Personal Statement:Mathematics 13

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Mathematics Personal Statement

Mathematics is a subject that attracts me because of its beauty and its intricacy. My passion for this subject has developed because of its ingenuity; the challenging task of solving difficult problems, subsequently recognising a more lucid, smarter solution that can be adapted to be used in similar problems in the future.

"Ingenuity in Mathematics" by Ross Honsberger is an example of a text that has fuelled my drive to widen my mathematical knowledge. I find it fascinating how perplexing problems, which initially seem impossible, but by thinking imaginatively, have numerous methods to finding solutions. The essay 'Probability and pi' appeals to me because of the incredible result of how pi relates to the probability of picking two numbers.

Attending a Financial Mathematics Day at Morgan Stanley has helped me to understand how crucial Mathematics is to the financial sector. For instance, the use of the exponential function in continuous compounding interest is an example of how Mathematics can simplify problems and how compound Poisson calculations can be use to model the trends of economic data. These two examples have shown me how Mathematics can model distributions of the world and has reinforced my desire study the subject further.

From reading "What is Mathematics?" by Courant and Robbins, I was given an insight into university Mathematics. I particularly enjoyed the recently added chapter by Stewart on Fermat's Last Theorem. This shows how one conjecture can unnerve mathematicians globally for over three centuries. To understand many of the solutions within this text, I often repeated the calculations as Courant has said, "you cannot learn music only by listening. When reproducing the calculations, I am able to further understand the concepts, and be able to use some of the imaginative techniques in the future.

Currently, I am participating in the Duke of Edinburgh Silver Award scheme. Participating in the bronze award has helped develop my ability to work in a team and tested my determination and motivation. The award has increased my motivation for cycling, after which I have cycled in events for charitable purposes.

For the past three years, I have been teaching and coaching GCSE students in Mathematics. This mentoring has helped consolidate my own mathematical knowledge by explaining and justifying mathematical concepts to the group. From the progression of the mentoring, I learnt how important it is to express mathematical ideas both clearly and concisely, and this has been reflected in the way I answer mathematical questions myself. As a result of my charitable work, I was awarded a Millennium Volunteers award.

I have also participated in the Young Enterprise scheme. The experience gained from this was invaluable and it had a particular input on my ability to communicate ideas in a clear way. As the Operations Director, this proved essential, as I often had to describe methods of production, justify choices of raw materials and explain the production line to my peers. Due to the commitment of the board members and our creative approach, our firm won 'The Most Innovative Product' Award.

My passion has inspired me to continue my education to a higher level in Mathematics and I am sure that this challenge of improving my Mathematics will be one that I will thoroughly enjoy.

Universities Applied To:

• Oxford - Offer AAA
• Imperial - Rejection
• LSE - AAA
• UCL - AAA
• Warwick - AAB+STEP/AAAA

Comments

General Comments

This is a decent effort at a personal statement that has made a good attempt to answer the questions implicitly asked in a personal statement. The applicant has shown that they have a wide range of activities on which to draw experiences and has made reasonable attempts to explain how these experiences are relevant through mention of transferable skills. There is good use of mentoring/coaching and popular maths books to demonstrate both an interest and ability in the subject. For the most part the applicant has demonstrated good control of the statement, knowing what they want to say and why they are saying it.

The negative aspects which prevent this from being a top class statement are firstly in the structure of the statement. The ordering is not always logical and would benefit from a natural progression; an interest in maths leading on to books and mentoring followed by work experiences, then hobbies and outside interests before rounding off with a conclusion. There are two paragraphs on books and these should be merged together. In some cases the sentence structure itself is a little careless with a few silly mistakes which could have been avoided by thorough proof-reading (preferably by someone else who is new to the statement). Some of the sentences could be more succinct to remove unnecessary vocabulary and simplify the message. The applicant has tried to tie in their experiences to the key aims of the statement, which shows good awareness, but in a few cases I feel that the links are not sufficiently justified or explained (in particular why it means they want to study the subject).

Overall this is a solid statement which ticks all the basic boxes for what a personal statement should do. It shows a keen interest in the subject, relevant experiences and a well rounded individual. Such is the importance of academic interest and enthusiasm in a statement that this negates many of the shortcomings of the statement. It’s a good length and would in my opinion provide good support to an application at a good university (top 10) but may require improvement in some of the suggested areas to provide real weight in its own right to an application at a top 5 institution. The applicant received an offer from Oxford on the basis of this application, although other factors such as a good interview performance will undoubtedly have played a part in receiving this offer and I do see room for improvement in the quality of the actual statement. A perfect statement is not essential for application to the likes of Oxford or Cambridge but it all helps.

--F1fanatic-14915 19:00, 25 March 2009 (UTC)

Comments on the statement

Mathematics is a subject that attracts me because of its beauty and its intricacy. It’s important to start a personal statement in such a way as to interest the reader and encourage the reader to continue. As is the case here, it’s also good to immediately get to the point and explain the interest in mathematics which has led the applicant to study it. Saying this, although an attempt has been made it doesn’t really tell the reader much. My passion for this subject has developed because of its ingenuity Really I think the applicant means the ingenuity required of a mathematician in solving a problem rather than ingenuity of the subject itself, although this is a subtle point; the challenging task of solving difficult problems, subsequently recognising a more lucid, smarter solution that can be adapted for use in similar problems in the future problems. This is fine, but the sentence is quite complicated. Long sentences with many clauses can be difficult to follow and given the space constraint of a personal statement it is important to be as succinct as possible.

