Personal Statement:Engineering 1

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Engineering Personal Statement

In the 21st century engineering plays a more vital role in our lives than ever before. As I look around myself I observe numerous devices that were designed and constructed by engineers. This fills me with a desire to be a part of this great prolific system of creativity and ingenuity.

There are many factors that have promoted my choice of pursuing a career in engineering. Since my childhood I have been fascinated by the mechanism by which devices function. I recall often opening numerous devices to observe the contraptions that lay within. My fascination has not waned over the years; instead it has been nurtured by the environment that I inhabit. My father is a computer engineer and many of my uncles have occupations in the field of engineering. Living in the residential camp of a multinational oil company has provided me with ample opportunities to converse with renowned engineers. Through my observations I have noticed that engineers are dedicated individuals that work towards making the world a better place for the rest of us.

At my high school I joined the Physicists’ Society and the Applied Mathematics Society. It was through this experience that I discovered my profound interest in Physics and the application of Mathematics to real world scenarios. To complement this I had a wonderful Physics teacher that enriched my learning experience. Both my physics teacher and my guidance counsellor encouraged me to pursue a degree in engineering as they believed that I had the necessary skills. It was then that I decided that I would certainly enter the field of engineering.

With this decision in mind I began reading numerous scientific journals such as New Scientist, Scientific American and National Geographic to keep abreast of any advancement in the field of engineering. I also took a more profound interest in Physics experiments and found that I particularly enjoyed experiments involving circuits. I attended two Engineering Education Programs offered by Saudi Aramco that helped me understand more about my prospective career. I worked assiduously and achieved numerous awards such as the Physicist of the Year Award, Advanced Mathematics Achievement Award and the Business Studies Merit Award. I was also the Valedictorian for Grades 9 and 10.

To complement my academic life I have participated actively in extracurricular activities both outside the school and inside it. I founded the Students’ Association and currently operate it as the Secretary-General. As the Secretary-General I organised two science fairs, held numerous debates and initiated a Model United Nations. I addressed numerous speeches to the school and actively participated in debates at the Model UN. I feel that these activities have refined my communication skills. I also learnt how to organise and coordinate events successfully.

I participated in a variety of sports and played on both the school’s soccer and cricket team. These sports have shown me the importance of teamwork and allow me to participate prolifically in a team. I hope that my captaincy of the school cricket team and my role in the Students’ Association have developed the leadership skills that I will require at university and later in my career.

Along with my interest in reading scientific journals I find reading fiction to be a gratifying experience. I read fiction from various genres, ranging from the works of Charles Dickens to the science fiction of Michael Crichton. I find that reading allows me to utilise my imagination. I also enjoy writing creatively, bicycling and designing machinery.

Although I am applying as an international student I often visit the United Kingdom and believe that I will be able to adapt to life there. As I am taking the most rigorous course that my school offers I feel confident that I will be able to cope with the assiduous work required at university.

As an engineer I would like to be at the forefront of engineering research, advancing the integration of the concepts of physics, chemistry and biology resulting in an amelioration of our daily lives.

Universities Applied to

• Imperial College London (Electrical and Electronics Engineering) - Offer
• Imperial College London (Bio-Engineering) - Offer
• University of Manchester (Chemical Engineering) - Offer
• University of Bath (Electrical and Electronics Engineering) - Offer
• University of Bristol (Electrical and Electronics Engineering) - Offer
• Southampton University (Electrical and Electronics Engineering) - Offer

Comments

General Comments:

The applicant clearly has good experience to talk about, but doesn’t always sell it as best as they possibly could. Points related to engineering need to be expanded on further, mentioning interests explicitly. There are also too many paragraphs, which waste space on the UCAS form: 5 is the maximum number that fit comfortably into UCAS. All the relevant stuff to engineering needs to be at the beginning and discussed in detail: other school stuff is less important. There is too much unnecessary capitalisation of words, which should be corrected.

This personal statement is marginally too long (4089 characters). -Dillie 16:39, 24 October 2007 (BST)

Comments on the statement:

In the 21st century engineering plays a more vital role in our lives than ever before. As I look around myself I observe numerous devices that were designed and constructed by engineers. This fills me with a desire to be a part of this great prolific system of creativity and ingenuity. An OK introduction, although it could be improved by talking more about the theory related to engineering, rather than just wanting to be an engineer. There are many factors that have promoted my choice the phrasing here is a little odd of pursuing a career in engineering. This sentence doesn't really add much and could be cut. Since my childhood clichéd I have been fascinated overused word in PSs by the mechanisms by which devices function. This short sentence doesn’t flow with the previous bit, or the next sentence I recall often opening numerous devices in order to observe investigate the contraptions that lay within this last bit sounds too informal and narrative. This also needs to be related explicitly to the applicant’s interest in engineering, e.g. improvements for the design. My fascination has not waned over the years; instead it has been nurtured by the environment that I inhabit. This bit is unnecessary too, as if their interest had waned, you would assume that the applicant would not be applying for engineering. My father is a computer engineer and many of my uncles have occupations in the field of engineering. The candidate should specify exactly how this increased their interest in engineering, be it through conversations about certain engineering topics (with example(s)), or overseeing said engineers' work, etc. However, it is generally wise not to mention family at all, as it could appear like the applicant has been pushed into it/wants to follow in their parent’s footsteps. Living in the residential camp of a multinational oil company has provided me with ample opportunities to converse with renowned engineers. I think it is important to be clear with regards the definition of 'renowned' here - If the candidate is referring to engineers whose names are widespread in the engineering world (as a quick internet search would confirm), then they should definitely include at least one example of the form "I particularly enjoyed discussing X with ____ (where X is a topic relevant to engineering), and it made me realise how...". Failing this, the candidate should replace "renowned" with "senior", though of course examples of topics discussed would still be a welcome addition to this section. Through my observations I have noticed that engineers are dedicated individuals that work towards making the world a better place for the rest of us. Although this is a nice sentiment, it doesn't give the engineering tutors anything unique about the candidate or give them a reason to offer the candidate a place on the course.

