Personal Statement:Law 7

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Law Personal Statement

The world of law offers a less then perfect legal system, but presents you with the chance to change the views of people and help in the struggle for equality, this is why I want to study law but I want to combine it with business or accountancy as I believe, in the world of work you have to have a variety of skills to lead a successful career in a complicated sphere of work. The reason why I have chosen to study law is because of my A level studying in sociology, which helped to give me an insight into criminology which highly interested me plus the fact that I like challenging myself against others to further improve my person. The combination of business or accountancy is because I would like to build upon my A level in business studies, which featured accounts

My work experience at G & T appliances helped me see clearly what field of work I am interested in, while I was at G & T appliances I helped to put all previous annual accounts on to a database for easy reference, I helped customers with enquires and handled money, this experience helped me improve my communicating skills as well as giving me responsibility which helped me grow in confidence and realise the world beyond education

I am an independent, responsible and confident person I can communicate with others who may find it difficult to do so, I can work independently and in a group, I can carry out tasks with minimum of help. All these played a big part when I became a student council representative, which involved me putting across the views of students and giving feedback to the students

My hobbies include travelling, playing football, snooker and cricket

I like meeting new people and experiencing new cultures, I hope to travel abroad at sometime

I believe that I can be a successful undergraduate as I am determined to follow a successful career after university; I will strive to achieve my ambitions in life and achieve them to the highest potential possible.

Comments

General Comments:

Immediately when looking at this statement, we can see that it is both much shorter that it should be, and rather top-heavy. While looks don't really matter, the statement is a bit of an aesthetic anti-climax.

While structure in a statement is good, this is too structured, to the extent that the paragraphs seem separate - one wonders if the candidate has merely been handed a list of questions and used the answers to form the statement.

It is also quite vague, and doesn't touch upon academic questions, or even current issues, in either Law or Business.

Comments on the statement:

The world of law offers a less then perfect legal system, weak opener, particularly as the candidate does not discuss what is imperfect about any legal system either here or later but presents you with the chance to change the views of people and help in the struggle for equality, this is why I want to study law but I want to combine it with business or accountancy as I believe, in the world of work you have to have a variety of skills to lead a successful career in a complicated sphere of work. The reason why I have chosen to study law is because of my A level studying in sociology, which helped to give me an insight into criminology which highly interested me plus the fact that I like challenging myself against others to further improve my person. The combination of business or accountancy is because I would like to build upon my A level in business studies, which featured accounts. The first sentence is far too long and would be better split into one or two, and the whole structure of this paragraph could do with being changed to have a more logical order e.g Our legal system is less than perfect. Yet despite its flaws, studying law presents you with a chance to change the views of people, and to help in the struggle for equality. I want to study Law, in part, is because of my studies of criminology as part of my Sociology A level. My choice to combine Law with Business or Accountancy come from the fact that I believe that in the world of work one has to have a variety of skills. Still not perfect, but the above example kept the original language as much as possible. Better yet would be to delve into what made Criminology interesting, particularly in relation to a Law degree.

My work experience at G & T Appliances helped me see clearly what field of work I am interested in, .This is strange, as the candidate has jumped from being primarily law-focussed, to having vaguely business-related shopkeeping as their goal While I was at G & T Appliances I helped to put all previous annual accounts on to a database for easy reference, I helped customers with enquires and handled money,. This experience helped me improve my communicating skills as well as giving me responsibility which helped me grow in confidence and realise the world beyond education. While an awareness of the 'world beyond education' is good, this applicant is placing rather a lot of emphasis on that which, when s/he is applying for entrance to a Higher education course, not the best thing to reinforce.

I am an independent, responsible and confident person. I can communicate with others who may find it difficult to do so, I can work independently and in a group, I can carry out tasks with minimum of help. All these played a big part when I became a student council representative, which involved me putting across the views of students and giving feedback to the students. Horribly structured. The evidence of responsibility by being a student council representative should be foremost, and then the qualities gained from the experience listed.

My hobbies include travelling, playing football, snooker and cricket. To be blunt, so what? Football and cricket are team sports, so could be used as evidence of teamworking skills - but you cannot expect the reader to make these inferences; spell it out.

I like meeting new people and experiencing new cultures, I hope to travel abroad at sometime Ditto previous paragraph

I believe that I can be a successful undergraduate as I am determined to follow a successful career after university; I will strive to achieve my ambitions in life and achieve them to the highest potential possible. The last clause makes no sense, which is not the impression you want to leave the reader with. A poor conclusion rounds off a poor statement.