Personal Statement:Optometry 1

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Optometry Personal Statement

Mathematics, chemistry and economics 'A' levels have provided me with a varied knowledge and a range of skills. Mathematics has helped me excel in my ability to analyse a problem and think of a systematic way of solving it. I have a personality trait of always investigating the reasoning behind a concept and this is why I enjoy mathematics. This is also the basis why I enjoy reading on science so much as it explains reasons and theories on things we come across in everyday situations

Chemistry has enabled me to logically understand these ideas at a molecular level and has improved my manipulative skills. I enjoy using resources such as the internet to obtain background knowledge on scientific news as well as news about the current economy. Economics is a subject that can be adapted and be useful to any situation, understanding how markets are run and how formulae can be used to be able to make analytical judgements from. I have also obtained an AS level in ICT, this was very enjoyable and I obtained a lot from it, some of the knowledge I obtained in ICT is adaptable in any situation and especially in recent times where there has been an upsurge in the applications and usage of information systems

I would like to become an optometrist and in order to meet this aspiration of mine I want to complete a degree in optometry. Research and discussions with university students and pre-registration students have enabled me to reach a fully informed decision on demands and expectations to be an optometrist. I am confident that I have the necessary skills, attributes and commitment to complete this demanding course. The course involves a career prospect which will allow me to build further upon my interests in detailed optical work, I feel that improving patients' quality of life by helping them in correcting their vision will bring me a lot of job satisfaction

I enjoy participating in work in my community, I have helped organise annual fairs within my community as well as raising money for it and other charities by participating in activities such as charity walks, swim-a-thons and a five mile run; which was especially rewarding for me as I achieved thirty third position out of several thousand. I enjoy participating in charity events as I find it gratifying to see a large group of people participating in an activity to raise money for the same objective. I currently have a part time job at a community run Saturday school. I began as a volunteer whereby my duties involved carrying out administrative work as well as being an English and Mathematics support teacher. This meant that I would work alongside a teacher to help students in reaching their full potential. I participated in this 3 hours a week. I developed several skills including administrative and organisational skills. This job is very fulfilling seeing the difference made when knowledge is passed on from one person to another. I feel that I am lucky to be a part of the flowing creativity and the general enthusiasm that this school thrives. I enjoy this as I have the opportunity to work with public. A future goal of mine is to run my own ophthalmic practice, this will combine both interests of being able to work with the public and the interest of the optometry course and this inevitably will form a perfect career for me

I enjoy playing sport and keeping active, every week I attend a community run sports club where I play sports including indoor football, table tennis and badminton which is a favourite sport of mine. I also participate in tournaments with against different teams in these sports. As I enjoy playing sport I decided further my knowledge by taking part in a Junior Sports Leadership Award, this enabled me to increase my communicative skills, sporting skills and refereeing skills

I am a conscientious student and am determined to achieve the best that I can in order to succeed as a student as well as a person. I look forward to the challenges and range of experiences that await me in higher education and university life. I know that the course will be demanding but I know that I can achieve my predicted grades as long as I put in maximum effort; I accept that one has the ability to prosper in life as long as good effort is sustained.

Comments

General Comments

Firstly, this personal statement is a bit longer than is permitted, both in terms of the number of characters and the number of lines it takes up.

The structure of this statement is a bit jumbled, with no clear introduction and does not have enough about optometry, the subject being applied for, with only ¼ of the characters available used to talk about this. This statement would benefit from being rebalanced with at least half devoted to optometry. When the applicant is talking about the subjects that they're studying, they need to try and relate them back to optometry and how the skills they've developed in their subjects might be useful for the degree and in the future. Similarly, they mention various skills they've learned from voluntary work (they talk about a lot of different activities, which is good) and need to talk about why they are important for optometry.

SPaG (spelling, punctuation and grammar): there are no full stops at the end of sentences and subjects like 'english' and 'mathematics' don't need capitalising. A lot of the sentences in this statement start with 'I,' more variation in how the sentences are started would help to make the statement 'flow' a lot better.

Comments on the statement

Mathematics, chemistry and economics 'A' levels have provided me with a varied knowledge and a range of skills. For a start, the applicant does not need to list the subjects they are taking, as this wastes precious space (this information is already on the UCAS form). Secondly, the applicant has not started their statement by talking about why they want to study optometry – while there is no set structure, it is usually inadvisable to start a statement by talking about A levels. Mathematics has helped me to excel in my ability to analyse a problem and think of a systematic way of solving it. The applicant needs to try and relate this to optometry – instead of just saying that this ability has been improved, they need to talk about why this is important for optometry. I have a personality trait of always investigating the reasoning behind a concept and this is why I enjoy mathematics. This sentence doesn't completely make sense, either technically or grammatically and would be better left out entirely. This is also the basis why I enjoy reading on science so much as it explains the reasons and theories of behind things we come across in everyday situations. (full stop) This paragraph would work better as an academic paragraph, rather than an introduction.

