Personal Statement:Mathematics 1

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Mathematics Personal Statement

Throughout my years at ******** High School I have sought challenges within my chosen subjects and outside of school wanting always to better myself in all areas. I enjoy subjects that pose problems for me to work and use my knowledge to solve. Mathematics is one of these subjects as there is always more to learn and new challenges to overcome. Within maths I enjoy pure and applied mathematics as these test my abilities. I look forward to further studying mathematics and to broadening my understanding of the subject as a whole. I have enjoyed maths from a young age as I found numbers easy to work with and manipulate and from this stems the main reason I enjoy maths so much, being able to work with, play with and answer questions with numbers. Due to my enjoyment of Mathematics and wish to better my knowledge and myself I have undertaken the learning of an extra maths module in my own time. I intend to take an examination in this module along with my other mathematics examinations. Of my achievements during my time at ******** High School, the awards I received for participating in the UK Maths Challenge are my most satisfying as they give me recognition of my abilities against other students of my age

I have gained three Gold awards and a Best In School Award. I have also been awarded Speech Day prizes for my IT Skills. Although I have chosen mathematics to take further in study I enjoy many other aspects of school and many other subject areas. Sciences such as Physics and Chemistry, which I have taken on to A2 interest me greatly, as well as Information and Communication Technology which I studied at AS. I have been successful at all subjects I attempt even those outside of sciences such as Graphic Design and French. These I did not enjoy as much as science related subjects but worked at to succeed. I have participated in a large number of events in and out of school from theatre and residential trips to trips to large industrial practices such as Corus steel works and participating in fund raising events for school and my cricket club. Of the trips and visits the most enjoyable was the Chemsix conference at Nottingham University, which was not only fun but also extremely informative. I actively take part in school life through the committee I am part of as well as helping out at school open days and other functions. I have spent two weeks at Fox's Biscuits on work experience. I worked in the Accounts department and the IT department thoroughly enjoying both jobs and strengthening my wish to seek employment after my degree in either a finance or computer related career. Since August of 2001 I have worked in a large supermarket where I am regularly left in charge of the department or left to work by myself for long periods of time. I have also at times been responsible for the training of new colleagues on general tasks and administration work. Out of school and away from work I enjoy reading and playing numerous levels of cricket for my local cricket club where we recently won an under-17's cup held for the whole league. I regularly spend time listening to music and as often as possible go to watch live performances. When I can I will go watch and support my local football and cricket clubs. I believe a university education will not only extend my knowledge in my chosen field but also let me experience new things and meet and befriend people who have as diverse interests as myself.

Comments

General Comments:

This statement is of a good size, but as it consists of only two paragraphs, it doesn't sit well on the page. A lot of the information contained in the statement is useful and relevant to an admissions tutor, but could frequently do with better structure or more detail. A lot of stuff is also missing - has the applicant done any tutoring, taken any extra exams (besides the Challenges) attended any summer schools, or even done any basic reading outside of school? The introduction is very weak, and the applicant has clearly struggled here to think of anything to write - possibly a reflection of the applicant's inexperience in writing about himself more than anything else, which may also explain the frequent clumsy sentences and underpunctuation that make it quite hard to read. The statement feels in parts like a list of accomplishments, with no distinction drawn between those that are interesting to an admissions tutor and those that aren't; an accomplishment, achievement or event should in most cases be followed up with a short explanation of why it was useful, interesting, entertaining or enjoyable to the applicant. The statement is also very heavily weighted towards extra-curriculars, with only a few sentences being devoted to maths.

