Personal Statement:Italian 1

I can trace my interest in languages back to a holiday to the Lleyn Peninsula when I was 6, during which I decided to compile a dictionary of the Welsh words I saw on signposts. My interest gained ground at secondary school, and in recent years I have become particularly enthusiastic about the language and culture of Spain - an enthusiasm heightened by a visit to Galicia last summer. While I am enjoying A level French I am keen to take this opportunity to learn something new, hence my desire to study Italian. Italy is a country which fascinates me and which I would love to get to know, and I already have some knowledge of the language including the pronunciation system

Last term I took part in an French essay-writing competition organised by the Alliance Française, and for my essay on Globalisation I was awarded a Certificat d'Or. Last year also saw my participation in the French Exchange with a school in Condé-en-Brie, near Reims, which I found a valuable insight into French culture as well as a chance to improve my language. Apart from my French and Spanish studies, I have pursued other languages at various times. Last year I took the one-year GCSE course in Latin that my school offers, which I have found very interesting and highly worthwhile as well as a help with and insight into Romance languages. Out of enthusiasm for the West of Scotland and interest in Scottish place-names I have learnt some Gaelic, and I recently started to teach myself German

I have been elected deputy head boy with responsibility for charity for this year, and in this position I hope to continue the impressive fund-raising efforts of previous years for local and national causes

I have successfully completed my Bronze Duke of Edinburgh's award, for which I took up rock-climbing and helped residents in a local nursing home. I am on the committee of the Debating Society and have spoken in a number of debates in the Society's first year; through school I have also taken part in a public speaking competition organised by the Rotary Club, for which I spoke as part of a team of three on "how we will view life in the next millennium". I am a keen actor, and have had leading roles in productions both in and out of school. In my spare time I enjoy hill-walking and photography, as well as reading (especially travel writing) and playing the concertina, for which my main interest is the traditional music of Scotland and Northumberland

As for my future plans, I am strongly considering interpreting as a career; I think I would find this work very interesting, and I feel I can meet the challenge it presents. In the meantime I am looking forward to starting my university course and to the new experiences it will offer me.

Comments

General Comments:

Overall, this is a rather focussed personal statement. It has obviously been designed with a language degree in mind throughout. In terms of applying for a generalised Modern Foreign Languages degree, the applicant manages to show a genuine enthusiasm for languages outside their mothertongue, while also noting ways in which they are a well-rounded pupil. In terms of actually applying for a degree in Italian ab-initio, there just isn't enough of a focus on what has drawn the applicant to Italian - to Spanish, yes; to French, definitely; to Italian, the reasons are unclear, which means the admissions tutor will probably have a harder time when it comes to the final decision.

In terms of the overall structure, it's well thought out: academia, extra-curricular, future ambitions. The one problem lies in the standalone paragraph about being Deputy Head Boy, which could easily be amalgamated into extra-curricular activities.

Comments on the statement:

I can trace my interest in languages back to a holiday to the Lleyn Peninsula when I was 6, during which I decided to compile a dictionary of the Welsh words I saw on signposts Though it is a nice introduction, showing the applicant's curiosity, a tutor really would prefer to read about the current state of affairs in your academic life, than when you were 6. Restart from the next line. My interest gained ground at secondary school, and in recent years I have become particularly enthusiastic about the language and culture of Spain - an enthusiasm heightened by a visit to Galicia last summer. Slightly more on-topic and relevant, if applying for a degree in Spanish. However, for a degree in Italian, the intro needs to be focused on that from the beginning. While I am enjoying A level French I am keen to take this opportunity to learn something new, hence my desire to study Italian. Italy is a country which fascinates me and which I would love to get to know, why? and I already have some knowledge of the language including the pronunciation system At this point, there should be some proof of this desire, or prior knowledge. The tutor needs to see passion for the specific subject, not just for languages in general. He or she is going to be asking "Why?" - as an applicant, you must be prepared to pre-empt this question with an answer.

Last term I took part in a French essay-writing competition organised by the Alliance Française, and for my essay on globalisation I was awarded a Certificat d'Or. A good point to make; showing that there are plus points to your essay writing skills, although it needs to be expanded to explain how this has developed their interest in Italian Last year also saw my participation this sounds clunky. Change it to the active form; avoid passive speech in the French Exchange with a school in Condé-en-Brie, near Reims, which I found a valuable insight into French culture as well as a chance to improve my language Perhaps a slight angling away from how well your French is, and more towards how your knowledge of French could help with Italian would be more helpful. Apart from my French and Spanish studies, I have pursued other languages at various times. Last year I took the one-year GCSE course in Latin that my school offers, which I have found very interesting and highly worthwhile as well as a help with and insight into Romance languages. Though most of the time a tutor won't care about your specific GCSEs, this is specific to philology (the study of languages) - perhaps it needs to be given less of a glossing over and mention more on historical linguistics or how Latin and Italian are related. Out of enthusiasm for the West of Scotland and interest in Scottish place-names I have learnt some Gaelic, and I recently started to teach myself German. The admissions tutors are not going to be interested in all the languages the applicant is attempting to learn, as they aren’t all going to be relevant.

I have been elected deputy head boy with responsibility for charity for this year, and in this position I hope to continue the impressive fund-raising efforts of previous years for local and national causes One sentence does not equal a paragraph; it should be merged with the paragraph below.

I have successfully completed my Bronze Duke of Edinburgh's award, for which I took up rock-climbing and helped residents in a local nursing home. I don’t start sentences in a row the same way, as they don’t flow well together am on the committee of the debating society and have spoken in a number of debates in the society's first year; through school I have also taken part in a public speaking competition organised by the Rotary Club, for which I spoke as part of a team of three on "how we will view life in the next millennium". I am a keen actor, and have had leading roles in productions both in and out of school. In my spare time I enjoy hill-walking and photography, as well as reading (especially travel writing) and playing the concertina, for which my main interest is the traditional music of Scotland and Northumberland. This entire paragraph is a good list of extra-curricular activity, but, it doesn't really tell me what you've achieved. How have these experiences improved you as a person? What have you gained? How have you grown? It is also far too long – the admissions tutors don’t need to know everything you do in your spare time.

As for my future plans, This sounds very blasé and colloquial. Try to keep it formal. This is almost like a cover letter for a job I am strongly considering interpreting as a career; I think I would find this work very interesting, The obvious point here is that the tutor will be asking you "Why?" - think of this as a paper interview. Why will interpreting be of interest? Why not teaching, translation, or another avenue of languages? and I feel I can meet the challenge it presents. In the meantime I am looking forward to starting my university course and to the new experiences it will offer me. In terms of how this paragraph ends, it's really quite weak. By targeting what the tutor 'wants to hear', and answering the question of 'What will I get out of this degree?', there is the chance to end on a stronger note, rather than petering out with a generic phrase. This is even more important here, as it's your last chance to make a lasting impression on the tutor. This means focusing on the degree (why you want to do it and why you are a good candidate), and not a job afterwards.