[Anonymous]

This is probably going to be a long post..

I liked my previous school but it was a below-average comprehensive with loads of misbehaving kids who were more interested in smoking than getting 5 GCSEs. I was there from year 7 and did well.. I got 4 A*, 6 A and 2 Bs at the end of yr 11. I had loads of friends there and felt happy, even though it wasn't a particularly good school (I think 36% got 5 A*-C grades in my year). I wanted to leave mainly because a lot of my friends were leaving, and the 6th form would be very small. I thought a change would be good for me.
My choices were: going into private education, college, a new comprehensive school which was only about 2 years old or a selective comprehensive school which achieves the same grades as private schools and is very popular.
I applied to the selective comprehensive and got a place. I was really excited because its hard to get into and I thought I'd do far better there than I would at my previous school.

Induction day was pretty much where the good times stopped. Unlike other people moving to this school from my old one, I didn't know anyone there. My confidence levels dropped to zero and I felt very awkward. After the first day I told my parents that I wasn't comfortable, but they told me to stick it out for the 2nd day. A party was organised to mark the end of the induction at a club. I got myself a ticket and spent literally 15 minutes there before leaving. I found myself unable to socialise with anybody.. the people I had met on induction were having a great time with big groups of friends.

My experience was made worse by a trip to Paris during the summer. This was with people from my yr11 and I had a great time. I came back feeling as though I was leaving loads of great people behind and really thought I should never have applied for this new school. I just told myself that things would get better, and I shouldn't consider going back to my old school until I'd spent a few weeks at the new one.
It was also very hard to tell my parents I didn't want to go to this new school. I hadn't got in on my first try and my mum had to go through a huge appeal process to get me a place. It used up loads of here time and she really tried hard.

When term started I found my subjects hard from week 1. I didn't like the teachers and felt that I couldn't get anything from the lessons. I went from being the top in my old school of the class to the bottom of this one. Things were bad from the start.. I was handing homework in late, not reading up on my notes and not revising for internal exams.
I was making a few friends from my subject classes but didn't feel they were people I truely got along with. I could be friendly with them in school but wouldn't ever go round thier houses, meet up in town or do anything social with them out of school.
I was also having a hard time figuring out what I wanted to do at uni. I went on a pre-medicine course but decided it wasn't for me. AS level exams came around and I found I couldn't revise. I had not been keeping up with the work in my subjects and felt like I hadn't learnt anything in 8 months. UCAS sessions started and people were researching courses when I had no idea..

I went on a World Challenge expedition in the summer and I felt happy again. It was like i'd left all my problems behind and was doing something I really enjoyed. I got to know a couple of people really well there, but back at school they were in an entirely different friendship group anyway..
Results day was while we were out there but I got mine in the car back from school to home on the day I returned. I got BEEU - I had gone from being a straight A student to being absolutely useless.. (I spent the rest of the summer on my own.)
I had to consider whether I would drop out or continue and try to improve. After some meetings at the school it was decided that I could carry on into yr13. However I had to attend y12 classes to resit Biology and Maths papers.

In september school started again and I still had UCAS nagging on my mind. I had been considering some courses but now I'd never get high enough predicted grades even to apply. Y12 Biology lessons were dreadful.. the teachers were bad and I found the y12s irritating. I really wasn't enjoying school but couldn't think of anything I'd do instead.
Things continued as usual until Christmas. I was never going out and not working at home. I just sat listening to music by myself, on the computer. Over Christmas I went to lake district with my family for a few days. I had a good time there.. it felt like I could only forgot about my problems when I was completely detached from them. But I can't live my whole life on holiday..

I had trial exams in January. I had to retake my maths exam to stay on the course after I failed it. I got a C and my teacher was absolutely extactic.. a feeling I didn't share. It felt extremely depressing knowing that my teachers thought the best I could ever hope to achieve were Cs, when I used to do so much better. I finally applied for 5 courses before the UCAS deadline. After getting 5 offers and visiting the universities I decided I really didn't want to accept any of them, and so rejected all 5. I still havn't been able to work at home. Some evenings I feel so low that all I can do is lay down and shut my eyes.

