[Anonymous]

Basically for me, being gay is NOT an option. I'm an 18 year old female and I don't have a conventional sexuality.

I've fancied boys before but my feelings for boys are always to different to the crushes I've had on girls. When I say girls the women I've fancied have always been much older than me like teachers or celebs... Also when I had fantasies about them it wasn't them with me it was them with men...
Another complication is from a young age I've had an obsession with weight and these women that I "fancy" are often on the chubby side and I also think about there emotions towards that...

The reason I'm now asking this is because I think I fancy a 26 year old woman... But she does still fit in to the big category and she it well out of my league...

So how do you know for sure if you are gay?
Do you think it is possible for a gay female to have relationships with men as relationships with women are out of the question for me?

Or do you think I'm just mixed up and not gay?

Any serious advice would be appreciated because I'm really upset and worried about this and there isn't really anyone I can talk to...

[ChrisLincoln]

Sexuality is individual you can like girls boys both neither, there is no right or wrong!

[Anonymous]

Originally Posted by ChrisLincoln

Sexuality is individual you can like girls boys both neither, there is no right or wrong!

Well that is your opinion but it's not what I'm asking...

[ChrisLincoln]

Originally Posted by Anonymous

Well that is your opinion but it's not what I'm asking...

Well it seemed you wanted confirmation that it was okay to like both girls and boys, so i just gave you it! I couldn't tell you how you know if you are gay, as i'm not gay. But if you have feelings for someone of the same sex then you don't need to ask really.

[Anonymous]

Originally Posted by ChrisLincoln

Well it seemed you wanted confirmation that it was okay to like both girls and boys, so i just gave you it! I couldn't tell you how you know if you are gay, as i'm not gay. But if you have feelings for someone of the same sex then you don't need to ask really.

No really not lol as I stated in the first line being gay is NOT okay for me

I'm just so scared and upset that I'll never be able to have a successful relationship...

[mimicornelia]

I don't think there's like a way of knowing if you're gay. One of my friends is and she recently went out with a boy just to see the difference, and now she says she would never go back to being straight. She didn't know until she was going out with a boy but was in love with a girl at the same time.
I know it's not what you're asking but I agree with ChrisLincoln that it really doesn't matter, and you shouldn't worry about it. Whoever you like is fine really.
Don't worry
xoxo

[Mithra]

Originally Posted by Anonymous

No really not lol as I stated in the first line being gay is NOT okay for me

I'm just so scared and upset that I'll never be able to have a successful relationship...

Whether being gay is 'okay' or not for you you can't change whether you are or not.

[Anonymous]

Originally Posted by mimicornelia

I don't think there's like a way of knowing if you're gay. One of my friends is and she recently went out with a boy just to see the difference, and now she says she would never go back to being straight. She didn't know until she was going out with a boy but was in love with a girl at the same time.
I know it's not what you're asking but I agree with ChrisLincoln that it really doesn't matter, and you shouldn't worry about it. Whoever you like is fine really.
Don't worry
xoxo

But do you think it is possible for me to have a relationship with a boy if I found them attractive but didn't necessarily fancy them?

It's not fine for me... My family would never speak to me again and I worry about going to hell enough as it is without being with a girl
Because of this I have actually been in a state of panic since Friday or Saturday

[Mithra]

Originally Posted by Anonymous

But do you think it is possible for me to have a relationship with a boy if I found them attractive but didn't necessarily fancy them?

It's not fine for me... My family would never speak to me again and I worry about going to hell enough as it is without being with a girl
Because of this I have actually been in a state of panic since Friday or Saturday

If your family wouldn't speak to you because you were gay then they aren't the kind of people you want to hang around with any longer than absolutely necessary to be fair. If you are worrying about 'going to hell' over it God must be pretty **** if he makes some people gay but then expects them to have to act like non-gay people.

[Anonymous]

Originally Posted by Mithra

If your family wouldn't speak to you because you were gay then they aren't the kind of people you want to hang around with any longer than absolutely necessary to be fair. If you are worrying about 'going to hell' over it God must be pretty **** if he makes some people gay but then expects them to have to act like non-gay people.

