Hey there Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

Our parents don't let us sleep in the same room together

Announcements Posted on
    • 0 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year and a half (I'm 21, he's 20), and my mum won't let us stay in the same bed either. His parents have once or twice, but not usually.
    • 0 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Emily069)
    Your brother couldn't fall pregnant.
    :ditto:

    this:yes:
    • 0 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Phugoid)
    This is true to a certain extent but it excludes certain issues.

    I agree that maturity is not a necessary prerequisite to having the right to have sex. But from the parent's point of view, I can see why they would be concerned that their daughter was having sex if she was not mature. You said that you only need to be mature if you plan to have a baby through sex, but if you aren't mature, how likely is it that you'll be serious in your attempts to prevent pregnancy? Not very. So having a baby through immaturity and sex is quite a likely outcome, and since the person having the sex isn't themselves mature enough to take measure against it, I can see how it can be justified in this instance for there to be an intervention.

    Also, if your daughter is not mature, she is also more vulnerable to use and abuse by her partner than she would be if she was a bit more savvy.

    I think parental intervention can be justified in situations where it can be shown that their child is far too immature to deal with the possibility of pregnancy, STDs, or use and abuse.

    However, I can't stress enough that, even if this is the case, banning sex from the house is not a viable intervention. It simply does not work. All it does it make the sex less accessible, and hence more desirable. It also makes it more dangerous (since they'll be seeking out love shacks which add to the thrill) which again, make it more desirable. If you think that banning sex from your house will reduce the risk of pregnancy, STDs, or use and abuse, you are sadly mistaken. Quite the opposite effect is what occurs.
    I agree with the examples... buttt banning the teenager from doing it in the house, makes it harder to find places to have sex, therefore less sex happens... if you agree with it, they will have regular sex in their parent's house... And love shacks are hard to find...
    • 0 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    Because they don't want the thought of their 16 year old daughter getting banged whilst they sleep.
    • 0 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    When I was 18 my boyfriend wasn't even allowed to set foot in my room! I'm 26 now and still would feel extremely disrespectful if a boyfriend slept in my room. You are only 16 and your parents are trying to protect you. Say you got pregnant; I'd say your parents would feel a certain responsibility having let you sleep together.
    • 0 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    They'll be scared you'd get herpes or some other unpleasantary.
    • 0 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Teofilo)
    Talk about a kick in the nuts! :cool:
    We still have sex. Lots. :p:
    Just that sleeping in the same bed (I have a single!) isn't particularly convenient for either of us.
    • 2 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    In respects to your parents letting your bro's gf stay over-it is somewhat unfair.

    If it wasn't for that i would just say deal with it. Some parents are stuck in their ways. Even when i'd been with my ex for nearly 3 years they wouldn't let us sleep together!! And they won't my my current by sleep with me even though we LIVE together! Its ok though...

    ...if they ever stay at our house, my rents can sleep in seperate beds. After all..."my house..my rules"
    #1

    (Original post by Phugoid)
    Why not? I made two statements in that post, and both of them are correct:

    I said her parents were foolish. Why is this true? Because sex isn't some mad practice that can only occur in bedrooms. If you think that not allowing your child to share a bed with their partner is going to stop them from having sex, then you are very foolish indeed. Sex is a natural thing, it's an urge people get for people they are attracted to, and it certainly isn't confined to the bedrooms of the people involved. As soon as the parents backs are turned, as soon as the parents go on holiday, as soon as the parents go out shopping, as soon as they find a love shack, they're going to do it. So are the parents foolish for imposing these demands? Yes. Because their demand, A, does not stop action B from occurring, so it makes no sense to impose it.


    But there is no reason to encourage it or make it clear they are happy with it.
    At the end of the day what is the REAL reason you would want to share a bed? apart from sex. but still cant you just live without your partner for the night? youll haave plenty of time to be sharing beds with partners when your older.
    IMO its just a way people can look more mature and grown up - but seriously your 16.. theres no rush!
    • 1 follower
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    Your only 16, chances are the relationship wont last for very long (i.e 3-4years tops) because people grow apart, things get in the way i.e uni and stuff... so they dont want you making a mistake you will later regret...
    and if you are really serious, then you will have plenty of opportunities later in life to sleep in the same bed...I dont see why you should ask your parents again because if they are uncomfortable with it then you have to respect that.
    • 2 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    I love how many people are automatically assuming they will be having rampant sex just because they're sharing a bed, maybe they just want to cuddle... tbh if the have any sense they wouldn't have sex while parents are in the house anyway... its just wrong.

    Just sleeping in the same room doesn't mean SEX!
    • 0 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Emily069)
    Your brother couldn't fall pregnant.
    Aha exactly :rofl:
    • 0 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by emmie19)
    I agree with the examples... buttt banning the teenager from doing it in the house, makes it harder to find places to have sex, therefore less sex happens... if you agree with it, they will have regular sex in their parent's house... And love shacks are hard to find...
    I disagree. Being banned from sex makes it much more desirable, and since it is banned from the house, more dangerous locations are needed, and that again makes it more exciting and more desirable.