At my high school I joined the physicists’ society and the applied mathematics society. It was through this experience that I discovered my profound interest in physics and the application of mathematics to real world scenarios. There needs to be expansion here, with specific examples about how physics/mathematics principles can be applied to engineering, relating it to the applicant’s interests. To complement this I had a wonderful physics teacher who enriched my learning experience. The PS should be about the applicant, not their teacher! This is unnecessary. Both my physics teacher and my guidance counsellor encouraged me to pursue a degree in engineering as they believed that I had the necessary skills. It was then that I decided that I would certainly enter the field of engineering. When written in the above way, this may give the impression of the candidate being pushed towards engineering by their school staff in a "because you can do it" way, as opposed to the school staff reinforcing the candidate's previous strong desire to read engineering at university anyway. This could be corrected by some careful rephrasing. This doesn’t really add anything to the application.

With this decision in mind this phrasing is too informal I began reading numerous scientific journals such as ”New Scientist”, ”Scientific American” and ”National Geographic” publication titles need quotation marks around them to keep abreast of any advancement in the field of engineering, The wording of this sentence suggests that this was done just because the applicant was applying for engineering (i.e. to look good on a PS) and not because they enjoyed them. They shouldn’t just name-drop publications, and actually discuss an article or two related to engineering that interested them and why. I also took a more profound this word has already been used, so perhaps a suitable synonym should be chosen interest in physics experiments and found that I particularly enjoyed experiments involving circuits. This needs to be expanded on to provide examples. Also, it would be advisable to keep all school-related activities together, so this would be better placed in the previous paragraph. I have attended two engineering education programmes offered by Saudi Aramco that helped me understand more about my prospective career. How did this interest them, and make them want to study engineering at university? I worked assiduously and achieved numerous awards such as the Physicist of the Year Award, Advanced Mathematics Achievement Award and the Business Studies Merit Award. I was also the Valedictorian for Grades 9 and 10. This sort of thing would sound a lot better coming from a referee, to save more space for the applicant to discuss their interest in engineering. To complement my academic life I have participated actively in extracurricular activities both outside the school and inside it. A very verbose and slightly unnecessary lead in to this paragraph. I founded the students’ association and currently operate it as the secretary-general. As the Secretary-General this would flow better without this repetition I organised two science fairs, held numerous debates and initiated a Model United Nations. I addressed numerous speeches to the school and actively participated in debates at the Model UN. I feel that these activities have refined my communication skills. I also learnt how to organise and coordinate events successfully. These sentences don’t flow well together, as they start with ‘I’. The candidate now has an excellent opportunity to emphasise how fundamental these qualities are in an engineer's daily life, and how the candidate's experiences should enhance their future career in engineering. They could do this by linking their previous sentences in with their residential stay in the oil industry, and explaining how they were made aware of the importance of said qualities during their time spent shadowing/communicating with engineers. [merged paragraphs] I participated in a variety of sports and played on both the school’s soccer and cricket teams. These sports have shown me the importance of teamwork and allowed me to participate prolifically in a team. This is self-explanatory. I hope not the best way to discuss it – it undermines what the applicant is saying that my captaincy of the school cricket team and my role in the students’ association have developed the leadership skills that I will require at university and later in my career. A specific example of the candidate demonstrating their leadership skills would be a welcome addition here, as well as potentially project management.

Along with my interest in reading scientific journals I find reading fiction to be a gratifying experience. I read fiction from various genres, ranging from the works of Charles Dickens to the science fiction of Michael Crichton. I find that reading allows me to utilise my imagination. This doesn't add much to the application and can be removed. I also enjoy writing creatively, bicycling and designing machinery. This last bit needs expanding on, and moving up with the more relevant engineering sections.

Although I am applying as an international student I often visit the United Kingdom and believe that I will be able to adapt to life there. As I am taking the most rigorous course that my school offers I feel confident that I will be able to cope with the assiduous work required at university. While some unis do like international students to say why they want to study in the UK, it is not always necessary. When it is mentioned, it should be very short (a sentence).

As an engineer I would like to be at the forefront of engineering research, advancing the integration of the concepts of physics, chemistry and biology resulting in an amelioration of our daily lives. The final paragraph should focus primarily on the applicant’s interest in engineering, which this doesn’t really.