Because I did badly in AS, and havn't been keeping up with work, there's no way I can turn things around the achieve the grades I really want at the end of this year. It doesn't look like I'll be going to uni and I definitely don't want to get a job. College looks like my only option but I can't see how I'd do better there than at one of the best schools in my county. Its so hard to motivate myself to make the best out of what I have left when there doesn't seem to be anything to aim for. If I don't revise and get Es, I'll have to retake my A levels. But if I work and get Cs and Ds, I'll still have to retake anyway.
I argue with my mum a lot. She says I should try hard to do as well as I can, but when I ask what the point of it is she says 'to get your a levels'. She doesn't seem to be able to suggest anything past that, and always says she doesn't understand me. She works hard at her job as a teacher and never has any free time. She always seems to be tired or frustrated with us. I usually talk to her once in the morning and once in the evening. My dad is an utter moron, who goes through periods of being completely immature and incredibly irritating. If he wasn't away on work so much I'd probably argue with him a lot more than I do. I have a brother at university having to retake year 2 who could easily fail again. My other brother got average A levels and is now working in a dead end job living at home. It looks like my sister is going the same way.. I feel like my family is completely useless and I have no one here to look up too. I'm always blaming my parents too..

I havn't been out in months. The friends I do have at school don't really suit me.. a lot of people think I'm a bit of a joke. When I got an A in a recent geography exam I can remember someone saying 'but I thought you were stupid'. Outside of school I avoid people that I recognise from my old school in town. If there's a chance I might have to have an awkward conversation with someone I don't really know I will readily avoid it.

When my mum said I'd been feeling depressed at home during a parents evening my teachers were really surprised. At school I've got used to completely covering up how I feel with a big act, which can be tiring at times. Sometimes I can't sleep and also feel really hungry at stupid times of the day. I know I should see a doctor, and I walk past my local GP every day but I can't force myself to go in. Every morning I tell myself that I'll go, but by the time school's ended and I'm walking home.. I completely bottle out. If I'm feeling okay some days I think that the GP might not believe that my depression can be so bad because I'd seem happy. If I get prescribed pills they will only stop me feeling frustrated and won't make the problems go away. I'll still be left not knowing what I want to do next year and feeling as though I've completely let myself down over the year and a half.

I feel pretty lost right know and could do with some help..

[Jazmine]

So many people get As in GCSE and then fall to getting Us and such in A-Level (it's a big jump). Don't worry about having done badly. Regarding studies, just work hard at home. Do you best, even if you don't do well you can at least know that you tried your best, okay? Never be discouraged by bad results. I did badly in my first year, re-took the year in my A2s and did a hell of a lot better. If you dwell on it, you're not going to be able to move on as it's clearly not a motivator for you. Dust yourself off, work hard. =)

A-Levels are not for everyone, if you're not happy doing them then perhaps you should just go into the world of work. You can always go back to doing A-Levels, or a BTEC, Foundation Degree, or whatever you decide to do if you ever return to college. It's not like A-Levels are the only option, although they are good to have. If you want to stay on, just work out a revision plan (I have a really loose one - I advise that to get you started, set up tiny goals first) and just try and get through it xx

Forget about your family... they can be annoying. My family are achievers, I hate it 'cause they're extremely modest and think I'm the brightest one of the family.. they all expect me to do a lot better than them (they're all laywers, doctors, surgeons, business owners, etc) but I don't think so at all =( You just need to look at what's available to you, you don't need anyone to look up to (my family are too high for me to look up to, I feel). Just set goals for yourself. =)

You should speak with your school too, if you don't want to go to your GP. There should be a welfare department (mental health & disabilities, etc, they can provide counselling or give other options for helping you cope with college and your life). Never self-diagnose, I say this because a lot of people who think they are depressed are not. It's more serious than people seem to think 'cause they're usually just sad. I'd say take up the courage to go to your GP if possible, at least just to make them aware of how you are.

