Personal Statement:Mathematics 11

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Mathematics Personal Statement

Mathematics is a concept used by most, enjoyed by few. I have always considered myself a member of this minority, yet the question of why it was mathematics I wish to study at university puzzled me. I thought that not to find a logical answer for this question would undermine the foundations of the subject which I have regarded so highly. After thorough contemplation of this question it came to me that my passion for the subject did not come from my personal ambitions of becoming a mathematician. It was from the elegance and logic of the subject, which will always be thought of as the mother of all sciences, that has fuelled my aspiration of continuing it a higher academic level.

Academically I have always driven myself to be able to attain my potential and to cope with any circumstances which may hinder me achieving my goal. I am currently self-taught in two of my mathematics modules, M1 and S1, due to staff retirements and the fact of their being no alternative modules which I could study. Although I am in this situation I am determined to use the self-discipline I have gained through my extra-curricular activities to be able to complete my mathematics A level to the highest possible standard.

I have taken part in a variety of extra-curricular, some of which I have had to dedicate myself to. This has taught me the vital skill of time management. In the Army Cadet Force I learnt how to discipline myself to be able to achieve tasks that would require great deals of effort, both physical and mental. The Duke of Edinburgh Award (Bronze) showed me how to plan and execute expeditions whilst being responsible for my team members. Simultaneously I was a youth worker at Epping youth centre for eighteen months; my duties included planning activities and maintaining a safe atmosphere. I feel the combination of all of these skills has helped me to cope with my A level work and it is to my belief it will do equally as much when I join university.

In mathematics I have constructed a method of making questions more feasible by the philosophical concept of reductionism, which brings a question down to its core elements allowing the ambiguity of questions to be eliminated by reapplying the simplification. This has been particularly helpful in trigonometry and algebra to an extent where my colleagues have adopted this approach to mathematics. From what I have learnt about the difference of mathematics at A level and degree level is that the questions will rarely show a straight forward method of being solved as in A level. I believe I will enjoy this transition, since it will allow me to have an opportunity to meet challenges which I have not had the chance to meet at A level.

To conclude this statement, I feel that university is certainly the next logical step for me and I am looking forward to the transition between college and university. My image of university is a place where I will not only gain a higher understanding of the subject I am passionate about, but a place I will be able to bring what I have learnt to a variety of people; sharing my own culture and views, whilst learning theirs. If accepted I believe I will gain a lot from university, but also contribute to it, equally as much.

Comments

General Comments

This statement is for the most part well focused and eloquently written. It is clear that the applicant has control of their subject matter and are generally astute enough to be fully aware of what they are writing and why. The statement is a good length and contains all of the necessary aspects of a personal statement. It covers why the applicant wants to study the subject, demonstrates an interest in maths and shows a range of skills through outside interests and experiences.

There is room for improvement in the details of how things are said and the means of communicating with the reader. The introduction reads too much like a novel; the reader just wants facts and there are times when precision is needed in the sentence construction so as not to provide any room for negative connotations or ambiguity. Some sentences are quite awkwardly phrased. I think the penultimate paragraph in particular needs reconsidering as far as what it offers to the statement, and at the very least should appear earlier in the statement to provide a logical structure. Perhaps a mention of relevant outside reading (popular maths or science books) may provide a better, more irrefutable example of interest in mathematics.

Overall this statement is of a good quality and I would expect that this application would be good enough for a top 10 university and would not look out of place for an Oxford or Cambridge application. However, improvements as indicated above would provide significant additional weight and support behind an application.

--F1fanatic-14915 16:17, 21 March 2009 (UTC)

Comments on the statement

Mathematics is a concept used by most, enjoyed by few. A very philosophical statement, but what does it really mean and what does it tell the reader? When writing a first sentence it’s always good to make an impact, but there is a fine line between saying something profound and saying something which sounds profound, except when you actually think about it, it makes no sense. This isn’t a terrible case, but it’s something to be aware of. I have always considered myself a member of this minority, yet the question of why it was mathematics I wish to study at university puzzled me. It’s probably not a good idea for the applicant to state that they do not know why they want to study mathematics, even if they go on to answer it later. It’s a bit like shooting oneself in the foot. I thought that not to find a logical answer for this question would undermine the foundations of the subject which I have regarded so highly. Here is a case in point of being overly profound about something. I suspect the applicant is looking to slide in recognition of the logical nature of mathematics, but in reality will the theorems of maths be undermined because the applicant does not know why they like it? Of course not, and so it shouldn’t be phrased in this way. After thorough contemplation of this question it came to me that my passion for the subject did not come from my personal ambitions of becoming a mathematician, it was from the elegance and logic of the subject, which will always be thought of as the mother of all sciences according to whom? Rather than stating that it is the “mother of all sciences” the applicant should really answer why it is so and even more relevant, why they personally have this opinion and therefore want to study it further., that has fuelled my aspiration of continuing it to a higher academic level. This is actually quite a well written introduction in terms of the elegance of the writing and it does what a good introduction to a personal statement should do in answering from the start why the applicant wishes to study mathematics and that they are passionate about it. However, the execution could be better because of the angle from which the applicant has approached answering these questions. This feels like a piece of literature, the writer is leading the reader along a path by setting out a question and then proceeding to answer it. In my opinion I think this can be quite annoying for the reader and would advise avoiding it. A personal statement does not need to be a novel with twists and turns, just get to the facts (especially in the sciences).

