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My mom wont accept my brother being gay :(

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    #1

    Hi everyone, iv never used this before so here goes.

    I'm 17 and my brother is 25 a few weeks ago he told me he was gay which i accepted as he's my brother and have no problem with this but he didn't want to tell our parents until he was ready (our parents are separated, we both live with our mom)

    My dad txt me yesterday afternoon saying he nos about my brother, and he is happy and accepts it.

    BUT...

    I got home from college yesterday and my mom totally blanked me so i asked what i had done and she started screaming at me saying i should have told her about my brother and that its "sick and disgusting", i told her that it is not my place to tell her and that there is nothing wrong with my brother liking men and not woman but she got really angry with me. My brother came round today but my mom said she would only let him in if he is there to collect his things as he is no longer welcome. I'm so angry with her! I don't understand how she can be so selfish and just cut her own son out of her life! I don't no what to do as she gets angry with me when i mention him and it is really upsetting me
    Any suggestions about how I can get her to talk to him etc?
    Help anyone...
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    It could just be the shock, she's probably spent the last 25 years of her life expecting him to get married and have kids with a girl. Give it a few days and then see how she is.
    If she's still stuck on that idea then maybe just sit her calmly down and say that he's still the same guy she's brought up and loved for all these years, and that it's not a choice anyone makes, it's you're DNA?
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    I think she just needs time to accept it. I think often people might act like being gay doesn't make a difference etc, but when it happens to their own child, react badly.

    In time she'll come around and realise how rude she's been. For the time being just be there for your brother. :hugs:
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    think she needs time to acccept it -

    i personally have no problems with gay/lesbians.... my mother does though - she says she dosent but ithe way she talks about gay people it seems she does!

    i personally believe - its the way they are brought up and taught to believe (the elders im on about here..!) - dont forget -wea re the next gen,, more open about different situations....

    give her time and dont be tto harsh on her
    and well done to your bro for coming out... that takes guts x
    good luck
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    I think she just needs to cool down and then she'll probably become more comfortable about it.
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    I would put it down to shock, some people take longer then others, hopefully she will come around and realise its not a choice people make its just the way it is.
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    Time heal all wounds. shes a bit hurt, angry and shocked right now. Give her some space. don't discuss It, act like it never happened and after a while she'll cool down (well it always work with my family) and probably get over it or she might not, that's always a possibility.
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    i agree with other posts that she is most probably just in shock.
    continue to try and talk and get her to understand though and help your brother explain how he feels about it and that it makes him happy etc.
    if she still won't hear him out, maybe get him to write her a letter or something that she can read when she's ready.
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    haha i always tease my girlfriend that I will disown any children we have that are gay. I actually wouldn't mind a son being gay but he'd have to drop the "feminine voice act" straight away otherwise he'd be out the door. I fail to see why talking in a feminine voice is mutaully exclusive to having sex with men lol
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    She'll come round in time. Mums always imagine a future family and grandchildren etc, this will be a huge shock to her. Give it a few weeks.
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    What I fail to understand is the way people treat homosexuality as a life choice. According to them people just get up one fine day and decide that their life is too simple, all they need is a strong dose of discrimination, isolation, ridicule, belittlement, homophobia et al. and decide to "become" gay.

    I'm sorry that your mum reacted the way she did. One can only hope that once the initial shock wears off she would be able to see the situation more objectively and decide that your brother is still the same person regardless of his sexuality. Just try to be there for your brother in whatever way you can :hugs:
    #2

    This is why I'm afraid to come out. Heterosexual people take their sexuality for granted, in my opinion. Most can't understand what it's actually like to be 'in the closet'. You have to pretend to be something you're not every single day, you can't have a relationship with someone you want, at least only a secret one, and you are constantly worried about being found out because you're parent(s) could throw you out the house or your friends could disown you. It's a really horrible time of your life.
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    Give it time. She would eventually realise she is in the wrong.
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    I love how everyone is busy analysing the whereabouts of the OP while she's complaining about the banishment of her brother.
    Ah, what a wonderful world.
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    (Original post by BeautifullyTragic)
    It could just be the shock, she's probably spent the last 25 years of her life expecting him to get married and have kids with a girl. Give it a few days and then see how she is.
    This exactly. In fact, I was going to post the same thing almost word-for-word.
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    your mother is right to feel the way she does.

    women are too hot!
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    I pity your loss. You should comfort your mum, not laugh at her.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    This is why I'm afraid to come out. Heterosexual people take their sexuality for granted, in my opinion. Most can't understand what it's actually like to be 'in the closet'. You have to pretend to be something you're not every single day, you can't have a relationship with someone you want, at least only a secret one, and you are constantly worried about being found out because you're parent(s) could throw you out the house or your friends could disown you. It's a really horrible time of your life.
    *hug*
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi everyone, iv never used this before so here goes.

    I'm 17 and my brother is 25 a few weeks ago he told me he was gay which i accepted as he's my brother and have no problem with this but he didn't want to tell our parents until he was ready (our parents are separated, we both live with our mom)

    My dad txt me yesterday afternoon saying he nos about my brother, and he is happy and accepts it.

    BUT...

    I got home from college yesterday and my mom totally blanked me so i asked what i had done and she started screaming at me saying i should have told her about my brother and that its "sick and disgusting", i told her that it is not my place to tell her and that there is nothing wrong with my brother liking men and not woman but she got really angry with me. My brother came round today but my mom said she would only let him in if he is there to collect his things as he is no longer welcome. I'm so angry with her! I don't understand how she can be so selfish and just cut her own son out of her life! I don't no what to do as she gets angry with me when i mention him and it is really upsetting me
    Any suggestions about how I can get her to talk to him etc?
    Help anyone...
    well tell him to stop being gay
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    she probably feels like shes failed as a parent.
Updated: March 17, 2009
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