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TSR Wiki > Applications > Personal Statement Library > Personal Statement:Juggling - An example of what you shouldn't do when writing a personal statement

Disclaimer

This is an example of everything that you shouldn't do in a personal statement. It has been produced by a number of PS helpers. Hopefully you will not find anything that you have used in your personal statement. The comments are the sort or comments that you will get if you post your personal statement in the Ask a PS Helper forum. If you want to know how to write a good personal statement this article should help.

Personal Statement

My passion for Juggling began at an early age and it was when my parents gave me my first set of clubs when I was 4 that I decided that I wanted to study juggling at university. This shows that juggling has always fascinated me; since then, I read Jugglers Weekly, which is fascinating, and have chosen to study Biology, which helps me understand how my arms throw the clubs, English, which has helped me learn to better comunicate with fellow jugglers, and Religious Education, which has taught me to pray to 5 different gods and juggle at the same time, and introduced me to my hero, the fascinating many-armed god Ganesh, who must be a great juggler! My study of physics for A level has allowed me to design my own ultra-aerodynamic juggling-thingies, a project into which I intend to put much effort into alongside my juuggling - a perfect complement to the course. I look forward to meeting you at registration. I know my AS grades were only CDD but I promise I will get AAA because I'm gonna work really really hard. Please allow me in to your university to study Jugglology because when I graduate I want to earn lot's of money working in International Banking. I got bad results in my AS-levels due to personal problems (my dog died) but I am predicted AAA so I think I am good enough to join your excellent institution.

My favourite extra-curricular activity is French, I like French because it allows me to improve my skills in speaking French and also because I can express my passion for juggling via the medium that is French and this helps me increase my immense, relentless interest in jugglology. At school my natural flair for leadership was rewarded by being made a prefect. I was responsible for looking after a form of Year 7 kids including entertain them before school this gave me experience of working with children of a different age. Outside of academia, I still like juggling.

I have read many books on juggling including the fascinating book "Juggling" which taught me a lot of stuff that I did not know before! I also participate in my local juggling club which means that I have very good manual dexterity, teamworking capability, IT skills and dragon-slaying proficiency. Thanks to my many hours of dedicated training, I can now juggle whilst standing on my head, hanging upside down from my feet and on a trampoline. My hobbies include juggling and stamp collection.My first action upon matriculation will be to join (or found) the university JugSoc, which will allow me to continue the greatest passion in my life : namely, juggling. I did lots of different kinds of work shadowing experience. First I work shadowed a clown who taught me how to use poi. I liked it best when he did fire poi as I've found they most impress the audience! Then I work shadowed another clown at a different circus and he let me perform too and I didn't faint because of the big crowd which they said was very impressive. I then decided to do a week's work experience at a Juggling ball factory located in a big city in the north west of england. Here i learned how juggling balls are made, I also learnt the importance of using the right materials; and also the importance or the correct combination of colours. I also visited a charity organisation dedicated to juggling, where i learnt teamwork and communication, which are transferrable skills useful to a degree in juggling. I beleive this makes me a prime candidate.

During my gap year which I took because I wanted to get mature and find myself I visited Mozambique and built many mud huts for the poor local children. I also taught the local children to juggle which has helped my intrapersonal skills, personal development and has given me a great sense of teamwork and responsibility. I am an exceptional juggler and think that were I given the opportunity at your world famous institution I could definitely be the best juggler out there and also look forward to the social aspects that you can do at university as I am a sociable person and enjoy going out with friends because its fun. My experience's have clearly demonstrated my skill's such as teamwork, communication, leadership and responsibility; which I feel is the most important skill a juggler has to have; after all; entertaining people of all age's require's responsibility and dedication! I look forward to all aspects of a Juggling degree, and that of university life, and will be an asset to your university and the juggling profession. I also won the school juggling prize which involved juggling in front of the headmaster governers and parents which shows that i am a good juggler and would be an asset to your institution. I love your university.

Comments

My passion for Juggling began at an early age and it was when my parents gave me my first set of clubs when I was 4 that I decided that I wanted to study juggling at university.

This is a surprisingly common comment in a personal statement. Admissions tutors aren't going to think that you are any more committed if you say that you decided at a really young age. At the age of 4 I didn't even know what university was, let alone what I wanted to do there.

This shows that juggling has always fascinated me; since then, I read Jugglers Weekly, which is fascinating, and have chosen to study Biology, which helps me understand how my arms throw the clubs, English, which has helped me learn to better comunicate with fellow jugglers, and Religious Education, which has taught me to pray to 5 different gods and juggle at the same time, and introduced me to my hero, the fascinating many-armed god Ganesh, who must be a great juggler! My study of physics for A level has allowed me to design my own ultra-aerodynamic juggling-thingies, a project into which I intend to put much effort into alongside my juuggling - a perfect complement to the course.