Comments on the statement:

Throughout my years at ******** High School I have sought challenges within my chosen subjects and outside of school wanting always to better myself in all areas. I enjoy subjects that pose problems for me to work and use my knowledge to solve. While this may all be true, none of this points to mathematics. This is highlighted in the next sentence: Mathematics is one of these subjects as there is always more to learn and new challenges to overcome. The applicant is putting forward the rather weak statement that mathematics is only one of the subjects he enjoys, and has taken three sentences to get this far; the admissions tutor may already be bored. This sentence itself is ungrammatical and a repetition of things that have previously been said, if not very obvious. Within maths I enjoy pure and applied mathematics as these test my abilities. The start of this sentence looks promising, but the applicant fails to back up his enjoyment of both pure and applied; French or chemistry may also test his abilities, but does he enjoy those too? I look forward to further studying mathematics and to broadening my understanding of the subject as a whole. The admissions tutors know this already - they assume it is true from the fact that they are looking at this personal statement! I have enjoyed maths from a young age as I found numbers easy to work with and manipulate(comma) and from this stems the main reason I enjoy maths so much(colon) being able to work with, play with and answer questions with numbers. This sentence sounds almost as if it is telling us that playing with numbers is why the applicant enjoys maths now; suggest rewording. Due to my enjoyment of Mathematics and wish to better my knowledge and myself (you don't 'better' knowledge, you simply accumulate more; this clause feels forced) I have undertaken the learning of begun to learn an extra maths module in my own time. Which one? Why was it enjoyable? I intend to take an examination in this module along with my other mathematics examinations. Not only do the admissions tutors not care about exams much, this information is already elsewhere on the UCAS form. Of my achievements during my time at ******** High School, the awards I received for participating in the UK Maths Challenge are my most satisfying as they give me recognition of my abilities against other students of my age(punctuation?!) This is a poor justification of enjoying the UKMT challenges. ("UK Maths Challenge" is not its official name.)

I have gained three Gold awards and a Best In School Award. Fine, but why has the paragraph split in the middle of this piece of information? I have also been awarded Speech Day prizes for my IT Skills. Fine, but this shouldn't be here; all of the information about maths should be roughly together. Although I have chosen mathematics to take further in study I enjoy many other aspects of school and many other subject areas. Sciences such as Physics and Chemistry, which I have taken on to A2(comma) interest me greatly, as well as Information and Communication Technology which I studied at AS. I have been successful at all subjects I attempt even those outside of sciences such as Graphic Design and French. These I did not enjoy as much as science related subjects but worked at to succeed. None of this is particularly interesting or relevant as the applicant is going to study maths, not French or chemistry. I have participated in a large number of events in and out of school from theatre and residential trips to trips to large industrial practices such as Corus steel works and participating in fund raising events for school and my cricket club. This sentence is very hard to read, and contains several pieces of information at once. Of the trips and visits the most enjoyable was the Chemsix conference at Nottingham University, which was not only fun but also extremely informative. I actively take part in school life through the committee I am part of as well as helping out at school open days and other functions. I have spent two weeks at Fox's Biscuits on work experience. I worked in the Accounts department and the IT department thoroughly enjoying both jobs and strengthening my wish to seek employment after my degree in either a finance or computer related career. Since August of 2001 I have worked in a large supermarket where I am regularly left in charge of the department or left to work by myself for long periods of time. I have also at times been responsible for the training of new colleagues on general tasks and administration work. Out of school and away from work I enjoy reading and playing numerous levels of cricket for my local cricket club where we recently won an under-17's cup held for the whole league. I regularly spend time listening to music and as often as possible go to watch live performances. When I can I will go watch and support my local football and cricket clubs. All of this counts as extra-curricular, and should be reduced a lot; there is a lot of interesting stuff in there, but it needs to be culled to make way for more information relating to maths. It also needs more structure; it sounds like a large list, and takes up most of this paragraph. From sentence to sentence, there is no indication as to where one achievement ends and the next begins; we saw earlier that the entire paragraph split in the middle of one achievement. I believe a university education will not only extend my knowledge in my chosen field but also let me experience new things and meet and befriend people who have as diverse interests as myself. This is not a strong conclusion: university education will of course extend the candidate's knowledge, and the rest of the sentence isn't all that relevant to an admissions tutor.