[Electric_Dreams]

Depression is a horrible thing and something you must address, even if it seems like attempting to do so is like climbing a mountain. Therefore I can't stress enough just how important it is to visit the doctors. If your mum is aware how you are feeling and wants to feel better than I'm sure she will try to support you by coming along with you. At the age of 17/18 doctors will prefer not to put you on medication until they deem it necessary. For example is you feel suicidal, in which you will need the support of medicine. Otherwise I know some, if not many local authorities have emotional support teams that people of our age can talk to, who will listen to you and try to help you through this bad patch hopefully without the help of medicine.

As hard as it may sound I agree with your mum that you need to try and focus on your A-Levels. I know it will be very hard to focus on things like this but you must not let yourself feel like you've let yourself down further. There are about 2-3 months left to revise for exams and you are clearly making great progress (moving from Es to Cs and even As!) despite your current situation which I find very impressive tbh. You sound like a very intelligent person and I'm certain that if you made your A-Levels a point of focus from now on, you could probably achieve As and Bs and I'm sure you'll feel less fustrated. Now that your teachers are aware of your problems I'm sure they will give you extra guidence if you need it.

On the issue of university and the future I'd say put that to the back of your mind for now. Given everything going on now and your uncertainty I'd say it would be a good idea to take a gap year. Not going to university automatically or not going at all does not make you a failure at all, nor does it mean that you will end up in a dead end job. Taking a gap year and either working, gaining work experience, travelling or doing some further courses at a college will give you time to reflect and decide what you feel comfrotable doing next. Do not, whatever you do, just go to university because others want you to. This is what effectively happened with your current school and it's time you began living life for yourself.

In terms of your social life I'd say forget those idiots at your school. Tbh they sound like a bunch of ********* and not worth your time. School is school and your social life does not need to derive from it. Can't you try spending time outside school with your old friends?

So all in all my advise is to take hold of your life.
As hard as it may be it is something you must do, and it is something that you can do. You can get out of this but it is only possible once you realise you are in control.

Please talk to your mum, even show her your post, go to the doctors and focus on your A-Levels best you can. You sound very clever and are clearly already making progress, so I'm sure you will be able to get a good set of grades. However, remember grades are not everything, by far, so try to get in touch with old friends and gain more of a balance in your life.

Good luck. x

[Gemma :)!]

Firstly, well done for sticking with college! I don't think I would have been able to. Do you not have any idea what you want to do in the future? The university I want to go to only want me to get DDDE, and they'll give me a place, even though I got higher than that in my AS Levels.

If uni really isn't what you want to do, then what about a course like hairdressing or business management? Both of those can be really well paid jobs, & the courses guarantee you a job at the end of it (depending on which college you go to obviously). Maybe that's a better thing for you to do, seen as you don't seem to be getting on with A Levels and you don't like revising.

However, maybe it's the fault of the college. Maybe you need a clean break and you could try A Levels again. How many have you taken? If you've taken 4, then try dropping one and just stick with 3. Or try taking General Studies. If you're a bright person, you should be able to get good marks in that (our college makes students sit it without any lessons, and if I got a B in AS you could do better I expect, as you got much better GCSE results as me.) Maybe the subjects you chose just didn't suit you if you don't like exams. Why don't you take subjects which are more based around coursework? Such as art, drama, technology or music, or things like that? Coursework lets you perfect your work, and get it to the highest possible standard, & lets your teacher see it and give you advice about what you need to add to it.

A Levels are the hardest exams of our lives, so I completely sympathise.. it's tough work, especially if you found it hard to make friends, and your family aren't being particularly supportive about it.

Maybe you'd benefit from doing a work experience course over the summer holidays? Contact a company & ask if you can work with them for a week or two, or ask a family member can you go to work with them. If you try that, it might help you to work out what you want from your life, or at least what you definitely don't want.

I think you might benefit also from a visit to a doctor. I don't think you have actually depression, but it does sound like you get a little low, and your doctor might be able to prescribe mild anti-depressants for that, just for the short term to see if they help at all.

Honestly though, everyone at my college is so stressed about exams at the moment it's untrue. These ARE the hardest exams we'll ever do, and there aren't many people out there who understand that, unless they've taken them themselves.

I hope you feel better about everything soon, & message me if you need someone to chat to.. I'm always here!