You may think that this is a bit ridiculous but people really do run sentences this long. I just read a sentence that was 158 words long. Try to use punctuation correctly as it will count against you if you don't. This is an example about how to not mention your A2s. It is dull and how everyone does it. If you want to mention what you have done at A2 then talk about specific things that you have learnt and how this has inspired you to go and do further research or has given you skills which directly relate to your course. The sentence about how English has helped improve communication skills is an example of how important it is to word sentences effectively. The over-use of the word 'fascinated' and its derivatives also rather contradicts the notion of the candidate's communication skills being improved by their study of English! Try not to repeat the same word in a paragraph. I am always dubious about the use of exclamation marks. I think that they can be over-used and can only work in very specific situations. Terms like "thingies" should never be used, and you should also make sure that you don't have any spelling mistakes.

I look forward to meeting you at registration. I know my AS grades were only CDD but I promise I will get AAA because I'm gonna work really really hard. Please allow me in to your university to study Jugglology because when I graduate I want to earn lot's of money working in International Banking. I got bad results in my AS-levels due to personal problems (my dog died) but I am predicted AAA so I think I am good enough to join your excellent institution.

Firstly, never assume that you will get an offer and preferably don't address the reader directly. Secondly, if you haven't achieved the grades that you were hoping to, this is something that should be mentioned by your referee, not by you. They can explain why you can get the grades if your AS levels weren't that impressive. If you are going to talk about what you want to do after you graduate (which can sometimes work but in general isn't the best idea) then don't say anything about wanting to do it for the money. This makes you seem less committed to the actual study of the subject in itself. This section also shows jumping between two subjects which shouldn't be done. All of the talk about AS results should be together (if included) and the talk of future careers should follow.

My favourite extra-curricular activity is French, I like French because it allows me to improve my skills in speaking French and also because I can express my passion for juggling via the medium that is French and this helps me increase my immense, relentless interest in jugglology. At school my natural flair for leadership was rewarded by being made a prefect. I was responsible for looking after a form of Year 7 kids including entertain them before school this gave me experience of working with children of a different age. Outside of academia, I still like juggling.

Saying that you like French because it increase your "skills in speaking French" is firstly really badly phrased and secondly is stating the obvious. However, it is sometimes done. Instead you can talk about it increasing your ability to communicate and learn about a different culture. Everything in this section on extra-curricular activities is relating back to juggling. It doesn't have to - you can talk about activities that you have enjoyed. Relating everything back to juggling makes it seem like you have a one track mind and might be slightly dull.

I have read many books on juggling including the fascinating book "Juggling" which taught me a lot of stuff that I did not know before! I also participate in my local juggling club which means that I have very good manual dexterity, teamworking capability, IT skills and dragon-slaying proficiency. Thanks to my many hours of dedicated training, I can now juggle whilst standing on my head, hanging upside down from my feet and on a trampoline. My hobbies include juggling and stamp collection.My first action upon matriculation will be to join (or found) the university JugSoc, which will allow me to continue the greatest passion in my life : namely, juggling.

With regards to the first sentence, if you are going to talk about how much you have enjoyed reading a book and how much it has taught you then be specific. Plus, don't use words like 'stuff' as it makes the personal statement seem too informal. The rest of it shows just how much some people can go on about their chosen subject. Yes, it is important to make it clear how much you enjoy it, but you don't want to sound like a broken record.

I did lots of different kinds of work shadowing experience. First I work shadowed a clown who taught me how to use poi. I liked it best when he did fire poi as I've found they most impress the audience! Then I work shadowed another clown at a different circus and he let me perform too and I didn't faint because of the big crowd which they said was very impressive. I then decided to do a week's work experience at a Juggling ball factory located in a big city in the north west of england. Here i learned how juggling balls are made, I also learnt the importance of using the right materials; and also the importance or the correct combination of colours. I also visited a charity organisation dedicated to juggling, where i learnt teamwork and communication, which are transferrable skills useful to a degree in juggling. I beleive this makes me a prime candidate.

This section may on the surface of it not seem so bad. However, it is too specific about where the work experience is carried out. It also doesn't really say what the person learnt about themselves from their work experience. Plus, having does this work experience does not make them the ideal candidate and it is important that you don't say this.

During my gap year which I took because I wanted to get mature and find myself I visited Mozambique and built many mud huts for the poor local children'. I also taught the local children to juggle which has helped my intrapersonal skills, personal development and has given me a great sense of teamwork and responsibility.

If you are going to talk about your gap year (which isn't a bad idea) make sure that you don't talk about the native people from the country that you visited in a derogatory manner. Intra personal skills means dealing with different ideas within yourself and not what the candidate intends, interpersonal skills, communicating with other people.

I am an exceptional juggler and think that were I given the opportunity at your world famous institution I could definitely be the best juggler out there and also look forward to the social aspects that you can do at university as I am a sociable person and enjoy going out with friends because its fun. My experience's have clearly demonstrated my skill's such as teamwork, communication, leadership and responsibility; which I feel is the most important skill a juggler has to have; after all; entertaining people of all age's require's responsibility and dedication! I look forward to all aspects of a Juggling degree, and that of university life, and will be an asset to your university and the juggling profession. I also won the school juggling prize which involved juggling in front of the headmaster governers and parents which shows that i am a good juggler and would be an asset to your institution. I love your university.

You shouldn't really big yourself up this much - it just makes you seem arrogant and not someone that they are going to want at their university. Your last paragraph should be a conclusion rather than introducing new ideas as this one does. Finally it ends on addressing the reader again which really shouldn't be done.