Personal Statement:Computer Science 4

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Computer Science Personal Statement

Computer technology has always been something that I have been intrigued by, from my very first Atari to the small home network that I now manage. Over the years my interest in the world of computer technology has grown to the Internet and I have decided that I would eventually like a career in this field and a university degree would help me greatly. The Internet has fascinated me for sometime now, from web page design to computer security. The idea that any information is easily and rapidly accessible from any connected computer terminal in the world is fascinating. The computer world is expanding rapidly and I feel that nowadays, more than ever before, it is important to keep up with the new technological advances, as these are the future. I am extremely fortunate to be studying Information Technology in a specialised Technology College, which has national recognition, as it is also a Beacon School and the only Learning Network Community with radio WAN equipment in the region. Thus I have access to the most up to date equipment

Problem solving and being able to use figures can be a big part of computer technology and this is one of the reasons why I took Physics as an A Level and Maths to AS Level - to improve the quality of my problem solving skills

In 2000 I went on work experience to two business venues in Liverpool, namely Merseycabs' offices and Bleinheim Guest house. I used the computer systems for tasks such as booking customers' rooms at the hotel and editing Taxi drivers' records at Merseycabs. Although the work that I did on the computers was very basic and did not specifically concern the Internet I feel that it has helped me to recognise how the business world uses computers for everyday tasks

I have also gained experience with computers through the Young Enterprise programme, during which I was IT Director of the company and had many responsibilities, such as taking care of the company website and processing online orders, which has helped me to realise the responsibility of meeting deadlines, as when deadlines were not met the whole company was let down and not just the individual. During this marketing experience we visited primary schools, where I presented a PowerPoint presentation on the importance of healthy eating to promote our product. The product produced was a recipe book with contributions from famous local and international stars like Michael Owen and Dame Mary Peters. Our company enjoyed much success winning a trip to the European Trade Fair in Brussels, being featured on many occasions in the media and winning trough to the North West Final. At this final, although we did not win outright, we did win an award for best customer service. This experience has improved my confidence greatly, as well as giving me an insight into the world of marketing and promotion. Being in three school plays has also added to my confidence, I find that now I am more prepared for public speaking

In the summer of last year I attended a volunteer course for the Commonwealth Games, which consisted of first aid training and dealing with emergencies, I learnt how every detail of an event such as the Commonwealth Games must be planned out and implemented with extreme care to avoid problems. In my spare time I enjoy going to ice skating lessons, going to the cinema with friends and, of course surfing the 'net. I also like to design Macromedia Flash presentations and websites. Both the academic and social side of university life appeal to me and it is one of my ambitions to experience the student life first hand

As I look forward to my dreams, I see myself as a confident, successful businesswoman with a university degree and a computer related career. Can you help me make my dream a reality?

Comments

General Comments:

Overall, this PS needs a lot of work. The majority of what is included isn’t relevant to applying for CS, and what is relevant is only mentioned briefly, without expanding on it. It is important to say why things are interesting and show that interest, e.g. through relevant extra reading or work experience (if you have it). It started off with promise, but the initial interests were not mentioned much in the subsequent paragraphs.

Comments on the statement:

Computer technology has always this is a common mistake in PSs – it can’t be true, as it would mean since a baby! been something that I have been intrigued by, from my very first Atari to the small home network that I now manage. Over the years my interest in the world of computer technology has grown to the Internet and I have decided that I would eventually like a career in this field and a university degree would help me greatly. this last bit can be deleted or appear elsewhere, stick to the actual interest now. The Internet has fascinated overused word in PSs me for some time this should be two words now, from web page design to computer security. The idea that any information is easily and rapidly accessible from any connected computer terminal in the world is fascinating. The computer world is expanding rapidly and I feel that nowadays, more than ever before, it is important to keep up with the new technological advances, as these are the future. I am extremely fortunate to be studying Information Technology in a specialised Technology College, which has national recognition, as it is also a Beacon School and the only Learning Network Community with radio WAN equipment in the region. Thus I have access to the most up to date equipment. not relevant

This isn’t a bad intro, as it is personal but some parts could be removed. It gives things to expand on in the subsequent paragraphs, but could be a bit more explicit in regards to why they are interested in studying a CS degree, as at present it only really mentions ‘I want to study CS would get me a good job’. It is also a bit long for an intro.

