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Personal Statement:Format for Reviewing a wiki personal statement
From The Student RoomTSR Wiki > Applications > Personal Statement Library > Format for Reviewing a wiki personal statement This is a example of what an edited PS on the wiki would look like.
Music Personal StatementMy interest in music was well established at the age of 5 when I won a National Composition Competition to compose a song for the Rainbow Guides. I began piano and recorder lessons shortly afterwards and was consequently able to perform with a renaissance ensemble, where I played a variety of renaissance recorders and crumhorns. Since then I have taken lessons on viola, singing and clarinet, also enjoying the challenge of teaching myself to play flute and guitar. Since the beginning of secondary school, when I was introduced to the concepts of musical history and analysis, I have thoroughly enjoyed studying the subject and thirst to further my study of these aspects of music Having had experience of assisting in musical direction and conducting some ensembles in school, I am very interested in developing my skills in this area in the future. My work experience placement at **[Guitar Shop]** which involved helping and advising customers in person and over the telephone, gave me a valuable insight into the commercial aspects of music retail and the practical issues of instrument repair Being elected Deputy House Captain at school as well as taking part in the leadership of a Christian Union, Junior Church and Girl Guide Unit has given me the opportunity to develop skills in leadership and organisation working with a variety of age groups. I aspired to broaden my knowledge of current affairs and develop my teamwork and public speaking skills, which I have largely realised by such activities as gaining the Guide Association Basic Leadership Certificate and taking part in the European Youth Parliament. My confidence in public performance has been greatly enhanced by my role in a string quartet, employed by the Royal Liverpool Philharmonic Society to play at formal occasions Throughout my seven years at **[School]** I have taken an active part in school life by participating in many extra-curricular activities including Chess Club, Handbell Ringing, Christian Union and a variety of House competitions. Being a member of the school Chamber Orchestra, Wind Band and **[Local]** Chamber Choir has enabled me to take part in the National Festival of Music for Youth, Llangollen International Eisteddfod, and Liverpool Festival. Outside of school I am also a member of **[County]** Schools' Concert Band, **[Region]** Youth Orchestra and **[County]** Youth Orchestra, with whom I have participated in a concert tour to Tuscany, Italy In addition to musical activities, I have continued to extend my skills in other areas. Attending **[Local]** Trampolining Club enabled me to improve my fitness and gain the British Trampolining Federation Bronze award. Currently, I have regular Ice Skating lessons and have completed NISA Star Programme Silver Figure Skating. I have made use of my advanced IT skills in composing and arranging music, using Sibelius software, as well as designing websites using HTML. As a committed member of the Guide Association for 13 years, I have persevered with a variety of personal challenges to complete the Chief Guide's Challenge and Silver Duke of Edinburgh Award, which has been both exhilarating and rewarding and I am now working towards the Adult Leadership Certificate I am a keen student who is looking forward to the challenges presented by higher education and university life. Having enjoyed participating in a wide range of extra-curricular activities during my time at school, I look forward to continuing these activities at university, where I can pursue my musical ambitions as well as taking an active role in wider academic life. CommentsGeneral Comments:This statements is slightly shorter than what would normally be expected. There is rather a lack of dealing with academic musical issues here. By the middle of the second paragraph, the applicant is already talking about issues that simply wouldn’t interest academics in a music faculty. Whilst there are allusions to greater musicological issues in the opening paragraph, they are not expounded upon in nearly enough depth. For someone applying to music at a university, rather than a college, there is far too much focus on experience of practical musical experience, to the point of it becoming horribly list-like in the fourth paragraph. I think that the problematic attitude of this candidate is shown most clearly in her final sentence: “I can pursue my musical ambitions as well as taking an active role in wider academic life”, in which she suggests that there is some kind of dichotomy between her “musical ambitions” and her “wider academic life”. This is an issue that must be addressed to make this a first-class personal statement. There are also times at which the punctuation is a little careless. Comments on the statement:My interest in music was well established at the age of 5 when I won a National Composition Competition to compose a song for the Rainbow Guides. This is a very clichéd approach to starting a personal statement, and one which I would advise against. In general tutors will not be interested in what you did when you were five, and will be more concerned that you are academically engaged now I began piano and recorder lessons shortly afterwards and was consequently able to perform with a renaissance ensemble, where I played a variety of renaissance recorders and crumhorns. This is a perfect opportunity to talk about contemporary musicological debates about period performance Since then I have taken lessons on viola, singing and clarinet, also enjoying the challenge of teaching myself to play flute and guitar. A list of instruments is not going to impress a tutor. Given that in the course of a music degree at a university. Given that you’ll only perform on one instrument at most, this is a waste of important space in a first paragraph Since the beginning of secondary school, when I was introduced to the concepts of music Having had experience of assisting in musical direction and conducting some ensembles in school, I am very interested in developing my skills in this area in the future. My work experience placement at **[Guitar Shop]**, which involved helping and advising customers in person and over the telephone, gave me a valuable insight into the commercial aspects of music retail, and the practical issues of instrument repair. This paragraph is really problematic. The sentence about working in a shop doesn’t belong this early in a statement, and doesn’t relate at all to the first sentence. It would be more sensible to take the ideas from the first sentence further and move the rest of the paragraph to later on in the statement when you are talking about extra-curricular activities Being elected Deputy House Captain at school as well as taking part in the leadership of a Christian Union, Junior Church, and Girl Guide Unit has given me the opportunity to develop skills in leadership and organisation working with a variety of age groups. I aspired to broaden my knowledge of current affairs and develop my teamwork and public speaking skills, which I have largely realised by such activities as gaining the Guide Association Basic Leadership Certificate and taking part in the European Youth Parliament. My confidence in public performance has been greatly enhanced by my role in a string quartet, delete comma here employed by the Royal Liverpool Philharmonic Society to play at formal occasions. This last sentence doesn’t make a lot of sense. One’s role in a string quartet is the same, but how it is carried out changes. Throughout my seven years at **[School]** I have taken an active part in school life by participating in many extra-curricular activities including Chess Club, Handbell Ringing, Christian Union and a variety of House competitions. Being a member of the school Chamber Orchestra, Wind Band and **[Local]** Chamber Choir has enabled me to take part in the National Festival of Music for Youth, Llangollen International Eisteddfod, and Liverpool Festival. Outside of school I am also a member of **[County]** Schools' Concert Band, **[Region]** Youth Orchestra and **[County]** Youth Orchestra, with whom I have participated in a concert tour to Tuscany, Italy. As previously stated, this paragraph is pretty much a list. It would be much better if the applicant talked about fewer experiences, and considered more fully what she got out of them In addition to musical activities, I have continued to extend my skills in other areas. Attending **[Local]** Trampolining Club enabled me to improve my fitness and gain the British Trampolining Federation Bronze I am a keen student who is looking forward to the challenges presented by higher education and university life. | 
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