made or just wouldn't show up. The first time it happened I brushed it off, it happens, the second time I got annoyed, the third time I tried to call him, he didn't pick up so I got a little angry at the voicemail. Then a month passed I saw him once because I ran into him at school. It felt weird - like there was something off. I have no idea what happened over while I was gone but I was so frustrated I sent him an email saying that I wished I didn't have to do it over the internet but I didn't understand what was going on and that if it would continue I was out (of the relationship). He didn't say anything for a week and when I asked him about it he said something about "i guess it's over". For a couple weeks afterwards we tried to keep talking, just as friends because since we didn't end due to a big fight or disagreement - it just kind of ended. But I was such a mess for the first couple months that I couldn't keep talking to him because it just really hurt me. I told him that one day and his reaction was really shocked - I guess he hadn't really realized how hurt I was - and said "well you know I'm always here if you want to talk" - at that point all I could think is 'yea right - because you really were mister communication'.

Over time we started talking again, and a couple months later he started to show interest in meet up in person. At first I was hesitant and avoided the topic, but I realized it had to happen someday so I prepared myself for it. I never brought it up myself, maybe it was cowardly but I was just trying to protect myself for all I remembered at the end of our relationship he was unreliable - so I let him be unreliable to the plans he made himself. We went to dinner a while later and it was nice, more comfortable than I thought it would be and definitely not the horror emotionally draining tears running down my face sobbing experience I was afraid of. It was hard I'm not saying it was easy, but I was able to more than handle it. I guess I behaved myself well enough and was interesting, or intriguing, enough that when the weekend came he asked if he could come over for a bit.

We watched a movie and talked through it, and continued to talk for hours afterwards - about 7 I think. Meanwhile he's inspecting everything that has changed in my room over the past year and commenting on most of it...At times I don't know if he was slipping back into old habits or it was his way of showing interest... It was just so easy. At one point he said something like "I wonder why it was so hard for us to do this (talk so easily) when we ...Maybe I was too immature" I didn't go into it just looked away and said that I had probably been too scared and he perhaps a little immature...and left it at that. He didn't say much more on the topic but did apologize. Later, around 1:30/2am he said it was late and should probably leave but was thinking about imposing on (exact phraseology not clear) but basically implied he was thinking about staying here...my body and heart were screaming yes! yes! but my brain was whispering too soon gonna cry if that happens...so I stayed quiet - and I think he accepted it. But when he left an hour or so later we just paused in the door way and ...oh it was sooooo tempting arghhh...

Now I wonder...if I should ask him or just assume that it's "Just Friends"

[Haps]

Puhlease who do you thinks gonna read all this, sorry to be rude but I would like to help you, but considering what time of day it is and the sheer length of you post. I can tell you now you would make a good Novel writer if not a success in relationships.

[Cocoa]

I'm really sorry that it's so long but I know that if I post a summary of that ^ there will just be a ton of questions, so I've learned to cover my bases before having to answer questions I should have answered in a more through original post

[mollymustard]

I have actually read all of the above but havn't chosen a catagory, mainly because I think it sounds like early days and you should see how things go over the next few weeks.
If it all seems positive then I can understand why you would want to ask where you stand.

You have a right to know, and obviously you don't want to be used or hurt in the process but maybe you need to let feelings develop before you jump to conclusions.

[Cocoa]

so I should just go with it for a while, read the signs and if it comes up go with it? ...as in he's already mentioned our relationship once

[Emanuelle]

I read it, you have to ask exactly what happened last time and get it all cleared and understood before you can even think about anything more than friendship with him.

[Wild Thing]

Don't make the first step. Let him run for it for a while until he is 100% sure that he wants to be with you again, nor justb ecause you gys just had a fun 7 hours. Meet up with him more often and over the period of 1/2 weeks then assess the situation again, no point deciding now. Just wait and see what happens

[99redballoons]

tl;dr
north korea beckons

[pink_cait]

Take your time hun, You don't wanna get hurt but you don't wanna end up scaring him off.

[MagicNMedicine]

I don't think this is going anywhere. A lot of guys will try to maintain diplomatic relations with former partners because it is a sexual option if they are going through a barren spell but if when he's in a relationship he cancels plans at short notice or doesn't show up altogether then he sounds like a waste of time. I get irritated by the cancelling plans at short notice thing, if a girl does it to me I will give her the benefit of the doubt once but if it happens again I won't contact her again.

If this has been going on for months its best for you to file him into history and move on otherwise this will linger.

[Sammm_XD]

you need to know where you stand, ive learnt that the sooner you know the sooner you can move on, and without a definite answer from him you'll always be wondering what if, just ask him, its the best thing to do x

[Cocoa]

Originally Posted by MagicNMedicine

If this has been going on for months its best for you to file him into history and move on otherwise this will linger.

It only happened in the last 3 or so weeks of our relationship, we've spent the last 10 or so months apart, but started speaking more regularly in the last 3 or 4 months...and met up twice now - planning again for this weekend

[parpirate]

Didn't read anything, but at a guess asking is the only way to find out how they feel about you.

Response based purely on the poll options.

[Cocoa]

Originally Posted by 99redballoons

north korea beckons

haha YESSS lol always wanted to go there, except I was more leaning to Cuba - sunnier

[sleekchic]

What's with the move to a Communist Country option in the poll?

Shockingly, I read all of that and I think you should just ask him about you two. Don't just ask if interested or ask of just friends but ask what went wrong because I think that's really important and from his response determine where you are.

[Cocoa]

Originally Posted by sleekchic

What's with the move to a Communist Country option in the poll?

I meant it in a half-joking just avoid him completely manner


--> But if I ask him now, about why he was dumb at the end of our last stab at a relationship would that not just serve to scare him off...should I first find out what his intentions are and if he's interested establish a strong relationship where he could be comfortable answering without being afraid that I would kick his ass for whatever he may (or may not) have done/thought?

[get_more]

c'mon! find yourself a nice guy, not such lazy ******* useless ****.

[sleekchic]

Originally Posted by Cocoa

I meant it in a half-joking just avoid him completely manner


--> But if I ask him now, about why he was dumb at the end of our last stab at a relationship would that not just serve to scare him off...should I first find out what his intentions are and if he's interested establish a strong relationship where he could be comfortable answering without being afraid that I would kick his ass for whatever he may (or may not) have done/thought?

If asking him about your relationship would scare him off then wouldn't asking him about where you are do the same thing?

I understand that you don't want to scare him off so for that reason it is probably best to wait until you think it's a safe time to do so.

[Cocoa]

thank you sleekchic you sound very reasonable

[Cocoa]

Originally Posted by get_more

c'mon! find yourself a nice guy, not such lazy ******* useless ****.

sometimes our feelings don't give us a chance to do that - and I've tried, trust me, to loosen his hold on them