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get raped, try to enjoy it, winna winna, chicken dinner
Snookercraze
That's very commendable of them.

Look sis, your future husband does not, and will not, need to know that you got physical with some guys in the past.

You're right. But sometimes I'm worried it will leak. I mean I used to email the guy I liked before a lot etc and I just always live in fear it will get out. No, I haven't lost my virginity, but still it feels like a shadow hanging over me. My parents dont know I had a "boyfriend" and also I feel that if I met a Muslim guy who I really loved I'd want to tell him exactly what happened without feeling he will judge me or change his mind about me...
Anonymous
You have no idea how much better I feel, thanks.


No problem. I applaud you for realising your mistakes, and trying to better yourself as a person.

:smile:
Reply 103
Snookercraze

Look sis, your future husband does not, and will not, need to know that you got physical with some guys in the past.


What if it were 100 guys she had slept with? would he need to know then?
Reply 104
Anonymous
I'm not looking for approval, I'm trying to gauge people's opinions on this. I already know what Islam's stance on it is.


Can you explain why sex out of marriage is a bad thing or an evil thing? A penis inside a vagina if 2 people want it is hardly a crime now is it?
booraad
Yep. You're looking for approval from a man. I guess if you're going to choose a marriage partner from a group of men who revere virginity and hope to receive many virgins in heaven, then you would be looking for their approval.

Ys, but only because I WANT to marry a Muslim man, so I wanted to find out whether there are Muslim guys out there who won't be affected by my previous relationship, I mean yeah, if he was unaccepting of it I wouldn't wanna date him, I wouldn't wanna compromise my views, it's just that I regret what I did for sure and kind of want to know that it won't affect my chances of meeting and marrying a Muslim guy like other girls.
Reply 106
These rules were written in 700AD, a time where women would have been married off as soon as they were sexually active (pretty much). It's obviously going to be harder to adhere to in modern times, because it's simply outdated.
Anonymous
You're right. But sometimes I'm worried it will leak. I mean I used to email the guy I liked before a lot etc and I just always live in fear it will get out. No, I haven't lost my virginity, but still it feels like a shadow hanging over me. My parents dont know I had a "boyfriend" and also I feel that if I met a Muslim guy who I really loved I'd want to tell him exactly what happened without feeling he will judge me or change his mind about me...


I think you need to relax a little. You are stressing yourself over very little. It's most probable that the guy you meet in the future will have done the same things as you in the past.

If he loves you such that he is willing to marry you, I doubt he would split up with you because of some flings you had with a guy years ago, that mounted to very little.
Reply 108
adilmorrison
I didn't say they would go to hell... I said I believe they would be punished...


And how will god punish them exactly? Make one of their family sick? An unfortunate financial situation? Whos to say God is doing that rather than just the highs and lows of everyday life?

The fact is, at the end of the day sex is not a big deal and hardly a crime if 2 people care about each other very much want to engage in it. The biggest crime here is that you're blindly following some old-fashioned book telling you what you should and shouldn't do rather than be able to make your own decisions.
Reply 109
Anonymous
Ys, but only because I WANT to marry a Muslim man, so I wanted to find out whether there are Muslim guys out there who won't be affected by my previous relationship, I mean yeah, if he was unaccepting of it I wouldn't wanna date him, I wouldn't wanna compromise my views, it's just that I regret what I did for sure and kind of want to know that it won't affect my chances of meeting and marrying a Muslim guy like other girls.


Imagine you couldn't? What would you do then? Wouldn't it make you wonder why you allow a group of people to dictate whether a person who hugged and kissed a guy is worthy of their 'love'.

Guilt like that keeps people 'in line'. Allows them to feel as though they are reduced value commodities.
booraad
What if it were 100 guys she had slept with? would he need to know then?


He wouldn't have to know, like she wouldn't have to as well. I personally believe that if any of them have lost their virginity, they should do the right thing and tell the other.
Snookercraze
I think you need to relax a little. You are stressing yourself over very little. It's most probable that the guy you meet in the future will have done the same things as you in the past.

If he loves you such that he is willing to marry you, I doubt he would split up with you because of some flings you had with a guy years ago, that mounted to very little.


You're really lovely. Thanks for being so upfront and reassuring. :smile:
Reply 112
Glad I'm not confined by all these rules.
booraad
Imagine you couldn't? What would you do then? Wouldn't it make you wonder why you allow a group of people to dictate whether a person who hugged and kissed a guy is worthy of their 'love'.

Guilt like that keeps people 'in line'. Allows them to feel as though they are reduced value commodities.


I see where you are coming from but how can I take away the guilt? I can from a Muslim family and I have been brought up with Muslim beliefs, it's hard to erase all that and act like an independant person with completely different beliefs and bheaviour. Just as you would find it hard to suddenly ignore all your current beliefs and do something completely out of the ordinary. I completely get where you are coming from though, the guilt factor serves to make me panic and regret things which other people wouldn't but I can't change the family I have grown into.....
Anonymous
You're really lovely. Thanks for being so upfront and reassuring. :smile:


I hope I speak for the majority of Muslim men, and I'm sure if you stick with the way you are now, you'll have no problems in meeting a Muslim man. Not many people would have such genuine regrets and willing to change themselves. :smile:
Hawiz
These rules were written in 700AD, a time where women would have been married off as soon as they were sexually active (pretty much). It's obviously going to be harder to adhere to in modern times, because it's simply outdated.

Are you a Muslim? I know what you mean, it's just very tough to stick to these rules, especially growing up in a Western society. I'm not making excuses for myself but it is tough...
Snookercraze
I hope I speak for the majority of Muslim men, and I'm sure if you stick with the way you are now, you'll have no problems in meeting a Muslim man. Not many people would have such genuine regrets and willing to change themselves. :smile:


I know, I don't want to repeat what I did, rather marry and lose my virginity to someone who will not want to use me then leave me. I just hope to god I can move away from this feeling of guilt and regret, talking to you has helped a lot, thank you :smile::smile:
Davezk
Glad I'm not confined by all these rules.


Good for you. It's a matter of personal opinion.
Reply 118
Anonymous
Are you a Muslim? I know what you mean, it's just very tough to stick to these rules, especially growing up in a Western society. I'm not making excuses for myself but it is tough...


Agnostic, but my mother is a practising Muslim and I was bought up with Islamic values (I know plenty on the subject, can read/write/speak in Arabic). My father has no religion - I'm fortunate to have been bought up with secular parents and have made my own decision.
Anonymous
I know, I don't want to repeat what I did, rather marry and lose my virginity to someone who will not want to use me then leave me. I just hope to god I can move away from this feeling of guilt and regret, talking to you has helped a lot, thank you :smile::smile:


Insha'Allah you'll be able to.

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