I am a Muslim girl ... confused about some issues in Islam...

I am an 18 year old Muslim girl, I don’t necessarily pray 5 times a day although I know I should, but I am devout in the sense that I refrain from drinking, sex, mingling too much with the opposite sex and so on. I believe strongly in Allah and have done all my life but I have never looked too much into my religion. Recently, I have started looking properly into Islam and some of the things I have discovered have upset and confused me. This does not mean I don’t believe in Islam, but it has depressed me a little in the sense that I don’t feel like praying and stuff. I know this is a topic which sparks off many debates and insults but I would appreciate if it didn’t go into this. My problem basically concerns Women in Islam and after reading more into it (the proper way, not on the net!) I have come to the conclusion that I believe women do not have all the rights that they should in Islam.

For example, I was shocked to learn that if a woman refuses to have sex with her husband then she will be cursed by the angels until he is ok with her again. No reference to men whatsoever has been made in this passage. I don’t understand why the woman doesn’t have the right to refuse sex with her husband. Also, a woman must always obey her husband whenever he asks for sex, but isn’t this kind of permitting rape within marriage, so if the woman refuses then the husband can rape her but that will be ok because she’s meant to obey him in that sense anyway. Sorry if I’m babbling on.

Secondly, the whole issue of two women having to testify in court and the testimony of one will not count, whereas one man can testify on his own. I am aware that reasons have been given for this, but it still seems ridiculously unjust to me. Isn’t this taking away such a huge right of a woman? It’s like she’s too dumb to give her side of the story or something. I just can’t express how strongly I feel about this, it limits a woman’s right in such a situation by such a huge amount. I mean I’m sure all women aren’t lacking in memory or always having hormonal problems. If they are capable of looking after their husband and children and have the mind to abide by many other rules then I’m sure they aren’t always going to lie or be forgetful or whatever.

Thirdly, apparently in Islam, Men, no matter whether they are 80 or 18, are allowed to marry young girls of any age, but can not have sex with her until she reaches puberty. But is this not breaching a woman’s right since she was a child when the marriage took place so she did not have the right mental state to know what was going on, she can just be ‘given’ away. Also, the husband could easily take advantage of her and have sex with her anyway since she can live with him. My young cousin is 8 and quiet frankly the thought that Islam allows her to be married to an 80 year old man sickens me. Also, I was wondering if this applies to women as well since I have not heard of such a case. Like an 80 year old woman marrying an 8 year old boy or whatever. (Ew, I know)

Sorry if I have caused offence to anybody but these issues (there are more but too long to post on here) are making me so depressed and making me see Islam in a light which I did not think was even possible and in a way i know is wrong. I do not want to feel this way but i can't help it. Any clarification on these issues would be a huge help. Thank you.

WHY choose TSR (students forum) to discuss these uncertain issues? shows you are not that serious, are you?

Not good to debate about islamic issues, your responses will be unreliable. I'll give some info about what i know but go to www.islamonline.net and you can check out the info about the site on wikipedia if you don't trust me.
Firstly I must ask you, where did you gather your information from? I thought that someone must reach puberty before they get married? And the consent of the man and woman has to be given, it is free choice. As for the angels thats the first I heard of it. Plus men are not allowed to have sex with their wives when they are in menstruation. Men have rights over women but women have rights over men. Men and women are equal but not the same.
let me give you an example
'paradise lies under the feet of your mother'

I hope i have been of help and I know this sounds patronising, but you should pray 5 times as your faith will grow weak.

WTF! i agree with the above posters, is TSR the best place you could think of to ask these sorts of questions, where the majority of people aren't muslim. You're hardly going to get a reliable response now are you!

As a Muslim girl myself, i agree with the fact that woman are treated unfairly. My dad is proper strict when it comes down going out with my friends. I also feel depressed about the sex issue. Men can also marry up to 9 wives, but a woman doesn't have that privilege. My parents have 9 year difference!!!
Like you, i was brought up as a Muslim.

TSR isn't a really good place to come for issues regarding Islam.

And the first point you said isn't true.

Yes it is.

Allah's Apostle (Pbuh) said, " If a husband calls his wife to his bed (i.e. to have sexual relations) and she refuses and causes him to sleep in anger, the angels will curse her till morning." (Sahih Al-Bukhari Vol. 4 Hadith No. 460 & Sahih Muslim Vol. 2 Hadith No. 3368)

I am an 18 year old Muslim girl, I don’t necessarily pray 5 times a day although I know I should, but I am devout in the sense that I refrain from drinking, sex, mingling too much with the opposite sex and so on. I believe strongly in Allah and have done all my life but I have never looked too much into my religion. Recently, I have started looking properly into Islam and some of the things I have discovered have upset and confused me. This does not mean I don’t believe in Islam, but it has depressed me a little in the sense that I don’t feel like praying and stuff. I know this is a topic which sparks off many debates and insults but I would appreciate if it didn’t go into this. My problem basically concerns Women in Islam and after reading more into it (the proper way, not on the net!) I have come to the conclusion that I believe women do not have all the rights that they should in Islam.

For example, I was shocked to learn that if a woman refuses to have sex with her husband then she will be cursed by the angels until he is ok with her again. No reference to men whatsoever has been made in this passage. I don’t understand why the woman doesn’t have the right to refuse sex with her husband. Also, a woman must always obey her husband whenever he asks for sex, but isn’t this kind of permitting rape within marriage, so if the woman refuses then the husband can rape her but that will be ok because she’s meant to obey him in that sense anyway. Sorry if I’m babbling on.

Secondly, the whole issue of two women having to testify in court and the testimony of one will not count, whereas one man can testify on his own. I am aware that reasons have been given for this, but it still seems ridiculously unjust to me. Isn’t this taking away such a huge right of a woman? It’s like she’s too dumb to give her side of the story or something. I just can’t express how strongly I feel about this, it limits a woman’s right in such a situation by such a huge amount. I mean I’m sure all women aren’t lacking in memory or always having hormonal problems. If they are capable of looking after their husband and children and have the mind to abide by many other rules then I’m sure they aren’t always going to lie or be forgetful or whatever.

Thirdly, apparently in Islam, Men, no matter whether they are 80 or 18, are allowed to marry young girls of any age, but can not have sex with her until she reaches puberty. But is this not breaching a woman’s right since she was a child when the marriage took place so she did not have the right mental state to know what was going on, she can just be ‘given’ away. Also, the husband could easily take advantage of her and have sex with her anyway since she can live with him. My young cousin is 8 and quiet frankly the thought that Islam allows her to be married to an 80 year old man sickens me. Also, I was wondering if this applies to women as well since I have not heard of such a case. Like an 80 year old woman marrying an 8 year old boy or whatever. (Ew, I know)

Sorry if I have caused offence to anybody but these issues (there are more but too long to post on here) are making me so depressed and making me see Islam in a light which I did not think was even possible and in a way i know is wrong. I do not want to feel this way but i can't help it. Any clarification on these issues would be a huge help. Thank you.

You're quoting hadith, not the Qu'ran.

OMG

I'm a muslim aswell!

But oh my dayzzz i didnt know about the sex bit??!! are you sure?? i'm gobsmacked! cursed by the angels??! for saying no??!?!

Oh.... my....

Wow! is there a particular reason or something? yeah i've always had these thoughts (woman and men in Islam are not equal) but my parents always answer it for me, and suprisingly their reasons are acceptable

totally random but what ethnicity are you?

What do you expect from a book/religion devised in the historical time where women simply weren't equal

I have no idea what the reasons, i just try and ignore the fact. I'm Bangladeshi, you?