"Ingenuity in Mathematics" by Ross Honsberger is an example of a text that an example here of where additional words are unnecessary and just take up space. has driven me to widen my mathematical knowledge. I find it fascinating how initially perplexing problems which initially seem impossible, can have numerous methods of solving them with the application of lateral thinking. The applicant has got lost in the clauses here. The sentence should make sense without the 2nd clause: “I find it fascinating how perplexing problems, but by thinking imaginatively, have numerous methods to finding solutions” but it does not and therefore needs rewording. The essay 'Probability and pi' also appeals to me because of the incredible result of how pi relates to the probability of picking two numbers. This feels a bit tagged onto the end without some form of connection. I also think that more explanation would help here. The applicant says that they are interested by the result of pi relating to probabilities, but why do they find this interesting? It may be that they find it remarkable that mathematics is underpinned by so few mathematical constants, but whatever the reason they should state it clearly. Despite this, mentioning books that an applicant has read and using this to show an interest in the subject is a very good idea in a statement.

Attending a Financial Mathematics Day at Morgan Stanley has helped me to understand how crucial Mathematics is to the financial sector. For instance, the use of the exponential function in continuous compounding interest is an example of how Mathematics can simplify problems I’m not sure whether one can say that maths simplifies the problem. Some might argue that it does the reverse and makes things more complicated, but it certainly allows you to accurately describe and set up a problem which can then be solved, which no amount of hand-waving is likely to achieve. and how compound Poisson calculations can be used to model the trends of economic data. These two examples have shown me how Mathematics can model distributions of the world and has reinforced my desire study the subject further. This last sentence has the right idea of trying to tie in the experiences to why the applicant is interested in the subject, which is extremely important. Everything in a statement should have a purpose and should explicitly relate to the aims of the statement. However, once again the applicant hasn’t quite managed to actually explain the significance. So Maths can model the world’s economics, but why does this mean the applicant wants to study it further? Perhaps they are interested in a career in the financial sector? Perhaps they are interested by the fact that problems can be expressed and solved simply in terms of mathematics, but whatever the reason it would benefit from being made clearer.

From reading "What is Mathematics?" by Courant and Robbins, I was given an insight into university Mathematics. I particularly enjoyed the recently added chapter by Stewart on Fermat's Last Theorem. This shows how one conjecture can unnerve mathematicians globally for over three centuries. To understand many of the solutions within this text, I often repeated the calculations as Courant has said, "you cannot learn music only by listening. When reproducing the calculations, I am able to further understand the concepts, and be able to use some of the imaginative techniques in the future.” Long quotes are not recommended in a personal statement; they take up a lot of space and are inherently impersonal because it was someone else who said them. Only in cases where they are extremely relevant and are specifically referred to would I recommend including them. In general terms this paragraph seems to take a step backwards in the development of the statement. We find ourselves back at books having previously been talking about open/event days. This paragraph should be included in with the previous one and I would recommend mentioning only two books, hence getting rid of the “Probability and pi” book may be necessary for the overall balance of the statement.

Currently, I am participating in the Duke of Edinburgh Silver Award scheme. Participating in the bronze award has helped develop my ability to work in a team and tested my determination and motivation. The award has increased my motivation for cycling, after which I have cycled in events for charitable purposes. The applicant is absolutely right to be relating experiences like this to the development of transferable skills. Hobbies and interests serve two purposes, firstly and most importantly in demonstrating transferable skills and secondly in showing that the applicant is well-rounded with interests outside of the classroom. However, this paragraph belongs after the next two which goes back to talking about maths and academics.

For the past three years, I have been teaching and coaching GCSE students in Mathematics. This mentoring has helped consolidate my own mathematical knowledge by explaining and justifying mathematical concepts to the group. This is very good, as consolidation of knowledge is a big advantage to teaching and coaching and it’s excellent that this is mentioned and appreciated in the statement. From the progression of the mentoring, I learnt how important it is to express mathematical ideas both clearly and concisely, and this has been reflected in the way I answer mathematical questions myself. As a result of my charitable work, I was awarded a Millennium Volunteers award.

Through participation in the Young Enterprise Scheme I have gained valuable experience, particularly in communicating ideas clearly. I think there are advantages to starting this paragraph slightly differently as shown, since the first sentence as it stands is a little uninspiring, doesn’t tell us much and isn’t really isolated from the previous paragraph. As the Operations Director this proved essential, as I often had to describe methods of production, justify choices of raw materials and explain the production line to my peers. Due to the commitment of the board members Who are these board members? The applicant appears to be praising others in their group. A personal statement is about the individual and the achievements of others are not important. It needs to be about an individual's skills, contributions and experiences. and our creative approach, our firm won 'The Most Innovative Product' Award. Again this experience is valuable and has shown that the applicant has a diverse range of activities that they are involved in and a wide range of experiences to draw upon, all of which make them more appealing as an applicant.

My passion Passion for what? has inspired me to continue my education to a higher level in Mathematics. and I am sure that this challenge of developing and expanding my Mathematical abilities will be one that I will thoroughly enjoy. The conclusion of the personal statement is important and should be restricted to a maximum of a couple of sentences. This sentence has achieved that goal but sounds quite awkward without punctuation of some form. I think a different word to “improving” is needed, since it implies that the applicant is currently not very good. A good conclusion should summarize what the applicant has to offer and why they wish to study the subject. Some people also like to use the conclusion to talk about career aspirations or further (post-graduate) education.

--F1fanatic-14915 19:00, 25 March 2009 (UTC)