Extreme jealousy/insecurity - Does THERAPY ever work?

Also I will let you know how it goes and maybe if your problem gets worse we can both go to therapy

Don't worry, I know it's much easier to give advice on this than to take it. I reckon I could be a counsellor the amount I've learnt about dealing with it, but still can't manage my own feelings.

I hate that feeling, when you know you're being utterly ridiculous but you can't stop your stomach turning round. It's not like I sit there watching films thinking how much I wish I was with all those men.

I tend to think about my boyfs past alot hes been with alot of people and is too confident, and like you, I wonder about how he was with his ex and if he liked her more at any point. I know its crazy too and for the most part Im just a normal gf but every so often Ill just randomly change into a psycho and make myself feel sick about unecessary things.

I just talk to him about it and he reassures me he'd never hurt me but he claimed he loved his ex but also told me he cheated on her cause she wouldnt let im do anything and got too clingy and annoying, which Im scared of becoming eeek. Its a never ending circle LOL. But talking does really help.

You're gorgeous though so i wouldn't worry. I bet he's crazy about you.

I tend to think about my boyfs past alot hes been with alot of people and is too confident, and like you, I wonder about how he was with his ex and if he liked her more at any point. I know its crazy too and for the most part Im just a normal gf but every so often Ill just randomly change into a psycho and make myself feel sick about unecessary things.

I just talk to him about it and he reassures me he'd never hurt me but he claimed he loved his ex but also told me he cheated on her cause

Yes, let's ALL go to therapy. In a massive ball of insecure jealousy. It'll be beautiful.

Oh god facebook ruins lives I swear. I also look at my boyfriends facebook, though I don't read his texts, I just check his wall to see who he's talking to and then make up implicit meanings of things as well. This is the hardest thing to not take out on him because it's solid and I can go back to it and see it again and again and analyze it and wind myself up. Arhh.

Good luck to everyone who is also trying to sort this out. I'm really glad I'm not alone, keep us updated.

Exactly the same. And yes!! Fear of rejection is a self-fulfilling prophecy. The more I think about not wanting that to happen, the worse I get and end up a snivelling mess of 'you don't like me' schoolgirl behaviour instead of the cool and calm girl he liked in the first place. Then you get worked up about that and so it goes on. Sigh.

OMG are we twins LOL.

When we first got together I was the cool gf yeah I dont care attitude I know he loves me, yet further down the line Im scared of him cheating or getting bored of me ( he always says how he got bored of previous girls and did'nt want anything other then some 'fun'). I also look at his facebook to see if hes become friends with people or girls have written on his wall. He accepted his ex on there the other week . His computer has broken though so he never goes online anymore unless @ a mates.

Gosh I sound awful Im not always like this just occasionally when the jealousy monster creeps in.

Therapy is useless honestly.

Therapy is useless honestly.

Heya OP

First of all, I have a prerequisite for you; search 'Desiderata' on Google, and read it. A bit random, maybe, but it gives me perspective whenever I read it. You have to realise that.. Well.. There are bigger and better things in life to think about. Despite how you're feeling, there's always some good about the situation, even if it's tiny.

Anyway. I empathise completely. I don't think there's any magical cure for your state of mind at the mo other than embracing your fear and doing the impossible. Like everyone's said, learn to love yourself, trust your judgement and learn to trust. It's the only way you'll find contentment, methinks.

A while ago, I was at a stage like yours. I was nitpicky about texts from my then-boyfriend and most often felt excluded from his life because he was more of a quiet type, even though to me, in the grand scale of it all, he was the best thing since sliced bread. I loved him with every fibre of my being. But then there was always unrest in my mind, and I let things bug me- I think at one point I, too, got kind of fixated with his ex, even though he'd expressed an obvious dislike for the girl, and to be honest, I think I was going through the motions of being a difficult girlfriend because I didn't know what to do with myself. I bit the bullet and decided to go with my overreactive emotional mindsplurge and eventually ended up kind of unintentionally telling him to change. Something like, I don't feel like I'm properly involved in your life, you need to be more open, or I can't go on. I imagine he took that quite hard, and was insulted by my behaviour- in retrospect, I know and did know that there should never be any need to ask someone to change who they are, and to this day I think that isn't really what I wanted. I was in a crazy place.

So.

Reasons and arguments aside, my problem, I've come to believe, was that I didn't know enough about myself, what I valued and what I could deal with before getting into this awesome relationship. I'd brought with me my insecurities from the past, and my preconceptions from other people's relationships, possibly resulting in one of the most painful mistakes of my life thus far; I lost the guy I loved. What can I do but urge you to detach yourself from the situation and think about what /matters/- this guy /loves/ you, that's evident, and probably has no clue how to fix what you're going through, because it's all self-inflicted, even though he'll want to make it all go away for you. Put yourself in his shoes, and learn to see what he sees in you. Some insanely amazing, vastly good-looking, all around beautiful girl that he feels lucky to be with, probably. Learning to respect who you are and appreciate your faults and strengths is not the same as being arrogant, vain or self-absorbed- it's a necessity for you to be able to put your heart into a relationship and make it work, otherwise you'll have no strength left for yourself.

Anyhoo. That's my two cents. I really hope you find it in you to take a leap

OP can I just ask are you a bit of a perfectionist? And scared of the future a bit? A procrastinator?