    Love shacks aren't particularly difficult to find, btw. A cheap hotel room for a few hours, the toilets of a quiet library, in a park in the dead of night, etc.

    Plus, just because it's banned in the house doesn't mean it can't still happen in the house. Parents aren't there all the time, and when they're not, there's plenty of time for regular sex.

    Banning it from the house doesn't do anything except make it more desirable.
    • 2 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    Interestingly, did anyone watch "Sex-My Big Decision) on BB3, that showed a Dutch mother and daughter, with the mother saying how she would much rather her daughter and her bf be in their house then in some field etc. The English mum was actually moved by that openness. And lets not forget Holland have the lowest teenage pregnancy rate and STI rate, and even though their age of consent is 16 (12-if married i think..)the average age over there is 17.
    • 2 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    He could still get his gf up the duffer tho! :p:
    • 0 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by veronica111)
    I've been with my boyfriend for about 7 and a bit months, we're both 16, but neither of our parents let us sleep in the same bed together. It's really bugging me, is it wrong for us to sleep in the same bed together? I mean it doesn't seem it, 4 of my best friends all have boyfriends and they've been sleeping in the same bed/room together for agess!!! It's so irritating, so do you think my parents should let me? If you do, how do you think I could convince my parents, lol

    And, when my 18 year old brother was my age, he always had his girlfriend stay over, my parents even let her come on holiday with us and stay in the same room as my brother, so why am I treated any differently? :mad:

    my parents don't have a problem with me and my boyfriend sharing a bed, but we're not allowed to at his house, I have to sleep in the spare room

    we're both 18 and have been together for nearly 2 years......
    • 2 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Phugoid)
    I disagree. Being banned from sex makes it much more desirable, and since it is banned from the house, more dangerous locations are needed, and that again makes it more exciting and more desirable.

    Love shacks aren't particularly difficult to find, btw. A cheap hotel room for a few hours, the toilets of a quiet library, in a park in the dead of night, etc.

    Plus, just because it's banned in the house doesn't mean it can't still happen in the house. Parents aren't there all the time, and when they're not, there's plenty of time for regular sex.

    Banning it from the house doesn't do anything except make it more desirable.
    The parents don't allow it because they're not comfortable with it, and its their house, so what they say goes. Why is that not a good enough reason for you?

    Admittedly young people will do what they want to do no matter what, everyone knows that, but I think both sets of parents are trying to be responsible by not allowing those two to sleep together in the same bed. If the OP got pregnant (which can happen to anyone, no matter how mature you are) then the finger would automatically be pointed at the parents who let them share a bed under their own roof. Why don't you wait until you have a daughter of your own, and then see what YOU do? I don't know why you're so surprised by this rule. Its so incredibly common. Whereas rape, torture, murder etc aren't so much, y'know? :rolleyes:

    Please god don't start ranting at me again either.
    • 0 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    But there is no reason to encourage it or make it clear they are happy with it.
    At the end of the day what is the REAL reason you would want to share a bed? apart from sex. but still cant you just live without your partner for the night? youll haave plenty of time to be sharing beds with partners when your older.
    IMO its just a way people can look more mature and grown up - but seriously your 16.. theres no rush!
    First of all, I didn't say the parents had to encourage it or make it clear that they are happy with it. But unless they have a rational justification, they cannot expect their children to respect their rules.

    If I have a daughter, I will more than likely shudder to imagine her having sex with some boyfriend at 16 years old. But her sex life is her sex life, it's nothing to do with me. I don't have to know if it's happening, I don't have to know when it's happening, I don't have to approve of it, I don't have to acknowledge it, I don't have to encourage it, and I don't have to make myself clear that I'm happy about it. I should have absolutely no involvement in it whatsoever, because it's nothing to do with me. Naturally, I won't like the idea, but rationally, I refuse to object, because I'd have no rational justification to do so.

    I share a bed with my partner quite a lot, and whilst sex is a major part of our life, it's not uncommon for us to go to sleep together without sex in the same bed. That intimacy that comes from simply sleeping in the same bed is enough to strengthen a relationship by vast amounts.

    Further to that, the excuse that 'there's plenty of time for that when you're older' is ridiculous. If she was 14, her parents would tell her 'nah, not until you're 16'. Then she turns 16, and they come out with 'plenty of time when you're older'. Well this, again, has no rational basis. It's nothing but an excuse for unwitting parents to keep the minds at peace, happy in the knowledge that their natural urges to protect their child do not yet need to be exercised. It's quite frankly pathetic.