Problem solving and being able to use figures is a big part of computer technology and this is one of the reasons why I chose to study Physics as an A Level and Maths to AS Level - to improve the quality of my problem solving skills. full stops are needed at the end of paragraphs – ensure you proof-read your statement carefully for silly little mistakes like this

This paragraph is saying to me that you took these two subjects and the only thing you have gained from it is improved problem solving skills. There are much more skills that could have been gained from these subjects and I think this needs to be emphasised a lot more to the reader especially with maths playing such a key part in computer science. How will these subjects help you at university? What interests you about them in relation to CS?

In 2000 This PS may be old – as a general rule, don’t mention anything older than 2 years in your PS I went on work experience to two business venues in Liverpool, namely Merseycabs' offices and Bleinheim Guest house. it’s not necessary to say where they were – it wastes characters I used the computer systems for tasks such as booking customers' rooms at the hotel and editing taxi drivers' records at Merseycabs. Although the work that I did on the computers was very basic and did not specifically concern the Internet is this necessary? You want to make it relevant so don't belittle it or get rid of the whole sentence I feel that it has helped me to recognise how the business world uses computers for everyday tasks

This paragraph doesn't really relate to the course enough for it to be relevant (it sounds too basic for a CS degree) - either make it relevant or get rid of it. It isn’t necessary to include work experience at all.

I have also gained experience with computers through the Young Enterprise programme, during which I was IT Director of the company and had many responsibilities, such as taking care of the company website and processing online orders, which has helped me to realise the responsibility of meeting deadlines, as when deadlines were not met the whole company was let down and not just the individual. This sentence is too long. Also, it could be related to their previous mention of being interested in the internet, e.g. what about online orders then? How did they use their skills to enhance the operation? What you learn from this about the use of the internet in business etc.? During this marketing experience we visited primary schools, where I presented a PowerPoint presentation on the importance of healthy eating to promote our product. This isn’t really relevant to their application, so it can be removed The product produced was a recipe book with contributions from famous local and international stars like Michael Owen and Dame Mary Peters. The actual specifics of what they did and who contributed to the book aren't important Our company enjoyed much success winning a trip to the European Trade Fair in Brussels, being featured on many occasions in the media and winning trough to the North West Final. At this final, although we did not win outright, don’t include any negatives in a PS we did win an award for best customer service. This experience has improved my confidence greatly, as well as giving me an insight into the world of marketing and promotion. [Being in three school plays has also added to my confidence, I find that now I am more prepared for public speaking There is too much description here that is irrelevant – instead, it would be better to discuss how it was useful/what they gained from it.

In the summer of last year I attended a volunteer course for the Commonwealth Games, which consisted of first aid training and dealing with emergencies, I learnt how every detail of an event such as the Commonwealth Games must be planned out and implemented with extreme care to avoid problems. This is interesting, but is it important/relevant? Unless they are going to talk about the computer systems/network etc. used it’s doubtful. In my spare time I enjoy going to ice skating lessons, going to the cinema with friends and, of course surfing the Internet. I also like to design Macromedia Flash presentations and websites. All of the relevant stuff should be mentioned at the beginning of the statement and expanded on Both the academic and social side of university life appeal to me and it is one of my ambitions to experience the student life first hand. This doesn't really make sense, if you're applying to uni then you're not going to be experiencing it 2nd hand - also, this sentence implies that it is the applicants ambition to get drunk constantly and do nothing!

As I look forward to my dreams, I see myself as a confident, successful businesswoman with a university degree and a computer related career. Can you help me make my dream a reality? Don’t address the admissions tutors directly, as it appears insincere.

This is incredibly cheesy and doesn’t work as a conclusion for a UCAS PS. Instead, it should sum up why they want to study CS and why they are a good candidate for it.