• Personal Statement:Engineering 12

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Engineering Personal Statement

I view Engineering as a challenging and exciting career. I believe engineers to be more vital in today's society than ever before. Their understanding of the requirements of people today and how they work towards making the world a better place for the rest of us is astonishing. I am eager to specialise in this subject with a specific interest in artificial intelligence and high speed communication networks such as fibre optics. I have always been fascinated by the mechanism by which devices function. I have enjoyed many sections of my Physics course; however the wave topics have interested me the most, such as wave-particle duality and inference of waves. I also study Mathematics and Chemistry, where you need to understand and apply concepts quickly, easily and calculate accurately, which are essential skills needed in the study of Engineering. Having thoroughly enjoyed the academic study of Chemistry, Physics and Mathematics, I have chosen a degree that will enable me to combine theory with a practical application.

My work experience at a controls manufacturing company which specialised in the production of refrigeration control and management systems was an enjoyable and challenging experience. I observed the manufacture of refrigeration control systems from the design stage to the final finished product. I also observed the use of CAD in the design stages and learnt about the precision and responsibility with which Engineers must work. My work experience gave me a valuable insight to my degree area and confirmed that Engineering is a Degree that I will thoroughly enjoy. I also had the opportunity to visit the AstraZeneca plant in Avonmouth last year, where I saw the how drugs are manufactured on an industrial scale; it was simply fascinating to watch. This experience has given me the zeal to try to succeed at becoming an Engineer. To widen my view of the Engineering field and keep up to date with recent developments I regularly read the scientific journals such as New Scientist. This has given me a broader picture of the qualities and skills required to be a good Engineer. Furthermore, I have also worked in a pharmacy, which allowed me to develop skills in working as a part of a team such as listening to others views then contribute my own. It has also improved my concentration massively because one lapse in concentration could result in wrong dosages being administered which could be fatal. This has also boosted my confidence significantly.

In addition to my academic studies, I have always enjoyed undertaking sports like badminton and squash. I am also currently learning to swim at my local sports centre where I go every weekend. In addition, I am also currently planning to run in the Bath half marathon in March 2007. Furthermore, I make good use of computers by using them to maintain a website to research subjects on the internet. I have held the responsibility of being a house prefect which has developed my speaking, listening and time management skills. I have also mentored a year 11 student thought his GCSE year helping him with exam strategies and organisation skills. This has improved my communication skills and makes me feel like a respected member of the 6th form passing on the benefit of my experiences.

Engineering is a subject which has greatly intrigued me for most of my life. I will bring determination and enthusiasm to my studies and feel I can do well in the University environment. I am determined to achieve my long held ambition to become an Engineer and to enjoy the stimulation that this career offers.

Universities applied to:

  • Bath (MEng)
  • Bristol (MEng)
  • Cardiff (MEng)

Grades Achieved:

  • Maths (A)
  • Chemistry (A)
  • Physics (B)

Comments

General Comments:

The content of this personal statement is very good and there is a great discussion of work experience in engineering which uses that experience to talk about relevant skills and their inspiration to become an engineer. It's also good to see an appreciation of the transferable skills that are obtained through outside interests and activities. The applicant comes across as enthusiastic about the subject because they give specific detail of the areas that interest them, such as artificial intelligence or wave-particle duality.

On the negative side, the statement is a little bit verbose in places and the sentence construction lacks originality; lots of "also"s "furthermore"s and sentences starting with "I". The sentences could be linked together better to help the statement flow and to better develop an overall progression through the statement. However, this is a good statement which would probably be well received at a top 5 institution.

--F1fanatic-14915 19:57, 11 April 2009 (BST)

Comments on the statement:

I view Engineering as a challenging and exciting career. I believe engineers to be more vital in today's society than ever before. It's important to say why this is, as well as simply stating that it is true. Short sentences never seem to work in a PS, I think it just ruins the flow if you use too many of them. Their understanding of society's requirements of people today and how they work their drive towards making the world a better place for the rest of us is astonishing. The sentence structure here was a bit odd and is quite convoluted. I am eager to specialise in this subject, with a specific interest in artificial intelligence and high speed communication networks such as fibre optics. I have always been fascinated by the mechanism by which devices function. I have enjoyed many sections of my Physics course; however the wave quantum topics have interested me the most, such as wave-particle duality and inference of waves. It would be good if the applicant could relate this to a specific area of engineering, e.g. fibre optics. I also study Mathematics and Chemistry, where you need to understand and apply concepts quickly, easily and calculate It's not really necessary to learn concepts quickly, so long as they are learnt in the end. However, it is important to apply mathematics correctly and use it appropriately in the situations encountered. accurately, which are essential skills needed in the study of Engineering. It's good to highlight these skills as beneficial in the study of engineering. Having thoroughly enjoyed the academic study of Chemistry, Physics and Mathematics, I have chosen a degree that will enable me to combine theory with a practical application. There are parts of this introduction which are very good but in my opinion it is a little bit fragmented and tries to cover a bit too much. It's good to see specific mention of areas that the applicant finds interesting and this really helps to demonstrate an interest in the subject, but some of these could be mentioned in a second paragraph. Work could be done here to better join up the sentences so that it flows neatly and logically from one sentence to another. Lots of sentences starting with "I" doesn't help the situation in this regard.

