[Anonymous]

Just wondering how people found their home friends once they've been to uni.

I really didn't expect to enjoy uni, but i love it and have made some v.close friends. However, one of my best friends from home doesnt really enjoy her uni and spends most of her time with her boyfriend (who she met on her gap year) down south when shes at uni up north. (like weekends etc) she spends so much money on travelling to see him and i dont think he copes with the long distance very well. hes quite a bit older (25, shes 20, so not loads older but still hes not been to uni and has a job/ still lives with his mum- not sure what hes doing) its not really up to me but i feel shes messed up uni by putting too much in her r-ship.

however she now is really quite bitter to me because im enjoying it so much. I am also in a relationship of two years and we are extremely close but we deal with the long distance. And as he is up north and im down south near where we live, we see eachother maximum of twice a term. It is hard but we cope with it. She always accuses me of not putting enough effort in. I excuse her by thinking well its her first boyfriend, whereas I was with my ex for three years n so maybe am less disillusioned by the whole love thing.
I am very much in love with my boyfriend, but i know uni is very important so put it first in some ways.

Also she bitches about my friends (not specifically) but just saying how they'll never be the same as ones i've known for a lifetime. but to be honest i feel so close to some of them. especially my neighbour, who i literally spend every day with. My friend from home doesnt seem to see it like that and says three years of uni dont amount to a whole childhood etc. i know she isnt really settling in, but im just fed up of how she behaves about it. shes got obsessed over a guy who probably will break up with her cause hes very possessive n cant handle distance, and yet puts him above everything.

sorry for the rant but i was just wondering how everyone else found their friends once they'd started uni (home friends).

ah also- my other home best friend is great. i dont get to see her v.much but we're just the same as ever when we do and i dont feel there is any jealousy on either side about our uni friends, we just are glad eachother enjoy uni.

[Anonymous]

??????

[***amy***]

Yeah I think that can happen sometimes. Luckily most of my friends are loving uni so it isn't a problem, but I reckon you have to be sympathetic as it's horrible if you don't when the expectation is "uni is the best time of your life" and all that.

Could you maybe talk openly about it with her? Say that you understand she doesn't enjoy uni as much but it's really hurtful when she bitches about your friends. Reassure her that they won't replace her (probably what she's worried about!) but that it's easy to get close to someone very quickly when you're with them 24/7 and see them all day and at weekends etc (She might take the hint that this would help her too?).

I wouldn't go into advising her about her boyfriend. From experience, people tend to just do what they like in terms of love life, ignore any advice and when it all goes wrong they forget you ever told them it would kinda thing. Just let her get on with it but maybe say you really don't appreciate her having a go at your relationship and that everyone's different.

At the end of the day your uni friends MAY replace her as you might end up having more in common, but that's not the end of the world. People move on and 3 years definitely CAN replace a childhood, sadly.

[Cocoa]

i get on a lot better with my uni friends than my home friends - home friends have, after 3 years, dwindled down to just a few it happens especially if you don't go to uni at home

[lauren-san]

I've found that although i've made good friends at uni, none of them compare to my friends back home. We don't see eachother as much as we'd like to, were all happy at different uni's but it's always back to normal when we do with no jealousy. I have fun here but feel like my true friends are from home x

[BJP]

Originally Posted by ***amy***

Yeah I think that can happen sometimes. Luckily most of my friends are loving uni so it isn't a problem, but I reckon you have to be sympathetic as it's horrible if you don't when the expectation is "uni is the best time of your life" and all that.

Could you maybe talk openly about it with her? Say that you understand she doesn't enjoy uni as much but it's really hurtful when she bitches about your friends. Reassure her that they won't replace her (probably what she's worried about!) but that it's easy to get close to someone very quickly when you're with them 24/7 and see them all day and at weekends etc (She might take the hint that this would help her too?).

I wouldn't go into advising her about her boyfriend. From experience, people tend to just do what they like in terms of love life, ignore any advice and when it all goes wrong they forget you ever told them it would kinda thing. Just let her get on with it but maybe say you really don't appreciate her having a go at your relationship and that everyone's different.

At the end of the day your uni friends MAY replace her as you might end up having more in common, but that's not the end of the world. People move on and 3 years definitely CAN replace a childhood, sadly.

These are good thoughts. Pretty much what I was thinking Good Luck!

I've been thinking about losing school friends etc. recently when I (& they) hopefully go to Uni in September. Thanks for sharing!