I see it as it could be a challenge. But this thread has only made me feel so much worse...

I feel like nobody has even read the whole post and so haven't answered me really...

And I have to go to work in a little bit and I'm actually crying right now... I'm so scared

[MichaelG]

Originally Posted by Anonymous

No really not lol as I stated in the first line being gay is NOT okay for me

And why not? Religious reasons? parental expectations?

Originally Posted by Anonymous

I'm just so scared and upset that I'll never be able to have a successful relationship...

I'm telling you now, you're not going to want to read it, but this is whats stopping you having a good relationship; the fear that you cannot have a good relationship.

[Mithra]

Originally Posted by Anonymous

I see it as it could be a challenge. But this thread has only made me feel so much worse...

I feel like nobody has even read the whole post and so haven't answered me really...

And I have to go to work in a little bit and I'm actually crying right now... I'm so scared

I definitely read your post..

I think your problem is a mix of, as MichaelG said, the fear of not having a successful relationship but also the fact that you are telling yourself that being gay is not an option. If you are gay no amount of denial is going to stop that and I don't see how you can get past this and make a decision on whether you are or not until you accept that it is ok if you are.

[NGyano]

Guessing you're a Muslim then? Don't worry about it. If you find boys attractive and enjor their company/like their personality (some of them anyway), then what is the problem? Just do not get with any girls whatever you do and eventually you'll find the right guy. It could almost be seen as a test of your patience/strength of faith by resisting the urge to become a gay.

[matt93]

Originally Posted by Anonymous

Basically for me, being gay is NOT an option. I'm an 18 year old female and I don't have a conventional sexuality.

I've fancied boys before but my feelings for boys are always to different to the crushes I've had on girls. When I say girls the women I've fancied have always been much older than me like teachers or celebs... Also when I had fantasies about them it wasn't them with me it was them with men...
Another complication is from a young age I've had an obsession with weight and these women that I "fancy" are often on the chubby side and I also think about there emotions towards that...

The reason I'm now asking this is because I think I fancy a 26 year old woman... But she does still fit in to the big category and she it well out of my league...

So how do you know for sure if you are gay?
Do you think it is possible for a gay female to have relationships with men as relationships with women are out of the question for me?

Or do you think I'm just mixed up and not gay?

Any serious advice would be appreciated because I'm really upset and worried about this and there isn't really anyone I can talk to...

There is no way to tell if you are 100% gay. Just do what feels right. If that is with whoever it doesn't matter.

You could just be in a confusing part of your life. As people develop they can get weird feelings which may not be carried on as they grow up.

It is possible for you to have straight relationships but some people can't cope with them over a long period of time as they feel they are living a lie.

You never know how your family will react. For me because my parents are devote christians i thought they would be really angry and try and convince me i'm not gay. But in actual fact they were really accepting they even let me have my boyfriend stay the night. So you never know how they will react until they do but if you are terrified then try and decide what is right for you. If you find out that these feelings continue you may be gay but then again you might not be.

[Pickford]

Ok, well seen as though you just ignore everyone elses answer and you wont be happy until you hear what you want to hear:

You aren't gay, just confused. You imagine girls with other guys. Maybe you just should watch porn. It's straight sex which means you = straight.

[Anonymous]

just keep on bluffin with ur muffin grl....

[ChunkymunkyDJC]

Straight - Likes penis.
Gay - Likes vagina.

Hope this helps.

[Mithra]

Originally Posted by ChunkymunkyDJC

Straight - Likes penis.
Gay - Likes vagina.

Hope this helps.

Just to clarify guys, this only works for women, invert it for men.

[Irrelevance]

Originally Posted by ChunkymunkyDJC

Straight - Likes penis.
Gay - Likes vagina.

Hope this helps.

Why am I not surprised to see you in this thread.

To be on topic, you sound more bisexual than lesbian.

[Arturo Bandini]

There's a whole spectrum between straight and gay.