Personal Statement:Biology 2

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Biology Personal Statement

As with science in general, I find it interesting, often fascinating, and I feel that I could gain much from studying it at university University has always appealed to me because of the wealth of experiences it has to offer as a student. Although I enjoy English Literature and Chemistry: I am especially keen to study Biology and Psychology. For me, the main appeal of the course lies in the variety of topics that will be covered. The aspects of Biology I find particularly interesting are neuroscience and how the immune system functions and responds. In Psychology, I am very interested in what makes people unique and how different factors shape our personality

At present I am employed at McDonald's where within one year of work I got promoted to a Floor Manager. Then I rapidly got promoted as a shift Manager. Being at this position it gives me numerous of responsibilities. For instance I am responsible for the whole resturant, ensuring the good communication flow exists between the crew members, correct procedures are followed, restaurant goals are achieved and ensuring that every customer gets 100% customer satisfaction

This experience especially allowed me to use my interpersonal skills to the full. In my reference, my employer remarked on my willingness to learn, my enthusiasm and initiative as well as my ability to work independently and as part of a team

I have a variety of hobbies outside school. When time allows, I find playing football, tennis, and listening music, a change from my studies. My other pursuits include more physical activities such as attending the gym, dancing and cycling

At present, I am putting most of my effort into achieving the best grades in my 'course to allow me to reach the next target in my education. I understand that university life will be very challenging, but I am confident that it will give me the best chance to achieve my potential, and lead the way forward to a successful career. I hope that this application indicates that I am a promising candidate.

Comments

General Comments:

• Define "It". Do you mean Biology? If so, say so. Just because you're applying for Biology at one university, doesn't mean you're applying for it everywhere, and it also stops the sentence from flowing.
• Rather than saying "Although I enjoy X and Y" try to point out their relevance. English equips you well for writing essays and papers, and communicating yourself (Try to imply it helped in coursework or something). And Chemistry has obvious benefits when studying Biochemistry modules or cellular stuff.
• You've jumped into non-Biological stuff way too quickly. All this statement says is "I want to study Biology. Full Stop. Now some more about me...." What interested you most about the A-level course? What books have you read, or lectures have you attended? Even what interested you on the news recently? (Disease is always a good place to start - Avian flu, SARS....)
• Join up the paragraphs on McDonalds and hobbies and then cut them down. The most you should have on this sort of thing is one large paragraph.
• Also NB you've put an apostrophe before course (presumably your computer automatically doing this)

Comments on the statement: