Personal Statement:Chemistry 3

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Chemistry Personal Statement

All aspects of chemistry and the every-changing needs of society particularly in the environmental field fascinate me. In particular, I most enjoy experimenting and the challenge of understanding chemistry and its surrounding issues. In addition, there are many career choices open to me including pharmaceuticals, research, management and the chemical manufacturing industry.

Much thought went into my decision to study chemistry; I first had the idea because it is one of my favourite subjects. Then at a higher education fair, I went to a lecture entitled "Why Chemistry?" which illustrated the good career prospects. I attended general open days for science subjects; I greatly enjoyed visiting chemistry departments, often chatting informally with undergraduates, increasing my thirst for chemistry. I found research opportunities and a good balance between pure and applied science, some of the many attractive feature of chemistry courses. I then referred to The Times web site and Heap Degree Course Offers to confirm suitable institutions. I was finally convinced that chemistry was the subject for me, because of my enjoyment of the subject.

I have recently completed work shadowing at Anglia Water laboratories, Huntingdon, where I learnt how a modern analytical industrial chemistry laboratory functions. I am a regular reader of both the"Chemistry Review" and "Chemistry in Britain".

I am currently the only member of both staff and student groups at our school, as I work as a laboratory technician repairing and constructing laboratory apparatus as required by heads of subject. My work mainly involved physics; the improvisational scientific techniques that I have learnt have improved my general experimental ability.

I am an active venture scout sitting on my unit executive committee as secretary, which involved the planning of the program, fund-raising and organising events. I currently hold my Bronze Duke of Edinburgh's award, and I am working towards my Silver Duke of Edinburgh's award and my Queen Scout Award.

I enjoy helping with amateur dramatics assisting by setting up and running special effects, lighting and sound. I am often responsible for the organisational process, which is very time consuming buy satisfying, thus I have done this for a total of sixteen operas, plays, musicals, and pantomimes with five different organisations. I also helped take the school opera on tour to the Czech Republic as the only member of the lighting and sound crew.

I have twice been on a German exchange staying with a German family for one week each time, a cultural experience that I will not forget.

Each year I go skiing with this school, this year I intend to go to Austria. I also enjoy church bell ringing, ringing at both weekly practices and Sunday services, I have also been lucky enough to ring for four weddings.

Comments

General Comments:

There are some well constructed paragraphs in this statement however some of the paragraphs are lacking in length and content. Similarly most of the paragraphs begin with “I” which doesn’t allow the statement to flow, instead it makes it read as if it were a list. However, the candidate has done well to express their enjoyment for the subject and the passion is clear in the first stages of the statement. The statement appears to be in two halves though, the candidate starts well talking about their subject but quickly goes off this path and no mention of chemistry comes back into the statement.

In terms of structure the sentences are either too long or contain too much punctuation. The candidate would do well to combine some of the smaller paragraphs together to make the overall personal statement more readable. It is important to keep the theme of your subject running throughout as well as making yourself seem like a well rounded candidate. The lack of conclusion to this personal statement does not help the statement and it is important for a statement to have both an introduction and a conclusion.

The work experience and extracurricular reading makes the candidate a lot stronger, as does the talk of hobbies and things of interest. I would suggest the candidate incorporates the subject with the hobbies more though and explains the relationship between the two.

Comments on the statement:

All aspects of chemistry and the ever-changing needs of society, particularly in the environmental field, fascinate me. Above all I most enjoy experimenting and the challenge of understanding chemistry with its surrounding issues. In addition, there are many career choices open to me including pharmaceuticals, research, management and the chemical manufacturing industry. This is a good start as it explains well the passion and the reasons for studying. The candidate has done well to pin point a certain area of interest as this makes them seem more confident within their subject.

Much thought went into my decision to study chemistry; I first had the idea because it is one of my favourite subjects. Then At a higher education fair I went to a lecture entitled "Why Chemistry?" which illustrated the good career prospects. I attended general open days for science subjects but I greatly enjoyed visiting chemistry departments, often chatting informally with undergraduates, which increased my thirst for chemistry. I found research opportunities and a good balance between pure and applied science, some of the many attractive feature of chemistry courses. I then referred to The Times web site and Heap Degree Course Offers to confirm suitable institutions. This sentence is not needed at all. The people who will be reading personal statements know that information about their institutes can be found on the Times website. I was finally convinced that chemistry was the subject for me because of my enjoyment of the subject. No comma is needed in the last sentence.

I have recently completed work shadowing at Anglia Water laboratories, Huntingdon, where I learnt how a modern analytical industrial chemistry laboratory functions. This is a good place to talk about how this work experience has made you want to study chemistry further. You shouldn’t just state you did work experience, relate it to the topic. You do not need to state the place the work experience happened. I am a regular reader of both the"Chemistry Review" and "Chemistry in Britain".Again this is a good place to talk about why you read this. Are there any specific articles that interest you?

I am currently the only member of both staff and student groups at our school, as I work as a laboratory technician repairing and constructing laboratory apparatus as required by heads of subject. Is it necessary to mention the staff and student situation? It may be better to say something like ‘Currently I work as a laboratory technician repairing and constructing laboratory apparatus. This job shows my trustworthiness as well as my knowledge and drive for chemistry’. My work mainly involved physics; the improvisational scientific techniques that I have learnt have improved my general experimental ability.This would be a good place for the candidate to refer to chemistry, its not necessary to say its mainly physics.

I am an active venture scout sitting on my unit executive committee as secretary, which involved the planning of the program, fund-raising and organising events. It may flow better to say “with a place on the unit executive committee” as opposed to ‘sitting on’. I currently hold my Bronze Duke of Edinburgh's award and I am working towards my Silver Duke of Edinburgh's award and my Queen Scout Award.

I enjoy helping with amateur dramatics assisting by setting up and running special effects, lighting and sound. I am often responsible for the organisational process, which is very time consuming but satisfying, thus I have done this for a total of sixteen operas, plays, musicals, and pantomimes with five different organisations. I also helped take the school opera on tour to the Czech Republic as the only member of the lighting and sound crew. The applicant needs to mention chemistry here. It would be a lot better to talk about the subject and incorporate it with this section to show all these extra activities strengthen the candidate in a chemistry sense. It is good to show that you are not just a ‘one trick pony’ but at the same time when you write a personal statement its important to stay on topic and for your subject to be intertwined throughout the whole statement.

I have twice been on a German exchange staying with a German family for one week each time, a cultural experience that I will not forget. This is another stage where the candidate has mentioned something that does not really need to be mentioned, however it could be useful. Its weak on its own though and so I would combine it with the paragraph above and make a point of being well travelled and talk about how this helps with the subject.

Each year I go skiing with this school, this year I intend to go to Austria.This sentence does not really need to be in the statement. I also enjoy church bell ringing, ringing at both weekly practices and Sunday services, I have also been lucky enough to ring for four weddings.This should be related to chemistry or not in the statement at all. The end paragraph is the conclusion and should definitely be riddled with the subject in question. This is the last thing the admissions tutor is going to read so its important for it to be strong. The candidate should be closing with a slight summery but also making a strong argument as to why they make a good candidate for the university. Closing with a hobby is not a very strong way to close a personal statement.