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My boyfriend doesnt fancy me because of what I weigh

Right, well, as it says in the title. I know Im overweight- my size 12 clothes have gotten tight, so Im pushing on for a size 14, at 5 foot 2. I'd say I've put on just under half a stone since I've been with my boyfriend.

The thing is, even before I got this bit bigger- I dont think he fancied me much then either. He does love me very much and I love him but Im so hurt over this because how can there be a future if he doesnt really like me in that way.

I always thought everything could be sorted out one way or another if a couple talked about it, so I have tried discussing it a fair few times (before I put on a few pounds too) and he says "your lovely as you are" and "if you want to lose weight yourself, you can do it" which is fine. But he never compliments me, or looks at me appreciatively. I can understand this, but other guys have been way more enthusiastic. I just wish if my boyfriend had never found me that attractive to begin with that he hadnt bothered staying with me because I am so hurt, because I want to be with someone who likes my body, but we love each other :frown:

Its not as simple as losing weight, because in the back of my mind I will always know that he had no interest in me at this size :frown:

He doesnt seem that bothered with having sex anymore, always preferring me to give him oral, and he doesnt want to return the favour, presumably because he thinks Im horrible. In the past he had a fantastic sex life with his ex, which I know because he let a few things slip, so its not like he has a low sex drive- its just me.

We really love each other but I dont know how to cope with this long term. Should I try talking again? What I really, honestly want to say to him is that he doesnt show any lust/hunger in his actions, or verbally, like my exes, but I cant say that because I think its really wrong to compare him to them...what should I say?

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Reply 1

slomanJ

alot of relationships loose the 'spark' like old married couples, do you think they think eachothers sexy? and they just rely on eachother.

possibly try spicing the sex up, or have arguments, they are always good, or dont see eachother for a while, so yous appreciate what you's have

Reply 2

The-Real-One

Just lose the weight...

Reply 3

Double Agent

You seem to be making a lot of assumptions about what your boyfriend is thinking. Its become an issue between you, so you need to sit down and talk about it, get everything out and see where you go from there.

Reply 4

HJV

Have you tried eating less?

Reply 5

Diaz89

everything you wrote here tell him :smile:

some guys are dicks

You're making so many assumptions. Has he told you outright that he doesn't find you attractive or are you just making huge assumptions about his preference?

Reply 8

maxi321

You can't force him to love you. If you want to change your size you'll feel alot happier if you do it for yourself rather then him. ps, maybe you should sit down with your bf tell him how you feel. when communication breaks down relationships fail. hope that helped abit.

Reply 9

Anonymous #2

At my uni we have a society for running. We run several miles a day and it helps considerably. Maybe you should consider joining as many of these societies as possible.

Reply 10

x Kris x

I don't think losing the weights the issue here. I mean a 12/14 really isn't very big. And if you're with him for the long term, then you're going to put on weight when you get older/have kids anyway, so the issues not going to go away by losing a bit of weight now.

It can't be very nice being with someone who isn't attracted to you - and if it were me I don't think I could stay with that person. But like Ilora said, make sure you're not just making assumptions about how he feels - because sometimes girls are just overly paranoid about their appearance. I think you need to speak openly to him about it.

Reply 11

XmattieX

go find someone that likes you then (y) who likes you for who your are.

Reply 12

2Av

If he doesn't like the way you look, you should ditch him for better person. In future, what to say if you have 5 children at once and you don't look as good before and he ditches you leaving you a single parent??? Something to take into consideration if you do plan on a step further.

There are many people out there and to be honest..you deserve better.

Reply 13

sun-is-shining

Could it be that he is just annoyed by you worrying about everything?
If he knows (or assumes) that every time you try to sleep with each other the only thing on your mind is your weight/looks/he doesn't enjoy it anyway then it's quite normal that he doesn't enjoy it.

Try to relax more, stand in front of a mirror and look at the things that are beautiful about you. Size 12 is not overweight, in the worst case you are a bit chubby. But always remember, that gives you womanly curves :-)

Do also exercise more, not mainly because you lose some pounds but also because you'll have a better body-feeling and sport should increase your sex-drive.

If you worry that he doesn't like the way you sleep with each other or give oral talk to him about it! Not in a 'let's sit at the table and talk' style but rather while being in bed. Let him show you what and how he prefers it - everyone has to learn these things, there's nothing embarrassing about asking him.

I know that intimacy is not so nice when you don't feel good with your body. Try to get fit - even lose some weight if this is what you want - and get more comfortable with your body. You'll see how much your bf will enjoy sleeping with a confident, curvy woman!

Reply 14

Davezk

If he didn't fancy you, he wouldn't still be with you. He'd be a friend.

Reply 15

Ben Harper

he probably fancies you less because youve put on weight. fat just doesnt look nice. its abit ****ed that having a bf makes you put on weight surely it should make you want to look good?

Reply 16

Tootles

The-Real-One

Just lose the weight...

Either this, or break up. If your boyfriend doesn't find you attractive any more, then frankly, it's not his fault any mroe than it is yours.

Reply 17

Nambi

If he isn't finding you attractive it won't last. It can't.

That doesn't mean you have to change. Some guys out there get bored of supermodels. It's just life.

Plus it's a big IF. My boyfriend is so used to me now he doesn't drool over me, but I guess... that's how it goes. Spend more time away from each other so you can appreciate each other more. I know my boyfriend find me attractive enough but I suppose it comes to the point where you don't show it like you used to.

However. If you feel unattractive, do something about it. For you, not him. Point out the areas you don't like about yourself. Maybe you need to learn how to do makeup well for your face, or the colours that suit you, or maybe you need a new hairstyle or to change your wardrobe. Whatever are your weak points.

Lose weight if you are fat, for yourself and your health. Join a gym and go three times a week. Listen to your body for how much you want to do. Do cardio to loose the fat, weights to tone.

Eat healthy.

Then you will feel confident again. x