    Now, I'm not 16, I'm almost 20, and my girlfriend and I have been going out for quite some time now. I didn't lose my virginity until 18, and it was with her. I was quite frankly not interested in sex until I was in a relationship with somebody I really liked, and when that happened, I went ahead with it. Now, I don't really give a **** that this happened at 18. If it had happened at 20, 16, or 14, it would have made no difference to me. The fact of the matter is that I, since the age of about 14, have been mature enough for a sexual relationship, and savvy enough to take precautions against accidents. If I had met my girlfriend at 14, I would have felt the same way about her that I did when I met her at 18, and I would have been equally as mature and ready for a sexual relationship with her. Sure, I 'could wait', and 'there was no rush', but so what? Why should I wait? I've found a girl I truly like, and who truly likes me, we're both ready for sex, and we're mature enough to take appropriate precautions... what possible reason is there for delaying it? NO REASON WHATSOEVER, THAT'S WHAT. That's why I had sex when I did, and that's why the OP should have sex if she wants.

    Then again, the OP never mentioned sex, she only mentioned sleeping in the same bed together... my girlfriend and I did that for a while before having sex, and that too was something we were both ready for, something meaningful for our relationship, and something that there was absolutely no conceivable reason to delay.

    Without a reason to delay, do not delay. And the 'reasons' her parents have given are simply not good enough reasons to delay.
    • 0 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by sophisticated)
    The parents don't allow it because they're not comfortable with it, and its their house, so what they say goes. Why is that not a good enough reason for you?
    WHY are they not comfortable with it though? That's the problem that I'm having. There is absolutely no rational reason for them to be uncomfortable with it. As far as I can see, there are only 3 rational reasons why a parent would be uncomfortable and those are:

    1) She might get pregnant.
    2) She might get used and abused.
    3) She might get STDs.

    NONE of these problems are solved by banning sex from the house. Not one of them.

    So either they are departing from rationality by making up bad solutions to real problems, or they are departing from rationality by being uncomfortable without without a good reason. Either way, it's not something I would respect.

    Admittedly young people will do what they want to do no matter what, everyone knows that, but I think both sets of parents are trying to be responsible by not allowing those two to sleep together in the same bed. If the OP got pregnant (which can happen to anyone, no matter how mature you are) then the finger would automatically be pointed at the parents who let them share a bed under their own roof.
    At the age of 16, you take your own responsibilities regarding sex. So if the girl gets pregnant, there should be no pointing of fingers in any direction other than at the couple who had sex with the necessary precautions. If a girl gets pregnant, and her parents start looking for other parents to blame, than this is nothing about another indication that the parents are deluded as to their own daughters innocence. She's 16, she's a young lady, she makes her own sexual decisions, and if she gets pregnant, then it's her fault and her partner's fault, nobody else's. So again, I don't see why we should erect these bans on sex in order to stop the blame being passed to parents. The blame shouldn't be getting passed to parents under ANY instances.

    If a 16 year old accidently chops off his fingers whilst making a sandwich, we don't blame the parents for providing the environment and the tools for sandwich making. After all, if he had done it properly, there would have been no accident. The same goes for pregnancy. If a 16 year old accidentally gets pregnant whilst having sex, we don't blame the parents who provided the environment and the tools for safe sex. After all, if the teens had done it properly, there would have been no accident.

    Why don't you wait until you have a daughter of your own, and then see what YOU do? I don't know why you're so surprised by this rule. Its so incredibly common. Whereas rape, torture, murder etc aren't so much, y'know? :rolleyes:
    As I've explained above, if I have a daughter, I will not want to know whether or not she is having sex. If I have raised her properly, then I will be able to send her into the real world aged 16 and not have to worry about her sex life, knowing that I've produces a girl capable of making mature decisions, and taking the appropriate precautionary measures against accidents. I want zero involvement with her sex life because I wouldn't be comfortable with knowing about it. But guess what... that discomfort would be irrational. When I have a problem which is borne out of irrationality, then I deal with it in my own head, not by making the rest of the world suit itself to my irrationality. So yes, when I have a daughter, I will calm my irrationality by firstly raising her to be responsible, and secondly ignoring her sex life at all costs. I want zero involvement, and without rational justification, I will not impose any restrictions on it. That's up to her.

    Please god don't start ranting at me again either.
    When you produce an opinion based on rationality, I will cease.
    • 0 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    You're 16. The fact that he's even allowed to sleep over is pretty cool of them imo.

Reply

Submit reply

Register

Thanks for posting! You just need to create an account in order to submit the post
  1. this can't be left blank
    that username has been taken, please choose another Forgotten your password?

    this is what you'll be called on TSR

  2. this can't be left blank
    this email is already registered. Forgotten your password?

    never shared and never spammed

  3. this can't be left blank

    6 characters or longer with both numbers and letters is safer

  4. this can't be left empty
    your full birthday is required
  1. By joining you agree to our Ts and Cs, privacy policy and site rules

  2. Slide the button to the right to create your account

    Slide to join now Processing…

Updated: June 1, 2012
New on TSR

Naughtiest thing you did at school

Did you get away with it or were you punished?

Article updates
Reputation gems:
You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.