My work experience at a controls manufacturing company which specialised in the production of refrigeration control and management systems company was an enjoyable and challenging experience, I observed the manufacture of refrigeration control systems Repetition of what has already been said, especially as it is such a long phrase seeing through a project from the design stage to the final finished product. I also observed the use of CAD in the design stages and learnt about the precision and responsibility with which Engineers must work. I like this phrase, it shows good awareness of what is required of an engineer. My work experience gave me a valuable insight to my degree area and confirmed that Engineering is a Degree that I will thoroughly enjoy. This is very good, the work experience has been made extremely relevant to the course applied for and it is made clear to the reader how this experience would benefit the applicant on an engineering course. I also had the opportunity to visit the AstraZeneca plant in Avonmouth last year, where I saw the how drugs are manufactured on an industrial scale. it was simply fascinating to watch. This last phrase really hasn't added much to the statement and is just taking up valuable space. This experience has given me the zeal to try to succeed at becoming an Engineer. The use of "try to" is slightly negative here. There is a delicate balance to be sought between being negative and being arrogant, and in this case it's probably best to be confident and say that the applicant will succeed at being an engineer. To widen my view of the Engineering field and keep up to date with recent developments I regularly read the scientific journals such as New Scientist. This has given me a broader picture of the qualities and skills required to be a good Engineer. Scientific journals are another good way of demonstrating a real interest for the subject and the applicant has done the right thing by trying to expand upon it, but could go further by giving a specific example. This sentence feels a little out of place here and given the fairly long paragraphs I think there would be benefit in having an additional paragraph as the 2nd paragraph of the statement, to include a mention of New Scientist and academic subjects from the introduction. Furthermore, I have also worked in a pharmacy, which allowed me to develop team skills in working as a part of a team such as listening to others views then contribute my own I think it's obvious what teamwork involves, without the applicant needing to state it explicitly. It has also improved my concentration massively Avoid using slang such as this. A personal statement is a formal piece of writing and so should be written using formal language. because one lapse in concentration could result in wrong dosages being administered, which could be fatal. There is a negative connotation here that the applicant did not have very good concentration beforehand and so they may want to be more careful not to imply this. This has also boosted my confidence significantly. Lots of "also"s, so I don't think this last sentence is needed.

In addition to my academic studies, I have always enjoyed undertaking sports like badminton and squash. I am also currently learning to swim at my local sports centre where I go every weekend. The exact schedule isn't required in a personal statement, as it doesn't really tell the reader anything new or useful. In addition, and I am also currently planning to run in the Bath half marathon in March 2007. Furthermore, I make good use of computers A little bit of an odd phrase. What is a "bad" use of computers? by using them to maintain a website to research subjects on the internet. More explanation is needed here as it's not clear what is meant by using a website to research materials off the internet. How does their own website enable them to do this and for what purpose? I have held the responsibility of being a house prefect which has developed my speaking, listening and time management skills. It's good to talk about transferable skills in relation to extra-curricular activities and this is one of the key things to do when talking about outside interests. It shows that they have helped the applicant to develop relevant skills to the course they are applying for. I have also mentored a year 11 student thought his GCSE year, helping him with exam strategies and organisation skills. This has improved my communication skills and makes me feel like a respected member of the 6th form passing on the benefit of my experiences. This is not really necessary, it is basically a comment about ego and therefore isn't really worth mentioning in a PS

Engineering is a subject which has greatly intrigued me for most of my life. I will bring determination and enthusiasm to my studies and feel I can do well in the University environment. I am determined to achieve my long held ambition to become an Engineer and to enjoy the stimulation that this career offers. This is a solid conclusion that succinctly re-iterates the applicant's interest in the subject and what they can offer. Perhaps the applicant could also make a mention of future career ambitions, specifically tying into the point they made about their interest in artificial intelligence and high speed communication.

--F1fanatic-14915 19:57, 11 April 2009 (BST)


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