Academically I have always driven myself to be able to attain my potential and to find solutions to any obstacles that may prevent me achieving my goals. I am currently self-taught in two of my mathematics modules, M1 and S1, due to staff retirements and there fact of their being no alternative modules which I could study. The applicant should avoid trying to make too many excuses in their statement. This is ok but things such as this can be better off in the reference from teachers. Although I am in this situation I am determined to use the self-discipline I have gained through my extra-curricular activities to be able to complete my mathematics A level to the highest possible standard. This is good, the applicant has focused on the positives of the situation, although self-teaching itself would undoubtedly teach new skills which are worth highlighting. It shows an active interest in ones own learning and is an essential skill at university.

I have taken part in a variety of extra-curricular activities, some of which I have had to dedicate myself to. The applicant has said that they have dedicated themselves to some activities. Reading between the lines one might surmise that the applicant is not dedicated in some of their other hobbies. It is a subtle point but it’s important to be precise and not to allow implicit statements to give a negative message. This What is “this”? The applicant first needs to state a specific activity. has taught me the vital skill of time management. In the Army Cadet Force I learnt how to discipline myself to be able to achieve tasks that would required great deals of effort, both physical and mental. The Duke of Edinburgh Award (Bronze) This is a situation where I would advocate being vague, because you can use assumptions and implicit statements in your favour. Many of the people that this applicant is competing with will have done gold and silver DoE, and so Bronze does not look all that impressive in comparison. If the applicant didn’t state the fact it was bronze then the reader may make assumptions or gloss over it. showed me how to plan and execute expeditions whilst being responsible for my team members. Simultaneously Simultaneously as in at exactly the same time? Perhaps there is a need to use a different phrasing here for precision. It is fairly obvious what is meant, but the applicant should still try to be precise if possible. I was a volunteer at Epping youth centre for eighteen months there is repetition of the word “youth” so perhaps volunteer is a better word to use for variety.; my duties included planning activities and maintaining a safe atmosphere. I feel the combination of all of these skills has helped me to cope with my A level work and it is to my belief it will do equally as much when I join university. The point to emphasize is not just that the applicant will be participating in many activities at university (it can be a bad thing) but that they will be able to manage their time effectively to allow them to do so without having a negative impact on their studies.

In mathematics I try to make questions more feasible by the philosophical concept of reductionism, which brings a question down to its core elements allowing the ambiguity of questions to be eliminated by reapplying the simplification. There is a danger in saying that the applicant themselves has constructed this. It might appear that they have developed an entirely new and unique way of working but I do not think this is the case and I don’t think the applicant means to imply this. This has been particularly helpful in trigonometry and algebra to an extent where my colleagues have adopted this approach to mathematics. From what I have learnt about the difference between mathematics at A level and degree level, is that the questions will rarely show a straight forward method of being solved as in A level. I believe I will enjoy this transition, since it will allow me to have an opportunity to meet new challenges which I have not had the chance to meet at A level. This paragraph is arguably not that relevant and if nothing else should come before the previous one to provide a developing structure in the statement from academics to work experience to extra-curricular activities before summarising with a conclusion. It is dangerous and slightly off-putting to over-sell ones own achievements as implied by the sentence about developing a whole new way of thinking and things like this should in my opinion be avoided.

To conclude this statement, If space is tight, then little "joining phrases" like this (which add little) should be the first to go. I feel that university is certainly the next logical step for me and I am looking forward to the transition between college and university. I hope to gain a higher understanding of the subject I am passionate about, but also to place I will be able to bring what I have learnt to a variety of people; sharing my own culture and views, whilst learning theirs. If accepted I believe I will gain a lot from university, but also contribute to it, equally as much. This last sentence sounds very awkward and should be re-worded or cut. The conclusion needs to be kept short (1-2 sentences) and should eloquently summarise why the applicant wishes to study the subject and what they have to offer to the institution to which they are applying.

--F1fanatic-14915 16:17, 21 March 2009 (UTC)