This should ideally be part of the previous paragraph as it seems like it would follow on. Chemistry has enabled me to logically understand these ideas at a molecular level and has improved my manipulative skills. The applicant needs to explain what they mean by manipulative skills here, as it seems very vague. Again, they need to relate their subjects back to optometry. I enjoy using resources such as the internet to obtain background knowledge on scientific news as well as news about the current economy. This sentence seems rather irrelevant to the topic and should only be kept in if the applicant makes it relevant to optometry or the subjects they're studying. Economics is a subject that can be adapted and be useful to any situation The applicant needs to explain its relation to optometry, if they can think of one – if they can't, then saying it can be adapted and useful to any situation would not be true, understanding how markets are run and how formulae can be used to be able to make analytical judgements from. I have also obtained an AS level in ICT, this was very enjoyable and I obtained a lot from it, some of the knowledge I obtained in ICT is adaptable in any situation and especially in recent times where there has been an upsurge in the applications and usage of information systems. (full stop) Again, since the applicant is claiming that ICT is adaptable in any situation, they need to relate it to optometry.

I would like to become an optometrist and in order to meet this aspiration of mine I want to complete a degree in optometry. The applicant needs to talk about exactly why they want to become an optometrist rather than just stating this, as it is a very simplistic sentence which tells you nothing about the applicant. Research and discussions with university students and pre-registration students have enabled me to reach a fully informed decision on demands and expectations to be an optometrist. The applicant needs to explain exactly what the demands and expectations are in this case. I am confident that I have the necessary skills, attributes and commitment to complete this demanding course. The applicant needs to talk about what the necessary skills and attributes are and why they are important for optometry. The course involves a career prospect which will allow me to build further upon my interests what interests? in detailed optical work, I feel that improving patients' quality of life by helping them in correcting their vision will bring me a lot of job satisfaction . (full stop) This paragraph is the only place where the applicant has actually talked about optometry and hasn't actually showed any understanding of what optometry is or even what an optometrist is. As unfair as that may sound, it is a vital part of any healthcare statement and ideally, the applicant should have completed some work experience in the area in order to learn more about what the job involves and the sorts of skills which are necessary for it. Also, the only reason they seem to have given for wanting to do this course is job satisfaction, something that can be gained from a huge number of jobs, not only optometry or even healthcare in general. The applicant should go into a reasonable amount of depth about why they want to be an optometrist.

I enjoy participating in work in my community, full stop I have helped organise annual fairs within my community as well as raising money for it and other charities by participating in activities such as charity walks, swim-a-thons and a five mile run full stop; which was especially rewarding for me as I achieved thirty third position out of several thousand. While the applicant is obviously happy about this achievement, it doesn't really add to the personal statement at all and should only be included if they applicant has included everything else they need to and still have space. I enjoy participating in charity events as I find it gratifying to see a large group of people participating in an activity to raise money for the same objective. This sentence seems to be rather irrelevant – again, it adds nothing to the personal statement and just isn't necessary. Instead, the applicant could benefit from talking about what they learned through their community and charity work. Whether they've gained any skills which might be useful for optometry etc. I currently have a part time job at a community run Saturday school. I began as a volunteer whereby my duties involved carrying out administrative work as well as being an English and Mathematics support teacher. This meant that I would work alongside a teacher to help students in reaching their full potential. I participated in this 3 three (numbers should be written out in full) hours a week. I developed several skills including administrative and organisational skills. This group of sentences are a bit stilted and don't flow at all well. The applicant needs to talk about what their role was as a support teacher in particular as well as expanding on the skills they developed – their importance for optometry. This job has been very fulfilling comma seeing the difference made when knowledge is passed on from one person to another. I feel that I am lucky to be a part of the flowing creativity and the general enthusiasm that this school thrives on? . This sentence again doesn't completely make sense, and while you get an idea of the applicants enjoyment for the role, this adds little to the overall impression that admissions tutors will gain from reading the statement. I enjoy this as I have the opportunity to work with public. This seems slightly repetitive and unnecessary, however, if the applicant were to talk about why they like working with the public, they could link back to optometry here. A future goal of mine is to run my own ophthalmic practice, this will combine both interests of being able to work with the public and the interest of the optometry course and this inevitably will form a perfect career for me. (full stop) Talking about future goals would work a lot better in the introduction, and referring to an 'ophthalmic practise' is not the best way to convince someone reading the statement that the applicant understands what an optometrist is. The applicant talks about a 'perfect career' here, which would be fine provided they'd explained why somewhere else in the statement!

I enjoy playing sport and keeping active, a semi-colon might work better here every week I attend a community run sports club where I play sports including indoor football, table tennis and badminton which is a favourite sport of mine. I also participate in tournaments with against different teams in these sports. As I enjoy playing sport I decided further my knowledge by taking part in a Junior Sports Leadership Award, this enabled me to increase my communicative skills, sporting skills and refereeing skills. (full stop) Talking about what you do in your spare time is important in personal statements, however, the applicant would benefit from expanding on the junior leadership award here rather than just listing what they do. They have also given a list of skills at the end of the paragraph, without explaining any of them and why they are relevant for optometry. For one thing, I doubt refereeing skills will be of any use as an optometrist! I also think that the term 'communicative skills' could be expanded on in particular. In my opinion it is quite a vague term, and needs explaining and relating to optometry - why optometrists need to be good communicators.

I am a conscientious student and am determined to achieve the best that I can in order to succeed as a student as well as a person. I look forward to the challenges and range of experiences that await me in higher education and university life. These two sentences are very generic as PS conclusions go and some added personality would help here. I know that the course will be demanding how? but I know that I can achieve my predicted grades as long as I put in maximum effort; I accept that one has the ability to prosper in life as long as good effort is sustained. As a conclusion, this is rather lacking. I think that the conclusion is one of the hardest sections of the statement to get right, and in this case, the applicant should have at least made some reference to optometry again.

--Hygeia 18:55, 7 February 2009 (UTC)